Would it bug you???

[DisneyBarlans]

It is so aggrevating when kids sneak in your yard when you're not home! We have a trampoline, and at our old house the neighbor kids would get on it when we weren't home. What if one of them got hurt?? Older kids would also cut through our back yard to get to their house from the bus stop instead of walking on the sidewalk. We have moved since then, and we now have a fence that we can lock when we're not home.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

As far as aductions and the like, I'm sure that overall it is truly a rare occurence. I agree that the media doesn't help things and makes it seem more widespread too. I do make a concerted effort to know where my kids are and who they are with and I don't let them roam the neighborhood for hours on end like I was able to when I was a kid. It is surely a different world out there. Some might consider me paranoid or their idea of a bad parent...oh well...I guess I might be. I don't hover over my kids by any stretch, but I am always aware of where they are. I do not want to be part of the small percentage of folks that do have child abduction touch their lives. I always think better safe than sorry. Different strokes for different folks.

 

[Nicolepa]

Y My girls are 7 and 5, and they, for the most part, aren't allowed to play outside if I or dh aren't out with them. There are exceptions, but in general, I don't allow it. I know I'll probably get flamed for being an over protective or a hovering mom, but I really don't care. I'm doing what I feel is best.

I'm right there with you. Mine are 5 & almost 7. They are not allowed outside unless there is an adult. This is the first year we're running into a problem because a lot of their friends are 9 and the parents are starting to allow them outside w/o adult supervision. They all have younger siblings that are allowed out there with them. Well, I'm not going to allow my child outside w/o an adult and I wouldn't dream of expecting someone elses 9 year old to keep an eye on my kid.

I just grab a book & a chair and read. Or I get a neighbor to come join me and we chat. We don't interfere in their play, we are there just in case.

As for them playing in my yard, it happens all the time. I've never found a kid I didn't know well in my yard, or I would probably say something, especially in my back yard. But as a whole we are a very, very, close neighborhood, so I have no worrys about having kids in my yard.

 

[Hannathy]

I just grab a book & a chair and read. Or I get a neighbor to come join me and we chat. We don't interfere in their play, we are there just in case.

I have to ask In case of what? What do you really think is going to happen?


And just by being there you are interfering with their play, kids play differently when adults are present.

 

[WantToGoNow]

It wouldn't bug me at all. Since spring arrived, there are kids all over our neighborhood. They play in everyone's yards, including ours, whether the kid that lives there is out or even home. My older dd witnessed two friends of my sons (Kindergarten age) throwing our new sand toys over the fence into a farm field into a big water/mud pit. She yelled out for them to stop. One other time, I hard to patrol the street at 10:30 pm to find my son's bike that he left in the back yard - another child rode it down the street and left it 3 houses away. Of course, my son is just as guilting of misusing other's property. The other day his friend's mom left the garage door open while they went away - he went into their garage and got out the boys big wheel and was riding it. I explained to him that he could not do that and made him take it back. I would rather have kids wandering through our yard and have my son have children to play with than keep them away and him having to play by himself. I do let my son play outside unsupervised -- but I better know where he's going or be able to see or hear him when I stick my head out the door/window. My dd3 doesn't get to play outside unsupervised except on our deck or sandbox -- which I can see from the kitchen/living room.

 

[maxtomsmom]

But that just isn't true the statistics haven't changed. It is still incredibly rare to have a stranger abduction!!!! It is not more dangerous than before. We just have 24 hour news channels trying to fill the space between commercials now that weren't around 20 yrs ago.

This is true! In fact, it has gone down. Most children are abducted by their own parents for many sad reasons.


To the OP - I've had somewhat the same situation where the kids actually think it is fun to hang out in my front yard. They liked sitting on my hill or front steps. They try to sleigh ride down my hill, but it killed our grass and told them they had to stop or they could come back in the spring and help us replant the lawn. I've even caught the neighbor's kids playing on our play yard when we weren't home. (All these incidents involved my next door neighbor's kids). I always spoke to them firmly but nicely and let them know that I wouldn't tell their parents if they stopped. One smart mouth, who was a friend of my neighbor said, "You don't know me and you don't know where I lived." I said this is true so unless you stop I could say you are trespassing on my lawn and a simple phone call to the police would do it. (Never had intentions of doing this.) They pretty much have stopped sitting on my front steps. We try to keep an amicable relationship with our next door neighbor so this has also helped things.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

ehh i don't see a problem at all. Our back yard is completely fenced and we barely have a patch out front! if someone wants to play go for it!

My parents have a HUUUUUGE unfenced backyard in aneighborhood that has become a bigggg family neighborhood. Well they have the oldest kids in the area! (27 & 24) and sis is never outside and I don't live there.

The kids are ALWAYS playing in the back! Kids from all over come into their yard to play baseball and what not. My father has never said a word to them, in fact once a parent came out to yell at the kids and my mom went out there and told them it was no problem, the yard barely got any use

 

[TruBlu]

I have to ask In case of what? What do you really think is going to happen?


And just by being there you are interfering with their play, kids play differently when adults are present.

I was abducted as a child - from my back yard. I only have one chance to protect my children. The odds that something would happen to them are very slim, but if something did the odds then have jumped to 100%. I never want my kids to have happen to them what happened to me. They do not play outside without me watching - they may not know that I am watching, but I am.

 

[TBGOES2DISNEY]

I think a lot of this goes back to teaching our kids good manners. Kids always used to knock on your door if they hit a ball into your yard (at least if it was enclosed). They were supposed to get permission first to retrieve their ball. It was just polite.

Now, if you're okay with your kids playing anywhere in the neighborhood, perhaps they should ask the neighbors if it is okay first. If the neighbor isn't bothered, then fine. If the neighbor would rather you didn't at all or at certain times, that should be respected. It doesn't mean they are trying to be mean. Some people worry more than others about accidents and some people are just quieter or like to keep to themselves more.

I'm not an assertive person, and I would feel awkward going out into my own yard or driveway with my two young dds and saying, Uh, excuse me, neighbor kid, can we play with our own swingset/toys - or having to make sure they didn't play too rough with my little kids or break things we have bought.

Personally, I wouldn't want to feel like I had to watch someone else's kids either. Now if it were a friend of my kid and their parent knew they were there, that's different.

I don't think it's fair to assume the entire neighborhood should be your child's playground. If you are one of the neighbors who is okay with sharing your yard, I think that's very nice too. It's just not what everyone wants. Different strokes for different folks.

 

[GingerbreadCoffin]

We have had this problem. We have a huge yard on a corner lot. I don't mind about the kids cutting across the yard instead of using the sidewalk. I am sure I would have done the same thing when I was younger. I just don't like it when they decide they want to hang out and play in my yard. I would get the same blank stares if I asked them to leave because my youngest was napping or told them they weren't allowed to use our soccer net or play in our playhouse. Then one day I found the solution...

SPRINKLERS!

Although I am not sure if that one will work too good now that its getting into the 80's.

 

[TBGOES2DISNEY]

We have had this problem. We have a huge yard on a corner lot. I don't mind about the kids cutting across the yard instead of using the sidewalk. I am sure I would have done the same thing when I was younger. I just don't like it when they decide they want to hang out and play in my yard. I would get the same blank stares if I asked them to leave because my youngest was napping or told them they weren't allowed to use our soccer net or play in our playhouse. Then one day I found the solution...

SPRINKLERS!

Although I am not sure if that one will work too good now that its getting into the 80's.

That would be so funny, especially if you could turn them on from inside and peek out the window as you surprise the kids!

You're right, though, in the 80s, they'd probably just play in the sprinklers.

 

[bigbabyblues]

We had a similar situation with our neighbor's dd, only she wasn't as old. She was constantly at our house, wouldn't leave when asked, never asked to come over, was just there. She didn't listen, didn't mind, etc. This has gone on for the last two years, and the other day, dh had enough. He took her home after repeatedly asking her to go, and then called her mother and explained that she is not to be at our house anymore. This is not the first, or tenth time we've talked to the parents, but she thought that was "a little harsh, she's just a kid and that's the way she is".

I have no good advicce, just what we finally had to do. The problems were deeper than I'm going to get into here, it wasn't just the one time.

 

[beth_cam]

The sprinkler thing....

In my old neighborhood when the kids were about 3 and 5 there were a couple of other families with kids 2 and 6. they used to always play together. they were in one house then an older couple in the next then the children were in the next two houses. They would ride their little kiddie bikes up and down the sidewalk back and forth, occasionaly play spilling over into the older couples yard...but they tried to reign them in, so it was very minimal. We went up and played with them occasionally. The people started to turn on their sprinklers any time the kids were outside, and the sprinklers crossed the entire sidewalk. Now as I said I'm not opposed to play happened to spill over into my yard a bit even if my kids aren't out (I'm opposed to them making my yard 'the spot', and then acting dumbstruck when I dare to tell them they can't). The other parents would get so upset. But even then, I remember thinking to myself that there is no reason for our kids to be running in the other peoples yard at all, and while not real nice that it even hindered their ability to go up and down the sidewalk, it was an acceptable non confrontational way to say hey this is my property and you didn't ask to be here.

 

[TheDizMom]

I agree with you 100% It would bug me big time. I love to have the kids come and play when I am at home and my kids are playing with them. I expect them to follow my rules when here and to go home when I tell them it's time. I also expect that if I am not home or my kids can't play that they find somewhere else to play. I have taught my kids you don't go into someone elses yard unless you are invited (other then if you need to get a stray ball or something). The problem is that I just don't think a lot of parents these days are teaching their kids common courtesy. There is this sense of entitlement and their parents just don't seem to get that we do not all think it is ok to let our kids do whatever they want. It's amazing to me how many kids I see running roughshod over their parents. You can't even get off an elevator anymore because no one waits for whomever needs to get off to do so. When was the last time someone actually held a door for you at the shopping mall? I don't think you are over reacting. I remember this girl in our old neighborhood who came over to our house when my DS was out playing with a bunch of the other neighborhood kids. I had gone into the garage to do something and one of his friends came up to me and told me this little girl had gone into my house when everyone else was outside and I had already said I wanted them to all stay outside. I had a fit! I told her she couldn't play at my house if she didn't follow my rules. I had more problems with her and I can't tell you how many times her babysitter came to my house looking for her, because she didn't know where she had gone. Every time she came over the normally calm situation became complete chaos. I finally had to ban her from my house and yard all together.
I say you tell them all what your rules are and tell them if they can't follow them they will have to play elsewhere. It may initially cause some problems, but in the end I think they'll get it and do what you ask.

 

[badblackpug]

I'm with your husband. We have kids all over the various yards once the weather gets nice. And quite frankly how much parental interaction do 8 and 9 yr old really need to play? Thats what is wrong with kids now there is too much parental interaction. In the summer my DS is out all day going back and forth between his friends and here, they entertain themselves we only supply food and drink! and the occasional bactine and bandaid. Some days I may not see him for 3-4 hours. Kids need to be kids.

I agree, wholeheartedly, with this. Kids are "overprogrammed" these days. They need to run and play and interact with peers without parents figuring out everything for them.

...However...I would not want the children playing in my yard when I was not at home for safety and liability reasons. I also think it is rude for them to play in your yard without permission, and their parents should know better.

 

[TruBlu]

So, we used the sprinkler suggestion with a twist this weekend....
When the kid next door came over (uninvited and unwatched by his parents) my boys were playing with super soakers. So, we gave him one too. He had a great time for about an hour, then his parents called him home. They were going somewhere, but he was soaked. Guess they should have been watching him.

 

[janets]

We live in a neighborhood with a lot of kids. I want my boys to have friends but I will not have other kids playing in my yard without my permission or when we are not home. That is a lawsuit waiting to happen (and I work for lawyers).

We also have a problem with a couple of kids in the neighborhood who are unsupervised. The older girl is 10 and the younger one is 6 or 7. They ride small motor bikes all over the area, with no adults watching. We have seen them on the main road, riding along, with cars whizing by at 35-50 MPH all around them. No one watching. We have heard stories about their parents and realize that no confrontation would matter. And to top it off, the older girl stood in front of my house on 2 occasions, one time screaming and cursing at me, and the other time giving me the "finger" and running off. All because I told her (on the second day of school in September) that I thought she and my son got off on the wrong foot (she had confronted him in the after program that day and accused him of saying something to her friend and her) and maybe they could forget it and move on. Well, let me tell you, I would never in a million years have thought to speak to an adult (especially one I didn't know) the way this kid spoke to me. And in the middle of the street in front of a bunch of other neighbors. So I make sure DS avoids her entirely now.

DH has been working for the last couple of years on trying to bring our lawn back. We pay a not too small amount to a lawn company to treat the lawn. The last thing I want is the neighbor boys riding their scooters or bikes all around the lawn mucking it up. Usually they are relatively agreeable.

As for watching kids outside, I usually try to keep an eye on my boys when they are outside. If I see my neighbor out there, I feel freer to let them play while I do something inside. But there was a recent news story here in NJ about a 8 or 9 yo girl who went to the end of her driveway to get the mail for her mom, and an SUV pulled up, a man jumped out and grabbed her right off the end of her driveway. She screamed and screamed and about 3 blocks down he let her out. Do I think it was any different when we were kids...probably not. And maybe ignorance is bliss. But I agree that while the chances are slim, I don't want to be the statistic when someone grabs my kid. Let them tell their therapist in 20 years about how mom didn't let them play outside without knowing where they were when they were 9 and 5 years old.

 

[DawnM]

My boys are 9 and 7 and they can only play unsupervised in my fenced backyard.

I could not disagree MORE with the poster who says kids should just be kids and be unsupervised....that is how my friend's 8 year old saw the 14 year old neighbor's stack of porn while the 14 year old smoked pot....and that was in an expensive neighborhood.

Then there was the 12 year old who drowned in a neighbor's pool in a neighborhood nearby....again, NO parent supervision and a "kids can just go play for hours wherever" attitude from the parents.

I am sure you will say, "Oh, well, MY kids know better." But it happens. Period.

I am a school counselor. I have heard it all.....it will NOT happen with my kids as long as I have something to say about it.

Dawn

 

[beth_cam]

I happened to be out in the neightborhood with my dd on saturday. I'm trying to get around to trusting her to walk over to her friends house. The rules are you can go there and ask her to come play at your house or if she invites you, you can play in her back yard. If her only options is playing in the front (meaning running up and down the street) then my dd must come home. So anyway everytime I let her walk over I follow behind about 5 min after and find the two of them in the other childs front yard or over in front of another child's house or down the street talking to some other Adult neighbor that I may or may not know. So I walked with her on Saturday. The little girl she likes so much (who is so rude) happened to be playing out front with her family so I stopped to chat for a bit. I mentioned about how my dd must be tired (she was being crabby and a bit rude herself) and this is whey we generally aren't out after 7:30. Today was an exception being saturday (it was about 8:15 and we had seen the little girl out front as we pulled in). I brought up how "like the other day when I pulled in at 8:15 and the kids were playing baseball in my yard and I had to tell my kids it was too late to go out and play". I didn't say anything else about the children in my yard when I wasn't there. She just nodded and a couple of seconds later it dawned on her what I had said. She was a bit shocked but didn't say anything else. So atleast I know taht she doesnt approve of it even if she didn't think to teach her dd that you don't do that. I'm figuring the story carried home was along the lines of "elizabeth's mom is so mean she got mad because we were playing ball in front of her house", instead of "Elizabeth's mom got mad because we were playing ball in her yard when no one was home, then we were rude, and teased Elizabeth." (Don't remember if I put it in the first post but when Elizabeth got out of the car as I was telling them they couldn't play in the yard the girl started laughing and told Elizabeth her outfit was terrible ... it was her baseball uniform)

 

[Nicolepa]

I have to ask In case of what? What do you really think is going to happen?


And just by being there you are interfering with their play, kids play differently when adults are present.

Are you honestly saying that a 4 year old has the judgement to be out playing unsupervised? I'm sure glad that none of my neighbors share your feelings.

Honestly our neighborhood is very, very close. It's like a constant block party. The kids play, the moms talk, the dads throw frisbees, footballs, whatever, everyone throws balls to the dog's. The kids are being kids, we aren't scripting or directing their play. I have to disagree that they play differently when parents aren't around. When my kids are playing in the back yard, unsupervised, they do the exact same things they do when we are out there chatting.

I am out there to watch for teenagers driving too fast on my side stree, to make sure they have their helmets on, to make sure they don't wander too far away. I'm out there to watch for suspicious cars. While you may think that is absurd, we have had several reports of 2 different people trying to abduct children in the area. It may be a slim chance, but it's not one I'm going to take.