Wife's father passed away..planning Disney Trip

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by lakeman, Sep 23, 2011.

  1. lakeman

    lakeman Earning My Ears

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    My wife's father passed away last week. He always wanted to go to Disney with his daughter, me and our 2 kids but was never ever to make it due to health reasons. His wife, my mother in law, is devastated like we all are. My family planned a trip to Disney a few months ago to go the 3rd week of December with my wife's sister and her 2 kids. They have never been before and this will be our 7th time since 2000.

    We decided really fast that we needed to take my mother in law with us. We weren't going to take no for an answer. We had a spot for one more so it works very well. Didn't really matter, we would have made room. She feels guilty now about going though I believe it will be great for her to see her 2 daughters and 4 grandchildren in Disney World for the first time.

    Any advice on how to make this trip easier for all of us? I know it will take time and there will be tears of sorrow and tears of happiness when we go.
     
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  3. lorimay

    lorimay DIS Veteran

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    I am so sorry for your loss.
    May God Bless your family at this time of sadness.

    I think being with her children and grand children is the best thing for her.
    She will get so much pleasure watching the kids having the time of their lives.
    Yes, there will be sadness for your mother-in-law, but I think she will have a lot of joy as well.

    Enjoy your family life is too short not to.
     
  4. LuvsDragonflies

    LuvsDragonflies DIS Veteran

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    Just embrace it. Let the tears come, they'll ebb, they'll flow. Remember and enjoy. He'll be there with you. :hug::hug::hug:
     
  5. addicted_to_WDW

    addicted_to_WDW <font color="darkorchid">He's a teenaged skate rat

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    Emotions will be very different 3 months from now during your trip. Right now everything is raw. There will be a few tears then, but I think it is very important to focus on the children and not, "oh, grandpa would have loved to have been here." That will go without saying.

    Let your MIL have part in the planning but not right now. Give her a month or so to start processing her loss, and then give her a guide book and ask her to choose a few things she'd love to do. Let her know that it's ok if she wants time alone, or time with just her daughters to celebrate her husband's memory.
     
  6. Buckalew11

    Buckalew11 2013 1/2 Marathon Finisher!!! Woohoo!!

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    Focus on the kids and let anyone who wants to talk about grandpa talk about him. Grandma may or may not want to talk about him--let her do what she is comfortable with and do not change the subject if she goes there. Go there with her in a comforting way.

    My dad died in early November and my mom and I went to WDW that same Dec. It was a tough trip because we both had so many memories of going to Disney with dad. It is still hard but it is easier than it was that trip.

    My DH wanted his mom to go with us after his father died. She would not hear of it. :( That's been 10 years ago and she still has not gone--she says," He never got to go and I'm not going to go now." :( I'd probably try harder to get her to go but I really do not think she'd enjoy Disneyworld. DH's dad, however, would have loved it.
     
  7. JoshAndEvsMom

    JoshAndEvsMom Mouseketeer

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    My dad passed just two weeks before our planned Disney vacation. It was sad and really hard to take my kids on their first Disney trip without my dad but it was also really healing. My dad was in hospice before he died and was able to talk with my son about the trip and told us how excited he was for us to go. We felt like we had his blessing.

    I am sure your father in law would be excited for all of you too! Do a special dinner in his honor or bring a photo of him along with you. It will be a healing experience for all of you. :hug:
     
  8. lakeman

    lakeman Earning My Ears

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    A special dinner sounds like a good idea..
     
  9. lakeman

    lakeman Earning My Ears

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    thank you all for your kind words, advice and memories that you have shared. we are not alone in experiencing a loss. it is still raw but i know that he would have loved to have gone with us many times and always wanted my mother in law to go with us. difficult times are meant to be shared with the people you love and the Lord.
     
  10. Buckalew11

    Buckalew11 2013 1/2 Marathon Finisher!!! Woohoo!!

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    :thumbsup2 y'all are going to be just fine. Your attitude and your faith will comfort you and help you to comfort your MIL. Make sure she gets lots of hugs--human touch is important to everyone.:hug:

    Have a good trip.
     
  11. 4nana

    4nana God Bless America, Land of the Free, Because of th

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    I'm so sorry for your sad loss and feel your pain :hug:. After we lost my dear Dad, several months later we invited my Mom on her first cruise, Disney, to help pick up her spirits. Understandably so, there were many adjustments for her, having been married 56yrs, to be alone for the first time w/o her soul mate. Honestly, even tho there were a few tears, the cruise brought much healing, reminiscing, and we made many special memories to carry in our hearts forever. May yours be blessed with the same, as FIL smiles upon you and yours from above. Godspeed :flower3:
     
  12. lakeman

    lakeman Earning My Ears

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    yesterday we had a great conversation with her at the kitchen table and showed her many pictures off the internet. told her we already reserved a scooter and told her how excited we are that she is coming. it is really impossible to describe the feeling you get from Disney World but gave it our best shot. you all know you have to experience it to understand why it is the happiest place on earth..she is starting to warm up to it. it will take time for her to start really looking forward to the vacation since yesterday we were still going through my father in laws things but it is a nice distraction and something cheerful to talk about.
     
  13. PrincessSuzanne

    PrincessSuzanne <font color=red>Guess I will be eating crow tonigh

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    In 2008, we planned a trip for Dec 2008, to include myself, my DH, and my mother, my cousin, her sister and 3 children to go to WDW, well, my mom passed away suddenly in Aug (coincidentally just 5 days before our mother daughter trip to WDW), and we decided we still had to go, the children knew about the trip and we couldn't disappoint them. It was hard, I think I cried quite a bit, but the family just let me cry when I needed and be happy when I could muster the strength.

    My point is, you have to do the same thing for her. Let her cry if she feels it coming (I cried on the bus on the way to the MK one evening), encourage her to laugh and be happy, if she wants to, but don't force it. She will be feeling alot of different things, just let her. I tried not to let the children see me cry, because I didn't want to upset them.

    My cousin and 2 of her children and her sister went home a couple of days before DH and I and her oldest daughter, so on our last night, we went to MK, on the way out that evening, I stopped to buy a Mickey/Minnie balloon to release for mom by the Christmas tree, I started to cry, so I turned away, the CM looked at DH who explanied and she immediately handed DH my money back and said to take the balloon and then she hugged me and told me she couldn't take my money, she helped me tie a note on it and the 3 of us released it and cried. I will never forget that night.
     
  14. Robinrs

    Robinrs DIS Veteran

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    amen!

    Agreed!

    OP, my precious Dad died on my birthday in March of 2003. I went to Orlando on HIS birthday the next month in April. My son, then 10, said "isn't it nice that they go EVERYWHERE with us now?" :cloud9: He was so right!

    Have a wonderful time!:hug:
     
  15. lakeman

    lakeman Earning My Ears

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    there are so many wonderful posts and replies here, I thank you all so much for sharing your hearts. there are a lot of good people out there. I love the balloon idea, have talked about it before with my wife and the story about the 10 year old that said, "isn't it nice that they go EVERYWHERE with us now?" how sweet and true. makes me tear up..
     
  16. merlib

    merlib Mouseketeer

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    Condolences to you and your family on your loss. The fall after my dad died, we took my mom to WDW with us. Each day, we tried to do one thing that my dad would have wanted to do. At MGM we had a chocolate shake, at MK we did Carousel of Progress, Epcot we did the American Experience.
     
  17. lakeman

    lakeman Earning My Ears

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    so excited
     
  18. lakeman

    lakeman Earning My Ears

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    to be going again
     
  19. lakeman

    lakeman Earning My Ears

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    to WDW with my family,
     
  20. lakeman

    lakeman Earning My Ears

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  21. lakeman

    lakeman Earning My Ears

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    My mother in law is starting to balk on going with all of us to WDW. We have gotten the scooter reserved and she is added to the room and paid for. She is feeling guilty and is still in a bad way. I know it will take time...
     

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