1 in 4 Married Couples Sleep in Separate Beds

[HelenePA]

Or the simple answer is that my wife and I believe that you should share a bed. And yes, is is 15 years and yes we are in our mid 40's. The date in our name is our anniversary year. So sorry your Nancy Drew moment did not come through for yuo.

See we make the time. We have two kids, two jobs, a dog, a house to maintain. We understand that you need to work on your marriage just like everything else in life to make it grow and keep it healthy. Sharing a bed (and like I said before bank accounts) are two very key things to keeping a marriage healthy.

Bunch of you are saying it works differently for you. Like I said before, that is fine. But there might be a better way and I do believe this is one way. You don't agree and that is, of course, fine.

However the jabs at maybe age, lenght of marriage, number of posts etc just shows that you don't have anything else to debate, so now we are going to go on tangents and attack things that have nothing to do with the subject matter..

Either way, it has been interesting and many folks have shared various viewpoints and I am glad that a majority of us have kept it civil and on topic.

Better for who? you and your wife? what works for YOU does not work for all.. it would be like me saying hey have 2 more kids cuz it worked for me.. if you dont want 2 more kids who am I to try and convice you otherwise?

 

[cepmom]

Or the simple answer is that my wife and I believe that you should share a bed. And yes, is is 15 years and yes we are in our mid 40's. The date in our name is our anniversary year. So sorry your Nancy Drew moment did not come through for yuo.

See we make the time. We have two kids, two jobs, a dog, a house to maintain. We understand that you need to work on your marriage just like everything else in life to make it grow and keep it healthy. Sharing a bed (and like I said before bank accounts) are two very key things to keeping a marriage healthy.
Bunch of you are saying it works differently for you. Like I said before, that is fine. But there might be a better way and I do believe this is one way. You don't agree and that is, of course, fine.

However the jabs at maybe age, lenght of marriage, number of posts etc just shows that you don't have anything else to debate, so now we are going to go on tangents and attack things that have nothing to do with the subject matter..

Either way, it has been interesting and many folks have shared various viewpoints and I am glad that a majority of us have kept it civil and on topic.

these things are what make yourmarriage healthy; not necessarily everyones. If a couple has their reasons for sleeping separately (snoring, health reasons, overnight shifts etc) then why should they sleep together, getting no real sleep, just because that supposedly makes for a healthier marriage? Please.

For what it's worth, I do share a bed(and bank accounts) with DH; have for 15 years now but I don't feel thats the reason our marriage is healthy

 

[zippy2]

We start out together but if the snoring gets too bad I migrate somewhere else.

 

[Guy Incognito]

a few years back, my wife and I took a cruise in the caribbean... we went on an excursion kayaking through the mangroves on St Thomas. While paddling along next to our guide, he asked if we were on our honeymoon. We laughed a little and said no, we had been married 7 years. He commented that he was just getting that "honeymoon vibe" from us. We told him the secret was we didn't have kids (he enjoyed that response).

so the key to a happy marriage that maintains a good "honeymoon vibe" forever is not having kids. I feel sorry for those couples who have kids.

 

[ckay87]

Better for who? you and your wife? what works for YOU does not work for all.. it would be like me saying hey have 2 more kids cuz it worked for me.. if you dont want 2 more kids who am I to try and convice you otherwise?

That's what good ole Disfans doesn't understand....that it's flat out wrong to try to impose your own marital rules on everyone.

 

[ckay87]

a few years back, my wife and I took a cruise in the caribbean... we went on an excursion kayaking through the mangroves on St Thomas. While paddling along next to our guide, he asked if we were on our honeymoon. We laughed a little and said no, we had been married 7 years. He commented that he was just getting that "honeymoon vibe" from us. We told him the secret was we didn't have kids (he enjoyed that response).

so the key to a happy marriage that maintains a good "honeymoon vibe" forever is not having kids. I feel sorry for those couples who have kids.

Love it!!!

My husband and I have the most fun when we attend concerts together. I feel bad for couples who never go to concerts. They are heading straight toward divorce court.

 

[Nancyg56]

The only thing your "point of view" made me think about is i'm glad our relationship is strong enough to with stand not being able to sleep with each other...

I know! DH and I start out in the same bed but he winds up on the couch by 3 AM more often than not. This guy did not make me think about my marriage, he made me think about his! I wonder if his poor wife will have to find a "better" way of she ever needs to sleep in another space when she hits that magic age over 50............and I bet you a buck the snuggling all night will be over for a while as well Then he can come talk to me about happy vs sad marriages and how his sleeping arrangements determine which is which.

See we make the time. We have two kids, two jobs, a dog, a house to maintain. We understand that you need to work on your marriage just like everything else in life to make it grow and keep it healthy. Sharing a bed (and like I said before bank accounts) are two very key things to keeping a marriage healthy.

Bunch of you are saying it works differently for you. Like I said before, that is fine. But there might be a better way and I do believe this is one way. You don't agree and that is, of course, fine.

Sharing a bed and sleeping together in that bed are two very different things. I am married 18 years, together with my DH for 30. I do not need any rookie telling me that in order to maintain a healthy marriage I need to follow your plan. We share three adult kids, survived the teenage years, two children marrying, one DGD, 4 cats and a farm on the side. Yet we manage to make the time".
I think most people are not upset that you do not agree, we are a little offended that you cannot even agree to disagree without adding a little comment to tell us that while we all may be doing okay if we only tried it your way we would be better off.....you know.....because you know the "better way".

 

[MIGrandma]

And yes, is is 15 years and yes we are in our mid 40's. The date in our name is our anniversary year.

Well, there ya go!!

You come back in 15 more years, and we'll see if you're still sleeping in the same bed.

DH and I have been sleeping apart for maybe 10 years, so for the first 25 years of our marriage we did sleep in the same bed. You've only been married 15 years and you know what is right for all of us? Um, okay.

 

[ZuZugal]

See we make the time. We have two kids, two jobs, a dog, a house to maintain. We understand that you need to work on your marriage just like everything else in life to make it grow and keep it healthy. Sharing a bed (and like I said before bank accounts) are two very key things to keeping a marriage healthy.

Bunch of you are saying it works differently for you. Like I said before, that is fine. But there might be a better way and I do believe this is one way. You don't agree and that is, of course, fine.

Though everyone else here seems to take the "this is what works for us and why" approach, you seem to take the "this is what works for us and should work for everyone else if they would just see things my way and do things my way they would be happier" approach.

I am glad you love to sleep and cuddle with your SO...wonderful!! Glad that makes such a big difference in YOUR marriage. Maybe we can start a thread about "what is the one things that makes your marriage so strong" and your sleeping-in-the-same-bed thing could be ranked #1 for you.

Please respect the choices of other adults on this board. Many have been married much longer than you. Many seem to be making their choices with their SO based on mutual love and respect and communication. Please give them the benefit of the doubt that they too, are happy in their marriage. Thank you!

 

[MIGrandma]

Though everyone else here seems to take the "this is what works for us and why" approach, you seem to take the "this is what works for us and should work for everyone else if they would just see things my way and do things my way they would be happier" approach.

I am glad you love to sleep and cuddle with your SO...wonderful!! Glad that makes such a big difference in YOUR marriage. Maybe we can start a thread about "what is the one things that makes your marriage so strong" and your sleeping-in-the-same-bed thing could be ranked #1 for you.

Please respect the choices of other adults on this board. Many have been married much longer than you. Many seem to be making their choices with their SO based on mutual love and respect and communication. Please give them the benefit of the doubt that they too, are happy in their marriage. Thank you!

 

[Chelley00]

Exactly. Which is why I am glad my viewpoint got people to think about their marriages. And there is a reason why over 70% of the people here do share a bed with their SO.

My comment wasn't in your defense. My comment was meant to show you that some people can have happy marriages even if they do things totally opposite of you. You comments didn't make me think about my marriage, it made me think about how sad I am for judgemental people who don't realize there are different ways to do things.


We've married just as long as you, have 4 kids and are perfectly fine in our opposite beds. If you can't accept that, then I feel sorry for you in your small minded little world

 

[MichelleVW]

Love it!!!

My husband and I have the most fun when we attend concerts together. I feel bad for couples who never go to concerts. They are heading straight toward divorce court.

My Husband and I have the most fun watching the Texas Rangers together, on tv or at the ball park. I really feel sorry for couples who don't enjoy watching the Ranger baseball together, they have such a sad marriage!!

 

[legalsea]

How to tell if you have a happy marriage? You must be like us (top ten):

1. If you and your spouse do not have breakfast and dinner together every single day (lunch apart is alright due to work) then I feel sorry for you and your sad marriage.
2. If you and your spouse do not have a romantic candlelight dinner once a week, then I feel sorry for you and your sad marriage.
3. If you and your spouse do not take a weekend vacation once a month (twice during your anniversary month) then I feel sorry for you and your sad marriage.
4. If you and your spouse do not take a daybreak ride in a hot-air balloon, complete with Champaign, strawberries and donuts (the kind with sprinkles) at least once every fortnight, then I feel sorry for you and your sad marriage.
5. If you and your spouse only use your swimming pool for ‘swimming’ and your breakfast table only for ‘breakfast’ (nudge nudge wink wink) then I feel sorry for you and your sad marriage.
6. If you and your spouse do not synchronize your Kindles twice a day, so that you are both reading exactly the same item at the same time, I feel sorry for you and your sad marriage.
7. If you and your spouse do not spelunk at least four times a year, I feel sorry for you and your sad marriage.
8. If you and your spouse do not ‘do the streak’ through a holiday crowd at least once a year, I feel sorry for you and your sad marriage.
9. If you and your spouse do not dress up like your favorite Disney character and sing songs from Mary Poppins at least once during a full autumn moon, I feel sorry for you and your sad marriage.
10.

I will leave number ten for others to fill in.

 

[rie'smom]

How to tell if you have a happy marriage? You must be like us (top ten):

1. If you and your spouse do not have breakfast and dinner together every single day (lunch apart is alright due to work) then I feel sorry for you and your sad marriage.
2. If you and your spouse do not have a romantic candlelight dinner once a week, then I feel sorry for you and your sad marriage.
3. If you and your spouse do not take a weekend vacation once a month (twice during your anniversary month) then I feel sorry for you and your sad marriage.
4. If you and your spouse do not take a daybreak ride in a hot-air balloon, complete with Champaign, strawberries and donuts (the kind with sprinkles) at least once every fortnight, then I feel sorry for you and your sad marriage.
5. If you and your spouse only use your swimming pool for ‘swimming’ and your breakfast table only for ‘breakfast’ (nudge nudge wink wink) then I feel sorry for you and your sad marriage.
6. If you and your spouse do not synchronize your Kindles twice a day, so that you are both reading exactly the same item at the same time, I feel sorry for you and your sad marriage.
7. If you and your spouse do not spelunk at least four times a year, I feel sorry for you and your sad marriage.
8. If you and your spouse do not ‘do the streak’ through a holiday crowd at least once a year, I feel sorry for you and your sad marriage.
9. If you and your spouse do not dress up like your favorite Disney character and sing songs from Mary Poppins at least once during a full autumn moon, I feel sorry for you and your sad marriage.
10.

I will leave number ten for others to fill in.

10. If you sit around and make judgments about other people's marriages, then I feel sorry for you and your sad marriage.

 

[KadysMom]

Correct

Two things that ruin a good marriage..

Sleeping apart and keeping your bank accounts apart.

If you do either/both, you won't have a very strong marriage. Not saying you can't get it to work, but you are making it much harder and you are not as happy as other couples who do share both. Again, this is my opinion, so before people go off the deep end and say I am being rude, I am just saying what I feel and not picking on anyone.

Crap.... I have both of these. We sleep apart because DH works nights so gets home after I wake up... DH and I have separate bank accounts. We have a very strong marriage, and going on 9 years.....

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

Crap.... I have both of these. We sleep apart because DH works nights so gets home after I wake up... DH and I have separate bank accounts. We have a very strong marriage, and going on 9 years.....

Sounds like you are in a sad marriage and you just don't realize it yet. Sorry
Be gentle when you break the news to your DH.

 

[KadysMom]

Sounds like you are in a sad marriage and you just don't realize it yet. Sorry
Be gentle when you break the news to your DH.

I am glad that you guys could tell me this before I wasted anymore time in this go nowhere marriage

 

[ckay87]

Crap.... I have both of these. We sleep apart because DH works nights so gets home after I wake up... DH and I have separate bank accounts. We have a very strong marriage, and going on 9 years.....

No, sorry, you do not. You're in big trouble and you don't even know it. How sad for you.

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

I am glad that you guys could tell me this before I wasted anymore time in this go nowhere marriage

I try to help all I can. Get out now before it takes a turn for the worst..although honestly, I don't know how it could. Once you sleep apart and have separate bank accounts...well, I believe that's referred to as "rock bottom".

 

[KadysMom]

I try to help all I can. Get out now before it takes a turn for the worst..although honestly, I don't know how it could. Once you sleep apart and have separate bank accounts...well, I believe that's referred to as "rock bottom".

Thanks for everyone for giving it to me straight. I am contacting a good lawyer as we speak