why are teenage girls so mean? vent (kind of long) -- updated page 2 and page 3

[VioltePrincess]

why do some teenage girls have to turn a lovely event like a birthday party into a major drama?


so my dd Jen is planning her sweet 16 party. we're not doing "My Super Sweet 16", but we're doing a nice party, a lot of kids, lots of food, etc. she invited a lot of girls from her cheerleading squad.

so she's been talking about the party at practice for awhile now.

there's another girl on the squad planning a sweet 16. this girl has been invited to Jen's part, and RSVP'd that she's coming. for weeks the other girl has been sharing the details of her own party with Jen, and telling Jen "of course you're invited to my party." the other girl's party is four days after Jen's party. then a few days ago the other girl told Jen "I don't know if I'm having a party after all. I got into trouble and I don't know if my mom is going to mail the invitations."

there was a football game today, and the girls were there to cheer. Jen hurt her ankle earlier this week, so she had to sit out, but went to the game anyhow to support the squad. and she noticed two of the cheerleaders (the other "sweet 16" was one of them) obviously talking about her -- a lot of pointing and whispering.

so Jen asked around, and found out that the invitations to the other girl's party were mailed out over a week ago. and Jen is not inivted to the party.

Jen is well aware that she's not going to be invited to every party. but she invited the other girl to her party, the other girl is coming to her party, the other girl repeatedly told Jen that she'd be invited to the other girl's party, then lied to Jen...it just was not a nice thing to do.

my daugher would very much like to uninvite the other girl...but won't do that, of course. still...she's very hurt and upset.

 

[Melissa M]

Would this other girl happen to be named Chelsea? My daughter has a so-called friend that did the exact same thing to her -- twice!

Girls at this age can be so catty. Tell your daughter to keep her chin up.

 

[Nasi]

I wish I knew the answer to this question. My heart goes out to you and DD. Something similiar happened to my DD last year. I think they are jealous for some reason or threatened by her. There seems to be so much competition with teenaged girls now. I'm glad I'm not a teenager. Nancy

 

[VioltePrincess]

unfortunately,, it's very common...there's a whole chapter about "party invites" in my favorite parenting book, "Queen Bees and Wannabes". seems that a lot of girls turn into "queen bees" when they're plannning a party.

still, when it happens to your daughter...well, I'm just annoyed tonight.

 

[poptoone]

Why do full grown women in a professional office have to turn lovely events into major drama? I think its inborn in women!

 

[Hixski]

This is why I hung out with mostly guys in high school!!!

 

[Serena]

This is why I hung out with mostly guys in high school!!!

Yep, that's what my oldest did too.

 

[robinb]

Because they learn it from their mothers?

My 7-year old DD plays with an 8-year old girl two houses away. Courtney is over at our house probably 2-3 days a week and each time I have to lock our cats up because she is afraid of them. Courtney's birthday was two weeks ago and neither my DD nor the 8-year old girl who lives across the street who also plays with Courtney was invited to the party. The topper was that her mom got the brilliant idea that the girls who were invited to the party have a special birthday scavenger hunt by going to the neighborhood houses and asking for small items like paper clips, etc. Of course, Celia answered the door. I contributed a paper clip and sent them on their way with a stiff smile. I then held my DD as she cried and tried to explain why she had not been invited to the party of one of her friends.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I then held my DD as she cried and tried to explain why she had not been invited to the party of one of her friends.

She plays at your house 2-3 days a week?! I do NOT understand why someone would do that to a kid.

 

[SillyMe]

This is why I hung out with mostly guys in high school!!!

Me too!

 

[DisneyBlonde]

Why do full grown women in a professional office have to turn lovely events into major drama? I think its inborn in women!

I was also going to respond that these mean teenage girls often become the witchy girl at work that makes your life miserable.

 

[robertsmom]

This is why I hung out with mostly guys in high school!!!

Same here. Much less drama with boys.

 

[hidmickey:myantidrug]

This is why I hung out with mostly guys in high school!!!

Oh yeah! You have to love that nega-estrogen thing.

 

[robinb]

She plays at your house 2-3 days a week?! I do NOT understand why someone would do that to a kid.

I was pretty shocked myself. I didn't even know it was her birthday until she came knocking at our door with her friends announcing it. Her mom stood on the sidewalk and beamed up at us. This same mom said to me today that Courtney and another friend were going trick-or-treating just the two of them and that maybe Celia could "run into them" along the way. Courtney was playing in our backyard at the time. I don't know if she's clueless or mean.

 

[GotFids]

Because they learn it from their mothers?

I totally agree! At my daughter's school there is a group of mothers that hang out, have bunko parties...a total "click". All their kids act the same way, never include other kids, treat others as if they are below them. My daughter and her friends tell me that it's okay ... "mom we are the goofy girls and we like that". So cute.

My daughter also had the scavenger hunt come to our house from a "friends" party. I don't think I ever felt that angry. My dd just wants to be friends with everybody. She's almost 11 now and it doesn't bother her as much...she has 3 really good friends that are a lot like her and that helps. We've learned to avoid continuing friendships with girls that display an evil streak.

 

[DznyFan]

This is why I hung out with mostly guys in high school!!!

Yep, me too.
And as the parent of a teen daughter, I've witnessed my share of the girl nastiness that does seem to be worse now than it was back in my HS days - and it was bad enough then. She too, has many male friends and a small handful of close female friends. It's just the nature of the beast, I guess - unfortunately.

 

[twinklebug]

Because they learn it from their mothers?

Bingo!

For years I've never understood why the cheerleaders (at least in our town) are so snotty toward the other kids in school, and even toward each other. Your post really brought to light at least part of the truth. It IS the mothers. How do I know?

Some time back I was a brownie troop leader. I can recall a wonderful little girl in my troop informed me at the end of the year that she wouldn't be able to be in the troop the following year. I asked her why, and she innocently said because her mommy said girl scouts weren't the kind of people she could play with. I've seen the mother around town since then and she is such the queen of snot. And that sweet little girl? She's now in 7th grade and is mean, mean, mean to kids to the point where she has no friends other than the few cheerleaders who sport the same foul attitude.



Please don't think I'm sterotyping cheerleaders. It's just what I've seen in the girls in town here. However, I also know two cheerleaders who haven't bought into "the attitude", and I know both their moms as good friends and they're the type of moms who if they sensed their kids were taking on "the attitude" would take them out of cheerleading for good.

 

[rie'smom]

All I can say is gris gris(voodoo curse) on the mean girls. May they grow up fat and ugly and marry wife beaters and have ugly kids.

 

[nightowlky]

Starts earlier than 16.

I dropped my 12 year-old off at a Halloween party tonight while I went to another one and after picking her up found out that several girls there were making the whole thing miserable, to the point the girl hosting it was in tears.

Rachel Simmons has a good book discussing this "phenomenon":

Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls

 

[Xcited4Disney]

Because they learn it from their mothers?

My 7-year old DD plays with an 8-year old girl two houses away. Courtney is over at our house probably 2-3 days a week and each time I have to lock our cats up because she is afraid of them. Courtney's birthday was two weeks ago and neither my DD nor the 8-year old girl who lives across the street who also plays with Courtney was invited to the party. The topper was that her mom got the brilliant idea that the girls who were invited to the party have a special birthday scavenger hunt by going to the neighborhood houses and asking for small items like paper clips, etc. Of course, Celia answered the door. I contributed a paper clip and sent them on their way with a stiff smile. I then held my DD as she cried and tried to explain why she had not been invited to the party of one of her friends.

OMG this brought tears to my eyes. I have a 7 y/o too and I hate to see her hurting.