Would you be mad at your spouse for this?

[Imzadi]

I don't see how he could be but I'm starting to wonder. Thoughts?

People have different values & different preferences. He sounds like he clearly stated his and they are quite different from yours. The question really is, are you going to negate his preferences and impose yours in in place?

 

[Briarmom]

It's a party, not an enema.

I'm just wondering, does anyone ever say 'Please please please give me a surprise party?' Wouldn't that make it an un-surprise party?

It sounds like the OP is inviting a few friends over for a BBQ, not renting a hall.

Have fun, your dh will be fine.

 

[Allison]

I don't see how he could be but I'm starting to wonder. Thoughts?

But you are thinking about it from your perspective not his.

You say he was quite adamant but you scheduled this anyway. If my spouse did that to me, yes, I would be quite upset.

Good luck.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I agree with the statement that some people would be disappointed that their closest loved one ignored their wishes. I think it WOULD BE UNUSUAL if it didn't make people rethink their relationship. Forgiveable, yes, but certainly upsetting if you feel you aren't being listened to in your closest relationship.

I see women on this board all the time crying about how their loved ones didn't GUESS what they wanted. They actually get sympathy from some. Now we have someone telling their spouse exactly what they wanted (or didn't want in this case) and many think it's fine to ignore them and do want THEY want.

If I were the OP, I'd tell my husband what was coming to take the surprise element out of it.

I've had surprise parties and I've been a good sport because I know it was a sign that the people who planned them just didn't know me very well and may have thought they were doing it for my pleasure. ( Actually I think they just thought it would be fun and didn't stop to think that I might not) I would have questions if my dh did it.

When I talk about my 40th birthday, I still say I went to Las Vegas with my husband. That is where I went to avoid a party, but some insisted on doing it early. They even did it on Halloween. I can't stand Halloween and everyone knows it. And yes, I was uncomfortable with the photo montage of my life. I hate having my picture taken and having them displayed was uncomfortable. I "took my medicine" and was pleasant about everything, but it does still make me uncomfortable to even think about it.

I don't think anyone is saying this is "deal breaker" stuff. The OP asked if anyone would be mad and some of us can honestly say yes.

What if it was one of those things where the person says "no no no" but really means "yes"? We all know people like that and are all probably guilty of that at least once in our life. Maybe the person who threw the party thought that you just didn't want people to go through any bother for you when these people really wanted to even if you thought otherwise?
Just trying to give a different perspective.

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

If I told my wife not to throw me a party and she did anyway, I'd be thrilled! C'mon! It's his 40th birthday!!! I don't care what he says...it's party time and I'm sure he'll thank you for it!

 

[Jennifer S]

What if it was one of those things where the person says "no no no" but really means "yes"? We all know people like that and are all probably guilty of that at least once in our life. Maybe the person who threw the party thought that you just didn't want people to go through any bother for you when these people really wanted to even if you thought otherwise?
Just trying to give a different perspective.

See this is how I took it. We were both turning 40 within weeks of each other. All of our friends were having parties and we both said "Let's not have parties". Well when my birthday came and there was no party I was disappointed. So I thought what is the big deal about a little get together in the backyard. I had no other ideas. He wanted to do NOTHING at all. I think he just didn't want to be any trouble.

The more I think about it I really think he'll be happy. He was saying the other day how much he missed his college buddies. Well now he will get a night with them.

 

[mrdiscranky]

guess it's my personality. I love parties.
Well when my birthday came and there was no party I was disappointed.

He insist he wants to do nothing and wants no presents. He is quite adamant.

So, let me get this straight. There is this fabulous man. You love him. You want to do something special for him. And in picking the special thing to do, you completely ignore his expressed and "adamant" wishes. Instead, you do the complete opposite. Which just happens to be what you love and what you wanted. Because you love him.

I'm just curious about one thing. What are you going to say when he asks why the heck you did the exact opposite of what he asked?

Do you say his birthday isn't about him, it's about you?

Do you explain that you were upset that you didn't get a party on your birthday, so you decided to use his as an excuse?

Or do you tell him that even though he *said* he didn't want a party, he doesn't know what he's talking about, and you know what's best for him.

 

[Happy Gal]

So, let me get this straight. There is this fabulous man. You love him. You want to do something special for him. And in picking the special thing to do, you completely ignore his expressed and "adamant" wishes. Instead, you do the complete opposite. Which just happens to be what you love and what you wanted. Because you love him.

I'm just curious about one thing. What are you going to say when he asks why the heck you did the exact opposite of what he asked?

Do you say his birthday isn't about him, it's about you?

Do you explain that you were upset that you didn't get a party on your birthday, so you decided to use his as an excuse?

Or do you tell him that even though he *said* he didn't want a party, he doesn't know what he's talking about, and you know what's best for him.

Your first post, and you decide to take the OP to task? Interesting.

I'm not one to like attention on me, however, if my SO had a small get-together for me and surprised me on my birthday, I would be a little embarrassed, but pleased.

Unless someone has anxiety issues or is truly shy, then a small party shouldn't be a big issue, but again, that is MY perspective, and YMMV.

Nowhere does the OP say this is about her. She also had agreed to no party, but in retrospect would have liked something to celebrate her birthday. She knows her dh much better than any of us, and can better gauge his reaction. We can only tell how WE would feel if such a party were to be thrown for us, and how we would react.

She's just asking for opinions. Anyway, OP, my mom always asked that nothing be done for her birthday. The one time we had one for her she loved it and beamed the whole night. It sounds to me that the party you have set up for your dh was done as a thoughtful & loving gesture for him.

Enjoy.

 

[mrdiscranky]

I'm not one to like attention on me, however, if my SO had a small get-together for me and surprised me on my birthday, I would be a little embarrassed, but pleased.

But that's not the issue at all. The question isn't whether or not her DH might be upset that she threw him a party. The question is whether or not her DH might be upset that she did something he expressly and adamantly asked her not to do.

If you adamantly asked your husband not to do something, and he did it anyway, is there a chance you would be upset?

We can only tell how WE would feel if such a party were to be thrown for us, and how we would react.

Again, I don't think the issue is how we would feel if a party were thrown for us. It's how we would feel if somebody did something we expressly asked them not to do.

She's just asking for opinions.

And my opinion is that he could feel resentful. Which is more "thoughtful and loving" - (A) Doing what your husband asked? or (B) Doing the exact opposite of what he asked?

 

[Jennifer S]

Ok adamant was too strong a word.

I get it - there are a lot of introverts on this board that don't like parties. My DH thankfully is not like that. He will love it and be fine.

Mods you can close this thread now. Thanks

 

[ALittleDisneyFan]

I threw one for my DH and he didn't mind. Of course, no one showed up on time. We were there before everyone and we were 30 - 45 mins late.... so I had to tell him what was going on.

 

[Allison]

Ok adamant was too strong a word.

I get it - there are a lot of introverts on this board that don't like parties. My DH thankfully is not like that. He will love it and be fine.

Mods you can close this thread now. Thanks

I don't think the point was that people are introverts. People were answering the question you asked and I think the point for most who said they would be upset was about doing something your spouse had said they didn't want done. Some would be upset, some wouldn't.

If he will love it then that's great. I hope he does. But you did seem to be questioning that in your original post.

 

[disykat]

Ok adamant was too strong a word.

I get it - there are a lot of introverts on this board that don't like parties. My DH thankfully is not like that. He will love it and be fine.

Mods you can close this thread now. Thanks

I am an extrovert. I like parties. I just prefer that people listen to my wishes. You asked. I'm surprised the answers make you so angry.

If your dh is one who says no, but means yes, then as his wife you probably know that and it will be fine. I was going on what you said about him being adament he didn't want one.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

So, let me get this straight. There is this fabulous man. You love him. You want to do something special for him. And in picking the special thing to do, you completely ignore his expressed and "adamant" wishes. Instead, you do the complete opposite. Which just happens to be what you love and what you wanted. Because you love him.

I'm just curious about one thing. What are you going to say when he asks why the heck you did the exact opposite of what he asked?

Do you say his birthday isn't about him, it's about you?

Do you explain that you were upset that you didn't get a party on your birthday, so you decided to use his as an excuse?

Or do you tell him that even though he *said* he didn't want a party, he doesn't know what he's talking about, and you know what's best for him.

Wow! Interesting first post on a Disney message board.

 

[Va-bear]

Ok adamant was too strong a word.

I get it - there are a lot of introverts on this board that don't like parties. My DH thankfully is not like that. He will love it and be fine.

Mods you can close this thread now. Thanks

It is a valid topic of converstion that most of us are enjoying discussing - if you are uncomfortable just let the thread know you wont be back. It is a public forum, the rest of us can still enjoy the conversation.

I _DO_ think the point someone made that you know your husband best is correct and now you've reaffirmed that he will be happy - so I would feel fine, if I were you.

(My husband would hate it, [mostly, because I ignored his wishes...] though, I would not call him an introvent - people are all different....)

 

[CajunDixie]

Ok adamant was too strong a word.

I get it - there are a lot of introverts on this board that don't like parties. My DH thankfully is not like that. He will love it and be fine.

Mods you can close this thread now. Thanks

I'm offended. I'm not an introvert. Please delete your post.

 

[Papa Deuce]

If you know it in advance - that he doesn't want a party - then respect his wishes. Of course, if you decide to go ahead with it, I know a really good DJ, and BBQ guy.

 

[SandiH]

Giving you a surprise party for your birthday? My Dh is such a great guy. He is always giving to others, never wants anything for himself. Well he made my 40th birthday so wonderful that I decided to throw him a surprise party for his. I never know what to get him. So I thought instead of presents just to throw him a party.

He insist he wants to do nothing and wants no presents. He is quite adamant. Would you be mad if you really wanted nothing and your spouse threw you a party?

I don't see how he could be but I'm starting to wonder. Thoughts?

You asked what people thought but your mind was made up and already had the party planned. Only you know how your husband will react and if you think he'll be fine, then he'll be fine. What the rest of the board thinks doesn't matter.

I hope you both have a fabulous time.

 

[amyhughes]

Oh for Pete's sake it's a PARTY...

It's one night. It's a celebration of meeting a milestone in life, that's what the passing of these years and the celebrations mean. I don't mean to begrudge anyone their wishes. My DH doesn't like surprises (More of a control thing, if you ask me), but if I got all of his buddies in from all over the continent for his birthday he would be very happy to see them all and very gracious. But OP he sounds a lot like your hubby. He often says, "I don't want such and such." But it's almost like he is feeling out what is going on.

You know your spouse best. I just think it would be a very cool thing, and also very thoughtful to get his buddies together whom he doesn't see very often. I don't like to be the center of anyone's universe for even my birthday (part of being a Mom I suppose) but when my DH went all out with our boys and planned a get together I was thrilled he took the time and effort to think of me on my day and go that extra mile to make it a very special memory that I cherish.

Best of luck and Hope he has a Wonderful Birthday.

 

[TammyP2335]

We threw my grandmaw a 75th birthday party. We told her we were taking her to the movies. She was so mad at us - she pouted the whole day because she really wanted to go to the movies - LOL