What's wrong with wanting to stay single?

[Minnie_me]

I've been through two divorces, where I was cheated on both times. Before that, I went through my own parents' divorce at a very early age. Trust is very hard for me, and I know that I have abandonment issues. I have been through counseling.

Just this past year, two of my best friends also went through terrible divorces, where the husbands cheated. And to top it all off, my big brother, who I had previously thought was the very best husband and father ever, cheated on his wife with a girl 30 years his junior.

So, I've had it. Trust issues? You bet. I'm having trouble finding reasons NOT to have trust issues! I don't ever want to go through it all again.

I've been divorced for almost 4 years now, and I'm very happy/content with my life. I have two wonderful teenaged daughters, and lots of friends. But everyone seems to want me to remarry. They're convinced I"ll be lonely when my daughters graduate and move out.

But I'd rather be lonely than be cheated on again!

One friend says I'm being a martyr. But I don't think so. I simply think I'm making a choice for my own peace of mind, and for my daughters' stability. I like being single!! Am I the only one?

 

[superme80]

You aren't alone. One of my good friends is a happy single mom. She doesn't want to deal with pretty much everything you just said. I would love for her to get married, but I completely understand. And I don't think you are being a martyr.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

I am also single and very happy. I am not interested in dating at all. I have my kids, my friends, my dog! I am loving life. I am also empty nesting it for the first time and I did feel a little lonesome, it is not enough to go out and find a husband. LOL! I can do whatever I want, whenever I want!

 

[tennvalgirl]

There is nothing wrong with it and anyone who says otherwise is just wanting to set you up, play matchmaker, and get all up in your business.

 

[minnie mum]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to remain single. And there is no reason to believe that you will be lonely in your old age because you aren't married. I have a couple of relatives and several friends who have been very happily single for many, many years and have no desire to change. With an active social life with a few good friends, loneliness doesn't even have to be a blip on your radar. You do what you want to do and just tell "everyone" that you'll marry again when you're good and ready, and they'll be the first to know when it happens. And then forget about it.

 

[FINFAN]

I don't think there's anything "wrong" with your preference of being single, and I'm sorry you are being judged as a martyr ~ that's just uncool. People who are happy with themselves bring joy to those around them, that is what I would say to the next person who feels you need to be un-single (that's a term I use since we have so many ways of committing to one another in our world ). The only thing I will point out is that you say "you'd rather be lonely". I know you say you are happy/content, but being lonely maybe conflicts with that and your friends are just looking out for you.

 

[curious3069]

Um no?!?! I'm single and unless I find a husband who only is interested in staying with me maybe one day a week I'm not interested..I know, horrible, but I really like my life, I'm not lonely and have a very full satisfying life. Now if you are whining about all the sacrifices you are making for your kids by staying single then we are talking martyr but yeah, that doesn't sound like the case at all!!!

It's funny, we were just talking about my grandma answering this very question after my grandfather died after a lengthy illness years ago. Her answer to if she wanted to get married again? "Hell no, why would I want to do that again??" They were happy and she obviously missed him after he passed, but after a very traditional, 50's style marriage, she loved being on her own.

 

[BillSears]

Single guy here and I'm mostly happy with it. I'd much rather be single than be cheated on. I know.

So I say go for it! Stay single if you want to.

 

[ashmarie06]

Single guy here and I'm mostly happy with it. I'd much rather be single than be cheated on. I know.

So I say go for it! Stay single if you want to.

This is exactly how I feel!

 

[cbg1027]

I don't prefer being single, but I prefer being single to being in a relationship and feeling alone, abandoned, unloved, unappreciated, used, etc.

So having gone through two divorces due to infidelity, I certainly understand why you would want to remain single.

There no reason people can't be completely happy single. I hate it when people act like being single is a disease of some sort.

 

[LuLuO]

My mom has been divorced for 24 years and has never dated. She got screwed over by her first husband and screwed over even worse by my father. She's happily single.

 

[Piglet4Ever]

As long as you are happy that's what matters. I know a couple people who should be single, they jump from relationship to relationship without thinking. They need to take some time to figure out what they really need in their lives before adding the wrong person into it, over and over again.

 

[Aliceacc]

I'm very happily married. But that's me.

What's wrong is adults assuming that what's right for them is right for everyone. And that their positive experience overrides your negative experience. And that they know better than you about what's right for you.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Also happily married, but with an only child, and I remember getting the "when are you going to have another?" comments. It's the same thing, people can't imagine a path different from their own.

And those saying that you're being a martyr are probably just jealous of the freedom to do what you want, when you want. You're happy, and not hurting anyone else by your choice, so don't listen to them.

 

[ElvisX]

I have been single for about one year now and have really enjoyed my freedom after years of relationships.

For some weeks though I have wondered if it is about time to get back into a relationship but unfortunately there is really no woman I know that I find interesting.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I've been through two divorces, where I was cheated on both times. Before that, I went through my own parents' divorce at a very early age. Trust is very hard for me, and I know that I have abandonment issues. I have been through counseling.

Just this past year, two of my best friends also went through terrible divorces, where the husbands cheated. And to top it all off, my big brother, who I had previously thought was the very best husband and father ever, cheated on his wife with a girl 30 years his junior.

So, I've had it. Trust issues? You bet. I'm having trouble finding reasons NOT to have trust issues! I don't ever want to go through it all again.

I've been divorced for almost 4 years now, and I'm very happy/content with my life. I have two wonderful teenaged daughters, and lots of friends. But everyone seems to want me to remarry. They're convinced I"ll be lonely when my daughters graduate and move out.

But I'd rather be lonely than be cheated on again!

One friend says I'm being a martyr. But I don't think so. I simply think I'm making a choice for my own peace of mind, and for my daughters' stability. I like being single!! Am I the only one?

Well I am married however at this stage in my life if I was no longer married for whatever reason, I would stay single too. I have a bucket list to complete.

 

[aprilgail2]

Um no?!?! I'm single and unless I find a husband who only is interested in staying with me maybe one day a week I'm not interested..I know, horrible, but I really like my life, I'm not lonely and have a very full satisfying life. .

OMG that is how I feel, I wouldn't mind having one around a day or so a week but 7 days a week I would rather shoot myself first! I like the freedom of doing what I want when I want- I liked being a single parent where I didn't have to defer to anyone else about any decision when it came to my child, including what to name her!
I think I am a bit jaded to at this point-I worked with mainly males and I know many of their wives who all think they have a perfect marriage, that they are both happy etc and every day I see these guys cheating- a MUCH larger percentage of them cheat than don't cheat but their wives all think their marriages are rock solid and I pity them.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

Well I am married however at this stage in my life if I was no longer married for whatever reason, I would stay single too. I have a bucket list to complete.

I feel the same way.

 

[elizke]

I've been separated for almost a year, the process begun for making it official, and have absolutely NO plans to move on to another relationship. There was no cheating, just judgment, belittlement, bickering, fighting, and stress for the past 27 years. I moved from my parents' house to my own the day we married, so I've never had the freedom of being on my own. I have fantasized for years about a life where I can make my own choices and not fight over every dang thing or worry about what he'll think about it. There is no way in heck I'll be giving that up.

So more power to ya I say! There is nothing wrong with enjoying your independence and your drama free life.

 

[Kogo Shuko]

I realize I'm fairly young in the grand scheme of things, but after my last botched relationship, I'm starting to think I'd probably be happier just living on my own. I love doing things the way I want to, and I think it would take a lot of change to move in with someone.

I realize that the last guy I was with had some serious problems, and his OCD made him do weird things that really just didn't make sense, but some of it really frustrated me beyond belief. But there were other things that he did that I did a different way that were commonly done differently among households I've been to.

Oy, it would be hard changing my habits!!

And to be honest, I love being able to do what I want, when I want, and with whomever I please!