WWYD??? Babysitting

[lukenick1]

A friend/neighbor called me to ask if I would watch their baby for an hour once a week so she could volunteer in her other child's classroom. I am a stay at home Mom with 2 kids both in school, but not sure I want to commit to that. I did comment in the past that I would help them out with the baby if they got in a jam but to commit to every week? Am I being selfish?

 

[goofyintoronto]

Nope. Youre not being selfish at all. Once you committ to 1 hr a week, it'll extend to 2 hours, then 3 hrs. When will it stop? If you dont want the committment, and frankly i dont blame you, then just tell her youre not comfortable committing to it on a weekly basis. Tell her you'll help her out here and there, but not once a week.

 

[mamamary]

Nope. Youre not being selfish at all. Once you committ to 1 hr a week, it'll extend to 2 hours, then 3 hrs. When will it stop? If you dont want the committment, and frankly i dont blame you, then just tell her youre not comfortable committing to it on a weekly basis. Tell her you'll help her out here and there, but not once a week.

I agree with this.

 

[Mokat76]

Not selfish. No way is this going to end up being just an hour a week. Is this mom really going to drop her kid off, get to school, help out and pick her kid back up all in one hour? Nope. As PP said, this will become 2 hours, then 3. She's trying to take advantage of you. Don't let her.

 

[bearloch]

Nope not selfish!!

 

[disneychic2]

There's nothing wrong with you saying you could do it once a month or a couple times a month, whatever you're comfortable with. I don't necessarily think she's trying to take advantage of you. I think she took your offer to help in a way you didn't intend, so setting the record straight right away will be your first step in keeping the friendship/neighborly relationship on good terms. Good luck!

 

[Janepod]

Nope. Tell her she needs a "real" babysitter and that if she gets in a jam (e.g., her babysitter calls in sick at the last minute) to let you know and maybe you'll be able to help out.

 

[crashbb]

Not selfish. No way is this going to end up being just an hour a week. Is this mom really going to drop her kid off, get to school, help out and pick her kid back up all in one hour? Nope. As PP said, this will become 2 hours, then 3. She's trying to take advantage of you. Don't let her.

While I don't disagree that the OP can say no and not be selfish, I don't see how you can conclude that the OP's friend is trying to take advantage of her. She simply asked. The OP is free to say no. Now, if the OP's friend tries to guilt the OP into it or drops off the baby anyway, then yes, she is trying to take advantage of the OP. For now, I don't see why people are jumping to the conclusion that the OP's friend is taking advantage of the OP (or trying to).

OP - nothing wrong (or selfish) with telling her that you cannot look after the baby each week.

 

[asktriplets]

I disagree with the pps...
I wouldn't hesitate to offer to help as a SAHM myself with kids in school. There is absolutely NO reason to think that she would take advantage of the situation, unless you have prior experience with her in the past.
I myself am hoping a friend will help ME out next school year so I can volunteer once in a while at school (I'm due in Feb)....it would never cross my mind to take advantage of someone's generosity that way, and I don't think I know too many people that would!

Personally, I would probably only set up a schedule a month or 2 at a time, or schedule a once a month thing for the year and fill in month by month, but that's because I don't like to have a lot of firm commitments so I can fill in at school as needed. I also would just be clear up front that it may not work for the whole school year for your schedule, you can't take the baby if she is sick, etc.
(whatever your concerns are).

(edited to add: no way would I feel guilty about saying "no" to every week or at all if I wasn't comfortable with it!)

Good luck,

 

[K and K's Mommy]

I agree that you are not being selfish to say no, but I also don't assume she is trying to take advantage of you. This is somewhat exactly what I did when my oldest was in first. The only difference was the mom and I switched weeks, and it was two hours. I don't remember either of us going over the allotted time. Maybe you could work out a switching deal if there is a day after school you could use an hour to run errands.

I'm editing because I just looked at my signature picture. That is the year the mom helped me out. Now my little guy is so big!! I was also thinking that she didn't need to help me because her parents lived 5 minutes from her. I was the one without family nearby.

 

[gwynne]

Just tell her you can't as your schedule is very changeable these days.

And you probably realize that in practice this babysitting request likely won't just be an hour. Travel time both ways, class occasionally running late, "quick" errand stops on the way home...

JMO, the best solution to this situation would be that the mom would trade sitting with someone who has similar needs, or employs someone on an hourly wage.

 

[mdsoccermom]

I don't think you are being selfish at all. However, if you decide to do it, make it a clear business arrangement. Make sure you are paid for your time.

 

[MrsDuck]

If you don't want to do it, don't do it.

I wouldn't do it, honestly.

 

[NaLisa]

I don't think you're being selfish, but I think others are too quick to judge your friend, who wants to help in her child's classroom and is trying to figure out a way to make it work. Perhaps she can't afford childcare, or she's had difficulty finding someone whom she trusts to care for her baby.Maybe she would like to return the favor but hasn't thought of a way she could be helpful to you.

I suggest offering a trade. Maybe she picks your children up from school once a week (assuming your children go to the same school as hers and that she has a vehicle that can fit three children and a baby). Or she could watch them on a school holiday, or some other task that would prove helpful to you.

When I ws a FT SAHM, I had numerous people ask me to watch their children for various reasons. I often agreed, for the first time anyway, but if there was no offer of reciprocity, I had no trouble saying no the next time. Some people brought me gift cards as thanks, some watched my children in return, and some brought gifts for my children. Yes, there were some who didn't seem to appreciate it at all, and I was always too busy the next time they asked.

Don't agree to help if you're not comfortable with the person asking for your help or if you think you might end up feeling resentful and take advantage of, but also don't write her off as a bad friend just for asking.

 

[ccgirl]

There's nothing wrong with you saying you could do it once a month or a couple times a month, whatever you're comfortable with. I don't necessarily think she's trying to take advantage of you. I think she took your offer to help in a way you didn't intend, so setting the record straight right away will be your first step in keeping the friendship/neighborly relationship on good terms. Good luck!

This.

 

[kwelch10377]

I don't think you are being selfish. If you don't think you want to commit then let her know that. If she is a friend she will understand. I also don't see how anyone could conclude that she is taking advantage of you. She is asking for a reoccuring favor and that it is. People do it all the time.

You could always talk about maybe making an arrangement to help each other out. Maybe you commit to this one hour a week and she commit to an hour to watch your kids a week or maybe once a month so you and you husband could have date night or something.

 

[kidshop]

I'd do it. But if you don't want to say no!

I am the least busy of our neighbors, so I watch a lot of kids here and there.

We trade, we can call at the last minute, and one time my neighbor took my dd to the dentist with her kids when I had a doctor's appt. They do tend to use me more than I need them, but if I need them they are there. The only way I got to volunteer in the classroom was if someone took the younger child. I would support that if I could. It will likely be 1 1/2-2 hours once a week.

You don't have to. No big deal.

Sometimes it is nice to develop reciprocal relationships with our neighbors. I am so thankful for mine. I really hit the jackpot!

 

[lukenick1]

Thanks everyone......

I did tell them that I don't want to commit to every week but I would be willing to do it once a month or so. I do not need them to reciprocate because my oldest is almost 12 and my other is 9. They are pretty self sufficient and I feel comfortable leaving them alone at home to run errands here and there. Plus this friend/neighbor has 4 kids total all younger than my kids. I did tell them about a Mom's group they should join to meet Mom's of babies that they could swap services together with. There are a few here in town that have playgroups, etc.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Thanks everyone......

I did tell them that I don't want to commit to every week but I would be willing to do it once a month or so. I do not need them to reciprocate because my oldest is almost 12 and my other is 9. They are pretty self sufficient and I feel comfortable leaving them alone at home to run errands here and there. Plus this friend/neighbor has 4 kids total all younger than my kids. I did tell them about a Mom's group they should join to meet Mom's of babies that they could swap services together with. There are a few here in town that have playgroups, etc.

You did well. You gave her some good information too. Nice all around.

 

[disykat]

I'm glad you were able to do what you were comfortable with.

Like others, I was going to say you are free to say no but it was fine for her to ask.

Personally, I probably would have done it as an exchange. Friends and I did this all the time. Since your kids are really at different places, it was smart to try to hook her up with other moms of kids her age!