Lisa loves Pooh
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2004
Long post--you have been warned.
We are in a situation where we helped a friend of the family when they faced job loss and no place to live. We were happy to assist.
They have lived in our home in the basement for several months. It is not perfect, but they have 2 separate living areas, full bath, and a bedroom for their family. They also have exclusive use meaning I only go down if I need to get something stored down there, but otherwise--we do not use this space at all. They also have open access to our kitchen and 2 dedicated laundry days. (She asked for the dedicated days because of her laundry routine. She was not happy to get only two--but she expected me to not use it at all on her specified days and that was all I could spare.)
His job was lost a couple of months before they moved in and they moved in when their lease ended on the rental property. We allowed them to live her rent free with paying half utilities. Around the 3rd month, employment was found. We allowed them to continue living her rent free to allow them time to make up for their lack of income. There was no concrete end date, but they were itching to vacate and since they had a rental situation all ready--they were supposed to move out about Feb/March. And that was fine. That opportunity fell through (the homeowners had discovered they had some renovations to do first before they could rent to them and it would not be done until June which was too late for them). They decided they would purchase a home. They were really trying to get out of here by the end of March. They found the perfect home, but there was already a contract with contingency. They were second in line and it did look like that first contract would fall. So we have not asked for anything other than our original arrangement of half utilities as the light was at the end of the tunnel and we saw no need. The buyer removed that contingency, so they lost the home.
Then they decided they would build a brand new house and asked for a 5-6 month extension (turn around time with no delays from the moment the contract is signed). They offered us nothing. We are hoping to relocate but the timeline on that is sketchy and we don't know when we will be able to do that. The only thing they offered was their understanding that they would have to leave immediately when that occurs and they understand we could not guarantee them the entire time frame.
We felt we have been more than generous. But their circumstances now are much much better than they were in the beginning. We do not feel it appropriate to continue helping them under the existing rental free agreement. So we requested rent. My husband has been in similar circumstances where it was more convenient and budget friendly to live with someone--but we have always paid for that courtesy. This family is clearly not in hardship any longer and they use 1/3 of our home. We felt it was fair to request rent because either way, they would have to pay it if we didn't want them here longer. We are open to negotiating the amount and the initial offer is much much less than they would have to be for a comparable scenario elsewhere. We just feel that it is time for them to no longer live her gratis.
I am getting the strong vibe that it seems our request, to them, was out of line. I think her comment was that she would rather pay more and so they would be out of our hair. (ouch!) Again--we do not mind that they are here. We do mind them, at present, using the space for free.
I feel inclined to also mention--unknown until after she moved in, but we were expected to keep their status a secret. In other words--they told none of our circle that they were living here, expected me to be creative with my language if asked (tell them we live near you, because that is technically true) and essentially expected me to not have ANYONE over. The one time I had to run by the house with someone in my car--they flew out of the house like crazy people so that they would not get busted. I only came home for 5 minutes to pick up one of my other children, was not bringing in the visitor, but pride got the best of them and they fled. The secret was kept for 2 months and was very difficult on my children.
It is not helpful to say you couldn't have let them move in in the first place. We do not regret that decision. What bothers me is that they seem to be insulted that the free accommodations cannot continue. I know my friend's mindset is that if she has to pay, even if she has to pay more--she will find a better circumstance. But it really feels like a slap in the face to both my husband and I that our home was fine when it was free, but when it costs money--we are suddenly not such a good idea. My husband thinks the husband is perfectly understanding of this and the husband has even said they could totally afford the quoted rate.
She did ask when they needed to know. My husband and I mutually decided--since it is known that they will not have their permanent home until end of summer--that they are free to stay, but rent needs to begin starting next month. It doesn't give them much time. But they literally told us Saturday that they were signing a contract for a build on Sunday and by Monday, my husband and her husband met to discuss the extension request. So while it is short notice on them, we went from trying to get out of our house in a month or two--to "we need a lot more time" with no notice. If they stay until the end, they will have lived in our house for over a year. Only 3 months of that year would have been without employment.
Feel free to quote--I am just upset over the situation. I just don't think it was fair for them to expect to live her for 6 more months for free. My additional concern is that if they decide to just go with that deal, that they will demand more of us. But I don't think we owe them anything additional in the arrangement.
Would you have allowed them to continue staying rent free while their home is being built through the summer? Are my husband and I really being uncharitable here?
We are in a situation where we helped a friend of the family when they faced job loss and no place to live. We were happy to assist.
They have lived in our home in the basement for several months. It is not perfect, but they have 2 separate living areas, full bath, and a bedroom for their family. They also have exclusive use meaning I only go down if I need to get something stored down there, but otherwise--we do not use this space at all. They also have open access to our kitchen and 2 dedicated laundry days. (She asked for the dedicated days because of her laundry routine. She was not happy to get only two--but she expected me to not use it at all on her specified days and that was all I could spare.)
His job was lost a couple of months before they moved in and they moved in when their lease ended on the rental property. We allowed them to live her rent free with paying half utilities. Around the 3rd month, employment was found. We allowed them to continue living her rent free to allow them time to make up for their lack of income. There was no concrete end date, but they were itching to vacate and since they had a rental situation all ready--they were supposed to move out about Feb/March. And that was fine. That opportunity fell through (the homeowners had discovered they had some renovations to do first before they could rent to them and it would not be done until June which was too late for them). They decided they would purchase a home. They were really trying to get out of here by the end of March. They found the perfect home, but there was already a contract with contingency. They were second in line and it did look like that first contract would fall. So we have not asked for anything other than our original arrangement of half utilities as the light was at the end of the tunnel and we saw no need. The buyer removed that contingency, so they lost the home.
Then they decided they would build a brand new house and asked for a 5-6 month extension (turn around time with no delays from the moment the contract is signed). They offered us nothing. We are hoping to relocate but the timeline on that is sketchy and we don't know when we will be able to do that. The only thing they offered was their understanding that they would have to leave immediately when that occurs and they understand we could not guarantee them the entire time frame.
We felt we have been more than generous. But their circumstances now are much much better than they were in the beginning. We do not feel it appropriate to continue helping them under the existing rental free agreement. So we requested rent. My husband has been in similar circumstances where it was more convenient and budget friendly to live with someone--but we have always paid for that courtesy. This family is clearly not in hardship any longer and they use 1/3 of our home. We felt it was fair to request rent because either way, they would have to pay it if we didn't want them here longer. We are open to negotiating the amount and the initial offer is much much less than they would have to be for a comparable scenario elsewhere. We just feel that it is time for them to no longer live her gratis.
I am getting the strong vibe that it seems our request, to them, was out of line. I think her comment was that she would rather pay more and so they would be out of our hair. (ouch!) Again--we do not mind that they are here. We do mind them, at present, using the space for free.
I feel inclined to also mention--unknown until after she moved in, but we were expected to keep their status a secret. In other words--they told none of our circle that they were living here, expected me to be creative with my language if asked (tell them we live near you, because that is technically true) and essentially expected me to not have ANYONE over. The one time I had to run by the house with someone in my car--they flew out of the house like crazy people so that they would not get busted. I only came home for 5 minutes to pick up one of my other children, was not bringing in the visitor, but pride got the best of them and they fled. The secret was kept for 2 months and was very difficult on my children.
It is not helpful to say you couldn't have let them move in in the first place. We do not regret that decision. What bothers me is that they seem to be insulted that the free accommodations cannot continue. I know my friend's mindset is that if she has to pay, even if she has to pay more--she will find a better circumstance. But it really feels like a slap in the face to both my husband and I that our home was fine when it was free, but when it costs money--we are suddenly not such a good idea. My husband thinks the husband is perfectly understanding of this and the husband has even said they could totally afford the quoted rate.
She did ask when they needed to know. My husband and I mutually decided--since it is known that they will not have their permanent home until end of summer--that they are free to stay, but rent needs to begin starting next month. It doesn't give them much time. But they literally told us Saturday that they were signing a contract for a build on Sunday and by Monday, my husband and her husband met to discuss the extension request. So while it is short notice on them, we went from trying to get out of our house in a month or two--to "we need a lot more time" with no notice. If they stay until the end, they will have lived in our house for over a year. Only 3 months of that year would have been without employment.
Feel free to quote--I am just upset over the situation. I just don't think it was fair for them to expect to live her for 6 more months for free. My additional concern is that if they decide to just go with that deal, that they will demand more of us. But I don't think we owe them anything additional in the arrangement.
Would you have allowed them to continue staying rent free while their home is being built through the summer? Are my husband and I really being uncharitable here?
They did borrow the downpayment. But they are working with an underwriter to get the home. They have never bought a home before--so they qualify for the first time home buyer's programs that are out there.
