When Your Child's Friend Now Drives...

[momofboyz3]

My twin boys are 15. One of them has a friend who is 16 & has a car. Would you let your son/daughter go in the car with them???
I got the call yesterday & wasn't prepared so I said, "no, we will discuss it this weekend" just want a few viewpoints...
WWYD?

 

[leebee]

Nope. Not going with a 16 year old driver. The State might say they are OK to drive, but I get to make the decision about whom my kid hangs out, and rides, with. Fortunately, here in Maine a "new" driver cannot drive friends for the first six months they have a license, so there's a little warning period there! However, when DD was that age, I didn't let her ride with anyone who I didn't feel was trustworthy. My kid, my decision. Sometimes it meant that I was the driver, sometimes DD didn't get to do what she wanted, but I knew she was as safe as I could arrange for her, and it all worked out.

 

[sonnyjane]

Growing up, I was younger than most of my friends. When I was 15, all my friends had already been 16 and driving for a year. My mom knew all of them (swim teammates) and we were allowed to go to the mall (30 minutes away), out to movies, etc. In PA where I grew up, if you weren't 18, you had to be off the roads by 11, so we were never out very late and I had just received my cell phone at age 15 so I had a way of checking in.

 

[sonnyjane]

I wanted to add, if it makes a difference, that I know different states have different rules. In PA, where I first got my license along with those friends that drove me around, you get your learner's permit at 15 1/2, license at 16, so teens that have just received their license at 16 have been practicing with their parents for about 6 months already. I also think that there are several different "16's" lol! My 16 year old female best friend driving around her parents' 80's station wagon (yup!) is quite different than a 16 year old boy driving around a red muscle car. And so that I'm not coming off as sexist, I'll say my younger sister, now 20, is someone that I STILL don't think I'm comfortable being a passenger of!

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

Got hit with this last year when my son was a freshman. He's on the HS soccer team now and the older teammates drive to practices and home afterwards, etc. He was actually offered a ride a couple times then and I'm sure it will happen even more this fall when he's a sophomore. He didn't take rides because he knew I was on my way to get him anyway. To make it worse, I don't even know some of these kids because they're a few years older than him. We sat him down and told him we were going to trust his judgment. He knows the kids better than we do. He knows who's responsible and who's not. We gave him a few examples of kids we know--both ones we would feel okay having him ride with and ones he'll NEVER get in a car with! He's a very level-headed kid and I do trust him not to do anything stupid. Now, this is just for rides around our small town. We haven't ventured beyond that yet. We do also have the six month rule--no unrelated minors in your car for six months after you get your license. So anyone who's driving him has at least been driving for a while, not just getting their license last week!

 

[PollyannaMom]

Here in MA, there are limitations as well. I think the only minors new drivers can have as passengers are siblings, but I'm not perfectly sure. (I've got a couple of years yet.) If that's the case, I'm kind of glad I won't have to make the call.

Besides that, DS has a November birthday, so he will likely be one of the earlier ones in his class to get his license. So he'll probably be on the other end of this - the kid the parents are wondering about.

I definitely think it depends on the individual driver and the others in the car at the time.

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

Here in MA, there are limitations as well. I think the only minors new drivers can have as passengers are siblings, but I'm not perfectly sure. (I've got a couple of years yet.) If that's the case, I'm kind of glad I won't have to make the call.

Besides that, DS has a November birthday, so he will likely be one of the earlier ones in his class to get his license. So he'll probably be on the other end of this - the kid the parents are wondering about.

I definitely think it depends on the individual driver and the others in the car at the time.

Yes, I'm in MA too and that's how it works. At least from everything I've heard from son's friends and other parents, the timeline looks like this:

15 years, 9 months -- Can take classroom lessons
16 - Can get permit, can now drive with a licensed adult in the car. (can even have other minors in the car, as long as there is at least one adult!)
16 years, 6 months -- Can get license, but have to have permit for at least 6 full months. So if permit is delayed, license will be as well. Can now drive with siblings in the car but no other minors. I think there's also time restrictions, but I'm not sure what they are.
6 months after getting license -- Can now drive with other minors in the car.

My sons have May and July birthdays, so they're going to be some of the youngest in their classes. I know I'll be dealing with this issue a LOT!

 

[mamamary]

I know we have some rules her in MD too about driving minors when you are only 16. For some reason my son and his friends all got theirs on the later side - 17 years old. Now some of his friends I'm good with them driving but there is one or two that hardly drive at all so I would be hesitant for him to drive with them.

 

[Southernmiss]

Running into this now. I've got a 16 year old. He's our third child. So I'm worn down more than for the 1st lol. He's got band camp now and was used to going home with his brother for lunch the last 2 years. His brother graduated this year. I'm working and won't go get him. So much to my dismay he's been riding to lunch with other students. Yesterday one of those students had fender bender in the school parking lot. Point made.

Usually, I try really hard to make sure they are not riding with other teens.

Ds is driving with us and his permit, but it's going to be a long while until we're ready to turn him loose. He's got a lead foot.

They so think they and their friends are invincible. It ain't easy raising younguns.

 

[deedeetoo]

Yes, I'm in MA too and that's how it works. At least from everything I've heard from son's friends and other parents, the timeline looks like this:

15 years, 9 months -- Can take classroom lessons
16 - Can get permit, can now drive with a licensed adult in the car. (can even have other minors in the car, as long as there is at least one adult!)
16 years, 6 months -- Can get license, but have to have permit for at least 6 full months. So if permit is delayed, license will be as well. Can now drive with siblings in the car but no other minors. I think there's also time restrictions, but I'm not sure what they are.
6 months after getting license -- Can now drive with other minors in the car.

My sons have May and July birthdays, so they're going to be some of the youngest in their classes. I know I'll be dealing with this issue a LOT!

Yes, that's the MA timeline. DD is a July birthday and got her license on Feb 28 (her first test date was cancelled by the registry due to a snow storm, that was not fun), so she is anxiously waiting for Aug 28 when she can actually drive with friends in the car.

 

[bethbuchall]

It was/is always determined on a case-by-case basis for us. It depends on who the driver is, where they're going, time of day, weather conditions, etc. In NYS, drivers under 18 (17 if they've taken a certified drivers ed course) can have only one non-related minor in the car with them. And the earliest they can test for a license is 16-1/2. You must be 16 to get a permit and then you must wait 6 months and have a certain number of hours (daytime and night time) behind the wheel with an adult before you can take the road test.

 

[spacemountainmom]

My son just turned 16. His buddy is two months older and just got his license. I admit I was a bit worried even though he is my 2nd child. My son keeps telling me that his buddy is a far, far better driver than his (the buddy's) mother.

You've got to trust them sometime.

 

[ronandannette]

Yes we did. I can't say we never worried but during the "early years" of DS's friends getting their licenses, their own parents put some very cautious restrictions on where and when they drove (with passengers or without) and we were all on the same page. In hindsight, I was probably more comfortable then than I am now that DS is over 18 and comes and goes with whom he pleases (DS still doesn't have a license himself).

 

[momofboyz3]

ThankYou All ~ for some great personal feedback. I am in MA too so the timeline helps. Why did I not see this coming??? I try to plan everything & this just hit me yesterday. They play football together & were going to the school to use the weight room (my son usually takes the bus). Anyways, thanks for responding! It's always interesting & helpful to hear how others do it.

 

[Vicki926]

My daughter is 15, just finished her freshman year in June . (License here is 17)
She was on a cheering squad this past winter,l and a softball team in the spring where there were a bunch ofjuniors and seniors, 17&18.
If they went to Applebee's after comp or a game, they'd pick her up and take her.
She got rides to practice or home, as well, but it's only about a mile. Applebee's is about 2-3 miles.
She goes out to lunch with coworkers once a week this summer, always with a guy who drives them all.
I'm usually such a worrywart (like I worry about fires when they are sleeping over at a friend's house)and I have never given this a thought. Now I will! LOL

 

[momofboyz3]

My daughter is 15, just finished her freshman year in June . (License here is 17)
She was on a cheering squad this past winter,l and a softball team in the spring where there were a bunch ofjuniors and seniors, 17&18.
If they went to Applebee's after comp or a game, they'd pick her up and take her.
She got rides to practice or home, as well, but it's only about a mile. Applebee's is about 2-3 miles.
She goes out to lunch with coworkers once a week this summer, always with a guy who drives them all.
I'm usually such a worrywart (like I worry about fires when they are sleeping over at a friend's house)and I have never given this a thought. Now I will! LOL

Oooooh Noooo! I'm soooo sorry for giving you another thing to think about. I'm just such a nut. I will be at work worried whether or not my youngest son is riding his bike carefully! It's always something, isn't it??

 

[BigAlsGal]

I probably would let them go. I refuse to be a victim of irony.

 

[Vicki926]

Oooooh Noooo! I'm soooo sorry for giving you another thing to think about. I'm just such a nut. I will be at work worried whether or not my youngest son is riding his bike carefully! It's always something, isn't it??

Lol. It really is!

 

[powellrj]

I always let my kids ride with friends. My oldest had to pick his sister up from day care everyday after school, he is 13 years older than she is and she was always good about keeping me informed about how he was driving.

 

[Art 1]

My twin boys are 15. One of them has a friend who is 16 & has a car. Would you let your son/daughter go in the car with them???
I got the call yesterday & wasn't prepared so I said, "no, we will discuss it this weekend" just want a few viewpoints...
WWYD?

I did not.