What to do?

Discussion in 'Coping and Compassion' started by Teacher03, Dec 28, 2006.

  1. Teacher03

    Teacher03 DIS Veteran

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    My mom is dying from pancreatic cancer. She was diagnosed in September, and is not doing well. We were really surprised that she made it through Christmas. As soon as she was diagnosed, we knew what to expect as we lost a cousin to it two years ago. It is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I am married with a family as are my two sisters. My dad has been the major caregiver, and now that things are getting worse, my sisters and I have been taking turns staying there. My sisters and I feel that it is time for her to go into a hospice, but my dad flat out refuses. It is getting more difficult to care for her at home. I am a teacher, and I have to go back to work soon. Mydad doesn't understand that I just can't spend the night there every night. (They live about 30 minutes away.) Plus I miss my kids. I want to be there for my mom, but I am so exhausted physically and mentally, I just don't know what to do. She could pass away at any time, or it could be a couple more weeks. I guess I am just looking for some advice, some prayers, some understanding. I just don't know what to do.
     
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  3. MidgeD79

    MidgeD79 5 generation photo. I'm a great-grandma!!

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    Your a great daughter! Sometimes hospice can come to the home. Why don't you call around and see what's available? I went through this with my son (18). There are alot of feelings that are happening and are going to happen. Don't got through it alone. :grouphug:
     
  4. meeskamouska

    meeskamouska <marquee><font color=blue>Doesn't go with jelly</m

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    Whem my younger brother (17) was at the end of his battle we were able to get a hospice at the house. He really wanted to be in his room with his family when it was time and so we found a way to make it happen. Maybe a social worker could point you in the right direction.

    You are doing an amzing thing for you family....just keep going....
     
  5. Teacher03

    Teacher03 DIS Veteran

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    Thank you, it's comforting to know that we are not the only ones who have gone through this. We do have a hospice nurse that comes every other day, who has been an angel, but my dad can't do it alone, and it is just getting impossible for my sisters and I to be there all the time since we all work. We are hoping that he will have a nurse come in to stay with him if we can't be there. We also have some aunts that are willing to come, but my dad just can't seem to ask them. He is having a difficult time with it all, and isn't handling it well. My mom has never complained, not once. She is amazing. I am spending tonight home with my kids and husband, and it feels so good. I will have to go back to it tomorrow, but it is nice to somewhat think about something else for a while. Thanks once again for your kind words and prayers.
     
  6. Mackey Mouse

    Mackey Mouse <font color="blue">Me read the Navigator? I don't

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    I am so sorry....

    I am not sure you know this but my husband has pancreatic cancer.....and we are battling right now ourselves.. I asked for this board for precisely your type of post. I want people who are the caretakers or the ones who are ill to know that on the Dis we have a place that you can come and talk about how you are feeling and get support, most of all get support..


    I am not where you are right now, my heart goes out to your Mom and to your Dad and you and your sisters..I have 3 daughters myself who are involved in their Father's illness. Pancreatic is a horrible cancer and wreaks havoc on the families of those affected..

    Recently, we had genetic testing to see if my husband had the gene that passes this disease on to his children, thankfully, he did not. So why he got this, who knows....

    Help for your Dad and for you all, you have to get help. I would be looking into hospice coming more, finding out what my insurance will cover and try to do the best you can to make sure your Mom has the best care that she can....Maybe you will have to help your Dad and hire a nurse at night so that he can rest and you all can too.. You want to be there, but you have a family and a job, you will be there as much as you can.. There are no guidelines for this, you just do the best you can.

    God Bless your Mom, I would like to add her to my prayer list....just her first name so that when I pray I will say her name..

    OK.. getting weepy here, my heart goes out to you all... Stay strong...and most of all know you are not alone.
     
  7. Teacher03

    Teacher03 DIS Veteran

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    I am so, so sorry. I didn't know this! It is a horrible disease as you know. My mom's name is Shirley, thank you for your prayers. I will keep you and your husband in our prayers. I didn't know about the genetic testing, this might be something we need to look into because my mom is the third in her family to have this type of cancer. Once again, I am so sorry:grouphug:
     
  8. kimysbug

    kimysbug DIS Veteran

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    I am so sorry your family is going through this.
    I feel what you are going through. I am very lucky my mom should be ok.
    But I know what it is like driving 45min in one direction everyday and staying out there.

    Hugs and prayers
     
  9. Mackey Mouse

    Mackey Mouse <font color="blue">Me read the Navigator? I don't

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    Just for your information, our testing was done at Mass General Hospital. Your Mom will have to give vials of blood, I believe it is 4, for this testing to be done. If she has the mutation, then I believe you and your sisters will be tested......

    I am ok with what is going on with us right now. I have my moments when I am not strong, but then I get strong again. Here is what I tell myself... I am praying for a miracle, that he will beat the odds, but I am prepared for whatever comes our way. Not saying I will not be crying, but I am mentally prepared....

    Hugs to you... I will be praying for Shirley and her daughters and her husband as they go down this road.. Please know that you can come here and vent whenever you need to.....this is not easy....Hugs again.
     
  10. Teacher03

    Teacher03 DIS Veteran

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    I just wanted to let everyone know that my dear mom passed away quietly in her sleep this evening. She was in alot of pain, so it was a blessing, but I will miss her terribly. Thank you for all of your kind words and prayers. Mackey Mouse, I am praying for a miracle for your husband and everyone who is going through this.
     
  11. NeedaVacation03

    NeedaVacation03 <font color=green>My first pair of real sneakers c

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    I am very sorry for your loss. God bless you and your family. I will add you all to my prayers.
     
  12. meeskamouska

    meeskamouska <marquee><font color=blue>Doesn't go with jelly</m

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    May your family find comfort and peace during this tumultous time.
     
  13. Nala56

    Nala56 DIS Veteran

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    I'm so sorry, I will remember your family in my prayers.
     
  14. safetymom

    safetymom Super Moderator

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    I am so sorry to hear about your mother. Please take comfort in your memories.
     
  15. Mackey Mouse

    Mackey Mouse <font color="blue">Me read the Navigator? I don't

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    I received your beautiful pm this morning letting me know about your Mom's passing.. There are no eloquent words that I can use here to tell you how I am feeling over this..

    I know how horrible this cancer is and my heart went out to you when you said that is what she had and that she was in final stages. I thank God she is free of the pain and suffering from pancreatic cancer and that you and your sisters can remember her without sickness and just look back on the good memories.

    I do know that takes a while to do as it took me a long to forget how sick my Mom was when she was dying and what I saw in the hospital etc....but now I do not even think of those days, I just remember her making bread pudding, loving my children, and being there whenever I needed her.

    Please stay strong these next few days and we are here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on. I am praying for a miracle too for my husband and who knows what will happen. I am living my days with him, one at a time, taking them as they come and trying to enjoy and put it out of my head.. not always easy to do..

    Hugs to you and your family, may God bless you all, you have been through a lot.
     
  16. kathleena

    kathleena <font color=FF99FF>Because everyone needs a Fairy

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    So very to hear about your Mom's illness and passing. Losing a mother is just so difficult. All of us daughters who are now motherless understand the loss and what you will experience emotionally as you cope with your loss.

    My own Mom passed 9 years ago, just after midnight, on January 1st. She also was diagnosed in September, so had a fairly brief illness. Hers was a primary brain tumor. She spent her last days in the hospital, Christmas included. We watched the Portland fireworks from her room at midnight, and when we turned back to her, she was gone.

    The memory of her illness and passing and the thoughts of that horrible Christmas stayed with me for a few years, but eventually time eased the pain and faded the pictures of the really bad stuff. What used to come readily to mind, is harder to remember now, unless I really spend time thinking about it.

    I'm just telling you all that, in the hopes that you will have faith that this will be your path also. Time will bring more peace of mind.

    Blessings to you and your family.
     
  17. CarolAnnC

    CarolAnnC <font color=blue>Caught Smuggling Jello Shot Syrin

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    My deepest sympathies on the loss of your beloved mom...
     
  18. pumba

    pumba DIS PUMBARIZER Moderator

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    My heart is breaking for you and your family. I lost my sister Juliette, in June of this past year. She also had pancreatic cancer.
    Prayers for you and yours

    remember we are here when you need us.
    Marie
     
  19. travellady

    travellady If only the world could be like WDW every day!

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    I feel your pain as well as your peace in knowing she's moved on to a better place.

    My dad died of pancreatic cancer and we all felt so helpless as we watched him struggle. Thankfully God took him quickly releasing him from his pain.
     
  20. NHAnn

    NHAnn <font color=deeppink>Survivor<br><font color=orang

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    I'm so sorry for your loss....
    am keeping your whole family in my prayers....:grouphug:
     
  21. 4nana

    4nana God Bless America, Land of the Free, Because of th

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    :grouphug:

    I am so very sorry to hear about your dear Mom :sad1: . She was blessed to have such a loving daughter and family who loved and cared for her so much. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family during this very difficult time. I lost my dear Dad 4 yrs ago this mo. to esophageal cancer and know the terrible toll it takes watching a dear parent lose their health and suffer so. May her memories live in your heart and guide you forever. May time and faith help ease your heartache :hug: . Godspeed ^i^
     

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