Women & the college degree - Your opinion?

[diznygirl]

What about men who aren't using the degrees they went to college for?

College is so much more than getting job training.

 

[cabanafrau]

Because I see the women in my family trying to pay off the college debt they accrued. They are not working because they are raising kids. I care because I have a daughter who I am trying to advise. I care because I am a woman questioning the way my life panned out.

If you're really looking for broad-based, accurate information from which to form a perspective suitable for giving your daughter sound advice, perhaps you should move beyond anecdotal evidence from the internet or what you perceive in your family and seek out balanced, objective sources.

 

[Gracie09]

I have a BA, JD, and an MA and have stayed home for three years. I don't regret a minute of it. I'm not trapped in anyway. My husband appreciates the sacrifice I made to stay home with my child who had medical issues. Now that they are resolved and she is healthy and happy I am applying for jobs and have two interviews in the next couple weeks.
Would we be better off financially if I stayed working , sure. But I don't need to drive a Mercedes to be happy my Chevy is fine thank you. We pay our bills and go on vacation every year. We also wouldn't be adopting our other daughter if I was working so that is priceless.

Unless you are living the situation you don't get it. I could have gotten a nanny but a good one would have cost a ton and I would be essentially working for ten dollars an hour. I also didn't want my medically fragile infant with someone else. I don't consider my education a waste even if I never go back to work. It is what made me, me.

 

[Mrs.Malone]

Education is great, even if only for its own sake.

Agreed. Racking up debt isn't a good idea, but I don't think it's very often that SAHMs with degrees have a lot of educational debt. At least not the ones I've known. I was on scholarships/work study myself as many are. No debt.
I didn't plan to be a SAHM. I was open to it, but it wasn't until my first child was born that I knew this was what I truly wanted to do. I'm thankful it was an option for me. My degrees were NOT wasted. I'm 100% sure that I'm a more well-rounded person and a better mother because of the experiences, knowledge, work ethic and people skills I developed through college education. I use these things in my parenting as well as my volunteer work for a nonprofit every single day.

It's also always just good to have something to fall back on.

 

[nighttowll]

Mods: not sure if this counts as political or not. If so please delete. I don't want to get an infraction for this. Thanks.

Don't get me wrong...I'm all for women getting a higher education but I have seen too many women get a bachelor's and then a master's degree (and the debt that goes with it) and then turn around and become stay-at-home moms running a cake decorating or stationary business.

Have you seen this "trend"? I have seen it all too many times and I wonder why women get trapped in this. I have seen executive women bankers with advanced degrees just give it all up to raise famillies (which I'm all for as well)

My cousin racked up debt getting her master's and now plays pat-a cake with her 2 year (for a living!)

Again, stay at home moms make the world go round....but aren't we women (the majority) made for running the family business as opposed to running the corporate business? It looks like mother nature has the final say, right?

Please note: my intention is not to have a stay-home vs. work mom thread at all. I believe you have to do what works for you and both are noble. I'm just questioning why women get degrees and debt and then end up not using them.

I'm just throwing it out there to see if anyone has an opinion.

I've never thought about it before, but I do get what you are saying.

I have a friend who always planned not to work, her greatest dream was to have a huge family and homeschool them all. She's one of those who is into the mommy household thing 110%, bakes her own bread, wants her own farm, really wants to be completely domestic.

I think it's so funny because she grew up with a nanny and a very modern business woman for a mom who was the breadwinner in the house. I guess maybe that's why. She feels like she missed out on time with her Mom.

But she went to a very expensive university and has a degree Id love to have, only without all the debt that goes with it. It does seem kind of strange to spend all that money if you never intended to use the degree.

I really get going to college or taking classes for fun or to expand your horizons, or that plans may change before you finish 4 years of school, but the whole never planning to use it thing. I don't get. The only thing I can figure out is that it's more for having a backup plan, so she knows she can support the family if she has to, or so when the kids don't need her anymore, she can focus on something else.

 

[mmackeymouse]

I cannot shed any insight into WHY it happens, but I will say this much.

As I grew up, for both me and my sister...we both knew we would got to college. My parents never demanded it of us, but they probably would have if we had resisted. It was just always assumed we'd go to college.

We each picked a career path that sounded interesting and a school. And off we went.

Now, when you are 18 or 19 years old, you may not want to know what you want to do for the rest of your life. Sometimes you do; a lot of the times not. This is why so many people switch majors or change career paths. And sometimes, what you ultimately desire is to be a stay at home mom or to become a chef or whatever the case may be.

What is so funny about the OP is I have started my own stationary business and my sister makes cakes, so you have pretty much described us to a tee.

Another thing is...sometimes people get into the real world and LOVE their jobs. And some people don't love their jobs as much. And they want to do what they actually LOVE to do. So, this is where all those bakeries and paper shops and photography studios and travel agencies come into play...people doing what they love to do.

I still work, because I have to. My sister is still a nurse. But, I think if we both knew we could make a good living doing these things we LOVE to do full time, we would make that choice.

I don't think people necessarily go to college thinking, "I am going to get a college education and then never use it." I think it is just...life. Circumstances change. Desires change. Ambitions change.

 

[Lorelei Lee]

My daughters are 23 and 21, my friends and I have moved past the child-rearing stage.

Those of my friends who were stay at home moms fall into two categories -- those who had careers before they had children, and those who did not. Overall the women who had degrees and careers were better equipped to move on to the next stage of their lives than those who did not. Many of them returned to the workforce. Some did not, but use their skills and education in volunteer positions.

The ones who lack education and job skills, who have defined themselves only as wife and mother, are having a difficult time redefining themselves now that their children are grown and out of the house.

My older daughter, whose career track is in teaching/education, seems like the type who would want to be a stay at home mother if she has the neans to do so. My younger daughter does not seem to be the type to stay home. But both will have had an education, job skills and experience, so staying home with their children will be their choice, not their only option.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Because I see the women in my family trying to pay off the college debt they accrued. They are not working because they are raising kids. I care because I have a daughter who I am trying to advise. I care because I am a woman questioning the way my life panned out.

You know what that leads to? A whole bunch of frustration!

I am 48 and getting back in and have no contacts, marketable skills really, however that is not going to stop me.

I have vowed to only look forward. I will succeed because I am not going to give up. Eventually I will be hired, work, and then I will begin to gain my "working life" back. I have had several part time jobs and volunteering so I am not devoid of all skills however.

In short, "Don't Look Back, You Are Not Going That Way".

Beating yourself up is just not useful. Examining every angle is exhausting.

Just live in the reality you have placed yourself and go forward.

 

[powellrj]

Because I see the women in my family trying to pay off the college debt they accrued. They are not working because they are raising kids. I care because I have a daughter who I am trying to advise. I care because I am a woman questioning the way my life panned out.

As long as they aren't asking you to help pay off their debts, don't worry about others.

I also have a daughter who will be going away to college in the fall. I have told her to do what will make her happy because you don't know what life will bring you. She has worked hard and yes she will have some debt, but you adjust.

Right now most of the women I know aren't living their lives the way they would have chosen. I know many widows, people like me caring for parents, people dealing with health issues they never imagined they would have. Life doesn't always pan out, you just work with the hand you are dealt.

 

[carriemd]

You know what that leads to? A whole bunch of frustration!

I am 48 and getting back in and have no contacts, marketable skills really, however that is not going to stop me.

I have vowed to only look forward. I will succeed because I am not going to give up. Eventually I will be hired, work, and then I will begin to gain my "working life" back. I have had several part time jobs and volunteering so I am not devoid of all skills however.

In short, "Don't Look Back, You Are Not Going That Way".

Beating yourself up is just not useful. Examining every angle is exhausting.

Just live in the reality you have placed yourself and go forward.

Good luck to you!
and this says it best--

But both will have had an education, job skills and experience, so staying home with their children will be their choice, not their only option.

It's about choice. No one should be unprepared. No one can predict the future. In 2014, everyone needs vocational training or a degree. If you want to be competitive in many fields, an advanced degree is pretty much essential too.
I am home with my children now (on extended leave)and I am miserable. If I didn't have my degrees, and the opportunity to work (which I personally find more fulfilling than being with my kids full time), *that* would be a trap. However, there are many women who would love to be in my position and have the option to stay home. It's impossible to give general advice because it is SUCH a personal decision.
Everyone is different, and sometimes the freedom to choose your path comes with a price--in some cases, student loan debt (again, whole different topic).

 

[dAnconia]

I have two degrees and now stay at home. Reasons this was the right choice for me:
1) Met my husband immediately after my education. If I had not met him so early or had married someone unable to support a family without a second income, then I had the education to be successful in a field I love.
2) I think the experiences in school made me who I am today and I am a better mother, wife, and part of the community. I am a better teacher for my kids and my husband and I can have meaningful conversations about his work because our educational backgrounds are similar.
3) Should something happen leaving me single (ex. death of my husband) I at least have my degrees and some work experience under my belt

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

Again, stay at home moms make the world go round....but aren't we women (the majority) made for running the family business as opposed to running the corporate business? It looks like mother nature has the final say, right?

This sounds an awful lot like we should be kept "barefoot and pregnant"!

I didn't go to college right out of high school, went to work instead. Spent many years working and realized I needed a degree to get ahead. I went back part time (eventually full time) and graduated with a Bachelor's and no debt. I was 32 at the time. Spent the next couple years taking care of a terminally ill parent and not even thinking about a family. I worked at a job (not a career) because I was focused on taking care of my mom.

Eventually my husband and I started a family and I became a stay at home mom. Still am 13 years later. I don't regret for one minute getting that degree. I have something to fall back on. I have a sense of accomplishment. I have something to be proud of.

You never know what life is going to bring you. Why not be prepared for anything? I just don't understand the "why bother" attitude!

 

[snapppyd]

Why do you care?

And this is highly offensive, not to mention anecdotal and not backed up by any statistics, studies, etc. This post feels like stepping back to 1954.

you've missed the point. Why does the OP care what other people do with their time, energy and money? You've quoted my response, which I am also free to post.
Women get it from all sides, no matter what choice we make. This is a pointless debate--there are no winners. Ever.

There are many here who are having an intelligent conversation about the subject. No one is looking to "win". My goodness, this is a community board where everything is discussed. If we are not supposed to "care" about anything all discussion boards should just cease to exist.

Ok, my story. I was raised by parents who were born in the 1920's. Neither one of them graduated from high school - they both lost their mothers at young ages and their families did not have money. They dropped out of school and went to work. They married young (21 and 19) and had 3 daughters.

We were only expected to graduate high school. Then it was assumed we would get married and be stay at home moms (like my mother).

Both my sisters followed that path. I was on my way, then found out we could not have children. I was a secretary for 32 years. Dh and I have done well but now that I'm older I wish I had gone to college. Of course I know I can go back, but it's not the same. I can never have that experience of being young and learning to stand on my own, away from home.

If I had a daughter I would absolutely encourage her to get all the education she could before settling down. My nephew has lost his job and his wife was able to fall back on her teaching degree after being home for 10 years.

I don't think an education is ever wasted, as a PP said, even if "just" for your own sake and not to make money.

 

[carriemd]

yes, and there is also a way to have a discussion without being judgmental and making unsubstantiated generalizations right out of the gate.

 

[frostedpink]

This is an interesting topic, although of course the ending answer is that it's a personal choice.

My sister and I both went to college. After that, we chose different paths. She used her degree for 2 years and then quit to be a waitress. She had two children and stayed home full time for a couple of years. Hubby got laid off, so she went back to waitressing part time. She now works ~20 hours per week as a waitress and the youngest child will be starting kindergarten next year. She still doesn't want to work full time.

My path was different. I've been in the working world for 10 years now and continue to use my original college degree. DH and I loved our double income so I chose to stay working when we had our child. Also, I think it's very hard to get back into the workforce once you leave (at least in my field) so I really didn't want to give up my job.

Very different choices. In the end, both work for our respective families. I do however think some times that she "wasted" her college degree. My parents paid for both of our college educations 100%, no loans. It was an incredible gift. I know she'll never agree with me (and we've argued about this before). I also think it's very important to be financially independent from your spouse. At this point, she is not. If he were to leave (or die) she'd be in a pickle. Two kids, low-paying job, part time at that....?? Her degree licenses are long expired. It was a wasted talent of hers, imo. But we'll never agree on that!

 

[NY Disney fan]

There are many here who are having an intelligent conversation about the subject. No one is looking to "win". My goodness, this is a community board where everything is discussed. If we are not supposed to "care" about anything all discussion boards should just cease to exist.

Thakn you for your respectful comments. There are many people that are "projecting" with anger and bitterness. If I knew that I would have never started this thread. Thank you to all who replied. I think the universal concept I'm seeing in this thread is: because life never goes as planned.

 

[Tinkermommy]

I am so thankful that I live in a time and place where I am free to choose my path.

Many people get degrees and don't use them it's not just woman.

But, I do think that once babies come in there is a strong pull on us women to mother those children and for some that means giving up a job/career to do so.

That's one reason I think we don't have that many women CEOs. I am not saying there is no glass ceiling, just that women don't want to put in the extremely long hours or travel away from family that it takes to reach that level. Success to us is more about a balance between work/home life.

FWIW, I work full time and I travel about once a month. I would not want to do much more than that and it does limit my advancement but I have a job I love and I work at home so I still get lots of time with my kids.

For me it's about freedom of choice. And we get to keep choosing as our circumstances change.

 

[Saphire]

My cousin racked up debt getting her master's and now plays pat-a cake with her 2 year (for a living!)

You need to take a much longer view. The two year old won't be two for long. That child will be out of the house before you know it, and there will plenty of years left to work outside the home. The degree will not be 'wasted'.

My daughter is working on her Doctorate. The advice I gave her when she was younger and preparing for college?

--Get your education finished when you are young. Later when you have a family, it is MUCH harder to do it.
--Choose a field where you can work part-time. It is so much easier to have that flexibility when raising children.
--Look at the list of 'top jobs' in the country. Think about choosing from that list.

 

[NY Disney fan]

--Get your education finished when you are young. Later when you have a family, it is MUCH harder to do it.
--Choose a field where you can work part-time. It is so much easier to have that flexibility when raising children.
--Look at the list of 'top jobs' in the country. Think about choosing from that list.

Good advice.

 

[carriemd]

Thakn you for your respectful comments. There are many people that are "projecting" with anger and bitterness. If I knew that I would have never started this thread. Thank you to all who replied.

Not projecting anything. I'm sorry if you're disappointed or dissatisfied with the way your life turned out, (IDK if that was what you meant by questioning), and I hope that you can find peace. I'm just saying that if you truly want to advise someone, you know that person better than anyone on a message board does, and no one here is going to be able to say what the right answer is. Sometimes college isn't the answer, but vocational training is. SOMETHING is. Maybe the more accurate question should be *what* people (both men and women) are studying. I have a BA in English. Complete waste of money, if I hadn't gone on to grad school and law school. But it was the path of least resistance, so I took it. That was not a smart choice. So I would encourage my children to get a degree that they are both interested in, and that has legitimate career prospects beyond "go to grad school." Every semester in college, with current tuition rates, is precious, and the real issue is the quality of the investment people are making--not the investment itself, because I think we're way past asking if higher education is necessary. It is.