What do you say to kids friend wants to go somewhere $$

[delmar411]

How about, "If you are bored, we can call your parents, and I can take you home now."

 

[disneydreamersx4]

As soon as friend leaves, we are going to tell DD-9 that she should NEVER ask a friend's parent to take her somewhere $$. It is rude. If this friend's mom knew her DD asked the mom would be embarrased.

 

[The Pink Cupcake]

At age 11 my Dad let me start balancing the check book. I knew exactly when the funds came in, how much and where they went. I knew it wasn't something I could discuss with my friends or Dad wouldn't let me continue to do it. I used to go grocery shopping with him and he ALWAYS stuck to his list. So from the get go I knew to ask for important things a couple weeks in advance at least. My brother mowed grass and I babysat for extra money. I am sure giving the honest answer was the best approach as the truth almost always is IMO.

Your parents did it right I also like how you were sort of "sworn to secrecy" and not allowed to talk about it to others. Money is a private, family thing for us as well. Give your parents a hug!

Which takes me to the OP. I would not have talked about paychecks in front of your daugter's friend. Privately to your daughter? Yes. But not in front of her friend. I would simply say "If you are bored and can't find anything to do, we will gladly take you home"

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I would not have discussed family finances in front of my child's friend.

I agree. My Mom used to do this when we were kids and my sister and I always hated it. It was so embarrassing. We never ever do that to our kids.

 

[sweetdana]

Honesty is the best policy!
I even us the .. we are saving for Disney that always works

I would always pay for my DD6 play dates when her friends sleep over. Even if they offered, I wouldn't accept. I would NEVER exspect them to bring $$ to play. If we go out for Big Boys for ice cream, or MDC play place, or BeniHannas it is on me. If the other mom took my DD6 with her somewhere I would expect (perhaps erronously) for her to pay.

 

[seashoreCM]

I don't have the necessary words or eloquence but the idea is this:

"You are coming here to visit, have supper, and sleep over, not going there to skate."

One problem with giving too many details about the reason you could take them skating is that more time consuming questions could get asked. Speaking of time you could have said that you don't have time to take them skating as opposed to not having money. Her friend's parents will also be subjected to questions from her after she gets back home.

OT: The carpool driver, seeing the green left arrow up ahead turn yellow, merged out of the turn lane back into the main lane. As they cruised through the intersection a voice came from the back seat, "Headed for the bar again?"
The driver replied, "Yep, why stop here when I can go there?"

 

[ceecee]

I just would have said not this time and found a free activity to do. I used to give DD the "we can't afford it" blanket answer at the store and her babysitter told me we shouldn't discuss $ trouble in front of her because she was worried. We weren't even having $ problems, so we talked to her and she thought we didn't have the $ at all!!! Just didn't want to buy everything on a whim.

 

[SunnieRN]

I love reading threads like this. I have 2 points of view. I would never have been allowed to ask any other parent if we could do something while at their house. I would have gotten in outrageous trouble. I just went along with one family out to eat one time and got in trouble for not asking my parents first.

When my daughter was young, she would have friends over. If we did anything, I always paid for it. We would do things I knew we could afford. Picnic, walk to Dairy Queen for an ice cream, ride the light rail (in Sacramento) to the capital and go to family day at Old Sacramento, $1 movies etc, etc, etc.

If we didn't have much money that week, we went alone. If we had a little more, someone would come along. If we did anything too expensive, I would ask the other parent if they wanted their child to come along, and tell them the cost involved.

 

[Marionnette]

My kids were taught from around age 5 that if they asked for something in front of a guest, the answer would automatically be NO. They certainly could come to me alone and ask (the answer might have still been NO). Kids often make requests like that in front of their friends or have the friend do the asking since you are less likely to turn them down.

I don't think that I would have gone into any explanation with the kids. They're 9. They don't deserve one. The answer was NO. 'Nuff said. Go play.

 

[Kellydelly]

So what happens if your child goes off on an overnight playdate and the hosts decide to take your child (with your permission) to a spendy activity like Dave & Busters? Is the visiting child supposed to pay? Are the parents supposed to offer to pay when the child is dropped off afterwards? I just ran into this scenario recently.

 

[disneydreamersx4]

QUOTE FROM: Kellydelly
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,206


So what happens if your child goes off on an overnight playdate and the hosts decide to take your child (with your permission) to a spendy activity like Dave & Busters? Is the visiting child supposed to pay? Are the parents supposed to offer to pay when the child is dropped off afterwards? I just ran into this scenario recently.

___________

This kind of happened to us last week (another thread I posted about)
my DD went to a playdate not sleepover and the mom took the kids to the movies without asking me first (I would not do that, I would ask the mom first). They brought my DD home and the mom stayed in the car, just her DD walked my DD up to the house. So I didn't even know at that point that they went to the movies so I could not have paid. But later when I found out they went I was thinking maybe I should call up the mom and offer to pay but I didn't. This time I thought the mom took it upon herself to take my DD and didn't tell me so I felt she knew she was paying for everything.

With DD-13 though, when she was younger, she went places with her friend and friend's father. We would offer to pay but the father said it was his treat.

When we invite a friend to come with us to a movie or ice skating we will tell our child to tell the friend "would you like to come to ice skating? Tell your mom it's $7 to skate. Normally the playdate is organized on the phone first so it's easy for the kids to talk to each other first then I will get on the phone with the mom about the particulars like the time for playing.

 

[Kellydelly]

QUOTE FROM: Kellydelly
DIS Veteran

Kellydelly's Avatar

Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,206


So what happens if your child goes off on an overnight playdate and the hosts decide to take your child (with your permission) to a spendy activity like Dave & Busters? Is the visiting child supposed to pay? Are the parents supposed to offer to pay when the child is dropped off afterwards? I just ran into this scenario recently.

___________

This kind of happened to us last week (another thread I posted about)
my DD went to a playdate not sleepover and the mom took the kids to the movies without asking me first (I would not do that, I would ask the mom first). They brought my DD home and the mom stayed in the car, just her DD walked my DD up to the house. So I didn't even know at that point that they went to the movies so I could not have paid. But later when I found out they went I was thinking maybe I should call up the mom and offer to pay but I didn't. This time I thought the mom took it upon herself to take my DD and didn't tell me so I felt she knew she was paying for everything.

With DD-13 though, when she was younger, she went places with her friend and friend's father. We would offer to pay but the father said it was his treat.

When we invite a friend to come with us to a movie or ice skating we will tell our child to tell the friend "would you like to come to ice skating? Tell your mom it's $7 to skate. Normally the playdate is organized on the phone first so it's easy for the kids to talk to each other first then I will get on the phone with the mom about the particulars like the time for playing.

The idea to go to D&Bs came up after they had her overnight, so I didn't have the opportunity to give her money beforehand, and it seems weird to offer up cash when they dropped her off . I personally wouldn't expect it, but I wasn't sure what they thought.

 

[Marionnette]

So what happens if your child goes off on an overnight playdate and the hosts decide to take your child (with your permission) to a spendy activity like Dave & Busters? Is the visiting child supposed to pay? Are the parents supposed to offer to pay when the child is dropped off afterwards? I just ran into this scenario recently.

If we invited a child to go somewhere with us, then they were our guest. We never expected them to pay their own way. If the activity was too expensive for us to include the child in our plans, then the plans changed and we did that activity another day.

 

[sk!mom]

My response to those kinds of of things is usually along the lines of "you're already getting a special treat with the sleepover/play date/movie/lunch out/whatever. And now you want to go skating!? You silly girls...if we have too many special things today we might not be able to go next time." Said with a fun, loving approach the message is well received. If they're really disappointed then something else fun (in the context of the already-planned sleepover) can be done. Popcorn and a movie? Making cupcakes?

I have no issue discussing budgetary matters with my children, but would refrain in the presence of others. Anything more than "it's not in the plan for today" is TMI, in my opinion.

This!!

After the other child went home, I would remind my DD that I dislike begging. If I say no, then there is a reason.

 

[Abbeys_mom]

If we invited a child to go somewhere with us, then they were our guest. We never expected them to pay their own way. If the activity was too expensive for us to include the child in our plans, then the plans changed and we did that activity another day.

Didn't this come up recently with a poster wanting to invite dd/ds's friends to WDW? IIRC, the OP offered to pay for the kids.

Same thing at our house, if we invite, we pay. I always ask the other mom first, and let her know her child is our guest. I feel it is important to teach our dd how to be both a gracious host and a thankful guest.