Why do we "lie" to our Children

[mom2AidanAndEli]

I lie to my kids to crush their dreams and send them into a tailspin of despair that only years of therapy can release them from. I figure if I'm going to be paying for their health insurance until they are 26, I better do something to get my moneys worth.

 

[disney1990]

Wait what? You are saying there isn't a Santa Claus?

Next thing they are going to say is there is no Mickey Mouse.

 

[mhara]

Do Santa if you want to, don't if you don't. Kids aren't little for long and if you want to create a bit of extra magic for them then that's no-one else's business and highly unlikely to cause permanent damage to their delicate snowflakey psychs. No drama needed really folks.

 

[Peanut Giggleface]

A girlfriend of mine decided she wasn't going to lie to her children about Santa, tooth fairy, et al. When the kids were old enough to know they knew the truth and all their friends were not in the "know", they became pretty arrogant kids. They would talk down to their friends if the mention of any fictional character came up. They didn't let out the secret, but they were smug and condescending. So for those of you who want to tell your kids the truth from the get go, please teach them to have a little compassion and respect for other people and the way they want to live their life.

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

I lie to my kids to crush their dreams and send them into a tailspin of despair that only years of therapy can release them from. I figure if I'm going to be paying for their health insurance until they are 26, I better do something to get my moneys worth.

Thanks for the laugh on this very long Monday!

 

[threecrazykids]

I lie to my kids to crush their dreams and send them into a tailspin of despair that only years of therapy can release them from. I figure if I'm going to be paying for their health insurance until they are 26, I better do something to get my moneys worth.

 

[BRAVEMERIDA]

My parents "lied" to me. I don't have any long term negative effects from it and I trust them now.

Me too.

If I met someone who said they were scarred from the lies their parents told them ( Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny) I would seriously

 

[DawnM]

No Holiday season is complete without a thread about Santa and lying to our kids on the DIS.

I feel that the season has officially now begun!

 

[ashley0139]

No Holiday season is complete without a thread about Santa a lying to our kids on the DIS.

I feel that the season has officially now begun!

I've been here for years and I don't remember one of these threads. Where have I been? Clearly I've missed some good drama.

 

[Robbi]

No Holiday season is complete without a thread about Santa a lying to our kids on the DIS.

I feel that the season has officially now begun!

But is it fair that the thread was started before Thanksgiving?

 

[jahber]

My daughter is 9 and she believes in Santa and the Tooth Fairy. I don't know if she believes in the characters at Disney, and I don't really care in any deep sort of sense. I'm pretty sure she's going to be questioning Santa soon--I'm also pretty sure the fact that we homeschool is the reason why she's never questioned before. No one has ever even intimated that Santa may not be real.
And I am 99% sure based on her personality that she will be disappointed that Santa and the Tooth Fairy aren't real, BUT that she will also be happy to help me create the magic for her little brother and the little one we are expecting now. If for no other reason, I am glad we "believe" in Santa so that my daughter and eventually my son can pass the magic on to their younger siblings. Being a part of the "grown up" world means having the privilege of making magic for little ones.
On a related note, and just out of curiosity, if you don't lie to your kids EVER, what do you say when they ask why mommy and daddy sometimes lock their door at night???

 

[ashley0139]

On a related note, and just out of curiosity, if you don't lie to your kids EVER, what do you say when they ask why mommy and daddy sometimes lock their door at night???

So because someone doesn't want to lie to their kids for YEARS about something huge, they can never tell them a white lie about anything? We all pick and choose what is important to us.

 

[luvsJack]

as am I, people can do as they wish, believe in what they wish.

My point is that believing in things that are NON PROVEN is the same as kids believing in non factual beings - you HOPE, and believe they are real .... but you dont really know.

I loved being my boys "Santa", doing fake snow footprints in the house, reindeer food, all the usual things. It ended this year when we told them the truth (which they pretty much guessed anyway!) as it was time. They werent hurt, offended, distraught ..... because they are normal kids.

Its proven, you just have to know where to look for the proof.




As for Santa----I never lied to my kids. They believed and when they started doubting and asked me if he was real, I just turned the question around, "What do you think?" If they wanted to continue to believe, they reasoned it out in their own minds that he was real, if they didn't they reasoned it out that way. If they asked if I believed, I would say yes. Because I very much believe in the spirit of Christmas that Santa represents. Sooner or later, of course, they all stopped believing all by themselves without me ever saying a word.

If someone else chooses to never allow their kids to believe in Santa, its certainly their choice. But to call other parents liars to their children or that they are going to traumatize their child is crazy.

 

[disneychrista]

WOW! This thread has taken on a life of its own. I forgot how everything posted on the DIS goes the extreme.

No where did I say that we were causes our children unrepairable harm by telling them these "lies." Nor did I mean to imply that this would cause life-long trust issues. The first few replies were exactly what I was asking for. Why do we tell these stories (aka "lies") tradition, fun, fantasy.

 

[NHdisneylover]

People(on this thread) aren't fine with those who don't do the Santa thing. They are saying they will hunt someone down whose kid might tell their kid Santa doesn't exist. They are saying parents are taking away magic and imagination and pretend from their kids. That isn't being fine with it.

Yes--there were a coupe of posters in the "pro Santa camp" who were over the top rude. There were also a dozen or more people who were not like that at all.

Not on this thread, they aren't.

Yes, there were some. Heck, the OP used the word "lie" did it not? From my perspective, there were probably a few more rude people in the "anti Santa camp" than the pro--but both sides had both rude/judgmental, and live and let live people in it.

I lie to my kids to crush their dreams and send them into a tailspin of despair that only years of therapy can release them from. I figure if I'm going to be paying for their health insurance until they are 26, I better do something to get my moneys worth.

THANK YOU!!!

So because someone doesn't want to lie to their kids for YEARS about something huge, they can never tell them a white lie about anything? We all pick and choose what is important to us.

No--but if you are seeing it as lying--and not just not a "game" you don't want to play with your kids, then the implication is that you feel lying is wrong and children should not be lied to. (besides, um, locking the door at night goes on for years longer than Santa in most healthy families ).

I was not thinking abotu that, but wondering about the Birds and the Bees. That is something my kids always knew the basic truth about (as in, from the time they could ask, which for DD was before 2; she wanted to know because i was pregnant with her brother). Some of the same people who were always big into being honest with their kids and not "lying" about Santa, etc were the ones whose kids believed that baby came from storks, or "when you really really love someone and you area grown up, then a baby just happens" (that one got very interesting at a family reunion when the child overheard people asking her aunt and uncle when they were going to start a family--she announced nice and loudly that they did't have one because they did not love each other enough like her mommy and daddy did. )

 

[ashley0139]

Yes--there were a coupe of posters in the "pro Santa camp" who were over the top rude. There were also a dozen or more people who were not like that at all.


Yes, there were some. Heck, the OP used the word "lie" did it not? From my perspective, there were probably a few more rude people in the "anti Santa camp" than the pro--but both sides had both rude/judgmental, and live and let live people in it.

No--but if you are seeing it as lying--and not just not a "game" you want to play with your kids, then the implication is that you feel lying is wrong and children should not be lied to. (besides, um, locking the door at night goes on for years longer than Santa in most healthy families ).

I was not thinking abotu that, but wondering about the Birds and the Bees. That is something my kids always knew the basic truth about (as in, from the time they could ask, which for DD was before 2; she wanted to know because i was pregnant with her brother). Some of the same people who were always big into being honest with their kids and not "lying" about Santa, etc were the ones whose kids believed that baby came from storks, or "when you really really love someone and you area grown up, then a baby just happens" (that one got very interesting at a family reunion when the child overheard people asking her aunt and uncle when they were going to start a family--she announced nice and loudly that they did't have one because they did not love each other enough like her mommy and daddy did. )

(The quoting on this is turning out weird because you used multi quote, haha.)

You're right, there were plenty of people who were not rude at all about it. Though there are SO many more in the "pro" Santa camp, I'm not remembering anyone in the "anti" Santa camp who were outright rude about it. I don't think the OP was intending to be rude at all, even using the word lie.

I think the quotes used in "lie" are important, because it's not what most of us think of as traditionally lying. I have used lie in this thread simply because it is the easiest word to use in the situation. Game (though I think it goes a bit past that) or pretending are fine too. I'm not putting a lot of stock in the word itself, but the idea.

I honestly didn't know that not doing Santa with your kids was a "thing." I was surprised when this thread popped up, because I have never heard of anyone in my life that has not done it (I have several friends with kids, but not tons at this point) . It's a personal decision I came to a while ago that I (currently) plan on. I honestly have no problem either way. Pretending Santa is real is fine. Not pretending Santa is real is fine. Pretending the flying spaghetti monster is real is also fine. But I'm pretty much a "do whatever makes you happy as long as you're not hurting anyone" kind of person to the extreme. The thing I have more of a problem with, though, is blindly following a tradition because it's a tradition and most people do it. That doesn't make it "right".

 

[NHdisneylover]

(The quoting on this is turning out weird because you used multi quote, haha.)

You're right, there were plenty of people who were not rude at all about it. Though there are SO many more in the "pro" Santa camp, I'm not remembering anyone in the "anti" Santa camp who were outright rude about it. I don't think the OP was intending to be rude at all, even using the word lie.

I think the quotes used in "lie" are important, because it's not what most of us think of as traditionally lying. I have used lie in this thread simply because it is the easiest word to use in the situation. Game (though I think it goes a bit past that) or pretending are fine too. I'm not putting a lot of stock in the word itself, but the idea.

I honestly didn't know that not doing Santa with your kids was a "thing." I was surprised when this thread popped up, because I have never heard of anyone in my life that has not done it (I have several friends with kids, but not tons at this point) . It's a personal decision I came to a while ago that I (currently) plan on. I honestly have no problem either way. Pretending Santa is real is fine. Not pretending Santa is real is fine. Pretending the flying spaghetti monster is real is also fine. But I'm pretty much a "do whatever makes you happy as long as you're not hurting anyone" kind of person to the extreme. The thing I have more of a problem with, though, is blindly following a tradition because it's a tradition and most people do it. That doesn't make it "right".

As long as the tradition is not something that is truly harmful, why would you have a problem with someone following a tradition just because it is one, without putting a lot of thought into the matter?
A huge amount of what we do in our lives is more or less because of tradition. If I stop to analyze it, I would say that traditions help bind us together as a people and as a family. They give us a sense of continuity an connection that help us to feel grounded and secure. Especially in our ever more mobile society--having traditions to fall back on helps us to feel "at home" even in new places, or away from family, etc.

Why would you have a problem with someone spontaneously falling into the tradition of telling a child to place the tooth they just lost under their pillow so the tooth fairy can bring them something--even if the person had not given a thought until their child lost that first tooth?
Or with the person who generally eats eggs, pancakes or bagels instead of hamburgers or pasta for breakfast--because they grew up seeing some foods as traditional breakfast foods and not others?
Or with the bride who throws her bouquet at a wedding just because that is what she has always seen done and she wants the same (or, she wears white, or a veil, or a fancy dress at all, etc for basically the same reason--tradition)?
Etc, etc--I could go on all day of course, our lives our steeped in tradition.

I have no issue with those who choose not to follow traditions or those who start their own traditions in their families, or draw from other cultures for their traditions, etc but I also have no problem with those who DO follow them without analyzing the whys behind virtually everything they do.

Why do you have a problem with someone blindly following a tradition? How does it hurt you or others if they do?

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

The thing I have more of a problem with, though, is blindly following a tradition because it's a tradition and most people do it. That doesn't make it "right".

Ummm, I know I'm not supposed to mention this, but doesn't that basically describe religions? And I'm not specifying a particular one or saying it's wrong. But isn't that a "tradition" that's handed down and people follow along?

 

[Granny square]

Ummm, I know I'm not supposed to mention this, but doesn't that basically describe religions? And I'm not specifying a particular one or saying it's wrong. But isn't that a "tradition" that's handed down and people follow along?

If it were merely a tradition that would be accurate. But a religion is a deeper function in society.

Not arguing against you. I'm all about traditions. . I love them.

 

[luvsJack]

Ummm, I know I'm not supposed to mention this, but doesn't that basically describe religions? And I'm not specifying a particular one or saying it's wrong. But isn't that a "tradition" that's handed down and people follow along?

No Religion is much more than a tradition

And a person follows based on faith not tradition