Working Moms ?

[Kahana-ri]

Your feelings are completely normal. When I went back to work it was hard for me too. Keep in mind that it is the quality of time that matters, not the quanitity. You should never feel guilty about calling out becuase your child is sick. Family should always come first and your job should understand that. I had stay home with my son just yesterday and I have no guilt about caring for my son. I know my work will be there when I get back-my son needed me then. Best of luck.

 

[metivier]

Bravo Sara74! Very well said!!!

To the OP -- as moms one of our worse traits is the guilt trip we seem to always be on -- or perhaps we switch from one guilt trip to another. Take care of yourself and know that you are by no means alone.

 

[Mac and Us]

I work FT because I carry the health insurance. My husband works for a small company, and while it pays well they don't offer Health insurance.

I thought I might want to be a SAHM but after being at home for 3 months I knew I would never make it as a SAHM. However, I struggled with the thought of leaving her with a stranger. The solution for me was to find a daycare close to work.

Luckily, my SIL watched her for 3 months while we waited for a slot to open up near where I work. Our DD started daycare at 6 months. What helped me was that she was in a nursery that encouraged parents to stop in anytime to visit. The nursery was a 5 min walk from my office. I got to see her everyday during lunch. She was in the nursery until she was 20 months old then she moved to the toddler room.

When she graduated to the Toddler Room I stopped the lunch visits as it was too disruptive for her. I was ok with that because by this time I had gotten to know the owner and teachers.

She is an only child and we live in the sticks. There aren't any kids that live close by for her to play with. We think she's happier. She's with the same center in their preschool program. A small number of the preschoolers (including our DD) have been together since they were 6 months old. Her friends are her siblings.

I do miss her during the day. But I know I'm a better mom. My husband and I try very hard to make the most of the time we have with her.

I think it all depends on what makes you happy. My husband's brother's wife and his two sisters were all SAHM. My SIL was a SAHM. I can see both sides. It's just not for me.

 

[Kelnstephen]

Thank You So Much. I do like my job and the girls I work With. Today I had the day off. Because I'm working Saturday 1/2 the day. So me and DD went and had lunch with dad visited a friend of mine. Then we went to the mall and bought a cute outfit for Valentines day Gymboree is my favorite store for her. I Guess financial I like the money and staying at home isn't a option because of the Health insurance. My Husband makes good money but no health insurance. I do make a really good pay for what I do. I guess next time DD is sick not to feel guilty. We are only 3 months away from are Disney trip to POFQ. I'm glad no one flamed me on this issue and there is a lot of support. I only found threads for SAHM. Thanks again for all the support.

KELLY

 

[all4fun]

I, too, am happy to see all the support for working moms. To the OP, my MIL has babysat my ds since I went back to work over 2-1/2 yrs ago. They have an awesome relationship and I feel blessed that I can have a close family member watch him. She's also a Godsend because he was almost 12wks premature and there was no way we could have put him in a regular daycare with other kids. Now she takes him to activities and his therapy appointments so he keeps her busy, which she likes. The one downside - It does drive me crazy though when dh and I say no to him about something and he starts asking for his "Gamma". Just one more person he feels he can turn to when he's not getting the answer he wants, lol.

 

[CTPinkPrincess]

Adding my 2 cents here too. I think all moms need to support one another, no matter which choice (work outside the home, stay at home, work part time, etc) we've made. It's hard work being a mom! And whatever decision you've made, you've made the decision that works best for your family.

My grandma, who is 90, actually wanted to watch my dd when she was first born, because in her day, women didn't work, and didn't use daycare. Today, she thinks daycare is a great thing! She sees how social Clare is and how independent she is, and credits daycare.

Your daughter will grow up knowing that along with mom and dad, plenty of other people love and care for her too. And that's not a bad thing to know.

 

[Grendalynn]

I think that everyone has said very supportive things for one another. As long as you are doing your best to provide a safe, caring enviornment for your family - thats all that really matters. You have to do what is best for your family all around. There is always Financial Aide and Scholarships to offset the colleneg costs down the road if that is what really gets your goat. Live life one day at a time... They grow so fast!

Here are by 2 cents and our family situation (skim if you wish):

After having DS#1 almost 7 years a go, my prespective on family situations has broadened greatly, and does every day. I have worked for an Afterschool Program in our School District for about 5+ years, which is aimed at "At Risk Youth" . Our program serves 70% of the entire school district, grades K-9. And believe me all walks of life attend our program in almost every family working situation!

Weekends are Family time. I work 30+ hours a week, manage the house, kids, and money. Do all the laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, transporting of children, Xmas and Birthday shopping. My DH just stared his own business and makes almost double what I do. We have lived paycheck to paycheck until about 5 months ago. If he had his way, I would not work or as much as I do. But we are no longer living Cancellation note to pink slip , "floating" our bank every week. Our mothers are alot different. I come froma working family; mom and dad worked side by side at our family business with us 5 kids attheir ankles. My inlaws are a very old fashioned/traditional family with SAHMs and Bread Winning Dads....

But I think it has made us stronger people and appreciative of the things we have that are not "material". We afford what we can, we didnt drive new cars for what seemed like forever. We budgeted Christmas and got the necesities at holidays and birthdays. We took our first trip as parents to WDW in March of 04 with the help of my In Laws. We didnt/dont live beyond our means and didnt/dont "keep up with the Jones". And most anyone you ask will tell you what well behaved, well mannered and polite boys we have. All done by a working Mom and Dad. (( I know we all know SAHM's who have kids that you dread to see coming! Admit it people!! ))

In my case, I stayed home for almost 6 months with our first child. I had DS#2, who is 3 at the end of the month and we are freshly expecting child #3 in October; and will continue working with #3. I suffered mild Post Partum Depression after #1, so getting out and about made my life far more bearable... more Adult interaction; Less Barney... .Then I went back to work part time as a coach, which allowed me to drop him off at the same school with my Mom where she was a teacher. It was after my first year of coaching that I got my Job with the Afterschool Program. I know we are fortunate to have a lot of family in the area, so finding a sitter when needed wasnt a problem. Being a young couple at the time any money we could make helped us greatly. I never had Post Patrum Blues after #2.

After DS#1 was born and I was not working, we were strapped!! I can remember sitting at the dining room table crying because we couldn't pay our bills! So I hit the Want Ads and looked for a day care and job. I found both which were/are great! My boys have been in all types of Day Care settings, structured, non structured, family, strangers.... My advice is to interview the staff, follow your instincts and listen to your children. My children have never been il-treated in their care centers and have come away witth many friends, loving teachers and the ability to be away from us and still be mommas and daddys boys...

I toted DS#2 in and out of the office and local school ofices for the first few months before he went to a relatives and I cut my days back to 3 days per week. I am involved in all the schools in our district... now with DS#2 out of diapers and off the bottle, I realize how fast the time goes by. If they want to cuddle in the morning, and it makes us late, so be it. If they are sick and stay home for the day, work can wait. It will be there tomorrow. They are only little once. I take the time to volunteer in my sons 1st grade and do so in My other sons Pre-School events. We make every parent night and do things with other families. I am proud of my accomplishments and feel like I have mad a place in our community and involved my children while doing so.

As for their college: Investment plans, scholarships and financial aide will do. My 4 sisters worked their way thru college and recieved scholarships. I think the education you receieve is only as good as what you put into it.

I dont think I left anything out - Sorry if I rambled.... DH peekd and asked if I was typing my whole life story?? LOL I said NO, but I have this debate all the time!

So, Thanks for "listening" and do what you have to do to provide the best for your children. Oh Yeah - Way to go Moms!

 

[Mainebound]

For me, I knew from the beginning that I could never be a SAHM. I worked way too hard to get through school to just throw that all away. I would NOT be happy just staying at home. Do I feel guilty at times bringing DS to daycare...sure I do. But more often than not I know that he gets more out of going to "school" each day than he would if I just stayed at home with him because I'd be miserable. You have to do what you think is best for YOU! A happy mom makes a happy baby.

This describes me as well. I think sometimes working moms have a fantasy view of what it is like to be a SAHM. One of my best friends is a SAHM, and she seems busier than I do. She is not catering to her child all day by any means -- she is cooking, running errands, doing a million things to keep the house going.

I think it is very important that you decide what is best for your family. I am a professor and always wanted to be one. I spent 7 years in grad school and couldn't imagine a different life. But I am lucky to have a ton of flexibility and summers to myself. Some of my closest friends in grad school had their first child and gladly threw in the career towel to stay home with them and never looked back.

Those of us who have a choice are very lucky.

 

[Downrivermama]

Hey, you have got to do what is right for you! I'm a single mom and was in an establishied job when my dd7 came along. The first couple of years were lean but I'm at a spot right now where we no longer live pay check to pay check. My dd is in 2nd grade and there are a lot of moms in our area who work outside of the home. I went back to work when she was 4 months old and it was hard to put her in daycare, but I had to work. I did a test run with the daycare for the 1st 3 days (before I went back to work) and returned to work on a Thursday (that way I wasn't overwhelmed with 5 days starring me in the face!) Yes, sometimes I still feel guilty, but there are a lot of things we can do that others can't. When I get home and on weekends, it is just my dd and I.

Althought sometimes when my dd gets an attitude in the morning, it's nice to drop her off at before care and go to work!

 

[carone0318]

Hi! I also work full-time outside the house. I never feel guilty about calling out of work for my kids, it's fact of life. I have never had a boss say anything to me the next day after one of my kids have been sick. I call in the morning and tell them about my child, I come to work the next day and log it as a sick day and never has anyone said anything. I am a mom to 2 kids, dd (9) in 4th grade and ds (will be 5 on Valentine's Day). I went back about 12 wks with dd, which was hard. I would of liked to have been home for the first year, but all turned out well. For me personally, it took me 8 yrs to finish college (extended plan) when I graduated I worked fulltime was taking 2 classes at night and 1 on my lunch hour and I was pregnant with dd. I had no intentions of staying at home, it's not for me. When ds came along it was real easy to go back to work because I knew all would be fine. He could survive without me and our relationship would still be bonding. As most have said, my family is #1 and my boss knows it. I know for a fact that when I am on my deathbed I will not be saying "gosh, I wish I spent more time at work!" I've been in my current position for a little over a year and when I went for this interview, I basically said to them if you can't work with the hours I need than we can end this interview now. I work 7-3, I don't see my kids in the morning before school (which is fine because I am really not a cherry morning person), that's dh's job, but I have their lunched ready for them and their clothes out. I pick them up from school every day, no after school care (dd very happy about that). Dd is a competitive gymnast and I get her to practice 3 times a week during the week. I think that my kids have the best of both worlds as do I. I love the way my life has worked out and it doesn't hurt that I happen to make just a little bit more money than dh does. Together our incomes are "respectable" which allows my children to do the activities that they want to do and for our family to own DVC and go to Disney every year. Don't think of working moms as being a bad word, be proud of who you are and don't be afraid to pick up the phone and call out when your child is sick - that's when mom needs to be there the most (or dad, dad can call out too he's almost as good as mom!)

 

[llp479]

I was home for the first 13 months of my twin dds lives, then went back to work. While it was wonderful to be with them, I realized I wasn't cut out to be a SAHM. When dd number 3 was born, I went back to work when she was 3 weeks old. My girls are now almost 12 and 9 and I don't regret working. I am a better mom to them for working.

Now, having said all that, I lost my job on Tuesday. I've had a very stressful year and was looking forward to a little down time. I've only been home 2 days and can't stand it! I need to do something! Unfortunately, I don't find satisfaction in having a home that you can eat off the floor.

 

[ehrn]

My son is 13mos and it's so hard to leave him even though I know he's in very good hands. Part of the problem is that I don't LOVE my job, there's a lot of pressure and stress, but it's important(nursing) and the money is good. I make a lot more $$ than DH. Plus, to be very honest, I'm in my mid 30's and I'm just not able to live as bare bones as when we were young--though I drive a Toyota Carolla, it's not like we're living high on the hog...but I like to eat out and not watch EVERY dime(though I know I could be way more responsible...) and I'm SO looking forward to WDW on 2/25!!!!
So my new goal is to go PT by baby #2, I hope and pray that can happen. I hear that the bigger the kid, the bigger the problems, so it seems like he'll only need his mommy more as he gets older. Right now it's kind of nice not to have to pick cheerios up off the floor more than I already do--GOD BLESS the childcare workers!!!!!! who selflessly give of themselves to nurture our children...

 

[LaLa]

Just chiming in... another working mom here....

Ahhh, the guilt... I know the guilt well. I think we have all probably felt it from time to time. But when it comes down to it, I know that I have to work. DH is a police officer and we both know that we could not make it on just his salary alone. Sure, we could live hand to fist, but I just want more for my kids than that.

I went through a hard time at work several years ago when DD was born. She was born with a hole in her heart and when she was 12 days old, she stopped breathing. After a short stay in the hospital, she was sent home with a heart and breathing monitor to be worn at all times. The monitor gave a shrill alarm anytime her heart rate or breathing dropped below a certain level. There is nothing more terrifying than waking up to that sound at 3 a.m. and knowing something is not right with your sweet baby girl. To this day, I still shudder everytime I hear an alarm similar to that one.

I could not return to work in six weeks like I had previously planned. I just WOULD NOT leave her with a babysitter. I ended up being out for 4 months on that maternity leave. My mom (thank God) was able to keep her for me while she was out for the summer from her teaching job after I went back. What would we do without our Moms? I have to say that my boss was super supportive during that time and kept paying me even though I was still out. One particular coworker had a problem with this and proceeded to tell me anytime I touched base at the office that I needed to hurry up and get back. I found out much later that he was telling the boss that he needed to find someone else to fill my place while I was out. You really find out who your friends are in a situation like that. There was one other MOTHER who I thought was my friend that was upset bc I got a longer maternity leave than she did. My blood still boils everytime I think about it. It all came to a head about a year after that when I was out bc my son was sick. What made me so mad was that any time off was passed through the boss. I had plenty of personal days built up again by that point, so there should have been no problem. It was that one particular (male) coworker who started telling my boss that he basically needed to do something about women taking off work for sick kids. I got wind of it and needless to say, it got ugly. I am not one to embrace confrontation at any turn. I believe in picking my battles wisely, but something in me just snapped. Why not come to me and talk to me if you have a serious problem with something I am doing, instead of trying to secretly undermine me to my boss? Anyway, he later apologized and since that blowup, things have been much better as far as his attitude, but I still do not trust him as far as I can throw him.

DD ended up being fine, the doctors opinion was that she had severe reflux which caused her to choke and that was why she stopped breathing. I still don't know if I totally buy that to this day, but that's another story. She outgrew it though just like the doctors said she would once she started eating more solid food. And praise God, her most recent Echo showed that the hole in her heart had closed.

But my point is that it is NOT easy for moms who work. Sometimes it seems like we are in a constant battle on every side. You just have to do the best you can do and take those special moments and hold onto them forever and know that you are being the best mom that you can be for your little ones.

 

[jeriber]

I have been reading the Disboards for awhile now but none of the posts has touched me like this one. I am a SAHM who also works full-time. I chose to stay home with my first DS thirteen years ago after an unpleasent experience with his daycare, however DH makes almost no money in his chosen career field so I have to work. The solution: In-home child care. I love what I do (shouldn't we all love our jobs?) and can't imagine doing anything else. I also have the utmost respect for moms who can leave their children and work outside the home. I know my daycare moms are better parents because they are doing what they like to do. I know how hard it is for them to leave their kids, especially at the beginning, but I think that it is so important for them to be happy at work and be better for their kiddos!

 

[disneymom225]

It is hard to leave a child at daycare-even a great one. I went back to work when DD was 8 weeks old but I was lucky because I am a teacher and only had to work about 6 weeks before I was off for the summer. Every person has to look at their own sitution and make the decision that works for their family. I also carry the medical benefits so there was no question that I had to go back to work. There are some positives to a daycare setting that I've noticed with my dd. She is very social and verbal b/c her babysitter has mixed ages so she interacts with different children. She also has exposure to smaller kids so she is learning gentleness and compassion. We are not planning to have any more children so this interaction is great for her. DD is learning how to get along w/ other kids (babysitter is great at letting the kids handle their own problems-within reason of course!). I also think that she is building up her immune system- beign around those kids gives her body a chance to get used to all the germs- kindergarten won't be a shock to her!
Could she learn all these things at home? Yes. I don't think daycare is the only answer but I think her world is broaden by exposure to different styles of discipline and technique. She is my only so I baby her- at the babysitter's she is one of many so she has to do more for herself--which is a great thing!
Good luck!