10 year olds and internet

[RachelEllen]

How much do folks let their preteens do on the internet?

I have a 10 year old step-son. So, his dad sets the rules, but I have a lot of input, because I'm the more internet savvy one! My instincts also tend to be stricter than Dh's!

Anyhow, DSS got a gmail account when he was 9. His mom was upset about this. However, dh told her that he had the password and was monitoring it. Honestly, he hardly ever used it until a few months ago.

Dh keeps telling me that DSS is a "good kid" and won't do anything wrong on the internet. I keep telling him how a 10 year old is just going to do stupid stuff, and we should be proactive about setting internet limits. I also feel like he's showing behaviors online that are inappropriate, and he'd never do in real life. He asked a girl out, for example, on a date, suggested that we would drop him off at a movie with her. First of all, would never happen. She had a little more sense and said that her parents would never let her. But I feel like this is awfully adult behavior for 10.

At first, the only rule was that he could only use the computer for 30 minutes per day, that all internet stuff was supervised, and no downloading could occur. But, like I said, things are quickly escalating.

Last month, for example, DSS and his mom went on vacation to FL. DSS hung out a lot with another boy there his age, and emailed the boy's dad back and forth a few times to exchange photos. Then, he emailed the boy's dad to see if he could come back down to visit. So then, the boy's dad says "sure, you can fly down" and calls DSS's mom about it. She flipped. So we added the rule that he is not allowed to email adults.

Now, this past week, a friend of DSS's suggested that he join Twitter. Without asking us, he joined, and is now getting really inappropriate emails from people wanting to follow him on twitter. DH still hasn't told him that we know about this. He asked my suggestion (finally!) for a rule, and I told him I thought DSS should be told no joining sites. To make it simple, no entering in any personal information on a site.

It's a fine line monitoring him. Because DH has a real concern about invading his privacy. (I don't really share that concern, but, again, I don't set the rules) I do however think, practically, we need to monitor somewhat unobtrusively, as right now he's really easy to monitor. But I'm sure he'd learn how to be sneaky really quickly. For example, he doesn't seem to realize that if you delete something, we can still read it in the trash. Or, if we read an email and mark it unread, the entire conversation goes unread.

SO, ramble, ramble, this is quickly evolving territory. I'm curious about other folks experiences dealing with this age group, what is the range of internet use, rules, monitoring, that sort of thing.

 

[mamacatnv]

DD - 10

Webkinz, Penguine Pals etc. and email to "contacts" only.
Any new account activity must be approved by Either Me, Dad or Big Brother - our computers are password protected and DD can only get to the sites she has had preapproved. Computer is in a common area of our house and seeing what she is up to is easy. We also monitor her activity and DH or Brother check out her history regularly.

 

[AristocatFan]

My DD(10) is only allowed on Nick, Disney, Webkinz, and Littlest Pet Shop. Anything else, such as school work is with me, DH or her brothers. She does not have an email account because she doesn't need one. She talks to her friends on the house phone(no cell phone). Computers are in a central house location where everyone on it is monitored. (including me, kids love to look over my shoulder!)

 

[SC Minnie]

DD (15 next week) was not allowed on Facebook or MySpace or any social network until she was 14. When she did join at 14 I joined too! She had to have me as a friend or she would have to close the account. Period. I still monitor what she puts on these 2 sites- not every day but she doesn't know when and what I am looking at.

As far as other stuff, when DD was younger we had very stringent rules on what sites she was allowed to get use. I also checked the cookies to see where she was going. If was IMing I had to know who she was talking to. Occasionally I would scan through they IMs to make sure there wasn't anything inapropriate. It was usually school drama and the like.

We did set time limits on the computer too. If she was working on a project for school the time would be extended but we would check on her frequently to make sure she was really doing school work. The computer she used was also in a public part of the house- not in her room. She now has one in her room though.

IMO she was a child(still is) and I wouldn't let her talk to strangers in the mall or even go to the mall without an adult at 10 or go into inappropriate places and wander around alone.

 

[jaminmd]

How much do folks let their preteens do on the internet?

I have a 10 year old step-son. So, his dad sets the rules, but I have a lot of input, because I'm the more internet savvy one! My instincts also tend to be stricter than Dh's!

Anyhow, DSS got a gmail account when he was 9. His mom was upset about this. However, dh told her that he had the password and was monitoring it. Honestly, he hardly ever used it until a few months ago.

Dh keeps telling me that DSS is a "good kid" and won't do anything wrong on the internet. I keep telling him how a 10 year old is just going to do stupid stuff, and we should be proactive about setting internet limits. I also feel like he's showing behaviors online that are inappropriate, and he'd never do in real life. He asked a girl out, for example, on a date, suggested that we would drop him off at a movie with her. First of all, would never happen. She had a little more sense and said that her parents would never let her. But I feel like this is awfully adult behavior for 10.

At first, the only rule was that he could only use the computer for 30 minutes per day, that all internet stuff was supervised, and no downloading could occur. But, like I said, things are quickly escalating.

Last month, for example, DSS and his mom went on vacation to FL. DSS hung out a lot with another boy there his age, and emailed the boy's dad back and forth a few times to exchange photos. Then, he emailed the boy's dad to see if he could come back down to visit. So then, the boy's dad says "sure, you can fly down" and calls DSS's mom about it. She flipped. So we added the rule that he is not allowed to email adults.

Now, this past week, a friend of DSS's suggested that he join Twitter. Without asking us, he joined, and is now getting really inappropriate emails from people wanting to follow him on twitter. DH still hasn't told him that we know about this. He asked my suggestion (finally!) for a rule, and I told him I thought DSS should be told no joining sites. To make it simple, no entering in any personal information on a site.

It's a fine line monitoring him. Because DH has a real concern about invading his privacy. (I don't really share that concern, but, again, I don't set the rules) I do however think, practically, we need to monitor somewhat unobtrusively, as right now he's really easy to monitor. But I'm sure he'd learn how to be sneaky really quickly. For example, he doesn't seem to realize that if you delete something, we can still read it in the trash. Or, if we read an email and mark it unread, the entire conversation goes unread.

SO, ramble, ramble, this is quickly evolving territory. I'm curious about other folks experiences dealing with this age group, what is the range of internet use, rules, monitoring, that sort of thing.

Seriously? He's 10. He should have no privacy on the internet.

My DD can go on Webkinz & she has an email account that is for family only. She is a very mature 12 year old & she is well aware of predators, risks, etc.

It doesn't sound like your 10 year old has even the slightest understanding of the risks he faces. IMO, he has way more access than he should. Boys especially take longer to mature & are bigger risk takers. I'd intervene immediately with a LOT of education & revoking some of the access (not as punishment of any sort, but for his safety.)

 

[Beavers5]

DS is 10. He is allowed to use his laptop for about 30 minutes a day, more if he asks. We use K9 software, so any sites that he isn't allowed to use the computer asks for my password. I have preloaded the sites that he can use and if he wants to check out a new site, he gives me the address; I check it out and add it or block it as I see fit.

 

[RachelEllen]

Seriously? He's 10. He should have no privacy on the internet.

My DD can go on Webkinz & she has an email account that is for family only. She is a very mature 12 year old & she is well aware of predators, risks, etc.

It doesn't sound like your 10 year old has even the slightest understanding of the risks he faces. IMO, he has way more access than he should. Boys especially take longer to mature & are bigger risk takers. I'd intervene immediately with a LOT of education & revoking some of the access (not as punishment of any sort, but for his safety.)

I totally agree. I forgot to mention, the twitter account is going to go. I did set up a separate account for him on my computer (the one in the kitchen. His dad's is in his office) that had limited time and access to the internet, but his dad didn't think it was neccesary. Maybe he'll want to enforce that now that his son his getting email from his new porn star twitter friends

 

[Piglets Mommy]

I definately think you need to set some limits....Disney, Nick and webkinz type sites only for example. I know you mean wel with the no emailing adults, but I think you need to limit it even more to only emailing friends that you know...The biggest threat is an adult posing as a child, and at 10, that would be awfully hard for him to figure out. I would definately make him delete the twitter account...it just seems too easy for people to stalk kids on there...I'm really nervous, as I 'm sure my DS 9 will be asking to do more online fairly soon...all of the social networking sites make me really nervous. We have told him to NEVER post any personal info anywhere, but I still worry...a 10 YO really doesn't "get" that there are so many freaks and scumbags up there..as much as you tell them, until something happens to them or one of their friends, it won't sink in.

 

[laurie31]

My DD10 has email, but no one has her address except her grandparents and her cousins. DH and I monitor her account also, just in case.

She knows she is not to join anything or download anything. She has a Webkinz account and she plays on Club Penguin. We also have the security set on her internet access so she CAN'T downlaod anything.

Even DD12 is not on Facebook yet. She hasn't asked, but if she did, we might let her. She's almost 13 and has behaved responsibly on-line for several years. Also, several of her friends are on there. I know, because they have friended ME! lol Plus, our church youth group has a page on Facebook. But we'd rather she be 14 before she gets ger own page. (and when that day comes, she will have to friend DH and I...)

We know a woman who works with the police to find pedophiles online. She goes into chat rooms pretending to be a 13 year old girl. She doesn't do anything to "entrap" a predator, but "plays along" if she's approached inappropriately. She once was invited to a picnic by a "14 year old boy." The police went instead, and found a man with a van containing duct tape, a video camera, and a gun. A real 13 year old would not have survived that picnic. My DDs know this story and they know if we caught them doing inappropriate things online, that there access would evaporate, and we aren't bluffing.

A 10 year old is not entitled to privacy online. Period. Would you drop him off at a mall, to just interact with whomever happened to be around? Of course not. The internet is no different; kids need to be protected, and a 10 year old is definitely a kid!

 

[sunnyday123]

DD - 10

Webkinz, Penguine Pals etc. and email to "contacts" only.
Any new account activity must be approved by Either Me, Dad or Big Brother - our computers are password protected and DD can only get to the sites she has had preapproved. Computer is in a common area of our house and seeing what she is up to is easy. We also monitor her activity and DH or Brother check out her history regularly.

Sames goes here, with the exception of a cell phone and email account. However, I check her email when I check mine ( daily ) and regularly check her phone. I have her Dad checking into a phone that cannot send pictures ( why this isn't more common I have no idea) and will continue to check around. Kids today have too much at their fingertips, and I can keep my cool and lay low with most of the stuff they'll eventually do, but when stuff gets out of control or dangerous, you can bet I'll step in.

 

[luvmy3]

My dd11 is allowed to go anytime onto sites that I have approved of. If there is one she want to go to that she has heard about through a friend or an advertisement, I check it out first. She just recently got the DSi which allows internet access. We have told her that we trust her and she knows what sites she can visit and if we find out that she has gone to sites without us knowing she will lose ALL internet access.
She also has a gmail account but me and dh have the password and she does not. I told her that I will never read her emails but I will check to see just who is emailing her. I do believe she deserves some privacy when it comes to her emails from her friends. If there is an email from someone I don't know, I will read it and she knows it. I have a friend who reads her ds's every email and I just don't agree with that.

 

[suejai]

DD - 10

Webkinz, Penguine Pals etc. and email to "contacts" only.
Any new account activity must be approved by Either Me, Dad or Big Brother - our computers are password protected and DD can only get to the sites she has had preapproved. Computer is in a common area of our house and seeing what she is up to is easy. We also monitor her activity and DH or Brother check out her history regularly.

My DD(10) is only allowed on Nick, Disney, Webkinz, and Littlest Pet Shop. Anything else, such as school work is with me, DH or her brothers. She does not have an email account because she doesn't need one. She talks to her friends on the house phone(no cell phone). Computers are in a central house location where everyone on it is monitored. (including me, kids love to look over my shoulder!)

These were the only websites DS now 14 was allowed on when he was 10. And he still has to ask before he goes on anything new or downloads something. I will usually check out the website before allowing anything. He is allowed to IM, he did go on Facebook, but doesn't really go on all that often. He is also allowed on XBox Live - I was really leery of it, but the XBox is in a public area and I can usually hear what is going on.

They need to be protected because they have no idea how dangerous it could be.

 

[RachelEllen]

Interesting replies.

It's been a more challanging thing than I thought monitoring DSS for several reasons.

THere are some things, conceptually, he just doesn't get. So rules sometimes don't work well the first time. For example, I don't think he really understand what it means to download something. For those of us who had computers before the internet, it was pretty apparent, that something new was on the computer! However, for him, the internet is just another thing on the computer. He's allowed to play some flash games, but he really didn't get the difference between flash games and downloaded games.

Same thing with limiting sites. I can see it working if we had done so from the beginning, but I'm not sure he understands what is a new site. For example, if he wants to know the answer to a question, he'll go type the question into google and follow the link. (last night it was "what was the biggest baby ever born") He doesn't get that everytime he follows a link from google, it's a new, and possiblely bad site.

He also has a DSi, which I was really wary of. I rarely put my foot down, but I told DH, that DSS was not going to connect to the household network. Dh just told him that that the DSi just wouldn't work on any locked connection (didn't want to just tell him no to a personal internet connection), but I'm wondering when he will figure out that that isn't true!

 

[diznygirl]

You can set limits on the computer with software that will require an admin password whenever you visit a new internet address. This would prevent accessing anything he finds on Google. This is the way our computers are set up - ever since my son Googled information on rabbits (bunnies!)


I would ban all computer access until the new limits could be installed on ALL the computers he has access to.

 

[RachelEllen]

You can set limits on the computer with software that will require an admin password whenever you visit a new internet address. This would prevent accessing anything he finds on Google. This is the way our computers are set up - ever since my son Googled information on rabbits (bunnies!)

hehe

Yeah, you think DH would be more accepting limits ever since...well, do you remember that kids band called the "Naked Brothers"?

 

[TaraPA]

RachelEllen - have you considered buying protection software? No it doesn't replace parental monitoring, setting rules, etc. but it does help filter out the bad stuff. We subscribe to Safe Eyes, and it bans any site that includes the obvious like pornography, nudity, things of a sexual nature, foul language, etc. We can also add our own sites that we don't want DS12 having access to, and can also track any keystrokes made on the computer. Like others have said, you can have it set up so a password is needed before entering any new site that is not on the approved list. It's not free, I think we pay $49 a year, but well worth it. Kids are curious no matter how well they are raised.

I'm very old fashioned when it comes to DS12 (NO he doesn't need a cell phone, computer, iPod, etc....) but DH is trying to let me have DS12 ease into some technology. I know kids say "but mom EVERYONE has it" and it sure does seem that way these days. His friends come over & text TO EACH OTHER on their cells while they are standing 2 feet away from each other. DH says it's comparable for us to when we HAD to have a Walkman. EVERYONE had one. I remember, everyone else did have one, I didn't, and I sure did feel left out.

So just recently we've allowed him to have access to Twitter & Facebook - but the rule was he had to give us his password, and had to have both his dad & I be "friends" on the accounts. I do check his accounts every few days & have seen just the basic jibber jabber about being bored, did you see this movie, I'm playing this game now, etc. etc. He knows that with even one inappropriate thing he will lose computer access alltogether, period.

Hang in there, and let us know how it's going. I can use all the tips I can get on this!

 

[SandrA9810]

well the DSi is farely limited in its capabilities. Even the Wii browswer has its limit on what it can do. I wouldn't worry an awful lot about the DSi.

I was 16 when the first computer was bought. My aunt bought it for me for school and of course it went in my room. I remember having friends in middle school and being jealous of them.

But he's not even allowed to be creating accounts at the age of ten. You have to be over 13 for a personal account. And things like webkinz ask for parents permission sort of thing. I would go in and close any accounts he has. Ask him what his internet name is and do a google search. You'd be surprised at how much can show up. There's many different sites show up under my username. Then search his real name and try to delete as much as you can about him.
If you don't see an easy way to close an account for good. There should be some sort of contact email and state the user of this account is underage and isn't allowed to have it, can you please close the account.

good luck

I know I don't want my kids to be near a computer till high school at least. Video games are another story...

 

[aprilgail2]

My 9 year old goes on club pogo to play games, facebook (only my friends, relatives and certain friends of hers are on her friends list and she can' tadd anyone without checking first)- she plays mafia wars, fashion wars, yoville and vampire wars on facebook. She has her own desktop and will be getting her own laptop for her birthday this year but she doesn't go on it that much that I would bother setting a time limit on it. The one limit I DO have though is that she can't go on it when friends are over because one time one of her lovely friends was going on sites that I don't let her go on!!

 

[RachelEllen]

Well, the control software has been ordered. Dh actually seemed releived when I told him I would set him up. I guess dss's mom has been on his case about the gmail again. He has given her the password and told her he thinks monitoring ds's internet usage at her house is her issue, but I know she gives him a lot of grief about it. (The twitter incident happened at her house, but she maintains it is dh's fault for letting him have a gmail account in the first place.)