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[LuvOrlando]

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[MrsPooh]

From personal experience I know how horrible this is. My grandmother has a favorite child (my uncle). He has never done anything wrong in his life - just ask her. She is getting really old now and my father goes to her home several evenings a week to help her go through her mail and with things around the house. She complains to and about him constantly. My mom can't even stand to be around her because of her behavior. This has been going on since before I was born.

I'm the oldest grandchild. She never had time for me or my two sisters. Said she likes boys better because when they misbehave you can just toss them outside. Then my cousin was born (first male grandchild) and he was the obvious favorite. His sisters were ignored like my sisters and myself were. A few years later the "favorite" son produces the "favorite grandson". Believe me, this child could do nothing wrong. We couldn't snack out of the kitchen - he was given food and told to eat in front of the tv. It was obvious at every turn.

She has created her own mess. The kids don't really care for her and the grandkids never call or visit. She see the great-grandkids only a few times a year on holidays. It really is said.

My parents and my aunts tried to ignore the problems to keep family peace but in the long run it didn't help.

Now, as a adult I have a mil and entire in-law family who worship my sis-in-law and her oldest dd but constantly point out every stupid thing my dh has ever done in his life. They make him look bad in front of our kids and kill his self-esteem.

People like this are just stupid. It sounds llike you're doing a great job handling this so just keep it up.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I feel your pain. My grandmother was like that with me and my sister. She was never nice to my sister from the day she was born. For whatever reason she couldn't be bothered. What made it worse was that we lived upstairs from her so we couldn't ignore her as much. As we got older she would always pick on my sister. Everyone knew that she just didn't like her. It was mean and due to alot of other family tragedies going on at the time my Mom didn't really know what to do about it. She tried to stick up for my sister but the whole dynamic of the situation coupled with everything else we all had to deal with was alot for my Mom. We never faulted her for it because my grandmother was mean to my Mom too and we knew she did the best she could. It all ended up coming to a head (along with alot of other things) about 8 years ago. We no longer talk to my grandmother. It is a shame because she is missing out on her amazing grandchildren, but there is no way we would ever reconcile. I will never subject my children to her behavior nor will my sister. My Mom is now doing better than she ever did in her life. I think that you are doing the right thing by calling her on her behavior. While you are never going to change her, you can at least let your kids know that you see that she is not very nice and you are standing up for them. I am sending you hugs because I know how hard it is. As for us, we are very lucky that both sets of my kids grandparents love them all to death and don't have a favorite. Good luck.

 

[jessica52877]

I am sorry for this situation as it does not sound pleasant to deal with. I don't understand though why you wouldn't let them have a girls night. Maybe ask her to then have your son over a different night? Is he possibly more active, thus making it harder for her? Just trying to give all different possibilities, I don't know either child, but I know boys usually don't behave as well as boys, although not always.

 

[hebbynan]

I was in this exact situation when I was younger. There are three of us: My sister (who now is 39), my brother (who now is 36) and me (I'm 32). When my mom was pregnant with me, my grandma asked her why she wanted another child; she already had the perfect family-1 of each. She basically was saying that I would ruin the family dynamics. And that's exactly how she treated me....like just a duplicate. Oh my sister this, Oh my brother that...and mind you, my Dad was an only child, so we were the only grandchildren she was going to get!! Well fast forward to all these years later and guess who the only grandchild is that lives close....ME!! Grandma is 88 now and I get cards that say "love you" and "you're so special". Now I'm not a viscious person, I do let me 2 boys see her and I do all the birthday, holiday stuff, but there is always that little part of me that can't help but feel it's all too little too late. Where was that attention and love when I really needed it? I can honestly say that I never felt loved by my grandma. So, now when she tries, I kind of feel used. Is it just because I'm the closest? I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Your MIL will realize what she did later in life and by then it will be too late. Stick to your guns...my mom always did!!

And for what my Dad's mom lacked, my mom's mom made up!! My Mammaw was awesome!! She treated us all the same--tons of love for everyone! And those are the memories I REALLY cherish!!

Good luck with your situation!

 

[lexmas]

Well, as "low man on the totem pole" (my dad is the least favorite child, and I'm the least favorite of his children) I can relate to your story too well. Strangely, my grandmother seems to dote on DS, but she doesn't see him all too often. I think it's wonderful how you stand up for your son, and don't let her treat your daughter any differently. I'm sure your son will notice eventually, but at least he will know you're in his corner. My grandmother always made things painfully obvious as well, lavishing my sister in gifts while my brother and I got like, a check. For $5. Ridiculous. But, that's just how some people are I guess. People are just crazy sometimes, but keep standing up for your children...I assume it's had an effect on your DH...I know my dad was pretty messed up over it all. How can you not love your children equally? It just baffles my mind. It sounds like you're handling a difficult situation very well.

 

[lexmas]

I was in this exact situation when I was younger. There are three of us: My sister (who now is 39), my brother (who now is 36) and me (I'm 32). When my mom was pregnant with me, my grandma asked her why she wanted another child; she already had the perfect family-1 of each. She basically was saying that I would ruin the family dynamics. And that's exactly how she treated me....like just a duplicate. Oh my sister this, Oh my brother that...and mind you, my Dad was an only child, so we were the only grandchildren she was going to get!! Well fast forward to all these years later and guess who the only grandchild is that lives close....ME!! Grandma is 88 now and I get cards that say "love you" and "you're so special". Now I'm not a viscious person, I do let me 2 boys see her and I do all the birthday, holiday stuff, but there is always that little part of me that can't help but feel it's all too little too late. Where was that attention and love when I really needed it? I can honestly say that I never felt loved by my grandma. So, now when she tries, I kind of feel used. Is it just because I'm the closest? I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Your MIL will realize what she did later in life and by then it will be too late. Stick to your guns...my mom always did!!

And for what my Dad's mom lacked, my mom's mom made up!! My Mammaw was awesome!! She treated us all the same--tons of love for everyone! And those are the memories I REALLY cherish!!

Good luck with your situation!

I couldn't read this and not reply...this is just how it was...from the "perfect family" comment (oh, but we had allegations that I wasn't my fathers...but they had allegations about that with my brother too, since he had blue eyes and my parents have brown...well, until my cousins were born with those same blue eyes! And too funny, since my mom is like, the most traditional person ever, but they just wanted to hate her for any reason) down to the "I know I wasn't around much when you were little, but I'm still your grandmother" inviting me over and trying to make up for things now. Too little, too late, in my opinion. Bitter, sure. But I should be!

 

[devalsam]

I am going through this exact same thing with my mom!! I have 2 DDs (7 & 8) and we recently moved back in with my mom because she got sick and couldn't handle the bills because she couldn't work full time anymore. She is absolutely wonderful with my older DD but doesn't give my younger DD the time of day. And every time I say something, she tells me that my younger DD doesn't listen and gives her a hard time. The other day the girls were outside playing and my mom asked my older DD if she wanted to go to the stores and ran some errands with her. My DD said no but younger DD came running over to the car and asked if she could go and my mom told her no, to play with her friends!! It makes me SO MAD!! So mad that I'm actually considering moving back out just to not put my DD through this anymore!!

 

[mickeylove2]

My mom does this and I HATE it! My DDs are 6 & 4 and my Nephews (stepsisters kids) are 5, 4, 2, and 6 months, and my brother, who's the favorite, has a 1 yr. old daughter. The situation is too complicated to explain , but in short, any time my 2 DDs are over, or go somewhere with my mom, she says things like, I can't do that for you because I'd have to do it for the boys too, or I can't buy that $5 doll for you because I'd have to buy something for the boys...even though they aren't with them. Needless to say, the 1 year old has more pairs of shoes than both of my DDs combined, and she has so many clothes, most of them still have the tags on them! She was with my mom the other day, and I made the comment, wow I like the new stroller...this is probably the 3rd one she has gotten, I used the same one for both of my girls, and I bought that one myself. Oh yeah and my DDs are not allowed to spend the night because my mom "can't handle it", well I guess my DD6 had enough of being told no, so she says "well why can't I spend the night one night, ** (niece) gets to spend the night every night?" (my brother lives there) He's a HS dropout, and his GF lives there too, both mooching not working, and my mom babysits all the time, (going to the carnival, movies, friends house), but yet, my DH and I both work full time and go to college, me full time, him part time, and it is like pulling teeth to get her to babysit...most of the time she doesn't even do it! Sorry to vent, but sometimes I just need to so I don't cry from frustration!

 

[Alicnwondrln]

my parents favor my sisters son. They take him everywhere and do everything with him. They make excuses as to why they dont do the same iwth my kids. Next week my dad is taking him the to patriots football camp it costs over 1000 bucks. My sister has no job and they have been paying her rent for a yr with the excuse they didnt want the child to have to change schools. Please if that was me my dad would tell me to pack up and move home. They would never put up with it from me.
Its really messed up.

 

[amy1976]

I have similar problems with my MIL. She favors my niece, my SIL's dd. She does everything with her and shows definite favortism. My mom totally spoils my kids so its okay but its annoying. She also blames everything on my dd. She'll make comments about my dd being rough or mean when she didn't even do anything. My niece likes to whine so they tend to blame my dd for everything. It stinks but I have learned to ignore it and understand that so many people treat my kids great so if one doesn't its no biggie.

 

[pamouselover]

My Mom is the same way with my sister and my niece and nephew.
Not much you can do, I have straight out told my mom she favorites my sister and her NOW ADULT CHILDREN.
She just paid my sisters $800 dollar electric bill, because they were going to shut off her electric. She has a 23 year old son and a 21 year old daughter. I say she should have let them shut it off to teach her a lesson. She goes out and buys clothes and does not pay her bills, so to me that is her problem. I told my mom what she is going to do when you are not around to get her out of trouble? My Mom acts like her children are little still, when they are adults and should be helping pay the bills.
My Mom always has favorite my sister, you would think me being the youngest out of seven that I would be the favorite but I am not. I am just the good daughter that does everything for her.
Owell what can you do?

 

[Kimmumum]

Our problem is my FIL. My DH is an only child and my 2DS are his only grandkids. He hasn't seen them in 3 1/2 years because he treats them differently. He told us that our family was normal (?????) until DS#2 came along. DS#2 was 3 months old. What could an innocent little baby possible do???? He is missing more than the kids are. We finally got to the point that we had to protect my kids since no one else will.

 

[LuvOrlando]

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[Tam1067]

My MIL dislikes my oldest DS. It's obvious to everyone, including DS himself and to my other DS who commented on Grandma's picking on the older brother. So we made a deal. He never has to be alone with her. Ever. When she's around, he keeps his distance, which is too bad, but that's the way it is. He makes up for it with his other grandparents. Frankly, it's her loss--that's how you need to think about it.

 

[Order66]

Wow, I'm thinking we have the same family.

My MIL has 2 children. The favorite daugher and her "other child", my husband. They were never very close. SIL had the first grandchildren, 2 boys and she doted on them to no end. Overnights at grandmas, special outings, DISNEY WORLD!!! OK so at the time we did not have children so what did it matter? Now we have twin boys and nothing much has changed except that SIL has added 2 more boys to her family. She's forever at my SIL's home but very seldom ever even sees our two. My one son will sometimes ask if he can visit her, but she's usually too busy. Has babysat a few times for a few hours.......due to US thinking maybe she was just waiting for an invite to see them more often. We don't ask anymore, now we'll just pay for one if my mom can't watch them. She's certainly not horrible to them by any means when we are together, but she still has never paid them the same attention or indicated she wanted to spend the time with them as she did her other grandsons. Never had an overnight visit, asked to pick the kids up for a movie or trip to the park, McDonald's, etc..... Just sees them when we have a family gathering, generally at SIL's home. Of course now that SIL's family has a baby, it's even slimmer attention than before. I really feel if they weren't different by being twins she'd probably forget them at all. Just more "boys"....she actually expressed disappointment they were not girls!!!

I see it, my DH sees it and recently had it out with her over the very topic. Don't ignore him for 40 years then suddenly come crying for attention you never gave. But for the moment, my boys don't seem to even notice because my mother is wonderful to them. Spoils them really. Babysits 4 days a week after school/day camp until I'm off work. Picks them up and takes them out for no particular reason other than to see them. Shows up at every school function they have and has them for over night stays pretty much whenever they ask if they can come over. My parents other grandchild lives 1000 miles away, but I have no doubt if she were closer she'd give them all equal attention. I guess some people love being grandparents...... and others just find it a reason to relive everything they did wrong the first time.

 

[Micka Mouse]

I feel for you! Dh's Grandmother lives with us. I only had one child when she moved in, and I didn't like how she spoiled her. When dd2 arrived, everything changed. DD5 KNOWS grandmother prefers her little sister...it's AWFUL to watch her with dd2. I try to intervene, but gm is 92...what can I do???????

 

[mrs.beast]

I have always been my grandma's(Dad's side) favorite and my youngest (of 3) gma on the other side favorite. both of them treated the two of us harshly. Mom's side would make up stories about me to my parents to get me in trouble and then stand behind my mom while she reamed me sticking her tongue out at me (my dad caught her once and they never believed her again) and my dad's side grandma has done nothing but bad mouth my youngest sister her whole life. she would always make comments about how her husband's family (that we have never met, to this day) thought my sister was such a brat (at 8.) gee where would they have gotten that impression. anyway, when my sister turned 16 she said something that really hurt her feelings, and i lost it. I told her (actually yelled, very out of character) that my family has had it with her treating my sister that way and if she did not make ammends and start to treat her better I would never talk to her again. Well she called me on it and after about 6 months she came around. i am still her favorite, but she treats my super little sis with the respect she deserves, and finally buys her equal gifts. as for grandma on mom's side, when she was sick and dying, i was the only grandchild out of 8 that visited weekly, and acutally took care of her the last 2 months of her life. she was very greatful and actually apologized and told me that she was jealous of the relationship between myself and my other grandma and had behaved childishly. so you never know they may come around.

 

[LuvOrlando]

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[squirrel]

I was my grandma favorite (dad's side), I didn't even realize it until she passed away. I was given a necklace that she wore (grandpa's wedding band, her wedding band and a pearl that her children bought). She never did anything that made me or my sisters know how special I was to her. I know that I got to stay at her house over night, and they didn't but I thought it was because I was the oldest. She had my other cousins over also (the oldest ones-from different families). My grandma was the oldest in her family.

I now know that I was special to her because she lost her husband before I was born and my parents lived in her basement suite (they left their jobs/house in Austraila to see my grandpa before he passed away).

My youngest sister was my mom's favorite and my other sister (middle child) was my dad's when we were growing up. They don't really favor any one over the other now. We each have different needs and they help each of us accordingly.

My youngest sister is the only one with children at this point so they are spoiled by all of us. I'm taking the oldest one to DL (first trip). I love them both and I try to do things with each of them but they are both at different stages right now (3 1/2 +1 yr). I hope that they don't think I love one more than the other.

I would let your MIL know that it is okay for her to love your DD more but she needs treat the children the same. Hopefully, she will get to know your DS better and will love him more. Maybe it's their personallities (clash) that make it harder for her.