1 Last time - 1 hour,1 bite,1 step,1 day,1 pound @ a time. THIS I can do!

[goldcupmom]

So, I entered 2012 up 11 lbs in 2011. For the first time in 4 years, I gained. Plain and simple - STRESS! And, those who know me on FB probably noticed my 1/3 post - "2012, you're only 3 days old, WHY do you SUCK so much!"

My life isn't going to change, but I have to learn to change my life. I have to learn to say 'NO'. Loudly, clearly and confidently.....to my kids, my friends, my family, my husband and to myself.

I can't look at the big picture - I have to lose 50 pounds, or I am going to lose 20 pounds by XX day. I've concluded that the ONLY way I can do this is by losing ONE pound at a time. And that is NOT easy.

Especially this week. To recap before the latest saga.......

DS22 is doing well as student pastor. Seems to love and be loved by all. This is his niche. Still living at home, but a group of guys is having a hard time finding someone to rent a house to them. No hurry....except that he has spread his stuff into DS25's old room as well as everywhere else. It's gonna have to change.

DD20 (yep, I have no teenagers anymore ) is ok, but lots of minor issues. Decided to change her major, again, this time to Medical Lab Sciences. Good move as it makes her more employable if she doesn't get into Med school first try, and will look good on entry. Bad as she now HAS to go to summer school in order to graduate on time(4 yrs as opposed to the NM average of 6 yrs ) So, I spent 2+ weeks hauling her around getting all this arranged and getting her signed up to take A&P at a Community College near UNM as they offer 2 semesters in one. The biggest issue with her is getting her to drive herself to the bus.....I hauled her nearly every day for a month either to the bus or all the way to UNM, thus leaving NO time for me to walk Sashi or take a break for me.

DS25 is still moved out....at least for the moment....more later.

My foot issue is getting better, but tenuous improvement. Found out that the stretching they teach you in HS, etc for runners, athletes actually can DAMAGE your arch/foot area. My calves are so overdeveloped from walking that my whole issue is not stretching enough/properly, and yes, I have metatarsalgia and plantar fasciaitis in BOTH feet.

I've walked MAYBE 2x/week in the last 2 months. Haven't made WW due to kid issues, appointments, and have gained almost 12 pounds since Nov 2.

So, weighing in at a whopping 176 on 1/1/12, I determined that 'IF ONLY' I could lose 1 lb a week, I would be BELOW my ultimate, fantasy, dream goal of 125, and actually weigh my wedding day weight by 2013. ONE pound a week....sounds simple enough, right? So, I'm now trying to focus on that magic ONE pound, even if I have to reach it weekly by fasting the day before weigh in.

My lab work in Nov was good, but with my family history, it is absolutely guaranteed to get bad if I don't continue my journey and my obsessive walking.

On to part 2 as I am afraid this will disappear or crash.......

 

[goldcupmom]

So, picking up where I left off.........

This has been the week from HE!! !!
NO, let me back up.

DS25 has/had a girlfriend. Worked for him - BAD move, and she was 25. Moved in with him to the room he rents from friends who needed help with their rent - WORSE move. He overspent, all on her, we had to make 1 of his bi-weekly car payments so he didn't lose it, overdrew his accounts again, etc. After about 6 weeks, on 12/15, DS25 came home from work to find her gone, no note, no nothing. In less than 24 hours, she posted on FB she was 'in a relationship' & so in 'love' with a different guy who also works for DS25. Learned from the people he rents from that she was both bipolar and schizophrenic & would go into his closet and throw herself into walls & shelves & scream like he was beating her. Scaring the 10 yr old daughter of the people who had, when she was younger, witnessed her birth dad beat her mom & got taken away from mom for awhile.

DS25 was gutted and I was fearful he would OD on something etc. Then on 12/27 in the morning, DS25 showed up here at the house with her, everything was wonderful, she was back on her meds, etc. Later that VERY night, the husband who he rents from called me from work and asked me to go to their house & watch the 2 kids so the wife could take girlfriend to the PSYCH ward as she attacked DS25.

So, I make DH come we get there, front door open, 2 tote bags outside, 10 yo is in her room Shaking & crying - I go to her & DH stays in main room. GF is in DS25 room screaming she's sorry & won't leave. The wife gets her to the car & she won't get in. DS25 says she has to go, get out, etc. And then up pulls the other guy, GF gets in & leaves. Relax BRIEFLY.

Monday morning DS25 calls me & asks if I'm home as he is coming over. Yep. Then texts me that GF is again with him & I should 'BE NICE' So, I change my plans, tell him what an idiot he is, & 'babysit' til they leave here (he can't take her to his 'house' EVER again.....gee, wonder why?)

Wake him up for work Monday night, all is fine. Tuesday morning I'm shopping with DD20 & get a text from the wife asking if I had heard from DS25. No. He got FIRED Tuesday morning from his mgr job at WM of the last 4 years for missing 4 days in 6 months. He has his hiring packet where it states he is allowed 6 in 6 months, then gets a warning. Nope, sent him packing with a hand written check. And, the last day he missed was 11/10/11 and they fired him on 1/4/12.

And it gets worse...... The interim 'love' of the Girls life is texting DS25 nasty things/threats, etc, so DS25 & the GF go over to confront him & the GF gets out of the car & STAYS, leaving DS25 yet again. So, in DS25 words to the 'wife' where he lives, he lost his girl and his job & it was only Tuesday. Again, she & I are on 'watch' as DS25 is very Emo, wears his heart on his sleeve & those who know me know we have dealt with pretty much everything imaginable with him.

So, Monday & Tuesday were roller coasters.....Why should Wednesday be any different?

On to next section.......

 

[goldcupmom]

So, Wednesday dawned and I was excited. DH & I have been in Bed wars for a couple of years as he needs a VERY firm mattress & I need soft. Our bed has gotten so bad in the last 6 months that I HURT every single day and barely sleep. So, we bit the bullet & bought a Tempurpedic on 12/28, being delivered on 1/4. Cleaned carpets, moved furniture, etc. Bought a new bed as my Queen wouldn't hold the new king mattress.

I had been told delivery after 2:30p, they came at 10:30 a.m. After they left I took a good look at the bed & this 5k+ bed is DEFECTIVE. We didn't get same day delivery because we wanted a frame with no wheels, this has wheels. There is yellow paint on the frame. One of the foundation pieces has a small 3 corner tear, there is loose stitching on the pillowtop, the entire pillowtop has been put on wrong and is skewed. The bottom side of the mattress has way too much fabric & is a wrinkled mess, there is black marker on one side on one foundation, and on one side, the pillow top is sewn wrong so instead of being 3" thick & a squared edge, it's totally compressed & pointy and less than 1" thick. All this after when we bought it, the salesman overcharged us by $200 + tx and I had to call to argue to get it corrected, and we were to get 2 free pillows up to $139 each. DH chose one at $139 & the one I wanted said $99, salesman insisted it was $199 even though tagged, I didn't argue & took the standard size instead of queen of same pillow. Until I got home & saw that I could buy direct from Tempurpedic for $129, and from this furniture stores website. Yet another call to get this resolved.

I was LIVID after delivery. Called them within 15 min and was told I would have to call Tempurpedic direct & deal with warranty issues. NOT! So making it a bit shorter, 14 phone calls 26 emails including pictures, finding the CEO out in CA on facebook, threatening to file with BBB and State Attorney General, hanging up on store manager, being told that they would replace it "sometime" and that if we used it we would have to pay for this one as well, they are FINALLY going to replace it when the next truck comes.....or so they say. We will see...

So, I have eaten myself into oblivion this week and it's Thusday. Then, yesterday I texted DD20's Fiancee to ask if he had my medicine ball & he informed me that she had "communicated to him that she needs a break from him" She still hasn't said a word to me, but keeps hiding her left hand each time I see her and I did notice she wasn't wearing her ring. She has discovered that he focuses on his Karate/MMA/Kickboxing and has no time for her, and she had realized that she can go have fun, and is, with people from work, which made him mad. She is supposed to sit & do nothing, waiting for him to come see her once a week. And, he combined her birthday/christmas into one activity for both of them which didn't help, I'm sure.

Things are even crazier than usual here. I'm supposed to go with DH to a conference in FL later this month, then on to my DSis after he heads home, but am, truthfully, a bit afraid to have both of us gone given DS25 situation and issues. Don't know yet.

So you can see why I can only focus on ONE tiny bit of time at any given moment. This week, it's actually doubtful I lose that ONE pound I need.

I DREAD going back to WW having gained like 10 lbs since I was last there, but I'm sure I'm not the first....heck, I'm sure I've done it before.....but I must. Somehow I HAVE to get this back under control. My clothes are getting TIGHT and I feel LOUSY and tired all the time.

Anyway....if you read this, you are AMAZING!!!!!!!! And I LOVE you all! You are the ONLY support I get! I will be on more, I promise. I MUST!!!!

 

[DisDee]

Julie,

Yes, we are here for you even if its not as often as before! Always remember that. We should make a pledge to check in at least once a week to let everyone know that we're ok.

I plan to catch up on my journal this weekend, and I've also started a blog, so I hope to see you there.

Have a great weekend!

 

[goldcupmom]

Thanks for stopping in, Dee!

I've had a VERY NASTY upper respiratory virus that DD20 brought home for the last 2 weeks - she is almost 3 weeks and still has it.

So far, I'm down 3.2 as of the 13th so on track. Heading to FL Friday - 5 days in Jacksonville with DH while he goes to a 'Nerd' conference, then to my DSis for a week. Should stay at least mostly on track as Dsis just joined WW and I know I 'HAVE' to go with her on Thursday 2/1.

More later.....

 

[redlight]

Good luck to you!

 

[goldcupmom]

So, I am still in Florida. Leave tomorrow. Ended January with a loss of 6.8, based on using my sisters scale compared to official WW weight , compared to my home scale which I know is exactly always 3 lbs light compared to WW. I will take it, but frustrated that I have been more perfect than ever and it seems that at wi tomorrow, I will lose little to nothing. Oh well.......

 

[redlight]

You lost weight during a stressful month! That's great!

 

[Jane E.]

Way to go on the 6.8lb loss!

 

[goldcupmom]

I am back home....to total, chaotic, STRESS! DS25 not only lost his job, 1/2, his employer is appealing, so no unemployment yet. So, I am having to keep up his bills as well as mine, he's not looking for a job, & DH is ok with it all. And the psycho B girlfriend, got even worse. Hopefully he is DONE with her for good - but not without DRAMA & of course, rudeness to his poor mommy!

And then there is DD20, still being flaky about her fiance(but better now than later- but she is treating him WRONG). And to top it off, she calls me in FL and says she has another 'weird thing' going on. Says very calmly that she is BLEEDING out the pores on her upper arms! (Let me tell you, I could have PANICKED on this one!) Tiny, tiny dots and if you wipe them, they come back. symmetrical, not a ton, but on both arms. So, good old google to the rescue - VERY rare, usually in women, caused by extreme STRESS and Anxiety. The way they treat it is with antidepressants. Go figure! So, since we have the high deductible insurance plan from HE!! this year, I am waiting to see if they change at all. No other symptoms, she had bloodwork done end of December. You really have to strain to see them, but they are there (or were last week)

So, life goes on......

While in FL I went to the gym 6x and each time did a 5k on the treadmill - feet are better. I am NOT a runner, but am trying to work up to running a whole 5k - at least it is a goal. It was really a difference, tho, when I got back home & tried it at a mile up instead of at sea level. But I am going to attempt to go every other day....in addition to my long dog walks when the weather is cooperating.

My DSis has also restarted WW, so it was easier to stay on while down there. DH, however, was NOT helpful! Every meal wanted me to eat more & fussed when I would consult my phone to figure out what I wanted to eat off the menu. Oh well.

So far I'm hanging in there, but it isn't easy here at home. I am trying to be determined and realistic. ONE POUND A WEEK, and I will, over the course of a year, be happy. Weekly, I'm not sure I will be happy, but I have to look at the WEEKLY picture, not the long term. So far, so good.

Hope all is well with everyone! Spring is coming......I hope! But I was in FL on Thursday & woke up to about 2-3" of snow on Friday. I LOVED it!

 

[Mykelogan]

Whoa Julie! It sounds like stress is indeed an understatement!!! Your managing of all of these things, and your weight, is truly incredible!!

Not sure if you'll remember me from like 6 years ago on here, but I saw a familiar name and had to pop in and see how things were. Very glad to see you on here with a commitment to yourself amidst all of that chaos! Phew!

Mike

 

[goldcupmom]

Whoa Julie! It sounds like stress is indeed an understatement!!! Your managing of all of these things, and your weight, is truly incredible!!

Not sure if you'll remember me from like 6 years ago on here, but I saw a familiar name and had to pop in and see how things were. Very glad to see you on here with a commitment to yourself amidst all of that chaos! Phew!

Mike

I do remember you, Mike! And I'm glad you are back!

 

[jennz]

Julie I don't know what to say but I can hug you!

 

[toystoryduo]

Sending a and prayers your way, my friend. It sounds like you have had a lot going on the past few weeks. I hope things calm down for you soon.

 

[Mykelogan]

Hi Julie! How are you doing?? Sending good vibes and hugs your way. Hope that you had a good weekend!

Mike

 

[toystoryduo]

How was your weekend, Julie? I hope you're having a good week so far!

 

[goldcupmom]

Well, long post & my screen disappeared. Ugh! Maybe tomorrow.

 

[Mykelogan]

Oohh Julie I feel your pain! I hate when that happens. Hope you can recreate it when you get the chance. Even if just in small doses.

 

[toystoryduo]

I'm sorry to hear about the lost post! I hope you get a chance to come back either later on today or tomorrow and give us an update. I'm praying for you, my friend!

 

[Mykelogan]

Just checking in Julie, hope all is going well!