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[C.Ann]

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[rie'smom]

Contact the principal today! With something like this that could turn out to be serious,I'm very surprised that your DD and DSIL have not been contacted. It will seem like forever until Monday. Maybe the primary teacher is hoping that it will go away? Good Luck to you and your family.

 

[Byrd]

No! What he did is not okay even if he had innocent intentions(I don't know how it could be innocent). At this time a teacher has had education courses and ed law to know you don't do this. Male or female teacher, doesn't matter policy prohibits this. If this was done by a teacher the administration should be made aware of what is happening in that teacher's classroom.

 

[C.Ann]

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[Aidensmom]

I did not major in education, so I don't know what is taught, but in real life, in many social circles it is just the thing you do to give birthday "spankings". They are not abusive, but lightly done in jest. I know my own family did them (though I don't carry on the tradition for no particular reason), and ther was NEVER any innappropriate motivation behind it. ANd I would not have the least bit of apprehension if someone else had that as a tradition.

If it was offensive to somoene, however, the teacher should know, so he is aware it is not socially acceptable to everyone. However, the teacher should NOT automatically be presumed to be doing something innappropriate.

 

[C.Ann]

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[FreshTressa]

I would not make a big deal of it, but for the teacher's sake, he should be aware of how it could be misconstrued before he gets himself into big trouble.

My DS's male teacher takes kids alone into a room in the back when they are in trouble to help them calm down. I think this is foolish of him. With all the accusations flying around, I would NEVER touch or be alone with a child.

He needs to know this! I would go to the principal, not to accuse him, but just to make sure he knew for sure that this was not a bright thing to do if he wants a career in education.

 

[C.Ann]

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[Aidensmom]

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I don't feel he was doing anything inappropriate (as in a sexual manner), but I do feel it's inappropriate based on the fact that he is a teacher - not a family member or a close family friend.. He's basically a stranger - so what happens when the next stranger (who may not be so innocent) - let's say the janitor - wants to spank her bottom for her "special" day and she's under the impression that this is an acceptable school policy?

That is pretty much what I mean...the teacher, if he grew up with that as a tradition, just may not think about that it could cause problems outside of family. I do not think the teacher needs to be disciplined per se, but just told that it is against school policy and advised not to do it again. Explaining to the child what is appropriate is a completely different thing. If it was my child, I would explain that the teacher meant nothing wrong (unless there is other evidence that he did), but that he should always tell mommy or daddy if someone touches him, so WE can use our adult judgment regarding the situation.

I think in this day and age we are WAY to quick to jump to conclusions about people, and a couple of the posts on this thread seemed to indicate that.

 

[disykat]

Up until recently this was very common when doing the birthday thing with young children. I've seen (again, years ago) it very often in K classes. After the birthday song the teacher asked (in front of the whole class) "do you want a pinch to grow an inch? How about a sock to grow a block (a little pretend punch in the arm)?, Do you want a swat to grow a lot?, Or how about a smile to grow a mile? You'd think they'd choose a smile, but almost every child I saw chose a swat - because they thought it was funny.

The kids I saw LOVED this little "tradition" and I think it's sad that we live in a day where everyone has to attach perverted meanings to everything. However, since that day has clearly come, I would just quietly let the teacher know it wasn't appreciated.

My son is in 8th grade and I know for a fact that his teacher did this in 1st grade because I remember before his birthday he was carefully puzzling out his options. He thought it was cool because he was the center of attention -which I assume was the goal of that tradition. I think he chose the "sock". I thought it was cute, but of course I knew what he was talking about because I'd seen it done before.

 

[C.Ann]

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[Byrd]

For everyone's protection the school needs to be aware of what happened. The parents, the teacher, and the principal need to meet together to see that procedures are followed, The teacher may be young, or not aware of the potential harm in the birthday ritual. What I questioned was why further contact was not made with your DGD's parents. Yes, it is very sad that the 1st thing that you stress to a new teacher is be very careful how you touch a child and not to be alone with a student.
Example: I go in early two days a week to give a student extra help with reading. We work in the breakfast room and not the classroom.

 

[laurie31]

My DD got a birthday spanking from her teacher in first grade- the "paddle" was made of foam, (like those foam fingers people have at ball games) so this was nothing like a "real" spanking, and she delighted in the attention, which was the point. The birthday girl (or boy) being the center of attention for a few moments. (plus the students all counted aloud, thus getting in a little math - lol)

Maybe something like this is what happened?

if not, then yikes! I would not have wanted the teacher to put his/her hand on my dd's bottom, even in play!

 

[Cool-Beans]

We always got birthday spankings...from nuns! It was a joke and an honor. My guess is that this teacher is just continuing a fun tradition.

I wouldn't get upset about it. ...but that's me.

I'd hate to see everyone who enjoys it have to give up the practice because a few people are upset. Maybe the parents could just ask that their child not be included, rather than condemning the practice entirely.

 

[CEDmom]

I know several teacher who do this. It's a common birthday tradition - there's usual a little pinch at the end to grow on. It's done innocently w/o ANY underlying sexual connotation. However, if your DD and her DH are uncomfortable with it they should calmly address it with the teacher. I personally don't think it's a big deal and as long as my DD wasn't upset about it and it was done in front of others I wouldn't have a problem with it. As odd as it sounds, it's something most kids actually look forward to and hear about from the teachers' former students.

 

[Serena]

However innocent it is, it is sending a mixed message with what they are teaching.

 

[CEDmom]

I'm really surprised how quick people are to go to their principal about things. I could see doing that if a child asked the teacher not to do this and the teacher did it anyway. I could see doing that if the teacher did this hard enough to leave a mark or make a child cry in pain.

Why can't the teacher just be approached and talked with about how this tradition in light of the new school program may be sending mixed messages to the kids?

Every parent wants to ensure their child is safe, happy and learning in school but I bet no one wants to be labeled a difficult parent. That doesn't help anyone, especially your child. Just something to think about.

 

[luvflorida]

Wow, I guess I'm the only one so far that feels the birthday spanking is totally inappropriate. I also can't believe that in this day and age, that a teacher would think it is appropriate to be doing this. I'm really surprised that it seems to be something that is done in many schools.

I'm a former teacher, (taught first grade for 15 years), and no teacher, or administrator, in the district would ever be caught giving anyone a birthday spanking. Personally, I would be very uncomfortable doing that to a student, and I know there were certainly kids who would have been uncomfortable with a teacher doing that to them, even knowing it was "in fun".

 

[Disney Doll]

Unless your DD & DSIL have reason to believe otherwise (ie-DGD has reported multiple other "questionable" behaviors), my guess is that this teacher was carrying on a "fun" tradition...and I do remember "birthday spankings" as being fun when I was a kid.

However, in this sue happy, politically correct, "go the higher authorities about every perceived infraction" world we live in, I can see that this teacher is setting himself up for problems later on, so he should probably be told not to do birthdays spankings anymore because some parent will think he's a pervert instead of thinking he was just trying to do a little light, fun thing with the kids.

I probably would not call the principal. If I was your DD, I'd go to the school today to pick up DGD and ask for a minute alone with the teacher and share my concerns with regard to how his actions may be misconstrued by some folks.

 

[JimFitz]

I'm really surprised how quick people are to go to their principal about things. I could see doing that if a child asked the teacher not to do this and the teacher did it anyway. I could see doing that if the teacher did this hard enough to leave a mark or make a child cry in pain.

Why can't the teacher just be approached and talked with about how this tradition in light of the new school program may be sending mixed messages to the kids?

Every parent wants to ensure their child is safe, happy and learning in school but I bet no one wants to be labeled a difficult parent. That doesn't help anyone, especially your child. Just something to think about.

They need to tell the principal. It may have been innocent, but it was inappropriate. I have never heard of a Bday spanking and if it was my daughter I would have told the principal and not even talked to the teacher. The principal runs the school......the principal should handle it.

This guy may just need to be told that it's not allowed. Some families traditions are not everyones traditions. It's unfortunate for the teacher that we live in this society, but everytime you turn around you hear stories of kids being molested.

Your DD and her husband are doing the correct thing. They felt uncomfortable and they are speaking up.