When in laws cause problems

[Wishing on a star]

I agree with the above... I think that any parent, especially one of girls this age, might have some of that general fear or concern in their mind.
I did not assume that the OP was thinking that this guy was some kind of sexual predator.

And, the guy is just not going to be moving into their home.
But, IF he were to move in, then who knows what other friends/girlfriends might come and go.

It is just that you never know.
And, with the husbands issues regarding his brother and family, I would not automatically assume that "if he trust them, I trust them..."
Many of us pointed out how the husbands feelings and views could be very skewed when it comes to this brother.

OP, I am so glad that things seem to be working out!

PS: I have also never thought of 'mental illness' in the way that most would view mental illness... Some kind of psychosis, etc. I do still believe that this brother probably has some serious developmental issues. And, of course the psychological effects of these things.. (depression, powerlessness, others must provide, etc...) But, developmental issues and mental illness are TWO VERY DIFFERENT THINGS.

(That is why I take issue with the parents of that violent boy who was kind of forced out of the neighborhood after physically assaulting other kids, even very young children. Autism is not a violent mental illness. And, they are doing a lot of damage by trying to make their claims.)

 

[Chocolate Cake]

someone reading too much into a simple comment and running with it!

Are you kidding me? YOU are the one that brought it up. It would have never crossed my mind to even associate this loser BIL as a sexual anything.

And you went as far as describing that your daughter is growing out of her childlike body and now you are even more concerned.

I am sorry. Saying that your are "concerned" and "worried" about sexual abuse from an uncle because your daughter is no longer "all knees and elbows" is not a simple comment.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

Are you kidding me? YOU are the one that brought it up. It would have never crossed my mind to even associate this loser BIL as a sexual anything.

And you went as far as describing that your daughter is growing out of her childlike body and now you are even more concerned.

I am sorry. Saying that your are "concerned" and "worried" about sexual abuse from an uncle because your daughter is no longer "all knees and elbows" is not a simple comment.

I think you are overreacting. The OP has explained where she is coming from. Personally, I'd let it go at this point. (and believe me, I get where you are coming from)

 

[Chocolate Cake]

I know. How did this even get into the conversation?

The OP expressed her "concern" and "worry" on the topic of sexual abuse concerning her BIL. She brought it into the conversation. And even backed it up with stats, but said her husband does not share her concern.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

I think you are overreacting. The OP has explained where she is coming from. Personally, I'd let it go at this point. (and believe me, I get where you are coming from)

I will back off. Sorry if I am overreacting. It is my opinion that concerns and worries over sexual abuse should never be taken lightly.

 

[Grmnshplvr]

Are you kidding me? YOU are the one that brought it up. It would have never crossed my mind to even associate this loser BIL as a sexual anything.

And you went as far as describing that your daughter is growing out of her childlike body and now you are even more concerned.

I am sorry. Saying that your are "concerned" and "worried" about sexual abuse from an uncle because your daughter is no longer "all knees and elbows" is not a simple comment.

I WAS NOT THE ONE THAT BROUGHT IT UP. I WAS RESPONDING TO SOMEONE ELSE THAT WAS CONCERNED ABOUT IT. I WOULD NOT ALLOW ANY MAN THAT I DO NOT KNOW MOVE INTO MY HOME BECAUSE THIS IS A GENERAL CONCERN OF MINE. IT IS SENSITIVE TOPIC FOR ME, I WAS NOT ACCUSING HIM OR ASSUMING ANYTHING ABOUT HIM PLEASE JUST LET IT GO.

 

[Grmnshplvr]

The OP expressed her "concern" and "worry" on the topic of sexual abuse concerning her BIL. She brought it into the conversation. And even backed it up with stats, but said her husband does not share her concern.

I explained what I meant several times, several people shared that they too have this general fear for their children, daughters in particular. My husband does not share my concern. As I stated I do not trust people. My husband does. He sees the good in everybody. I don't. I'm a realist. I know the danger.

 

[robinb]

I will back off. Sorry if I am overreacting. It is my opinion that concerns and worries over sexual abuse should never be taken lightly.

The OP explained what she meant. IMO, you shouldn't have continued to hammer your opinion down her throat.

 

[Grmnshplvr]

I agree with the above... I think that any parent, especially one of girls this age, might have some of that general fear or concern in their mind.
I did not assume that the OP was thinking that this guy was some kind of sexual predator.

And, the guy is just not going to be moving into their home.
But, IF he were to move in, then who knows what other friends/girlfriends might come and go.

It is just that you never know.
And, with the husbands issues regarding his brother and family, I would not automatically assume that "if he trust them, I trust them..."
Many of us pointed out how the husbands feelings and views could be very skewed when it comes to this brother.

OP, I am so glad that things seem to be working out!

PS: I have also never thought of 'mental illness' in the way that most would view mental illness... Some kind of psychosis, etc. I do still believe that this brother probably has some serious developmental issues. And, of course the psychological effects of these things.. (depression, powerlessness, others must provide, etc...) But, developmental issues and mental illness are TWO VERY DIFFERENT THINGS.

(That is why I take issue with the parents of that violent boy who was kind of forced out of the neighborhood after physically assaulting other kids, even very young children. Autism is not a violent mental illness. And, they are doing a lot of damage by trying to make their claims.)

Thank you, yes things seem to be going ok. BIL is not taking the apartment from DHs coworker, his girlfriend didn't care for the area so they are still looking. He did say the new roommate he is living with is very welcoming and that he liked it there so for now he is content and most likely going to stay there for a while.

And yes you are right, my husband isn't the greatest judge of character. I trust my dogs judgement of people over his lol He just generally trusts people and sees the good in them...something I've always struggled with.

 

[Allison]

Are you kidding me? YOU are the one that brought it up. It would have never crossed my mind to even associate this loser BIL as a sexual anything.

No, actually she didn't. Another poster did.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

And yes you are right, my husband isn't the greatest judge of character. I trust my dogs judgement of people over his lol

Well, at least you see it. Again, I wish you luck.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

No, actually she didn't. Another poster did.

My bad. I apologize. I was just going on her response.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

IT IS SENSITIVE TOPIC FOR ME.

Me too. Perhaps that is why I took it too far. I apologize

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

I'm sorry.
I'm the one that brought it up. I too have issues with trust so creepy men just make me think the worst. The BIL sounds creepy and to lightly call him a couch surfer is beyond me. At 40 yrs old this goes way beyond the lazy end of normal. An entire adulthood of this is pathetic. Jmho. I realize not all sex offenders necessarily have to look or act creepy and not all creepy men with 3 teeth in their mouth are sex offenders.

To the pp who can't understand how someone can distrust all men until proven otherwise, I think someone would have to have been trapped in a cave for 20 years to not know that so many upstanding, trusted people in their community, often in very respectable careers, stoop this low. Like it's some sickness they can't control.

I'm also very sorry to anyone whose feelings were hurt by my mental illness comment. Dh and I both have family members dealing with depression and I didn't mean to add to the stigma. I did admit in my previous post that I'm no expert. There are many behaviors & crimes that I incorrectly attribute to mental illness because I don't know how else to call it. Why do people do these things? (and like it.) When I think of pedophiles I think there must be something wrong with them though I don't know what professionals would call it. A chemical imbalance?
I don't know.
I do know I wouldn't trust any man I didn't thoroughly know to be alone with young girls and if a man gave me a bad vibe, dh's opinion wouldn't mean jack squat.

 

[HM]

It's sad to go through life looking at all men as possible sex offenders. If you truly feel this way, I think you could use some counseling.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

I can't say I think this way about ALL men but if I get a strange vibe, I trust my instincts.

 

[sunnyday123]

In all seriousness, if my husband did what yours did he would come home tonight to a house where all the locks were changed or I'd have taken the kids and left.

He needs to understand how you really feel about this and respect that. The name calling was absolutely the final straw.

My daughter and I were just talking about how you should be treated in a relationship. Name calling, to me, has no coming back from. I would be a raving lunatic from the moment he called me a blanking blank- he'd be wishing I was one instead of the what he'd be dealing with after that point.

OP, I'm so, so sorry that you're dealing with this. My heart is breaking for you. Is there anyway you can put the cat in a large cat crate? One of my biggest fears when I go away is that my cats will get out of the house.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

My daughter and I were just talking about how you should be treated in a relationship. Name calling, to me, has no coming back from. I would be a raving lunatic from the moment he called me a blanking blank- he'd be wishing I was one instead of the what he'd be dealing with after that point.

OP, I'm so, so sorry that you're dealing with this. My heart is breaking for you. Is there anyway you can put the cat in a large cat crate? One of my biggest fears when I go away is that my cats will get out of the house.

Oh Lordy, it's never a good thing when this thread get's bumped up--I thought it was going to be yet another update from the OP. Thank goodness it's not.

Sunnyday, the OP's BIL did not stay at their home on their vacation, nor did he move in with them last month.