13.1 Before I Hit 40 - Running my 1st 1/2 Marathon at Disney uptd 09/30

[If U Had Wings]

Crissy, if there's ever a time you want to talk just PM me as well. I can easily Skype call you when you give the word. Easy-peasy and practically free. I can lend a listening ear if you need it.

Meantime, if it helps keep you on track with your training and eating, you can always post your progress. Sometimes telling others, even a cyber community, and add one extra layer of accountiblility.

Thanks. I'm going to try to post updates about how my progress is going. Awhile back I had lost over 50 lbs and was feeling really good. I was sailing right along until I found out I was going to lose my job. Since then it's been a downward sloap for me. Things just snowball - lose the job, make less money, have less free time, etc. I eat. It's the hardest habit to break.
I am going to do it though!

It is completely mental for me too. It's so hard to deal with even with the help from my lapband.

I understand. The band helps, but we are always overcoming the subconcious things that make us overeat. That's all on us to do.

 

[TarzansKat]

I had no idea things were so difficult for you. I'm an emotional eater, too, so I get where you're coming from. And sometimes life s-u-c-k-s and it's hard. And far be it from me to tell anyone else what to do, but in all honesty, since my mom passed, I've started seeing a therapist, and I have to tell you, it's helped immensely.

I can't even begin to describe the soul sucking void in my heart right now. It's a huge hole that I walk around with every day, put on my brave face, and yes, I have my happy moments, sure, but I have moments of utter despair and I don't always show them.

Then I come home and have a complete and utter meltdown with the lovely snot inducing, hiccuping tears, and afterwards, even though I'm still sad, I feel cleansed.

And I know, that some day, this too shall pass.

So while I live one day to the next, I also live one moment to the next hon. And it's something that is hard to get used to, being so focused on the present, but it really does help.

My whole point is that although I'm not feeling the same things you are, I can understand your emotions, and empathize, and if you ever want to chat, please just let me know.

 

[Tinkerbellarella]

I've started seeing a therapist, and I have to tell you, it's helped immensely.

Crissy, I whole-heartedly agree with this. I have one too and I LOVE her. It's such a huge help. EVERYONE should get a therapist at birth.

And a lifetime supply of cute shoes, but that's another story...

the lovely snot inducing, hiccuping tears

This is not even remotely funny, but honestly, the description was so vivid, I smiled. Especially the snot inducing part. Apparently sometimes I'm possessed by a 5-year-old boy.

 

[TarzansKat]

Crissy, I whole-heartedly agree with this. I have one too and I LOVE her. It's such a huge help. EVERYONE should get a therapist at birth.

Ditto on that. Mine has been fantastic, and as we're navigating this new life in my family, it's so helpful.

And a lifetime supply of cute shoes, but that's another story...

HA!

This is not even remotely funny, but honestly, the description was so vivid, I smiled. Especially the snot inducing part. Apparently sometimes I'm possessed by a 5-year-old boy.

Oh, it's funny, trust me.

And to quote my husband, "ewwww...."

Plus when you have an upper respiratory infection and you're crying that hard, eventually, you can't breathe.

 

[All7OfUs]

Great suggestions by the other ladies; I can only agree- esp. with the one day at a time, moment by moment thing, but would add that a lot of prayer goes a long way too.

 

[If U Had Wings]

I had no idea things were so difficult for you. I'm an emotional eater, too, so I get where you're coming from. And sometimes life s-u-c-k-s and it's hard. And far be it from me to tell anyone else what to do, but in all honesty, since my mom passed, I've started seeing a therapist, and I have to tell you, it's helped immensely.

I can't even begin to describe the soul sucking void in my heart right now. It's a huge hole that I walk around with every day, put on my brave face, and yes, I have my happy moments, sure, but I have moments of utter despair and I don't always show them.

Then I come home and have a complete and utter meltdown with the lovely snot inducing, hiccuping tears, and afterwards, even though I'm still sad, I feel cleansed.

And I know, that some day, this too shall pass.

So while I live one day to the next, I also live one moment to the next hon. And it's something that is hard to get used to, being so focused on the present, but it really does help.

My whole point is that although I'm not feeling the same things you are, I can understand your emotions, and empathize, and if you ever want to chat, please just let me know.

That's exactly what I've been feeling like lately. A vast majority of the time I feel like I'm walking around empty, and at any moment I feel like I'm going to just break down completely in tears. I feel like it's the big secret that I have to hide from everyone. I get mad at myself for feeling this way when I know I am surrounded by a wonderful family that loves me. Some people don't even get that and I'm torturing myself over the fact that I don't have my own.

Your advice is good. I've been realizing that what I've been feeling the past few months, isn't the normal "blues". It's been incapaciating, and I've had a few days that I had to call into work, and ended up sleeping most of the day away. Lately even my nieces haven't been able to break through my mood, and that has really been my wake up call.

 

[If U Had Wings]

Crissy, I whole-heartedly agree with this. I have one too and I LOVE her. It's such a huge help. EVERYONE should get a therapist at birth.

Ditto on that. Mine has been fantastic, and as we're navigating this new life in my family, it's so helpful.

I'm definitely going to have to look into this. Money's been tight, but if I don't get my act together soon I'm going to end up an even bigger mess. It's a bit hard for me, as my family's attitude has always been of the suck it up and deal with it mentality. Getting to break myself away from that is a bit hard.

And a lifetime supply of cute shoes, but that's another story...

You really do love your shoes don't you??

Plus when you have an upper respiratory infection and you're crying that hard, eventually, you can't breathe.

Sobbing with a repiratory infection that you nearly start hyperventalating. Check, done that too.

Great suggestions by the other ladies; I can only agree- esp. with the one day at a time, moment by moment thing, but would add that a lot of prayer goes a long way too.

Thanks. Right now I'm just trying to focus on the basics. Getting up each day, and trying to make the best out of things. I feel like I'm being tested lately.

While feeling this way things I own seem to be falling apart at the seams. Just this week the tiled towel rack in my bathroom came crashing off the wall (luckily not shattering on the floor), the dvd player won't open, and some weird vehicle safety light went on in my car. Nothing large or important per say, but all those stupid little things aren't helping matters any. I had to fight the urge to throw the towel rack tile at the wall when it happened. It might have made me feel a bit better at first, but I would have been more angry later when I couldn't find a replacement sky blue tile for my wall.

 

[Tinkerbellarella]

I'm definitely going to have to look into this. Money's been tight, but if I don't get my act together soon I'm going to end up an even bigger mess.

Check what the deal is with your health insurance, what they'll cover, etc. And if you have any questions/need any advice, let me know. I've been there and done that in the therapy arena.

You really do love your shoes don't you??

That was rhetorical, right?

While feeling this way things I own seem to be falling apart at the seams. Just this week the tiled towel rack in my bathroom came crashing off the wall (luckily not shattering on the floor), the dvd player won't open, and some weird vehicle safety light went on in my car. Nothing large or important per say, but all those stupid little things aren't helping matters any. I had to fight the urge to throw the towel rack tile at the wall when it happened. It might have made me feel a bit better at first, but I would have been more angry later when I couldn't find a replacement sky blue tile for my wall.

I read this really neat book that talked about how when you're just about to make changes in your life, or have just started making changes, lots of little things start to come crashing down. Some think of it as Murphy's Law. This book explained it as God's/Mother Nature/Deity-of-your-fancy's way of testing your resolve, learning resiliance and powering through. I remind myself of that whenever I'm facing those types of roadblocks.

 

[aprilisis]

I can SO relate to how you have been feeling. Work has been so crazy that I want to sit on the couch all weekend & not talk to anyone. I have to keep that feeling in check, too, because I have been battling depression since my early 20's. I have been seeing a therapist forever, too, and I swear by it. I'm not motivated at all lately, either & I think I have put on weight. If I could kick my pizza addiction, I would be all set. I just have it in my head that cheese makes me feel better. I wish we lived just a little closer to each other- maybe we would motivate each other!
I'm here if you need to talk at all.

 

[TarzansKat]

That's exactly what I've been feeling like lately. A vast majority of the time I feel like I'm walking around empty, and at any moment I feel like I'm going to just break down completely in tears. I feel like it's the big secret that I have to hide from everyone. I get mad at myself for feeling this way when I know I am surrounded by a wonderful family that loves me. Some people don't even get that and I'm torturing myself over the fact that I don't have my own.

I think the most important thing for you to realize is that you are not alone. And although you maybe "alone" in your emotions, know that there are means to help yourself get better, and that it is possible.

But I get it. I really do. The hiding, the brave face. I'm the master of that right now. It's okay to feel that you have all these wonderful people around you but that it's not enough.

I've had so many expressions of love and sympathy and prayers since my mom was sick and since she passed, and I am grateful for every wonderful thought, and all the love and support that surrounds me.

I know it is there. But some days, even knowing that is not enough. Sure, I feel like an ungrateful schmuck, but you know what, it's a normal feeling.

And it's okay. I just want you to know that. It's okay.

Your advice is good. I've been realizing that what I've been feeling the past few months, isn't the normal "blues". It's been incapaciating, and I've had a few days that I had to call into work, and ended up sleeping most of the day away. Lately even my nieces haven't been able to break through my mood, and that has really been my wake up call.

I'm definitely going to have to look into this. Money's been tight, but if I don't get my act together soon I'm going to end up an even bigger mess. It's a bit hard for me, as my family's attitude has always been of the suck it up and deal with it mentality. Getting to break myself away from that is a bit hard.

Again, I'm with Tink. See what health insurance will cover. If you have any friends you're comfortable asking, get recommendations. This is actually how I found my therapist, word of mouth referral from a friend.

And consider also that your mental health is just as important as your physical health.

 

[Lady Lallie]

To chime in on the therapy bandwagon....

My employer offers this health wellness hotline and that is how I found my therapist. And because I went through that I was able to have something like 6 or 8 sessions with no cost to me and then my insurance kicked in and I had to pay a copay.

It really helped me with the things I was going through. It's just nice to have someone all to yourself that you can talk too.

 

[If U Had Wings]

Check what the deal is with your health insurance, what they'll cover, etc. And if you have any questions/need any advice, let me know. I've been there and done that in the therapy arena.

Thanks. I'm going to have to check into what they cover. I just hate the whole referral process with my plan. I really miss my old employers plan where I didn't need to bother going to my primary first. Just a hassle!

That was rhetorical, right?

I read this really neat book that talked about how when you're just about to make changes in your life, or have just started making changes, lots of little things start to come crashing down. Some think of it as Murphy's Law. This book explained it as God's/Mother Nature/Deity-of-your-fancy's way of testing your resolve, learning resiliance and powering through. I remind myself of that whenever I'm facing those types of roadblocks.

That's exactly what's been going on. Last night I found myself a mess again, after realizing that my bank account was nearly empty, and a phone/cable/internet bill that needed to be paid before they turned off service. Finding a new part time job is moving up my list of things to do.

I can SO relate to how you have been feeling. Work has been so crazy that I want to sit on the couch all weekend & not talk to anyone. I have to keep that feeling in check, too, because I have been battling depression since my early 20's. I have been seeing a therapist forever, too, and I swear by it. I'm not motivated at all lately, either & I think I have put on weight. If I could kick my pizza addiction, I would be all set. I just have it in my head that cheese makes me feel better. I wish we lived just a little closer to each other- maybe we would motivate each other!
I'm here if you need to talk at all.

Mine is a sweets addiction, at the moment primarily ice cream and tasty cake cream filled coffee cakes. I have no sense of moderation when it comes to that. At least we have each other for support here.

I think the most important thing for you to realize is that you are not alone. And although you maybe "alone" in your emotions, know that there are means to help yourself get better, and that it is possible.

But I get it. I really do. The hiding, the brave face. I'm the master of that right now. It's okay to feel that you have all these wonderful people around you but that it's not enough.

I've had so many expressions of love and sympathy and prayers since my mom was sick and since she passed, and I am grateful for every wonderful thought, and all the love and support that surrounds me.

I know it is there. But some days, even knowing that is not enough. Sure, I feel like an ungrateful schmuck, but you know what, it's a normal feeling.

And it's okay. I just want you to know that. It's okay.

Thanks. Sometimes keeping up the happy, strong face is the toughest part, particularly in front of my family. My mother really doesn't understand at all, and even though she trys I know that my moods really bother and baffle her. My father is more understanding, as although he seldom says anything, I believe he is often battling his own depression. Like always in our family, nothing is said and it's just another thing to grin and bear. It's probably why searching out help is such a hard step for me. It's just not anything that my family usually does.

Again, I'm with Tink. See what health insurance will cover. If you have any friends you're comfortable asking, get recommendations. This is actually how I found my therapist, word of mouth referral from a friend.

And consider also that your mental health is just as important as your physical health.

I honestly don't know if any of my friends visit a therapist, with an exception of one. I'll have to check with her. At least it will give me a place to start searching.

To chime in on the therapy bandwagon....

My employer offers this health wellness hotline and that is how I found my therapist. And because I went through that I was able to have something like 6 or 8 sessions with no cost to me and then my insurance kicked in and I had to pay a copay.

It really helped me with the things I was going through. It's just nice to have someone all to yourself that you can talk too.

I think we have one of those hotlines too. I'll have to check out the benefits site later on to check that out.

I'm just not sure how comfortable opening up and just talking to someone like that. I have a feeling that's going to be really tough for me. The things that are really at the heart bothering me most, I've never told anyone.

 

[Lady Lallie]

I think we have one of those hotlines too. I'll have to check out the benefits site later on to check that out.

I'm just not sure how comfortable opening up and just talking to someone like that. I have a feeling that's going to be really tough for me. The things that are really at the heart bothering me most, I've never told anyone.

I was really thankful that my work had that hotline because I had no idea where to start in looking for a therapist.

You might be surprised how easy you find it to talk to someone. I was shocked at how easy it was for me to open up.

 

[thosecrazystephens]

I'm new to the boards, but if you need any help or anything please let me know! My husband is a Certified Personal Trainer, a Corrective Exercise Specialist, a Performance Enhancement Specialist, and Medical Exercise Specialist all through the National Academy of Sports Medicine.
I'm also a runner (though I've been dealing with tendonitis in my right foot so I'm in recovery mode right now) so if you need inspiration or have any questions about injuries or shoes or really just anything, let me know!
I didn't even think about the marathon and half marathon... and they happen to be around my birthday... I think I might have to convince my husband that we should go for my birthday... he has been training for a marathon for the past several years, but just has never registered lol... I know he would do it!
Good luck! Maybe we will see you there!

 

[If U Had Wings]

I was really thankful that my work had that hotline because I had no idea where to start in looking for a therapist.

You might be surprised how easy you find it to talk to someone. I was shocked at how easy it was for me to open up.

I'll have to see. I'm assuming they are well trained to help you talk.

I'm new to the boards, but if you need any help or anything please let me know! My husband is a Certified Personal Trainer, a Corrective Exercise Specialist, a Performance Enhancement Specialist, and Medical Exercise Specialist all through the National Academy of Sports Medicine.
I'm also a runner (though I've been dealing with tendonitis in my right foot so I'm in recovery mode right now) so if you need inspiration or have any questions about injuries or shoes or really just anything, let me know!
I didn't even think about the marathon and half marathon... and they happen to be around my birthday... I think I might have to convince my husband that we should go for my birthday... he has been training for a marathon for the past several years, but just has never registered lol... I know he would do it!
Good luck! Maybe we will see you there!

Thanks! I'm thinking that alot of my feet issues lately are due to my large recent weight gain. I was enjoying running alot before my funk set in. I'm hoping the joy comes back to me soon.

 

[If U Had Wings]

Five Things I Learned During My First Race…

1) I am woefully unprepared, and have a lot of work to-do before Oct. 2

2) 6.2 Miles is a really long way to walk/run. 13.1 is feeling a bit scarier.

3) It's not really all that bad being last as long as your finishing.

4) I think I'm going to have to make some trip itinerary changes.

5) I am woefully unprepared and have a lot of work to-do before Oct. 2


Yesterday was the big day of my first ever race, a 10K that I was woefully unprepared for. Other than a few brief walks, and a few Zumba classes per week I hadn't done any training at all. Not one run at all. With that knowledge in hand I showed up Sunday morning to face the 6.2 miles with my sister in law, while my brother was running the half marathon being held the same day. I had stayed over at their house the night before to save myself some time in the morning. The race was held in upstate CT, so it was closer to say at their house and drive to the race with them. Even with staying at their house, we still had about a 40 minute drive in the morning to get to the race site.

We didn't arrive quite as early as we would have liked, but we still had plenty of time to get through the check in lines. The 10K race was starting about 15 minutes before the half and 5k races so my SIL gave our race shirts to my brother to throw in the car and headed over to the 10K starting line. The crowd for the 10K didn't seem too overwhelming. Knowing I was going to be slow, I opted to stay at the back of the pack, so my SIL split up and she headed up more for a better position. It ended up being a wise decision. Soon the starting gun went off and everyone started running. I knew that with my lack of training running the entire race was out of the question. I had my ipod, so my goal going in was to run one song (at least - possibly two), then walk a song and repeat that pattern.

Unfortunately that plan didn't quite work for me. Sunday in CT was a humid, overcast day with forecasts for bad rain all morning long. As soon as I started to run, my lungs started to seize up and I was having a bit of an asthma attack. I switched to walking for awhile, got my breathing under control, and then tried again. In no time flat I was gasping for air again. I started walking again, and even with that I was still having difficulties breathing. It took quite awhile to get my breathing back to a normal pace. I decided that it just wasn't worth it to try running again, so I essentially walked my entire 10K. At this point I was just about alone on the coarse. Everyone had passed me! There was one man a few yards ahead of me, but there was no one else around us. I am slow! Nevertheless I kept plugging along. There was a checkpoint at the first mile and I was at about a 16 minute mile.

At about the 2/3 mile point the slight drizzle that had been going on picked up and all of a sudden I was caught up in torrential downpoar! I was completely soaked in a matter of seconds. I think I need to start wearing a hat or visor when I run. It would have been helpful had I been wearing something to keep the water out of my eyes. This was just about at the point when the half marathoners caught up with me. I actually got passed by my brother who tapped me while running by with a friend of his. That's a lovely feeling. The guy in front of me, started running a bit and pulled even more ahead of me. I was still surrounded by the half marathoners when the two courses split at about mile 4. That's when my brother passed me a second time. He had already looped around his split. Just after the course split I had the entire road to myself. The 10K was held in a rural area of CT, surrounded by a lot of farms and picturesque homes. I couldn't see the guy in front of me any longer.

Eventually I reemerged on the main road, and was seeing the half marathoners again. I didn't mind the walking, but it was a bit dull sometimes, even with my ipod playing. If I was going to have to walk this entire thing it would have been nice to have someone to chat a bit with. Still I was on the downward stretch now, and I kept reminding myself of that as I kept going.

Mile 5 came quickly, and before I knew it I was at mile 6. I was feeling pretty pooped at this point. My hands had also started swelling somewhere around mile 5 and were feeling really uncomfortable. It's a problem I've had before when I run, so I wasn't really surprised by it. As I neared the finish line, I was a bit embarassed by some of the cheering. 10Kers had different colored bibs than the half marathoners so it was obvious I was a straggling 10Ker. People were cheering me on specifically which was great, but I was a bit self concious of it. I had wanted to try to run the last .2 miles so I could cross the finish line running. I just couldn't do it though. My legs were just too tired at this point, and I ended up crossing the finish line walking as half marathoners were passing me by. I grabbed a bottle of water someone was handing me, as well as my goodie bag. I was a bit saddened to realized that there were no medals given out to 10K finishers. Only half marathoners. Makes sense, but this felt like such an accomplishment to me, it was worthy of a medal. I had been hoping to at least finish with a Disney worthy pace under a 16 minute mile, but it wasn't to be. I was over by nearly a minute with a 16'56" pace. My SIL was waiting just by the finish line, so I took a seat on a small fence, and we waited for my brother to finish his half marathon. I was convinced that I was the last 10Ker to finish, but about 15 minutes or so after I crossed the line another woman came across. Being there myself I had to give her a big round of applause. When the results got posted later last night, it turns out there was yet another 10K finisher, quite some time after me.

I didn't quite finish last, but close. Actually it's possible that I was really last. If the two people who officially finished after me started late, it's possible that their start times didn't get registered correctly. I had mixed feelings at the end of the race. Yes, I was thrilled to have done it, and have finished at all, but let's be honest. Last is still last. There is still that part of me that feels like I let myself down by not training. I might not have felt this so greatly, had there been other walkers out on the course, but I felt pretty alone out there for a large portion of the race. I've been telling myself I should feel proud of what I did, some people couldn't even walk a 10K, yet I could, and I tried to run and that's all that counts.

It really was a vivid reminder though of the work I need to do to for the Wine and Dine. I'll be honest and say that I'm a bit more nervous about that now after doing this 10K. 6.2 miles felt like a heck of a long walk to me. I can't imagine doing nearly another 6 miles walking let alone running. It's going to be a lot of work to get ready for that, but I'm going to be putting my best effort in. I may have to make some itinerary changes though for that trip. I am incredibly sore today. I'm fine as long as I'm either walking or sitting, but moving between those two things is killing me today. My calves are just a little tight, not bad at all, but my upper leg area is really bad. It's not quite my thighs, and not quite my hips. I don't know exactly what to call the part of my body that is aching the most. Really it's the area, right where the leg joings the body, but not quite my hips.

I have the plan in place for the Half. I was going to start today, but as I can barely walk today I'm going to try for tomorrow.

 

[Tinkerbellarella]

You know you had a lot of other options. You could've simply not shown up. You could've given up when it got hard. BUT YOU DIDN'T! IMHO it doesn't matter if you were last or first, you did it! And so what if you see how underprepared you've been. Now you know what you need to do and you can enact that change! Look at this as a learning experience, as motivation. Don't be down on yourself. This is a big accomplishment. I have a 5K I was hoping to run this weekend but instead I will walk it with my friends and family and I fully intend to pat myself on the back when I'm done! LOL I, for one, am incredibly proud of you Crissy. You soldiered on.

Oh.

And my fingers/hands swell the longer I walk too. Funny. I also ache in that same place you're talking about...and I have no idea what it's called either! Ha!

Congratulations, m'dear. To quote a very wise man, "Keep moving forward."

 

[Flossbolna]

Crissy, I think that's a fantastic acchievement!! First: you did what you signed up for and did not cicken out! Second: you walked 10 km at quite some speed. A 17 minute mile is no easy stroll, but quite serious walking. And Third: you aren't planning on givin up on the marathon.

Congratulations!

I think that you still have some time for serious training and if you use that time, you will be able to finish the half marathon. And I am sure that even if you are amongst the last once again, you will be much less lonely at Disney.

And do take a few days to rest properly now. I am sure your training will be much more beneficial for you if you start it with a rested body than if you force yourself to do something while you still are sore from the race

 

[All7OfUs]

Crissy, you have done something I and about 5 billion (with a "B") have never done!! You should be very proud of yourself and the fact that you went out there, did not leave the course, and stayed out there doing something you know you want and need to!!

I hope that in about 3-4 months I can say I've finished a race of ANY length!!!

You ROCK!!!

 

[TarzansKat]

I'm with Tink, you never gave up.

You kept going, and that's the most important thing. And quite frankly, some race had to be your first one, and it's not necessarily going to be the best experience.

But you know what? The awesome thing about that is that it can't get worse, and you have no where to go but up!