When does death get easier?

[My sister's princess]

Now that I am in my 20s it seems that it is more and more common that people I know are passing away. I don't know if it is that I am more aware, or know more people, but it seems that every year I seem to know more people who are passing. I know it is more common for adults to die than children, it just stinks.
Just got word today a highschool friend's DF passed on, heart breaking, and has me thinking......

 

[DebbieB]

Wait until you hit your 40's.....

Sorry for your friend's loss.

 

[Nik's Mom]

It never gets easier. The older you get, the more people you know that die. I'm only 39 and I know 4 people that died this year. My Mom is 79 and it seems like she is always going to a funeral.

 

[My sister's princess]

Thanks

 

[abdmom]

Man, I wish i were still in my twenties and a relative of a friend and my grandmother died. My dh died 4 years ago. He was 42.

 

[Disney Doll]

It never gets easier to handle death in general, although some deaths are a bit easier than others. For example, my BIL's grandmother died at age 103. Yes, he loved his grandma, yes, he was sad because he was going to miss his grandma, but you can't really feel it's a tragedy for someone to die at age 103.

OTOH, I have had several friends and acquaintances die...my age...40's...of various things...cancer, accidents, suicides...very sad and much more tragic.

I think a death after a life well-lived, while sad in the empirical sense doesn't have the sense of tragedy that other deaths may have.

 

[Tink0374]

It never gets "easier". My father passed away 16 years ago and I still don't go a day without thinking of him. I can tell you that the "bad" days get fewer and far between. The best part is, you only remember the wonderful things about those you have loved and lost. You forget all of their shortcomings.

 

[tinker&belle]

My brother commited suicide 3 years ago this month. It was awful. I miss him so much. MIL died this year, she was my best friend.

I guess MIL's death was easier than it would have been otherwise because she had been in so much pain so long from cancer. It still sucks.

 

[My sister's princess]

I know that death itself never gets easier, I lost my stepdad, who was like a father to me, three years and one month ago today. But I just am still shocked when I hear people who are in similar places in life have passed. It is odd to me that someone who isn't that much farther into life than myself (he was 29) could be gone. I am so sorry to those who have lost someone they love.

 

[goofyernmost]

In my opinion, death gets easier as soon as one allows themselves to accept and realize that death is an inherent part of life. We all die! Everyone we have ever known or ever will know will eventually die. It is sad, for sure, but it is part of what makes us human.

I don't mean to say that one shouldn't feel a sense of loss or sadness, just try and reduce the amount of surprise and angst that goes with it. This society acts like it is a terrible thing to die and we must have all done something wrong or just had bad luck that it entered into our field of vision. It cannot be avoided and we would all do ourselves a big favor if we just accepted it and rejoiced in the life lived instead of the anger of a life lost.

As we grow older, we become far more aware of death. It is something that one eventually has to face up too. It's not good or bad, it just is part of our life cycle. I look at the obits just about everyday. Why? Not because I have any morbid curiosity about it, but because it is something that we experience more as time goes on.

I have been asked repeatedly by my Doctor's how I see my future. Well, I'm almost 62 years old and although I do not consider that old, the fact of the matter is that I have a lot more years behind me then ahead. Unless I can figure out a way to live for 124 years, I am way past middle age. They immediately decide that I am depressed and need pills to help me get through it. The fact of the matter is that I am not at all depressed about it. I don't look forward to it, but I am not afraid of it and still hope that it is a while in coming. Not depressed...just realistic.

When one is young the death of someone within their own age window comes not so much as a shock as much as it is personally scary to think that people your own age are passing on. As one gets older we think that although the loss of a contemporary is sad, it also is also a triumph that we have survived beyond them. It becomes personal in a different way. Almost all my relatives that I grew up with as a child are dead now, my parents, my aunts and uncles are all passed, even some of my cousins. At my age you might just as well have a tattoo on your forehead that says "NEXT". You know what, it isn't all that traumatic anymore.

 

[tinker&belle]

In my opinion, death gets easier as soon as one allows themselves to accept and realize that death is an inherent part of life. We all die! Everyone we have ever known or ever will know will eventually die. It is sad, for sure, but it is part of what makes us human.

I don't mean to say that one shouldn't feel a sense of loss or sadness, just try and reduce the amount of surprise and angst that goes with it. This society acts like it is a terrible thing to die and we must have all done something wrong or just had bad luck that it entered into our field of vision. It cannot be avoided and we would all do ourselves a big favor if we just accepted it and rejoiced in the life lived instead of the anger of a life lost.

As we grow older, we become far more aware of death. It is something that one eventually has to face up too. It's not good or bad, it just is part of our life cycle. I look at the obits just about everyday. Why? Not because I have any morbid curiosity about it, but because it is something that we experience more as time goes on.

I have been asked repeatedly by my Doctor's how I see my future. Well, I'm almost 62 years old and although I do not consider that old, the fact of the matter is that I have a lot more years behind me then ahead. Unless I can figure out a way to live for 124 years, I am way past middle age. They immediately decide that I am depressed and need pills to help me get through it. The fact of the matter is that I am not at all depressed about it. I don't look forward to it, but I am not afraid of it and still hope that it is a while in coming. Not depressed...just realistic.

When one is young the death of someone within their own age window comes not so much as a shock as much as it is personally scary to think that people your own age are passing on. As one gets older we think that although the loss of a contemporary is sad, it also is also a triumph that we have survived beyond them. It becomes personal in a different way. Almost all my relatives that I grew up with as a child are dead now, my parents, my aunts and uncles are all passed, even some of my cousins. At my age you might just as well have a tattoo on your forehead that says "NEXT". You know what, it isn't all that traumatic anymore.

I guess that is a way of looking at death differently if the person dies after living a full life, but when a healthy 24 year old commits suicide or a healthy 46 year gets super aggressive cancer it doesn't feel natural.

Looking at 1982-2006 seems way to short.

 

[Tinkerbell424]

I'm still trying to figure it out.
My dad died on Saturday from an accidental overdose.
It kills me that the last time we spoke was in June and we got in a fight. I was hoping to clear things with him, especially since I wanted to invite him to my graduation next year...

I'm sorry for everyones loss'. I hope it gets easier...

 

[apirateslifeforme]

This is the way I feel...maybe others share my feelings, maybe others don't...

I can't say it's so much "easier," but I feel I can accept death more when it's an elderly person who has lived a full life. When my grandparents died, I was "okay"...of course I cried and mourned, but it wasn't as heartbreaking as the death of my 32-year-old cousin in January of this year. I can't really put it into words other than I can accept the death of an elderly person more so than someone my own age

 

[johnsontrio]

I'm still trying to figure it out.
My dad died on Saturday from an accidental overdose.
It kills me that the last time we spoke was in June and we got in a fight. I was hoping to clear things with him, especially since I wanted to invite him to my graduation next year...

I'm sorry for everyones loss'. I hope it gets easier...

Tinkerbell

I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent at a young age is terrible and having unresolved issues with that person just makes everything that much harder. I hope you are able to work through this so that you can be in as good a place as possible. My heart goes out to you.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I started to quote everyone who mentioned a loss to wish them condolences. I stopped because there are so many losses here and I don't want to leave anyone out.

To all of us who have lost loved ones, I'm sending kind thoughts.

To the OP, I don't know if death ever gets any easier. I have lost three much-loved family members and because of that, the holidays are so bittersweet. I put on a happy face and do what I have to do because I really do enjoy them. Also, I have a young son who I want to see enjoy the holidays, but it's never easy for me this time of year. I miss sharing the holidays with my parents and my niece more than I can describe.

 

[manning]

Wait until you hit your 40's.....

Sorry for your friend's loss.

Wait until you hit 50s 60s 70s 80s

 

[eliza61]

It never gets easier to handle death in general, although some deaths are a bit easier than others. For example, my BIL's grandmother died at age 103. Yes, he loved his grandma, yes, he was sad because he was going to miss his grandma, but you can't really feel it's a tragedy for someone to die at age 103.

OTOH, I have had several friends and acquaintances die...my age...40's...of various things...cancer, accidents, suicides...very sad and much more tragic.

I think a death after a life well-lived, while sad in the empirical sense doesn't have the sense of tragedy that other deaths may have.

Well said,
I lost my mom when I was younger, I think I still become sad about that. My dad OTOH is well into his late 80's and still pretty healthy. Alot of his friends and siblings are passing on because they are just getting older. He (my dad) is very philasophical about it because he has lived a very long, well lived life.
Op, I'm 50 and when my dad passes I'll probably be a basket case.

 

[tar heel]

It doesn't get easier, it gets harder. When you're young and lose some one, you think of it as an unusual event. When you're older and lose someone, you look around you and see all the other people the same age, health, condition, etc. Then you starte exploring your own mortality. In other words, coping with a death becomes a bigger event.

There is some truth in acceptance coming more readily when the death is in the right order (your grandparents instead of your child, for example), though.

 

[ChrizJen]

Hugs to you, OP. I don't think it ever really gets easier. But it certainly does get harder when you reach "that age" (whatever age that may be as a young adult) when you realize that you won't live forever. You begin seeing more people you know pass away, and it really does make you ponder your own existence in the world. But eventually you settle on whatever your beliefs tell you about the end of life here on earth (be that heaven, reincarnation, nothing at all, etc...) and you find ways to be comforted in the midst of the pain. I do understand where you're coming from. I lost my dad this last year, and it just about knocked me over. It was sudden and he was relatively young (57), and I was caught very much off guard. It really made me stop in my tracks and re-evaluate things in my life.

 

[KCmike]

Wait until you hit your 40's.....

Sorry for your friend's loss.

I lost my Dad in May, my wife was diagnosed with thyroid cancer (she had her entire thyroid removed and prognosis looks fantastic thank God) and now we today we lost her Grandpa. Bad Year. I'm 40.