***************

[vhoffman]

 

[Colinsmom]

Oh, man, I can see how that would stick with you.

I have a friend who adopted from the Ukraine, and she hired a private investigator (in the Ukraine) about 6 months later to try to get some information (I won't go into detail). I wonder if anyone can hook you up with a local private investigator who can gather the information you describe? Of course, that will cost money, but I'm not sure how much. My gut tells me, too, that it is a scam, but I'm a pretty skeptical person in general.

Good luck with this one!

 

[AlleyKat]

. According to her brother, she is extremely ill and dying of cancer. He said she will die in 6 months without proper medical care.

If she is extremely ill and dying, no amount of medical care, "proper" or otherwise, will change her scenario.

What if its really true?

Pray the Lord takes her quickly and quietly while realizing you had nothing to do with her affliction.

But how could I be sure the money was being used for the intended purpose, and not just to feed someone's drug or alcohol habit?

You can't!

What purpose...to prolong the inevitable?

I'm being scammed

As you've stated....emotional blackmail!

 

[vhoffman]

 

[bunny213]

my heart is hurting for you...because I feel that you feel like you need to help. But...I am reminded of that story about the jellyfish or starfish....I don't recall the whole thing, but a parent and child were walking along the shore....and they found a little fish on the beach....the child picked it up and threw it back into the ocean....the parent said something like...you know you can't save all of them....and the child said...but I saved that one!
Let your heart be still....and you will get an answer.....you have saved and loved this precious one you've have taken into your heart....you have given your all.....what more can one ask? Bless you and your family. Barb

 

[vhoffman]

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I certainly feel for you! What a tough situation to be in. But maybe you could look at it this way: You are already doing so much for this woman -- you are raising your daughter with love! Yes, she gave you a wonderful gift and you now have a beautiful little girl of your own. But you shouldn't feel like you "owe" her anything. You took responsibility for the child, not the whole family. You sound like a very compassionate person and it must be hard for you to sort this out. But, this very well could be a scam. And as another poster pointed out, if the woman really is terminally ill there's no amount of money that can help her at this point.

My advice is to just keep doing what you're been doing. Continue to love and enjoy your family!

 

[horseshowmom]

I certainly feel for you! What a tough situation to be in. But maybe you could look at it this way: You are already doing so much for this woman -- you are raising your daughter with love! Yes, she gave you a wonderful gift and you now have a beautiful little girl of your own. But you shouldn't feel like you "owe" her anything. You took responsibility for the child, not the whole family. You sound like a very compassionate person and it must be hard for you to sort this out. But, this very well could be a scam. And as another poster pointed out, if the woman really is terminally ill there's no amount of money that can help her at this point.

My advice is to just keep doing what you're been doing. Continue to love and enjoy your family!

I agree. Even if you're very comfortable financially, you're still going to be limited as to what you could do. And, quite frankly, I think there's a very good chance that it is a scam. I would probably consider contacting the adoption organization you used. Best wishes!

 

[vhoffman]

 

[vhoffman]

 

[horseshowmom]

Susan Komen Foundation has gotten back with me, they said they have some contacts in that area. I think I will forward all correspondence to them, they can decide if her's is a situation they can help. That way I don't feel I've turned my back on this situation. I don't feel I owe the birth mother anything, I just want to help, if indeed she needs help.

That sounds like a great solution. In fact, you could even send a letter back to "the brother" (if that is indeed who he is) and tell him that while you are not in a position to help personally, you have taken upon yourself to try to contact some organizations that might be able to and that you are forwarding the information to them. I think it's a fair solution all the way around.

We have friends who have adopted two boys from Russia. The boys are now in elementary school and are doing very well. I know from time to time the family participates in fundraisers to provide toys/supplies for Russian orphanages. For obvious reasons, it's near and dear to their hearts.

Best wishes!

 

[poohfriend]

does not mean that you have to fix it.

Sit tight for a few days and pray. If you feel compelled to do anything more, do. If you don't. Don't. You are already helping that family -- you are taking care of a biological child. You are loving her. She is now your child and you have to do everything you can to help and protect her!

I personally don't see where I would want to do anything more than you've done. Wow. You've gone out of your way to help them already. I would be careful about communication. Obviously someone does have your personal information and with spy ware I would be leary about having any communication with them.


This brother has the right to ask. He was probably feeling desperate himself... But you have the right to say no without GUILT!

Prayers for you and this other family.

 

[vhoffman]

 

[vhoffman]

I guess another thing I don't understand and makes me suspicious is why isn't she utilizing the Russian health care system, which is free for Russian citizens? That's what makes me suspicious. If they said she's under a doctor's care, needs surgery, chemo, whatever, but lacks funds for transportation to and from the hospital, or perhaps needs money for medicine, vitamins, etc. I might be more inclined to think the story's true. However, just to dump on me that she has cancer and is dying with about 6 months to live, with no details other than they'd appreciate any sum of money, makes me wonder just what the situation really is. There are people over there with cancer and medical facilities she could utliize, what is my part in the whole situation, anyways? Well, I'll let it rest for a few days. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

 

[tacomaranch]

I have traveled Russia extensively and know the "system" very well. I am sorry to say that I am almost sure this is a scam.

There is free health care, it is terrible, the people have so very little which leads them to do desperate things. This is a case in hand. It is not beneath anyone over there to read mail, email, anything and try to get money. I had kids writing letters to other kids and no one got them. We did get several requests for money. I stayed with the mayor of the town and everyone knew this yet we got requests all the time. The mail workers open the mail, steal what is inside or find out what you wrote and then get a friend to write back and ask for money.

It is a very hard time in the CIS and they are desperate people. I could not go to the bank without armed guards. The teller would call a friend after I took out cash and then I would get robbed. NICE!

Please, PLease, Please, I know it is hard and not everyone is like that but don't send anything! I wont' get to who you think it is anyways.

Short story, Mom of mayor, Anna Ermalik, has cancer, wow! go figure, we bring her to states , get her treatment, dentures, sewing machine, all private pay. I take care of here the entire time and we never saw a single penny!

Life is hard, this is hard, but don't do it!

 

[GoinToDisney]

OK, I usually think with my heart, and even I think this is a scam. Besides (and this may sound harsh) like others have said no amount of money will help her if she is truly dying, yet that same money could be spent caring for your daughter. You will help her have peace knowing that her daughter is being cared for and loved. She didn't even ask for help. You are right not to do anything right away. In the end, do what makes you feel good, but rest assured that a whole lot of people would think this is a scam.

 

[wrldpossibility]

OK, I usually think with my heart, and even I think this is a scam. Besides (and this may sound harsh) like others have said no amount of money will help her if she is truly dying, yet that same money could be spent caring for your daughter. You will help her have peace knowing that her daughter is being cared for and loved. She didn't even ask for help. You are right not to do anything right away. In the end, do what makes you feel good, but rest assured that a whole lot of people would think this is a scam.

Me too! I usually am very sensitive to other people's plights, and think with my heart, but even I think this is a scam, or at very least, that your money would never make it to the right people. I think you're doing the right thing to provide information and point them in the direction of aide relief. If they are genuine, they will utilize it.

It's very sad that someone is using the people who adopted their relative (child) to gain money. As another poster said, the first thing I thought after reading your OP is that you are already giving them a huge gift. I truly think if I were the birth mother, and indeed dying of cancer, I would never ask for anything more from you. I would just be SO thankful that my DD was being loved and cared for.

So you're ALREADY doing something amazing (that's productive). Don't send money. It won't be productive, and will never end.

 

[crisi]

This happens suprisingly often in the adoption community - particularly open international adoptions. Other countries believe all Americans are "rich" (and relative to most Russians, we are) and have different obligations regarding care of blood relations (Its apparently worse in Asia, where you have an obligation to your bloodline).

I'd recommend talking to a National Agency with post adoption services - even if yours is out of business. Our agency is Children's Home and Family Services of Minnesota - very reputable and may be able to refer you to someone more local.

One thing to be sensative of is that your child may eventually read any letters you write - so even if you are skeptical - if you keep up communication you want to be sympathetic. You don't want a situation where fifteen years from now the story turns out to be true and your child's birth uncle presents him with letters where you sound crass - i.e. "We are so sorry and we pray for your quick recovery, but cannot afford to help." - instead of "even if this were true, we don't have any obligation."

 

[#1 Pocahontas]

This happens suprisingly often in the adoption community - particularly open international adoptions. Other countries believe all Americans are "rich" (and relative to most Russians, we are) and have different obligations regarding care of blood relations (Its apparently worse in Asia, where you have an obligation to your bloodline).

Very true. I have read this same situation many times. There have also been many specials on tv about situations like this, and even some where the birth family starts doing this to the adopted child.

I hate to have a hard heart but my feeling is that this is a scam. Telling you to try and not worry about it is easier said than done, I know that. However, I would hate for you to fall into a cycle of emotional guilt.

 

[vhoffman]