WWYD.....

[slo]

I've seen kids older than 13 make far worse regrettable statements than what the OP mentioned.

OP, this would bother me too.
I wouldn't go to the parents - yet

I would continue monitoring and ask your child to keep you updated on any other odd things this child may say. Since your child was bothered by the post, they will hopefully be open and honest with you about other things this child may say or write.

The reason why I said yet, is because if this continues, you may have to. There may be underlining things going on in that kids head that they're parents aren't aware of. I wouldn't go to the parents as someone upset, but as a mom who's concerned about this child. I had to do this once, and the parents we incredibly grateful.

Good luck!!!

 

[smitch425]

OP said both girls are in grade five. So I'm assuming same age. Maybe 11?

My point is, Instagram says the minimum age is 13. I'm sure there are reasons for this. Why not follow this? There is a big difference between an 11 year old and a 13 year old in terms of maturity. Just because the OP's daughter is mature, doesn't mean her friends on instagram are.

It just seems to me like parents are opening these accounts for younger and younger kids. What age is too young?

For us, we allowed the Instagram accounts because we have a very large (seriously gigantic) family, and all of them are out of state. The kids can follow and be followed by their bazillion cousins and aunts/uncles/grandparents. Only a handful of my son's friends are on Instagram, so his account is mostly family. DD's in middle school and is probably 50/50 or maybe slightly higher for family vs friends. She uses her account less than DS. DS usually makes short films or posts various Power Rangr related posts. Lol! My daughter will not be getting Facebook until her 13th birthday (in December) because it is much more complex. Instagram is about as basic as you can get. age is just a number. I go by maturity level more than age in certain situations. This is one of those times for me. Others may disagree, which is fine. To each his own.

 

[slo]

For us, we allowed the Instagram accounts because we have a very large (seriously gigantic) family, and all of them are out of state. The kids can follow and be followed by their bazillion cousins and aunts/uncles/grandparents. Only a handful of my son's friends are on Instagram, so his account is mostly family. DD's in middle school and is probably 50/50 or maybe slightly higher for family vs friends. She uses her account less than DS. DS usually makes short films or posts various Power Rangr related posts. Lol! My daughter will not be getting Facebook until her 13th birthday (in December) because it is much more complex. Instagram is about as basic as you can get. age is just a number. I go by maturity level more than age in certain situations. This is one of those times for me. Others may disagree, which is fine. To each his own.

No disagreement from me - I totally agree with you

 

[JustCallMeMommy]

I allowed my DD to get several social media accounts, including Instagram, before her 13th birthday. I wanted her to experience the "newness" with family as "friends" rather than muddling through with her friends. I thought my best chance for that was before her friends started.

To the original question, I think kids that age don't always think about the real implications of statements like this. Around that age, DD asked me if she could have my jewelry if I died. This would generally not be a socially acceptable question, so we talked about what would happen to my things - and to her - if something happened to me, and we also talked about to whom and when you can ask this type of question.

 

[slo]

I allowed my DD to get several social media accounts, including Instagram, before her 13th birthday. I wanted her to experience the "newness" with family as "friends" rather than muddling through with her friends. I thought my best chance for that was before her friends started.

To the original question, I think kids that age don't always think about the real implications of statements like this. Around that age, DD asked me if she could have my jewelry if I died. This would generally not be a socially acceptable question, so we talked about what would happen to my things - and to her - if something happened to me, and we also talked about to whom and when you can ask this type of question.

I have to chuckle, because this is such an open conversation in our family.
When I was little my grandma told me to tell her what I wanted when she died and she would label it and she did - when she passed away I got those items.
Now, we joke around about it all the time. I just recently told my mom to put my name on something I wanted when she died - and she did.
My girls have very clearly said what items of mine they want when I die, and I put their name on them.
People would probably think this is morbid, but hey, we're all gonna die, hopefully not anytime soon, but it's gonna happen, so we may as well address the issue of who gets what now when everyone's alive

Sorry, this was totally
Now back to the original topic of this thread

 

[smitch425]

I have to chuckle, because this is such an open conversation in our family.
When I was little my grandma told me to tell her what I wanted when she died and she would label it and she did - when she passed away I got those items.
Now, we joke around about it all the time. I just recently told my mom to put my name on something I wanted when she died - and she did.
My girls have very clearly said what items of mine they want when I die, and I put their name on them.
People would probably think this is morbid, but hey, we're all gonna die, hopefully not anytime soon, but it's gonna happen, so we may as well address the issue of who gets what now when everyone's alive

Sorry, this was totally
Now back to the original topic of this thread

We have the opposite conversation with my grandma. We "fight" (jokingly, but sort of not) over what we do not want to get. I swear her Boyd's Bears started breeding.

OP, it is possible that your DD's friend has been in a situation where the topic of who takes the kids in a family death situation has come up. Maybe she meant when you and your DD die, could she take care of the little one. Still odd, but I'm sure it is a case of just being silly and not a threat of some kind.

 

[luvsJack]

OP said both girls are in grade five. So I'm assuming same age. Maybe 11?

My point is, Instagram says the minimum age is 13. I'm sure there are reasons for this. Why not follow this? There is a big difference between an 11 year old and a 13 year old in terms of maturity. Just because the OP's daughter is mature, doesn't mean her friends on instagram are.

It just seems to me like parents are opening these accounts for younger and younger kids. What age is too young?

What age is too young? Well, that is really up to the parents.

The fact is, to shut down her account now is sort of closing the barn door after the horse is out. Its hard to go backwards. Since what's done is done, why not use this to teach her dd how to handle things on social sites?

 

[DisneyLvr55]

My husband's family is very open about what everyone gets when someone dies. When his cousin died we were supposed to get her house. When his grandfather died we were supposed to get money. Both had their wills changed months before their death (by a manuliplative lover/family member/friend) and we got nuttin.

Anyway... I have no idea about this kids family life, or if there is something that would provoke her to say/think this. My relationship with her parents is small talk when picking up / dropping off our kids from one another. I will say that I don't think the wife likes me... Let's just say we have different parenting styles, and I think she took it personally when I was apprehensive about allowing my DD to do something with their family. I'm probably to over protective, but it had nothing to do with them - which I told them several times - It just was something we'd never allowed our kids to do without a parent and I had to think about it. I told them i needed to ask my husband and I'd get back to them and they seemed surprised/insulted I wouldn't just say yes without thinking twice. In the end we allowed it, and all was fine, but I still feel like she holds it against me.

Hence the reason I really don't want to say anything to them about this unless it's necessary - Like only if it happens again.

 

[mamacatnv]

So I monitor my daughters instagram account, and I found something rather disturbing....
I had a baby 6 months ago and she will post pics of her new baby sister every so often. It's a private account, so only approved friends can see it. She has this one friend from her class (5th grade) that since the first posting has asked multiple times in each post that we put my new baby up for adoption - I guess so she can adopt her?? When my daughter responds "Nope she's mine!" the friend has twice responded with "but what if you're dead and she's dead?"
WTH??!!! I dont even have the words to process a child saying this to another child. And about a baby too no less?! My daughter isn't obsessed with her phone and never noticed these comments till I showed them to her today. She seemed shocked and upset by it.

What would you do? Would you let it go and brush it off to a strange comment by a kid who may not truly understand what she's saying? Or would you take it more seriously? I know if my daughter said something like this, on a semi public forum, I would be livid.

I didn't make this post so people can debate Instagram age policies. We all know what they are, and we all make the decision for our kids. Theres really no need to debate that, and it is not the meaning of the post. Thanks!!!

The thing is, these sites have rules - terms of service. These rules are designed to keep very immature children from doing exactly what you have sited here, saying stupid crap that concerns you. You, OP said "you don't even have words to process what this child said" You also went on to ask "would you take it seriously?"

I understand that some children are more mature than others but I still don't understand how y'all can justify breaking terms of service rules because you're the parent and you know what is best for your child.

My son was a great driver at the age of 14 that didn't mean I was going to lie about his age and get him a drivers license or let him drive on the streets without a license just because I thought he really would be ok.
What about when your kid gets busted with a fake ID, how do you rationalize that it was OK to lie about their age for social media but not for a fake ID so they could hang out with their older friends or peer group with fake ID?
Do you buy child tickets knowing your kid is really the adult price?
What kind of example does this set for your kids?

OP you asked, what would you do? I'd delete the account and rip my kid a new one for lying about their age. If I had knowingly set up the account, I would delete the account and explain that Mom had a momentary lapse in judgment and that going forward we would stick with the terms of service rules.

 

[Kitty 34]

I can understand wanting your child (under 13) experiencing all their aunts, uncles, and billions of cousins that live every where else.......but what the heck did we all do before Instagram???

 

[smitch425]

The thing is, these sites have rules - terms of service. These rules are designed to keep very immature children from doing exactly what you have sited here, saying stupid crap that concerns you. You, OP said "you don't even have words to process what this child said" You also went on to ask "would you take it seriously?"

I understand that some children are more mature than others but I still don't understand how y'all can justify breaking terms of service rules because you're the parent and you know what is best for your child.

My son was a great driver at the age of 14 that didn't mean I was going to lie about his age and get him a drivers license or let him drive on the streets without a license just because I thought he really would be ok.
What about when your kid gets busted with a fake ID, how do you rationalize that it was OK to lie about their age for social media but not for a fake ID so they could hang out with their older friends or peer group with fake ID?
Do you buy child tickets knowing your kid is really the adult price?
What kind of example does this set for your kids?

OP you asked, what would you do? I'd delete the account and rip my kid a new one for lying about their age. If I had knowingly set up the account, I would delete the account and explain that Mom had a momentary lapse in judgment and that going forward we would stick with the terms of service rules.

Driving at the age of 14 isn't really a good comparison. Though, I do know plenty of 14 year olds that have driven short distances out in the country. Lol! No, I have not lied about my child's age for tickets to anything, EXCEPT when I UPPED DD's age to get the 10+ dining plan, but I didn't actually lie. I told the CM her age and what I wanted to do and it was no problem. A 14 year old driving illegally is a hazard to himself and others. My daughter being able to see pics of her baby cousins on Instagram isn't all that dangerous. Lol! We discussed the age restrictions and why they were in place, and why we would allow them to do it. There are ground rules in place that they have no trouble following. Fake IDs are not a concern for us. The way they live their lives in general is very respectful and very open. Partly due to their marital arts lifestyle, but mainly due to their general personality.

 

[smitch425]

I can understand wanting your child (under 13) experiencing all their aunts, uncles, and billions of cousins that live every where else.......but what the heck did we all do before Instagram???

Write letters. Lol! We are the only people who live out of state in my family, so everyone else sees each other all of the time. We have to take what we can get. Though this summer, we have been fortunate enough to see everyone just about every weekend. We just got home from a 4 day visit, and we will be here for two weekends in a row, which hasn't happened since the beginning of May! Lol

 

[Skywalker]

The thing is, these sites have rules - terms of service.

Yes but so many parents seem to either:

A) Desperately want their children to "keep up with the Joneses"
or
B) Have some justification for why the rules don't apply to them.

 

[bsblady01]

Yes but so many parents seem to either:

A) Desperately want their children to "keep up with the Joneses"
or
B) Have some justification for why the rules don't apply to them.

I agree with you on this, also no 10 year old needs a cellphone so they can text their friends. when we were kids we did not have any of this stuff and we all turned out ok. kids today have more drama because they have this stuff, kids this age need to be outside playing instead of sitting in front of the computer all the time. my kids don't/ and will not have this stuff till they can pay for it.

 

[bsblady01]

I can understand wanting your child (under 13) experiencing all their aunts, uncles, and billions of cousins that live every where else.......but what the heck did we all do before Instagram???

we talked on the phone or we would see them during the holidays.

 

[luvsJack]

The thing is, these sites have rules - terms of service. These rules are designed to keep very immature children from doing exactly what you have sited here, saying stupid crap that concerns you. You, OP said "you don't even have words to process what this child said" You also went on to ask "would you take it seriously?"

I understand that some children are more mature than others but I still don't understand how y'all can justify breaking terms of service rules because you're the parent and you know what is best for your child.

My son was a great driver at the age of 14 that didn't mean I was going to lie about his age and get him a drivers license or let him drive on the streets without a license just because I thought he really would be ok.
What about when your kid gets busted with a fake ID, how do you rationalize that it was OK to lie about their age for social media but not for a fake ID so they could hang out with their older friends or peer group with fake ID?
Do you buy child tickets knowing your kid is really the adult price?
What kind of example does this set for your kids?

OP you asked, what would you do? I'd delete the account and rip my kid a new one for lying about their age. If I had knowingly set up the account, I would delete the account and explain that Mom had a momentary lapse in judgment and that going forward we would stick with the terms of service rules.

Stretching a bit are we? Those are some pretty big jumps.

The child already has an account. Fairly sure she knows how to set another one up. Why not just teach her the best and safest way to use it?

 

[mamacatnv]

Stretching a bit are we? Those are some pretty big jumps.

The child already has an account. Fairly sure she knows how to set another one up. Why not just teach her the best and safest way to use it?

Yes, its a stretch I realize that but its the point I was trying to make.
When is it OK to justify showing your kids how to lie to get what they want even when its a blatant violation of the rules? Its the parental complacency that bugs me.
I understand they may do it on their own, then they are not only violating the sites rules but also Mom and Dad's rules (if Mom/Dad have said wait till your 13).
I don't agree in justifying encouraging and promoting a child to lie to misrepresent themselves, I personally think its a slippery slope.

 

[luvsJack]

Yes, its a stretch I realize that but its the point I was trying to make.
When is it OK to justify showing your kids how to lie to get what they want even when its a blatant violation of the rules? Its the parental complacency that bugs me.
I understand they may do it on their own, then they are not only violating the sites rules but also Mom and Dad's rules (if Mom/Dad have said wait till your 13).
I don't agree in justifying encouraging and promoting a child to lie to misrepresent themselves, I personally think its a slippery slope.

I can only speak for my own child but dd had fb before she was 13. She is almst 17 now and pretty much a rule follower. She follows the laws on the road, has never even been accused of breaking a school rule, has never cheated on a test, doesn't lie about where she is going or what she is doing, stays away from the partying crowd. I feel pretty confident that breaking the fb rule hasn't sent her down the road to a lfe of crime.

If the op is concerned, she can just talk to her child and explain why she let her break this one rule.

 

[StitchBuddy]

Have her block the person. I had my DD block several people when she was 15 yrs. Because, they often posted in appropriate stuff and made inappropriate comments.

 

[HM]

My response to what you should do is no longer allow your DD to post photos of the baby.
Doing so has set off another child for some reason, and you want to nip that in the bud.


It's been a while since my kids were little, but when they were, we did not use their names on the internet and we didn't post their photos. I think this used to be a common thing....not so much anymore, now that there are phones on cameras and accounts like Snapchat or Instagram. Still seems like a good precaution though.