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[jnale]

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[Swmhc]

Your wedding=your choices. Perhaps your DF could do a little intervention if you don't feel like you can stand up to his mother. Are they helping pay for the wedding at all? If so, she may feel entitled to choose some of the elements, if not, then she has zero say in what you choose. You might also speak with your planner or email her before your PS and have her help you "choose" what you want.

Good luck ! Hope this doesn't mean she will decorate your home and tell you when to have kids, etc........

 

[BaBeeCee14]

Aww Jennifer, I'm sorry you've been having FMIL taking over your wedding issues . Sometimes people really need to back off and let the bride plan their own wedding. You are totally not being a bridezilla. You were already nice enough to accomodate her with the whole BM dress colors. Are you and DF paying for your wedding or is FMIL helping out as well? Sometimes when the parents/FILs are paying the bill, its only right to let them make some decisions for wedding. However, if you and DF are footing the bill - I say do whatever YOU want. Sending lots of your way. Good Luck!!

 

[MistressOfAllEvil]

Does anyone else have this problem?

At first my FMIL was skeptical about the wedding being in Disney and would always ask "are u sure you want to have your wedding in Disney?". I think she thought it would be childish and tacky. Then we showed her pics of the WP and the AAR and she could see how pretty and elegant it could be.

Once she got on board...she got ideas and now wants things her way.

First it was the wedding colors. At first I was focusing more on the champagne color than the chocolate. My BMs were going to wear champagne and my junior BM was going to wear chocolate. My FMIL wanted more chocolate because that's the color she wants to wear so I met her halfway and said that 1/2 the BMs would wear champagne and the other 1/2 would wear the chocolate. Well somehow when she was talking to other family members about the wedding that translated into just my 2 MOHs (my sisters) wearing champagne and the rest of the girls (7) wearing chocolate. (I haven't picked my BM dresses yet but I think I'm either going to mix and match the 2 colors within 1 outfit or do solid colors 1/2 in champagne and 1/2in chocolate.)

Second is singing at the ceremony. My DF and I decided we didn't want anyone to sing at the wedding to shorten the amount of time we would have to stand because we know we're going to be nervous and we don't want to fall out. Well this didn't set well with my FMIL. She says "you have to have singing at the wedding". She literally told me I had to. I really don't have to do anything. I don't have to wear clothes if I don't want to - it's my wedding. She tells me this during our site visit of the WP in front of everyone with me including Pam Pearce. I felt put on the spot and felt like I couldn't say no. So we said ok and we picked someone to sing at the beginning of the ceremony, but that wasn't good enough. She picked another 2 people to sing during the ceremony. All of this took place during our site visit with Pam Pearce.

Third (this just happened yesterday which is why I'm on my soapbox)....the centerpieces. She didn't ask me what type of centerpieces I would be interested in or liked...she told me I had to have tall centerpieces because the inside of the AAR is tall. I told her it depended on the price because all the tall centerpieces I've seen so far on the Disney Weddings website are like $200-$400! I'm not paying that per table. We plan on having at least 10 tables probably more towards 15 tables. Are there any tall centerpieces that are cheaper? Once again...being the nice person that I am...I tried to compromise and showed her a pic on the Disney site of a pretty calla lilly tall centerpiece. The call lillies were white which is what I would want. She told me they should be red and yellow. You give an inch...they take a mile!

She's planning on coming with us to our planning session and I'm afraid she's going to talk us into a lot of things we don't want to do.

I want her to feel a part of the whole thing and I want to be able to ask her opinion, but I don't want to do everything her way. My parents haven't told me anything I have to do - they tell me it's "whatever you want - it's your wedding".

Am I being a Bridezilla?!

Jennifer!!! Repeat after me: I AM NOT A BRIDEZILLA!!!

Now, get yourself a trusty pair of haterblockers:

FMIL can be quite a challange. Read all about it in my PJ: right here.

I think you and DF need to really talk about WHAT THE TWO OF YOU WANT. If you DF isn't really involved, that's fine too. Tell him he doesn't really have to get involved in the planning if he doesn't want to, BUT HE DOES HAVE TO SUPPORT YOU IN YOUR DECISIONS. This is really a place where he should be stepping in.

I've had the same problem. My parents are paying for my wedding and not batting an eyelash. They haven't made any demands what-so-ever (save my mom wanted my niece as the flower girl and my step-father to walk me down the aisle. I thought about walking myself, alone. But for me, no biggie.) FMIL had been more of a challange. When I found that I couldn't handle her on my own, I went to DF. He either told me to let it go, or he stepped up and took care of it. Then he shocked me and took care of something he had already told me to let go. And he's 100% uninvolved in the planning. I'm not sure if he even knows the day or time of the wedding!


The point is, IMHO, it is not FMIL place. You are not a bridezilla. She's a MIL aka monster-in-law, or momzilla. Take your pic. Decide what is really important to you and PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN!! It's your day. It's your only day. She already had hers! Remind her that she already had her own wedding. This one is yours.

 

[erin.w]

Why does she need to go to the next planning session?

 

[Desnik]

I think you should not take her to your planning session. Why set yourself up to not enjoy it? This is really about you and your DF and the things you want at YOUR wedding. If I were you I would stop consulting her.
I actually like the idea of your sisters(your 2 MOH) wearing the champagne color and the rest of the BM's wearing the chocolate. I think it will make them stand out more. I would also cut out the extra singers. Why you need a singer at all is beyond me, but if you don't mind it then 1 tops, don't let her bully you! If you give in too much your setting yourself up for a future of a nightmare relationship with her. She will think she can persuade you into anything. Stop it now!! I know it's hard but you need to not let others ruin this experience for you. Try to enjoy every minute of all the planning. This is the only time in your life(unless you have a VR there in 10 years ) that you will be able to plan a Disney wedding!! Enjoy it.

BTW, you are not a bridezilla!!!!

 

[jnale]

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[GlobalDiva]

Jennifer, i'm so sorry to hear such horror stories!!

First of all--what's with her insisting that all the dresses be chocolate to match hers?? Not every single person in the wedding party has to have the same colored dress!! In fact, it looks nice when there's a little pool of color to choose from.

Just let her talk and say what she wants. She obviously has control issues. You have to pick your battles, but you're not a doormat either. When she says she wants something, you can nicely say, "That's not what we want for our wedding" or "We have a very set idea of what we want our wedding to be." You can also be slightly sarcastic and very lightly comment, "And WHOSE wedding is this?"

Just call your wedding planner on your own in private and change certain things back to how you want it without her knowing. IT's not like your wedding planner hasn't seen overbearing in-laws before; they know how it is.

And sometime, if you're feeling particularly bold and b*tchy one day, you can always sarcastically respond to her orders with, "OK, we'll do it YOUR way since it's YOUR wedding."

You've already given in on a few things; don't let her win 'em all!!

You are SOOO not a bridezilla!!

 

[wendy46001]

I agree your not bridezilla, not even close

once you make sure DF and you are on the same page
talk to your planner....make sure he/she knows it you and DF who make the choices
tell it like it is….MIL is very over powering and you don’t want to be railroaded with her dream wedding….My planner was a dream at talking moms down (we only let the parent attend the cake tasting but still a handful) and suggesting our ideas…I think he even started to know what my eye rolls meant….

and like it was mentioned nothing is in stone…if she does get some thing in there your not to happy with they can always not be in “budget” once the wedding comes around…

 

[jnale]

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[jnale]

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[jnale]

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[Starr W.]

It's been awhile for me, 14 yrs of marriage, but when did the DF's family get a say in the wedding planning if they are not paying for it?

My MIL tried to stick her nose in, wanted the reception at some VFW hall with Polish food,catered by her gang of buddies, but my mom calmly informed her that etiquette dictated the bride's family got to make the call on the plans. Didn't hear a peep about pierogis, sauerkraut and sausage after that.

This was after we decided to get married locally in church(well you know we would both go to you know where if we didn't) instead of going out to Lake Tahoe. She refused to go, and DH was well her tough luck, but my parents and I decided that we should stay here(they were trying to be diplomatic, DD was really looking forward to going).

So working on a VR for 15 or more likely 20, somewhere neat either WDW or maybe Tahoe?


You're not being a Bridezilla, don't be afraid of your MIL(because if you let her walk over you with this, just wait until after the wedding).

 

[autumnbride2B]

I don't know if this would work for you, but I gave my MIL a specific job so she would feel like she was part of things, but not anything that would kill me if she messed up. I assigned her to get things for the welcome bags. I wrote a welcome letter and schedule for each one and picked up a few things that I really wanted in there and then let her do the rest. I was an easy way for her to feel important and stay out of the rest of my planning.

 

[jnale]

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[jnale]

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[wendy46001]

Thank you! I'm definitely going to have a pre-talk with the planner. Who was your's - I want that one!!!

I was told my planner Chuck (who was a dream) has moved on from DFTW...but they are all very skilled in dealing with family issues...best of luck to you

 

[MistressOfAllEvil]

For sure enlist your planners help. Have secret side conversations. My planner offered to be responsible for and then forget to bring the Jordan Almonds to the reception for set-up b/c I hate them that much. Luckily, it hasn't come to this, but the point is, they can diplomatically and deviously help you out!

 

[jnale]

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[Tabetha]

You're definately not a bridezilla. You're well within your rights to tell her calmly to take a step back.

I think if you put it in terms of dollars and cents, you'll be fine. Tell your planner up front what you can afford per table, and when your FMIL brings up tall centerpieces, your planner can say "oh, those are nice aren't they? Unfortunately they don't fit with your budget..."
And when it comes time to order the dresses don't tell or bring her. Jeepers, the MIL doesn't need to match the bridal party for gosh sakes!