What do you say to a mooch? -Vent

[eliza61]

I firmly believe that every family has a mooch, and if you don't know who it is...then it's you!! LOL!!!

I like the PP who said to tell him you can't afford to have him come visit! Put it right back on him that it's his own fault for being a mooch!

Ladies and gentlemen, I have two family members who have taken mooching to incredible new heights. I have dealt with them for 50 years, here are my tips.

1) first, get rid of the guilt. mooches do not offend. are you kidding me? If they had any type of qualms or embarrassment they wouldn't be moochies in the first place and even if you do manage to offend them ........

2) Mooches bounce back. Their survival skills depend on it. they know full well that they will be back, they are stronger than roaches, after Armageddon, "mooches" will be left standing.

3) mooches usually have their own money. they are not lazy bums, they would just rather spend your money, eat your stuff, use your space then ever part with their cash. Don't believe the hype that they are broke.

As god is my witness on a Sunday, my cousin "N" who currently holds the mooching record in my family, called me up when my husband died and asked if he could borrow money to get to the funeral!!! (he was in central nj, services were in Philly) Unfortunately for him he got our aunt who said things t hat can't be repeated here. LOL.

"N" is so bad that we have a phone tree for him, who ever gets the first phone call from him, then has a moral obligation to text everyone else with the code phrase...
"N got out and is terrorizing the villagers".

 

[kimblebee]

I'd even consider offering my spare key as long as I had time to clean ALL the food out of the house

No way!! Once he's in, he'll never leave.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

No way!! Once he's in, he'll never leave.

Touché

 

[eliza61]

What do you say? "No."

You've enabled this behavior quite a bit by paying for his meals, etc. and letting him get away with it. The sooner you stop the cycle, the better.

I'm always surprised by how much crap people put up with just because the person doling out the crap is family. Life's too short.

I think one of the problems is, usually "moochers" are usually likeable. My family loves my cousin, he's one of those guys that is uber charming, personable, friendly and nice. lol, it's just after he hugs you, you have to check your pockets to make sure he has borrowed 50 bucks.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I wouldn't even give names of hotels or otherwise help him in any way.

Repeat after me: "I'm extracting myself from the situation".

 

[Andtototoo]

You know why mooches mooch? Because people let them out of guilt, mistaken notions of what "family" means, or for lack of a spine.

You know when mooches stop mooching? When they have no other option because their marks die or say "NO".

I speak from experience. Sadly, too much experience. One example:

We have a mooch in our family. She found and married a mooch. From decades of experience, I know that the only way to handle them is to say NO. Firmly, emphatically, and especially: WITHOUT EXCUSES or EXPLANATIONS.

If you try and give an excuse or explanation, they will find a way to counter it. They use this to wear you down.

My favorite counter is "But I want it." That's all they think is necessary for you to give them what they want. They want it. And of course they should get it because they are entitled to it.

And it never ever ends unless you put a stop to it. As proof: The mooch in my family successfully mooched $1 MILLION off of another family member. Yes, folks, you read that right. $1 MILLION. And what does she have to show for it? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. They spent it junk. If they had just saved it or even half of it, they could be sitting pretty right now. But nope, that family member died, they ran through the inheritance in record time, they turned to another family member and tried the manipulative behavior on them. Fortunately, that person had a spine and said, "NO" enough times, that they finally gave up. And... got jobs. Yes, in their 50s, they finally got real jobs. They are still finding the occasional new person to mooch off of, but not in the style to which they were accustomed. So, oh, the horror, they have to WORK!

 

[Bluestars]

If he couldn't afford to pay his way last time, how could he afford to get frat boy drunk?

Moochers always seem to have money for alcohol. A moocher in my family guilted my mom into paying for her kids to go to the fair, yet she was able to buy a lot of alcohol during her visit that week.

 

[LBIJim]

I'd even consider offering my spare key as long as I had time to clean ALL the food out of the house

But then the moocher will take all the silverware, toilet paper, and pictures off the wall when he leaves. That is, IF he leaves.

 

[Pamlur]

Just continue to say no. Over and over and over. No.

 

[WowLookAtThat]

Thanks for the advice. Honestly, this has soured my relationship with him because I have been noticing that if someone says no to him, he instigates and tells other family members about how he "deserves" something and that can start arguments. So,if I say no I know I may have to tell others why I decided he can't come over and I usually feel ganged-up on. I get angry because I know he bullies people to get his way through bringing others in the argument.

If he couldn't afford to pay his way last time, how could he afford to get frat boy drunk?

This is what surprised me. Apparently, he had enough to drink but not enough to pay his ticket. At that point, I knew his game and decided that I wouldn't have him over.

 

[mousehockey37]

Thanks for the advice. Honestly, this has soured my relationship with him because I have been noticing that if someone says no to him, he instigates and tells other family members about how he "deserves" something and that can start arguments. So,if I say no I know I may have to tell others why I decided he can't come over and I usually feel ganged-up on. I get angry because I know he bullies people to get his way through bringing others in the argument.

I'd tell that loud mouthed family member to "pony up" and take him out then. Your family is who you decide to let into it. He's your brother and that won't change, but he doesn't have to be part of "your" family and when you go to visit other relatives, if he wants to be there or stick his nose in, let them take care of him, not you.

 

[Stinkerbell92]

You just have to be firm and tell the NO and stop mooching. You also have to stick to your guns and don't give in to anything they ask for.

 

[ronandannette]

If I'm reading your last few sentences right, all you need to do is NOT pay for him to get to where you are. Problem solved. There's also a reason they invented call display and the "From" field on an e-mail mail and/or text application. The next time I saw or talked to this guy would be because I ran into him accidentally somewhere. Oh, and for the other relatives that might chime in here? Invite them to give him whatever they want - maybe they'd like an opportunity to "help" your poor, downtrodden brother. They can thank you later...

 

[DVC-Don]

It's your fault for not saying no.

 

[cleverclovers]

Oh, no. This mooch would not be allowed near my house. If he wants to come - he can pay his own way. If he can't afford it. TOO BAD. STAY HOME.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Time to use TOUGH LOVE with this character. Stop being nice about it. He is a manipulator.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I'm surprised you're worried about other relatives taking his side if you say "no". I would think they've all probably been his victims before & know his true character.

 

[hereyago]

I'm surprised you're worried about other relatives taking his side if you say "no". I would think they've all probably been his victims before & know his true character.

I am obviously not the OP, but I had family who thought enabling was easier and less stressful. Perhaps OP has family who would rather have her and others enable the mooch monster because they will have to deal with his 'aftermath".

There are also people who have the mindset who think family means everything no matter how toxic a family member can be.

 

[mousehockey37]

There are also people who have the mindset who think family means everything no matter how toxic a family member can be.

Exactly. I said it earlier in the thread I believe, but... your blood family contains who it contains and you don't have a say in that. However, your everyday family is who you choose to have as your family. Just because they're labeled as brother, sister, cousin, etc doesn't mean they have to be in your "family".

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

Id buy him a one way ticket to somewhere else and tell him theirs a layover, anywhere else will do. If you shop the discount airlines it shouldn't really cost over $100 but it would be priceless.