Would you let your kid sleep over this house?

[SparklePixie]

I had a parent tell me her kid had to be asleep at 9 pm on a Saturday and absolutely no cell phones around him. Also, no bike riding around the neighborhood or visiting other kid's houses. I politely told her we couldn't house her child.

That is crazy. Who in their right mind expects their house rules to apply to other people's houses?

 

[gemini2727]

That is crazy. Who in their right mind expects their house rules to apply to other people's houses?

I would never expect such a thing, and that's why there may be no more sleepovers at my son's friend's house. If that mother feels that strongly about her rules, that's her right, but she'll have to realize others don't have the same rules.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I've never put any controls on mi kids' computers, but we have never had an issue. The closest we came was about 3 years ago when DS had a friend over to sped the night and about a month later I got a phone call from the mom telling me the boys had downloaded "hard core porn"while he was here. That boy had had his wi-fi connection taken out of his lap top and his dad (a microsoft programmer) had put lots of blocks on it so even if he did get online things would not be accessible, so she said he must have downloaded it at our house, put it on a memory stick and then onto his computer and it showed as uploaded on the night he was here.

I immediately got DS's laptop (he was at school--and did not have a smart phone yet) and checked it. There were tons of agent orange and other silly tween/teen things they had viewed that night, but nothing troublesome. I checked every computer in the house and called DH and he checked his on his lunch break. Nothing.
Called Mom back and told her we could find nothing. She said it had to be at our house, it was on such and such date at 12:07 a.m.

As soon as she said the date I knew it was not at our house--that date was the week before he had spent the night with us and i was positive about it because that date was my DH's birthday, we had had an exchange student with us and had gone to dinner, etc (it fell on a weekend so DH had been home for his birthday and we had made a big deal out of it).

Eventually they did realize he was using wire to get online at home and had worked around the firewalls Dad programmed. That kid was going to be into mischief no matter how they tried to stop it (so, yeah, I suppose he might have tried here--luckily he did not, or if he did DS told him no). I'm fortunate to have the kid who had mostly watched old episodes of Bewitched when we looked into his usage for the surrounding weeks. Phew!

 

[gemini2727]

Ugh, glad it didn't involve your son. I know it's inevitable they'll see this kind of thing one day, but I'd be very happy with Bewitched for a few more years

 

[smitch425]

I've never put any controls on mi kids' computers, but we have never had an issue. The closest we came was about 3 years ago when DS had a friend over to sped the night and about a month later I got a phone call from the mom telling me the boys had downloaded "hard core porn"while he was here. That boy had had his wi-fi connection taken out of his lap top and his dad (a microsoft programmer) had put lots of blocks on it so even if he did get online things would not be accessible, so she said he must have downloaded it at our house, put it on a memory stick and then onto his computer and it showed as uploaded on the night he was here.

I immediately got DS's laptop (he was at school--and did not have a smart phone yet) and checked it. There were tons of agent orange and other silly tween/teen things they had viewed that night, but nothing troublesome. I checked every computer in the house and called DH and he checked his on his lunch break. Nothing.
Called Mom back and told her we could find nothing. She said it had to be at our house, it was on such and such date at 12:07 a.m.

As soon as she said the date I knew it was not at our house--that date was the week before he had spent the night with us and i was positive about it because that date was my DH's birthday, we had had an exchange student with us and had gone to dinner, etc (it fell on a weekend so DH had been home for his birthday and we had made a big deal out of it).

Eventually they did realize he was using wire to get online at home and had worked around the firewalls Dad programmed. That kid was going to be into mischief no matter how they tried to stop it (so, yeah, I suppose he might have tried here--luckily he did not, or if he did DS told him no). I'm fortunate to have the kid who had mostly watched old episodes of Bewitched when we looked into his usage for the surrounding weeks. Phew!

You would think that parent would have quadruple checked her dates before accusing your family of allowing something like that to happen under your roof. I hope the mom apologized profusely! My kids have total freedom when it comes to electronics/internet, but they know what is appropriate and what isn't. My 11 year old lives on YouTube and has recently started his own gaming related channel he runs with a friend (and the friend's dad). I was blessed with kids who cannot tell a lie. They are the worst secret keepers, too. They get that from me. Lol

 

[NHdisneylover]

Ugh, glad it didn't involve your son. I know it's inevitable they'll see this kind of thing one day, but I'd be very happy with Bewitched for a few more years

Yes--I will say Iwas very relieved to see lots of Bewtiched ad more so to hear that other date!

 

[shoney]

I've never put any controls on mi kids' computers, but we have never had an issue. The closest we came was about 3 years ago when DS had a friend over to sped the night and about a month later I got a phone call from the mom telling me the boys had downloaded "hard core porn"while he was here. That boy had had his wi-fi connection taken out of his lap top and his dad (a microsoft programmer) had put lots of blocks on it so even if he did get online things would not be accessible, so she said he must have downloaded it at our house, put it on a memory stick and then onto his computer and it showed as uploaded on the night he was here.

I immediately got DS's laptop (he was at school--and did not have a smart phone yet) and checked it. There were tons of agent orange and other silly tween/teen things they had viewed that night, but nothing troublesome. I checked every computer in the house and called DH and he checked his on his lunch break. Nothing.
Called Mom back and told her we could find nothing. She said it had to be at our house, it was on such and such date at 12:07 a.m.

As soon as she said the date I knew it was not at our house--that date was the week before he had spent the night with us and i was positive about it because that date was my DH's birthday, we had had an exchange student with us and had gone to dinner, etc (it fell on a weekend so DH had been home for his birthday and we had made a big deal out of it).

Eventually they did realize he was using wire to get online at home and had worked around the firewalls Dad programmed. That kid was going to be into mischief no matter how they tried to stop it (so, yeah, I suppose he might have tried here--luckily he did not, or if he did DS told him no). I'm fortunate to have the kid who had mostly watched old episodes of Bewitched when we looked into his usage for the surrounding weeks. Phew!

Was your son a teenager at the time?
If a parent of one of my teenage sons called with that scenario, I probably would have yessed her to death on the phone and then laugh my butt off when I got off the phone.

When we were teens, we used to watch the porn channel on our friends satellite TV (the 80's). We all turned out ok.

My kids loved to sleep at their grandparents house because they knew all rules went out the window. They had dessert first, no teeth brushing at night, no bedtime, etc etc.

While they did do things at friends houses that I didn't allow, it was never a big deal to me. Nothing was ever too over the limit to worry.

I guess I am not the extreme over protective mother my teens think I am ... LOL

 

[NHdisneylover]

You would think that parent would have quadruple checked her dates before accusing your family of allowing something like that to happen under your roof. I hope the mom apologized profusely! My kids have total freedom when it comes to electronics/internet, but they know what is appropriate and what isn't. My 11 year old lives on YouTube and has recently started his own gaming related channel he runs with a friend (and the friend's dad). I was blessed with kids who cannot tell a lie. They are the worst secret keepers, too. They get that from me. Lol

I honestly think with Dad being a programmer it never occurred to them to consider that perhaps their son circumvented their own systems.
I also do not recall if she apologized much or not--I was just glad the date made it so there was really no way she could blame my son.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Was your son a teenager at the time?
If a parent of one of my teenage sons called with that scenario, I probably would have yessed her to death on the phone and then laugh my butt off when I got off the phone.

When we were teens, we used to watch the porn channel on our friends satellite TV (the 80's). We all turned out ok.

My kids loved to sleep at their grandparents house because they knew all rules went out the window. They had dessert first, no teeth brushing at night, no bedtime, etc etc.

While they did do things at friends houses that I didn't allow, it was never a big deal to me. Nothing was ever too over the limit to worry.

I guess I am not the extreme over protective mother my teens think I am ... LOL

I sort of expected boys that age (13) might look at some (she said "hard core" and I did wonder what she meant by that--there is scary stuff online these days) -- but was happy to see DS was not there yet and then take the opportunity to embarrass the heck out of the poor kid telling him that if he got to that point please stick with magazines and TV after 10 pm (in Germany that is all he has to do) because a lot of what is online now is really beyond the pale.

In a lot of ways I am a very lax parent----which is funny because I have some of the most trustworthy, not looking for trouble kids you could imagine.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

With my kids (who are grown now), I focused more on talking to them about porn, especially what's online and less about trying to keep them away from it. I knew they'd probably see it, and I wanted them to know that I was aware of it, they could talk to me about it, and also to understand how unrealistic it was - that this is NOT what sex is like in a real relationship.

 

[NHdisneylover]

With my kids (who are grown now), I focused more on talking to them about porn, especially what's online and less about trying to keep them away from it. I knew they'd probably see it, and I wanted them to know that I was aware of it, they could talk to me about it, and also to understand how unrealistic it was - that this is NOT what sex is like in a real relationship.

yep--that has been my approach

 

[justgrace]

I've never put any controls on mi kids' computers, but we have never had an issue. The closest we came was about 3 years ago when DS had a friend over to sped the night and about a month later I got a phone call from the mom telling me the boys had downloaded "hard core porn"while he was here. That boy had had his wi-fi connection taken out of his lap top and his dad (a microsoft programmer) had put lots of blocks on it so even if he did get online things would not be accessible, so she said he must have downloaded it at our house, put it on a memory stick and then onto his computer and it showed as uploaded on the night he was here.

I immediately got DS's laptop (he was at school--and did not have a smart phone yet) and checked it. There were tons of agent orange and other silly tween/teen things they had viewed that night, but nothing troublesome. I checked every computer in the house and called DH and he checked his on his lunch break. Nothing.
Called Mom back and told her we could find nothing. She said it had to be at our house, it was on such and such date at 12:07 a.m.

As soon as she said the date I knew it was not at our house--that date was the week before he had spent the night with us and i was positive about it because that date was my DH's birthday, we had had an exchange student with us and had gone to dinner, etc (it fell on a weekend so DH had been home for his birthday and we had made a big deal out of it).

Eventually they did realize he was using wire to get online at home and had worked around the firewalls Dad programmed. That kid was going to be into mischief no matter how they tried to stop it (so, yeah, I suppose he might have tried here--luckily he did not, or if he did DS told him no). I'm fortunate to have the kid who had mostly watched old episodes of Bewitched when we looked into his usage for the surrounding weeks. Phew!

That had to have been embarrassing for the mom to realize that it wasn't at your house after accusing you and then insisting that it was at your house, especially for that reason. I bet that boy didn't come back to your house for a sleepover after that incident...

 

[CPanther95]

That had to have been embarrassing for the mom to realize that it wasn't at your house after accusing you and then insisting that it was at your house, especially for that reason. I bet that boy didn't come back to your house for a sleepover after that incident...

Even more embarrassing, albeit not at all surprising, that the Microsoft programmer's work was hacked by his 12/13 year old son.

 

[wvjules]

My kids aren't allowed to have sleepovers anywhere unless it's very close family. They have 15 cousins just on my side. They have tons of sleepovers with them.

So my answer would be no.

That's smart! I've never heard of a cousin or uncle molesting a relative.

 

[CPanther95]

LMAO.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

That's smart! I've never heard of a cousin or uncle molesting a relative.

I never said I don't allow my kids to sleep at someone's house because of my fear of molestation. I stated that once before on this thread.

I don't allow MY kids to have sleepovers with friends because I don't know these people. I don't know the parents of my kids friends so why on earth would I allow my kids to sleep there?

My children have friends at school. I don't do play dates. My kids play outside with the kids in neighborhood. I say hi and bye to the mom or dad if I see them. I don't know their names. Most of them I don't even know where they live. But I'm supposed to hand over my kid for the night? Yea no thanks.

 

[StitchBuddy]

FWIW the one creepy moment I had with friend of my brother? The friend was younger than me (as is my brother but he was trying to stop his friend from peeking at me changing). I never had anything but terrific, fabulous times with older brothers of friends (there were very few, but there were some...most of my friends, like me, were the oldest in the family with younger brothers). To have a flat out fear of all older brothers is just terribly SAD.

Well, that's your opinion and you seem to have plenty of them. Didn't say I had a fear of them. But, when girls and boys days reach about age 10-12, sometimes younger these days, they can become curious about one another. Generally girls are more attracted to older not younger boys. I don't think I ever said anything about a boys being bad. My DD is grown now so not a worry for me anymore.

 

[hppy2bhome]

Why don't you just mention what your daughter told you? Just ask where your child will be sleeping. Then if the mom explains the house set up then you can politely say I'd rather not have her sleepover if you're uncomfortable. Easy. Why must adults feel they can't speak to other parents when they have concerns?

 

[CanBeGrumpy]

I don't know if the sleeping arrangements are inappropriate, but I DO know that when I was 17 I would NOT have liked sharing a room with my 14-year-old brother (I actually did have a brother that age when I was 17; I'm not just speaking hypothetically). I valued my privacy too much. The family in the OP may simply have no other option, but I'd be surprised if those kids are happy with the situation.

 

[mom2rtk]

I don't know if the sleeping arrangements are inappropriate, but I DO know that when I was 17 I would NOT have liked sharing a room with my 14-year-old brother (I actually did have a brother that age when I was 17; I'm not just speaking hypothetically). I valued my privacy too much. The family in the OP may simply have no other option, but I'd be surprised if those kids are happy with the situation.

Who wouldn't prefer their own space if they could have it? But some families just don't have it. And kids make do just fine.