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[4nana]

BD spanking is not a common practice in our grade schools and IMO this is definitely sending the children mixed messages. I am surprised any type of spanking is considered appropriate, specially in a society where we're teaching children about appropriate and inappropriate touching. Probably an innocent act on behalf of the teacher, but as your DGD's parents have expressed a concern, he should have contacted them immediately. Our DSIL's are very involved in scouts, coaching sports, etc. and this would be a big no no!

 

[Wishing on a star]

First, I too have never heard of anything like this going on at school.

It sounds like this is the first time that the OP and her DD and DSil have ever heard of such a thing. It seems that if this were just common tradition, then this would have been something that they would have known about or possibly expected. They need to ask the DD if this has always been going on in school.

I will try to choose my words carefully here, as I am prone to being overly expressive about situations like this.

I do not care if it is 'just tradition'.
I do not care if families carry on with this type of thing.

It is entirely inappropriate for a teacher to lay a hand on a child like this in any way. Not even in fun. My son would NOT have found this funny in the least.

The school district does not have my permission to spank my child at all.

Even in school districts where spanking is allowed, it must be done in private (in the principal's office), with a witness, to make sure nothing inappropriate happens, and that it is not carried too far.

If this happened to my special needs 8 year old son, I would be up at the Administration ASAP.

 

[agnes!]

I think some posters have misunderstood the OP. I *think* this is what happened...
A male teacher gave a female teacher in front of the female teacher's classroom full of students a pretend Happy Birthday 'spanking'.

Totally inappropriate, totally unprofessional. The principal/administration needs to know, this male teacher could even easily be setting himself up for a lawsuit from the spanked teacher.
agnes!

 

[tw1nsmom]

I'm really surprised how quick people are to go to their principal about things. I could see doing that if a child asked the teacher not to do this and the teacher did it anyway. I could see doing that if the teacher did this hard enough to leave a mark or make a child cry in pain.

Why can't the teacher just be approached and talked with about how this tradition in light of the new school program may be sending mixed messages to the kids?

Every parent wants to ensure their child is safe, happy and learning in school but I bet no one wants to be labeled a difficult parent. That doesn't help anyone, especially your child. Just something to think about.

I think what this teacher did was totally inappropriate. I have my teacher certification in the same state that the OP lives in. I can guarantee that this teacher was told that this type of touch is innapropriate (even if he didn't mean it in a sexual way). I can also guarantee that this is not a tradition in the area schools.

Even if he didn't mean it in a sexual way, it still (as others have said) sends mixed messages about appropriate touch. On a more somber note, pedophiles often position themselves in jobs where they have access to children. They also often begin by blurring the lines between good and bad touch.

Even if the parents wanted to deal with only the teacher on this, they couldn't. He didn't return their calls. Even if it's found that it was just a collosal misunderstanding and a temporary lapse in judgement, the administration needs to be notified and at the very least a note put in this teachers file, and the teacher take the class again that all state teachers take regarding this.

 

[tw1nsmom]

I think some posters have misunderstood the OP. I *think* this is what happened...
A male teacher gave a female teacher in front of the female teacher's classroom full of students a pretend Happy Birthday 'spanking'.

Totally inappropriate, totally unprofessional. The principal/administration needs to know, this male teacher could even easily be setting himself up for a lawsuit from the spanked teacher.
agnes!

No, this happened to her 8 year old granddaughter, I believe in the absence of the female teacher.

 

[ElizaB39]

It is totally inappropriate, I don't care what his upbringing was or is.

They should talk to the principal, calmly of course. The teacher should be told, as should all teachers, that this is totally unacceptable.

Not sure how I feel about the teacher apologizing and etc, that might just draw more attention to the issue?

 

[agnes!]

No, this happened to her 8 year old granddaughter, I believe in the absence of the female teacher.

Yikes, you're absolutely right! Then this 'spanking' is even more bizarre than I originally thought. Then just where was the primary teacher when this spanking took place?...

agnes!

 

[lulugirl]

Wow, I guess I'm the only one so far that feels the birthday spanking is totally inappropriate. I also can't believe that in this day and age, that a teacher would think it is appropriate to be doing this. I'm really surprised that it seems to be something that is done in many schools.

I'm a former teacher, (taught first grade for 15 years), and no teacher, or administrator, in the district would ever be caught giving anyone a birthday spanking. Personally, I would be very uncomfortable doing that to a student, and I know there were certainly kids who would have been uncomfortable with a teacher doing that to them, even knowing it was "in fun".

No, you are not the only one.
I know my 7 year old Dd would be absolutely horrified if some teacher tried to "spank" her.
I'm sure the teacher thought it was all in good fun and completely innocent in nature but I find it very odd to say the least.

 

[StanH]

The Principal needs to know. What if this isn't the first instance of inappropriate behavior? What if this ties some loose ends together? What if this instance is the key to turning this male teachers career around, by opening his eyes to what is clearly inappropriate behavior that he was doing (hopefully) innocently?

The teacher needs to be taught or caught. There is no gray area.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Woah. Any teacher who doesn't have enough sense not to spank a child, playfully or not, doesn't have enough sense to teach and take care of children. I'd already have called the principal. That's just wrong.

 

[rosiebean]

I don't care if "spanking" is a tradition in the teacher's family or not. I really, really, really have to question his judgement if he thought it was ok to do this to a young girl when no other adult was present. My family has many traditions...birthday "spankings" being one of them when we were little kids...but as an adult I would never assume that what was/is traditional in my family was/is the same in every family, especially a tradition that involves physical contact.

The entire thing was probably innocent, but the principal should still be made aware that the male teacher might not have the best judgement in the world, something that could cause trouble for the teacher and school down the line. Calmly discussing this with the principal is the right thing to do.

Also, I've never heard of this happening in an elementary school. I was in grade school back in the 70s (when corporal punishment was still an option) and we were never given birthday spankings by the teachers! A few times in high school (in the 80s) my friends spanked me, , but that was playful fun among peers.

 

[C.Ann]

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[Lizzy2]

I hope this all gets straightened out because that kind of behavior is completely wrong! My DD5 just had her bday and her teacher made her a crown to wear to feel special.(She wore it for two days,straight.LOL)and she took cupcakes to share at lunch. If my DD's woman teacher had "spanked" her I would be upset, muchless a man!

 

[sajetto]

My DD got a birthday spanking from her teacher in first grade- the "paddle" was made of foam, (like those foam fingers people have at ball games) so this was nothing like a "real" spanking, and she delighted in the attention, which was the point. The birthday girl (or boy) being the center of attention for a few moments. (plus the students all counted aloud, thus getting in a little math - lol)

Maybe something like this is what happened?

if not, then yikes! I would not have wanted the teacher to put his/her hand on my dd's bottom, even in play!

This is exactly what my supervising teacher did when I was doing my student teaching. The kids loved it, but in the beginning of the school year a letter was sent to all parents that this is done on birthdays and that the parents should contact the teacher if they wished for their child not to participate.

We live in a rural southern community and it is somewhat of a tradition. HOWEVER, I know its hypocritical, but I just don't think a man should do it. I can see where in the north people would probably be horrified by either a male or female doing it

 

[disykat]

I don't think there's anyone here saying it's appropriate to do this in the current day and age - only trying to explain the tradition to those who keep saying they can't see any way it couldn't be seen as a sexual act. Sometimes seeing another perspective can help people avoid a total freakout.

I'd hope that parents would see this explanation, and avoid the overreaction of taking it to the principal, calling the school board, etc. and just let the teacher know you don't think it's appropriate.

 

[KirstenB]

I love the DIS!

I learn new stuff here all the time. Carol, my initial reaction was like that of your son-in-law's. I hadn't heard of anyone doing birthday spankings so I was kind of suspicious. But it sounds like it's not an uncommon tradition, so now I agree with "inappropriate, but probably harmless". I've learned a lot in general over the years from this board---great place to bounce questions around, especially those involving kids.

 

[C.Ann]

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[LoveBWVVBR]

This would TOTALLY freak me out, and I'd have gone to the principal already. Yesterday Oprah did a show on sexual predators, and they said that the most common occupation for a predator is TEACHER. How scary is that? What if this guy is "grooming" young girls to take it to the next level? I'm sorry, but teachers ARE told not to touch students, especially that way. I would make it clear to the principal that my child was not ever to be around this man again. The principal should know that he has a potential liability on his hands here, and he should do something about it.

 

[lulugirl]

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Considering this is a new school, I don't think it's "overreacting" on the parents part to request clarification from the principal concerning the guidelines.. Even if the teacher had returned their calls, he doesn't set the guidelines for the school.. Their good/touch bad/touch program is really of no use if the kids are being sent mixed messages.. That's where everything becomes muddled.. They have no intentions of taking it to the "school board" - they simply need some clarification..

I agree and I think your Dd's approach is very reasonable.

 

[sajetto]

C.Ann I'm really curious to know where your GD's school is. (what state? suburban, urban, or rural?)