Your Guests Inviting "others" to come along too!

[vascubaguy]

I just wanted to vent a little (maybe a lot).

When I found out I was going to WDW for a conference in April 2006, I decided to stay an extra week and turn it into a vacation. Since I only had a few DVC points at OKW, I decided that rather than spending a grand or so on hotels I'd just do an SSR add-on. So I did that and then in the excitement told everyone that I was going to be staying at a DVC resort and showed them pictures of the resorts, etc. DBF and I are both pretty giving and we like to have people along with us to share the magic! However, in the last week I think that is changing.

It all started a few months ago when I learned about the conference. I told one of my best friends that I was going down to WDW for a week but was going to head down the week before to turn it into a vacation and stay at the BWV. I sent her links to some pictures and told her that if she wanted to join us, she was welcome to come along because she wouldn't have to pay for a hotel, just airfare, tickets and food. She went with us on our trip earlier this year and we had a blast. Ok, so I booked a std view studio at BWV for the 3 of us during that first week. I figure 3 in a studio wouldn't be too crowded. All was fine and well until this past Friday when she sent me a IM and asked if it would cost extra if a 4th person joined us, becaues she wanted to bring her new bf with us. Let me just add that she lives about 4 hours away from me now so I don't see her that often anymore, so it's not like I can just go over and meet her new bf and get to know him before the trip. Plus, all I know about him is that he is/was involved in illegal drug activities and doesn't have a job. When I found out all of this stuff I couldn't believe what I she was with him to begin with (she has 2 kids!). She has a lot going for her too... just got her MS degree and has a great job. Now this guy... needless to say I don't have a good impression of him and I'm not going to be inviting him along. (I think I need to ask her why she wants to take her bf along and not her 2 kids - who have never been and are almost teenagers!) This isn't the end of the story though!

That is just the first week! The 2nd week of the stay is when I'll be in the conference most of the day (and some evenings). We won't be staying at a DVC but I'm hoping to be able to get work to let me stay at the BWI, BC or YC. Well, my dbf invited one of his co-workers to join us so he wouldn't be alone all day. She's never been and really wants to go. So I said that that she could come down for that 2nd week. Well, that has now expanded a little because she has now decided that she wants to bring her baby along too (she was going to leave the baby with her husband). I think the baby will be 9 months old at that point. Now I love babies, but I just don't think it would work out. I mean we will be in either a regular hotel room or a studio and I have to go to bed semi-early so that I can get up early for the conference....

Okay, so back to my best friend... I am trying to deter her away from the idea of bringing her bf along. So, I told her that we had a 4th person coming along on the trip (but I didn't tell her when they were coming), and she had the nerve to ask me if we could univite that person so that she could bring her bf!

That's for the trip in March 2006.... but in just a couple of week we are heading to Disneyland for our birthdays. Well, my brother and SIL live in San Diego and said they were going to drive up to DL and spend the day with us. My SIL said they might drive up the night before and would get a hotel room. Well, I told her there was no sense in doing that, we had a sofa bed in the hotel they could sleep on that night. So... my brother calls me the other day and says they are bringing a friend of theirs with them. He proceeded to say that they'd just bring their air mattress in case one of them needed to sleep on the floor. To beat all, the night they want to come up is Friday, Oct 21st. I told them numerous times that we were going to be at the Halloween Treat party at DCA, which the tickets for that have been sold-out for awhile now. So I guess they are going to expect to get there and give us a call to leave the party to meet up with them (not going to happen).

I think I'm just completely over inviting people along now, and I'm ready to uninvite everyone that I've already invited! I'm also ready to just stop telling people altogether that we are members of DVC. Everyone seems to believe that they can just come stay with us whenever we go!

I guess I should add this as one of the few "negatives" of DVC membership!

Oh well, even if I unvite them all... I'M STILL GOING!

 

[CarolMN]

Sorry you are in this mess - but you do know it is a mess because you don't want to say no, right?

Just tell your friend, that you are sorry, but it will not work to bring someone else along. (Don't give a reason - that is an invitation to negotiate/argue, etc.). Say you understand if she doesn't want to come without her new BF and maybe the four of you can travel together another time. (Personally, I would be very uncomfortable sharing a studio with another couple. No privacy and only one bathroom).

You also need to have a talk with your DBF - even if he owns the DVC contracts with you. Neither one of you should invite anyone else to come along on your vacations without clearing it with the other person first.

IMHO, your DBF should rescind his invitation to his coworker unless he or the coworker is paying for an extra room.

FWIW, being alone at WDW isn't all that bad. Would it really be all that terrible to be by yourself during the business trip?

Best wishes -

 

[vascubaguy]

Sorry you are in this mess - but you do know it is a mess because you don't want to say no, right?

Just tell your friend, that you are sorry, but it will not work to bring someone else along. (Don't give a reason - that is an invitation to negotiate/argue, etc.). Say you understand if she doesn't want to come without her new BF and maybe the four of you can travel together another time. (Personally, I would be very uncomfortable sharing a studio with another couple. No privacy and only one bathroom).

You also need to have a talk with your DBF - even if he owns the DVC contracts with you. Neither one of you should invite anyone else to come along on your vacations without clearing it with the other person first.

IMHO, your DBF should rescind his invitation to his coworker unless he or the coworker is paying for an extra room.

FWIW, being alone at WDW isn't all that bad. Would it really be all that terrible to be by yourself during the business trip?

Best wishes -

You're right... I don't want to say no or yes.

I'm not so much worried about the privacy issue, but moreso spending it with someone I don't know, and already have a bad impression about. Oh, and my dbf did ask before he invited his co-worker along. He's not to fond of flying and didn't want to fly down with me and fly back early by himself. He also didn't want to be by himself while I was at the conference. However, he told me that after he thought about it, he thinks he'd be perfectly fine to go to the parks and hang out by himself.

Originally I thought about going solo for the business trip only. I mean several of my co-workers are going down as well and many other people I know from other colleges and universities. So I wouldn't have any trouble socializing with folks after the conference sessions end. I'm sure we'd be hitting up Jellyrolls and going over to DTD. However, I figured if work is going to pay for my airline tickets I might as well take advantage of the trip and turn it into a vacation. My airfare would be covered and my accommodations for that extra week I would use points... so all I'd have to do is cover food and annual passes. The 2nd week work is paying for all my expenses. However, at this point, a solo trip is sounding better and better!

 

[CarolMN]

LOL, I understand completely about the not wanting to say yes or no.

Hope it all works out to your satisfaction.

 

[vascubaguy]

Thanks Carol

 

[keishashadow]

Absurd...your F is offered a free place to stay @ WDW & she think's nothing of inviting another person along? Sounds like an ideal trip to me...nothing like the possibility of someone getting busted for drugs while they're on your reservation.

Additionally, not to pass judgement, but as a mother...what is she thinking? If she gets pulled over for a traffic stop and her significant other is holding any substantial amount of illegal substance(s): her car can be seized, she will wind up in jail & her kids in the care of CYS! Add to the list of "mother felonies" that she'd consider going to WDW by herself, when her teenage children have never had the opportunity! When asked, many pre-teens say it's too kiddie-like, but would have a great time once they're @ WDW (and even better if you take them to Universal for a day).

You're a patient man - IMO there's 2 types of people, "givers" & "takers". I'd compile an itemized bill for 1/4 the cost of the room; including maintenance & hand it to your DBF's "taker"...bet that would be the end of the boyfriend coming along.

Good Luck.

 

[DVC-Don]

I invited my sister to stay a few days with us in a 2 bedroom at OKW a couple of years ago. So she shows up with a cousin of ours and his wife without any advance notice and says "I read you can have 8 in here so I figured I'd bring them along." ***? I said that there would not be 8 and if they wanted to stay in WDW to call and book a room. They were stunned but called and got a studio at OKW and paid cash for it themselfs. No one takes advantage of me and my sister has not ever been invited again.

 

[Cinderella]

Oh dear. What a mess - you are really just going to have to say no to these people. Point out to your friend with the baby that you need uninterrupted sleep for the conference. As for your friend with the druggy boyfriend - you say you live four hours away from her, so just tell her you are no longer going. You could tell her that you do not want the guy to come, but that might cause problems in your friendship. Do tell these people though - you are already stressed and you don't want them spoiling your vacation - that isn't what DVC is all about.

 

[JodyTG]

I invited my sister to stay a few days with us in a 2 bedroom at OKW a couple of years ago. So she shows up with a cousin of ours and his wife without any advance notice and says "I read you can have 8 in here so I figured I'd bring them along." ***? I said that there would not be 8 and if they wanted to stay in WDW to call and book a room. They were stunned but called and got a studio at OKW and paid cash for it themselfs. No one takes advantage of me and my sister has not ever been invited again.

Way to go! This is exactly what I would have done. I can't believe the nerve of people inviting other's on a trip that they've been invited on.

 

[mckymama]

You go DVC Don!!! I am lol at the "***" comment. I've never seen that on these message boards.

 

[Ducky4Disney]

Yeah, I think you might be better off just uninviting folks and starting over with just you and DBF. We got this to we could take family, but now I'm getting guff and guilt about who goes with us when.

First I took my Dad because he's never been and I don't see him very often. In June we had DH's cousin for a couple nights as a graduation gift for her and because we don't see her very often (this was my second time seeing her in 11 years). Now we have my MIL/FIL coming down for a few days for several reasons. MIL wants to visit family that lives in FL (late husbands sister and fam - see above mentioned cousin) and for the F&W Festival. MIL/FIL will LOVE that, they are such wine freaks.

My Mom has been claiming that I'm never going to take her. Well, she has health problems and is in a wheel chair. She doesn't like to go out in her wheel chair sometimes, so I can't imagine taking her to WDW with it. You never can tell if/when she's going to have surgery or be hospitalized. She's much better now, and if things stay that way, we'll take her next year - as long as my stepfather will ler her go ($$).

Yes, the joys of DVC and family! Sorry I hijacked the thread!

D4D

 

[doubletrouble_vb]

Not that you asked for advice but I would suggest that you

a) just uninvite the people you asked or

b) tell each of them that the invitation was for them only. It's a vacation for you and four people in the room is one more than you want to deal with...especially the baby the second week. Be polite but firm...and to the point. "It's my vacation, I don't want to do that" goes a long way towards ending the conversation...no excuses, no explanations, nada.

 

[bavaria]

Uh oh, I just wanted to chime in and send you some sympathy... this could end up with bad feelings either way.

I don't know what to tell you, others have given you good advice, but if you don't resolve it you will probably not have as much fun planning your trip as you might without this hanging over it.

Best of luck and hope it works out!

 

[rocketriter]

The best advice you're getting--in several posts--is to reshape the trip the way YOU would enjoy it, and not try to get the people you're turning away to agree with you. If you give them a reason with an upturned voice, if you ask them what they think about it, they will disagree and start to shove! Instead, with a downward inflection tell them that this is how it's coming down. Don't worry about their feelings. (They didn't worry about your feelings, after all.)

 

[LisaS]

Not that you asked for advice but I would suggest that you

a) just uninvite the people you asked or

b) tell each of them that the invitation was for them only. It's a vacation for you and four people in the room is one more than you want to deal with...especially the baby the second week. Be polite but firm...and to the point. "It's my vacation, I don't want to do that" goes a long way towards ending the conversation...no excuses, no explanations, nada.

I agree with this advice, particularly option "b". If I were in this situation, that is the option I would choose. Having someone involved with drugs staying in your room while on vacation and a possibly fussy baby in your room while on a business trip both sound like disasters in the making to me. I would tell these people that the invitation was for them only and that it just isn't workable for them to bring along anyone else.

Vascubaguy, you are such a nice guy to have invited these people in the first place. Just remember, it's OK to set limits with friends and family and say "no" to unreasonable requests, nicely but firmly.

Good luck! And remember, we're going to need closure here. Unless you think that's an unreasonable request, in which case, feel free to say "no".

 

[dianeschlicht]

I agree that option B is the best solution so far.

I guess I might uninvite all of them for this time, and tell them there is no room for 4, and you really didn't want to spend your vacation with a stranger, so let's forget it this time, and plan a trip sometime in the future when they can come with as a couple and you can get larger accommodations. As for the co-worker with the baby....pretty presumptive. That one would have to be out too, or maybe they could get their own room. Would DBF be okay with either paying for their room or using points for a seperate studio?

Since you are going to be in a studio, it would not be comfortable or fun to share with another couple when you don't know half of that other couple. I just would NOT do it. By telling your friend she can only come alone this time, and maybe she can bring her DBF next time when you have more room. Of course, I am stupified that she wanted to bring him instead of her kids, who have never been to WDW!!!! I guess I would have invited her and the kids long before I would allow a stranger to come with.

Do you know the co-worker of DBF's? How presumptive is that, to assume you could bring a baby along?!? NO, that one should just be uninvited or told the baby is not welcome. If your DBF is a grown man, he'll survive flying down by himself.

 

[crisi]

When we brought my mother in law I was in terror that she would invite my brother in law - which would have been pleasant enough. The real problem is that my now ex-sister in law would certainly have invited herself along. And that would have created a huge mess - first off because I can't stand her. Second because she is whiny and would have spoiled everyone's vacation. When my MILs husband backed out, I suggested her sister - in part to avoid the scenario where "well - we have an extra bed now, how about BIL."

Best wishes in your situtation. I'd probably just say "its a big deal to us to have one extra person we know and really like in the room...neither of us is really comfortable sharing a room with someone we don't know." And to your friend I'd just say "sharing a hotel room with a baby is not a good situation for us this trip, maybe another time."

 

[JFrey4240]

I think whatever you do it will not work out happily ever after for any of you. What a mess! Most likely your gf will not come if she can't bring her bf and if she does then you will be resentful and miserable.
As for the coworker and her baby, I can understand why she wants to bring her baby but it is rather strange that she would think having a 9 month old with you two is okay. It would be very hard for me to univite someone but I would if it meant a stressed vacation and future resentment--that is a fast track to a ruined friendship. If you can univite over email even better--the chicken way out. Just hold your breath when you hit send and don't anwer your phone!

 

[vascubaguy]

If you can univite over email even better--the chicken way out. Just hold your breath when you hit send and don't anwer your phone!

I think the California trip is covered now. My brother told me that over the weekend they had an argument with the person they invited to join us at Disneyland and I told him that it could be a good thing, because there wasn't really enough room for 5 people in the room anyway. Oh, and I told him he had to stay an extra night to take us to the airport at 5am.

I'm not sure if I'll have a chance to chat with my friend today about bringing her bf, but I'm going to go with opt B.

Oh, I forgot to mention, I was talking to my mom last night and in our conversation it came up that I was going to Florida in March. She said, "oh, we are going back to FL?" I quickly had to throw in that it was a business trip! I love my mom, but with her would come my other brother and nephew.... and I did that trip this year so I need a few years in-between.

Thanks for the advice everyone...

 

[jiggerj]

Uuuugghhh! I feel your pain! except I had the opposite. My DMIL (the D not standing for "dear') told me who could NOT come! and the "who" of who "couldn't" come were my 2 dd's! Grrr! Im sure I have posted this before but...my kids, my points...my decision! Good luck!