What would you do? UPDATE: Pg 7--I'm not fooling :)

[Lisa loves Pooh]

And whatever you do, don't let anyone else move in!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Right??!! No one is telling me when I can do laundry in my own house!! I couldn't get past that!

What is sad there is more to the story.


On a funny side note--all those memes that go around on facebook where the mom runs the dryer 5 or 6 times to dewrinkle the laundry that has been sitting there for 3 days? THAT'S SO ME!!!!!

 

[Sultana]

Well... tell them that rent starts April 1, and for a maximum of 3 more months and then they have to be out.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I know--it just sounds so....awful when you spell it all out like that.

Exactly...
That is because we are only repeating back to you, your very own words...

I don't know what the issue is on your side.

You continue to try to 'explain', 'defend', and enable the unthinkable...
You can't do that, and then complain....

Maybe there is some kind of co-dependancy there with this 'friend'.
Maybe it is because you can't get past the fact that you too faced a difficult time with job loss.
Maybe you are being kind of a 'martyr', thing.
Maybe there is some underlying reason why you feel so 'beholden' like you own them this.

But, take it from all of us.
It is not normal or reasonable or good or healthy for one family to be living in another families home, rent free at that, for months and months on end. There just is no reason or rationalization. Even if he continued to be unemployed... it would be like 'go get on assistance' or something.
Seriously.

Like the H&R Block guy keeps saying...
It's yours - take it back!!!!

 

[Wishing on a star]

But I feel confident now with all of y'alls comments, that there is absolutely no reason they should not be paying rent while waiting for their home to be built. Be it be to us or to someone else. I can be confident in saying that I no longer care which they choose.

I would care....
If there is such a choice... give me my house back!

 

[Wishing on a star]

I
Financial circumstances are better for us now..

I find it telling that you keep mentioning this...
Because you are now 'solvent' doesn't mean you owe the world...

And, the whole secrecy thing.
Huge, Huge, H U G E, red flag.
If these people are so comfortable with guarding basic information, and putting forth appearances, creating miscoceptions, to make things look better, or come out to their own benefit, then they are doing this to you too.

There is a saying I heard here on the DIS.
When people show you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.

 

[kathie859]

OP--You are SOOOOO much more laid back about this than I'd ever be

My only question is: Have these people actually gotten approved for a mortgage? He was out of work and the down payment was "borrowed". Most lenders are a bit more stringent requiring at least 2 years of good income and any monies used for the purchase needs to be "seasoned". There are some ways around these issues; i.e., a newly graduated young professional whose income will definitely increase/ or a recent transfer into a new job in the same field or in the case of a gift, some types of mortgages allow a "gift" letter to be written indication the money wouldn't have to be repaid.

The whole situation would be way too tenuous for me to deal with on a daily basis. I'd be offering to help them find a 6 month or a month to month lease and help them pack.

Seriously---your GUEST is dictating when YOU can do laundry in YOUR own house????? I can say for sure--that would never fly with me.

 

[cabanafrau]

OP--You are SOOOOO much more laid back about this than I'd ever be

My only question is: Have these people actually gotten approved for a mortgage? He was out of work and the down payment was "borrowed". Most lenders are a bit more stringent requiring at least 2 years of good income and any monies used for the purchase needs to be "seasoned". There are some ways around these issues; i.e., a newly graduated young professional whose income will definitely increase/ or a recent transfer into a new job in the same field or in the case of a gift, some types of mortgages allow a "gift" letter to be written indication the money wouldn't have to be repaid.

The whole situation would be way too tenuous for me to deal with on a daily basis. I'd be offering to help them find a 6 month or a month to month lease and help them pack.

Seriously---your GUEST is dictating when YOU can do laundry in YOUR own house????? I can say for sure--that would never fly with me.

Precisely, the source of the downpayment is the sticking point. Absent binding notice of the funds being gifted & the lender choosing to allow it to go through, I don't see mortgage qualification here. Unless they decided to use the lack of housing payment over these many months to build a nest egg -- but even that only adds up to so much.

Ever wonder if they haven't been selling a different story to a different crowd, getting some offers of cash to help them pay the rent to OP all these months? I'd never say never on that front.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Exactly...
That is because we are only repeating back to you, your very own words...

I don't know what the issue is on your side.

You continue to try to 'explain', 'defend', and enable the unthinkable...
You can't do that, and then complain....

Maybe there is some kind of co-dependancy there with this 'friend'.
Maybe it is because you can't get past the fact that you too faced a difficult time with job loss.
Maybe you are being kind of a 'martyr', thing.
Maybe there is some underlying reason why you feel so 'beholden' like you own them this.

But, take it from all of us.
It is not normal or reasonable or good or healthy for one family to be living in another families home, rent free at that, for months and months on end. There just is no reason or rationalization. Even if he continued to be unemployed... it would be like 'go get on assistance' or something.
Seriously.

Like the H&R Block guy keeps saying...
It's yours - take it back!!!!

Oh trust me--I know it is bad.

I know exactly why she is doing this. Because of all the posts here, I can now feel confident and comfortable that we are doing exactly what needs to be done.

 

[NewRVLady]

I agree what another poster said on page 1

It makes NO sense that they went from not affording rent to BUILDing a home in that short of time- I think they have conned you

Ask for 30 days for them to leave

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I find it telling that you keep mentioning this...
Because you are now 'solvent' doesn't mean you owe the world...

And, the whole secrecy thing.
Huge, Huge, H U G E, red flag.
If these people are so comfortable with guarding basic information, and putting forth appearances, creating miscoceptions, to make things look better, or come out to their own benefit, then they are doing this to you too.

There is a saying I heard here on the DIS.
When people show you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.

You are misunderstanding the purpose of us mentioning on our circumstances in the context of the post. It has nothing to do with our solvency.

People wondered how it is possible that they could purchase a home. I simply explained how it was and then showed how our circumstance was similar.

Now whether they are being honest about it or not--I haven't a clue to prove they are or not. However, our circumstances indicate that--down payment aside, it is totally possible to get a home following a layoff. It has nothing to do with me feeling I owe anyone anything. What it has to do with is that I have no reason to disbelieve their logistical situation preventing them from buying a home. That is all. Nothing more.

And call me a bad person--but I do judge them for borrowing the down payment under the table. To me it is irresponsible and greed acting. It is not something our family would ever do. In fact--I am trying to do the responsible thing for our next house and get something that is well UNDER what we can afford for once.

And as stated before--the secrecy thing ended several months ago. Not wanting to be a nark, I never opened my mouth--but I 100% agree that it was a red flag on character. I did refuse to provide her creative answers. I told her point blank that I wasn't going to lie. When she insisted her answer was not a lie, I wasn't going to argue--but I told her I refused to answer anything other than the truth. And it did come up a few times--and I told the people she lived with me but opted to keep that information private. And yeah--they thought it was weird and wrong as well.

And while I may sound argumentative on this point--I am not defending her on the secrecy thing. I was quite offended, but allowed her the space to mature on that point on her own. She was not respected in any way by anyway for her own personal shame of her circumstance. People felt bad for her, but were confused as to why she felt it necessary to be like that. And in hindsight--if secrecy was part of the deal, I would have never agreed to that. It was never mentioned and was an accidental discovery on my part. I did confront her about it--and not wanting to be the shameful friend (bad to think I would be a bad person), there was no need to broadcast it. It was when the kids started asking for friends to come over, that I was like...oh snap!

And to reiterate, many character traits have revealed themselves in the past several months. Not quite like the person in the thread about the vacation home--I don't think she would be that dishonest . Thankfully they do not vacation with other people, so I will never have to worry about finding out.

I have learned my lesson from the collective behavior over the past several months and will remember it well. These are not people who do things for mutual benefit. They are ego-centric and ALWAYS seek to serve themselves first. It is quite eye opening.

Can I just say that I am peeved that I can't get a brand new construction home myself? Is that selfish?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Precisely, the source of the downpayment is the sticking point. Absent binding notice of the funds being gifted & the lender choosing to allow it to go through, I don't see mortgage qualification here. Unless they decided to use the lack of housing payment over these many months to build a nest egg -- but even that only adds up to so much.

Ever wonder if they haven't been selling a different story to a different crowd, getting some offers of cash to help them pay the rent to OP all these months? I'd never say never on that front.

It is interesting you mention this.

They asked me to provide a letter affirming they have paid no rent since August.
ETA: I do know that the family member wanted a binding agreement from their attorney but that the attorney said no to a statement that it was a gift because if this were untrue and they had a binding repayment agreement--they could be liable if the mortgage defaulted.

I couldn't understand what difference that made and foolishly did not ask.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Wishing--while i do not think the are quite as bad as you are implying...maybe they are and you are right.

 

[storzo]

Before you start requesting rent is your home a legal two family dwelling? Is the cellar zoned for occupancy? If not, you can be in some trouble with your municipality. You already can be for letting them live them there, rent free or not. You start charging rent and if it is illegal then they have no obligation to pay it and you may be on the hook for their moving expenses and first and last months rent at any place they move to. Check the laws and penalties where you live.

 

[pigletgirl]

I wouldn't have much grace over this issue, it's either if you stay you pay or you are out. Your home and your rules!

Good luck OP!

 

[HM]

Give them two weeks notice and send them out. You've been more than generous. I wouldn't start asking for rent. Let them live somewhere else and pay rent. They can now afford an apartment while they figure out if the house purchase will work out.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

There's so much advice given here for you to choose from. Count me in the group that thinks you have been very generous, and it's your right to ask that they start paying rent for the remaining time that they are in your home, and to ask for whatever concessions are good for YOU. I'd also make sure that the rent only includes them staying there, without rights to laundry room, etc. You should be able to use your room whenever you want.

 

[JanaDee]

You don't go from being homeless to building a house six months later. Period. So they're scamming someone and if you don't get them out of your house, you will be the one dealing with the fall-out when their loan falls through.

 

[barkley]

Before you start requesting rent is your home a legal two family dwelling? Is the cellar zoned for occupancy? If not, you can be in some trouble with your municipality. You already can be for letting them live them there, rent free or not. You start charging rent and if it is illegal then they have no obligation to pay it and you may be on the hook for their moving expenses and first and last months rent at any place they move to. Check the laws and penalties where you live.

this is my concern as well. another issue is your homeowner's insurance-if something occurs and your coverage is not such that it permits a second family in the home (or paid lodgers) then the claim could be denied (and your policy cancelled).

 

[POPCITY]

You did a really nice thing for your friend, OP, and you shouldn't feel bad now about asking for rent. My one piece of advice is to put the rental agreement in writing, and set a time limit for when they need to move out

Years ago my brother got out of the military and came to live with DH and I while he found work, a place to live, etc. He slept on the couch for a few weeks, then moved into a very small, very old, one-bedroom house on our property, right next to our new house. He said it would only be for a little longer, he had some trouble finding work and when he finally did he wanted to build up some savings. It was fine, we were glad to help, and the house was empty anyway, but we did ask him for $200/mo rent, more as an incentive to move than anything else, and we made it clear that this wasn't to be a permanent situation. DH had planned to use the old house for a game room/man cave type place, but there was no big rush.

Eight years later, my brother was still there. He paid his rent faithfully each month, but he got a huge dog that fought with my dogs and jumped the fences to go visit the neighbors. He had piles of trash bags in the house, because he didn't bother to take them to the can. We paid the utilities, so there was the added expense of an extra person. He didn't help with upkeep, or lawn care, or anything else. I love him dearly, but the whole situation put a strain on my marriage, and I ended up telling him he had to go. It caused some hard feelings for awhile, but things are better now. I wish that we had set some specific limits in the very beginning, I think it would have helped.