Welcome To The Caribbean, Love ~ Updated 5-27 P52

[eandesmom]

Oh Kat



And it is not a bad thing to cry in front of your children. We can't be strong all the time. To hide you feelings, at all costs, for them, deprives them of knowing how deep, how true emotions can be. And yes...how much it can hurt.

To share that, at times, makes you human, real and fallible. All things I believe children need to see. To allow them in, at times, is the greatest gift you can give.

To allow them to comfort you back...words escape me.

 

[eandesmom]

Thanks for the compliments on the tour. Maybe we'll check that out this time! You think Nemo would enjoy it?

I do! Big time.

 

[TarzansKat]

Beautiful post Kat I'm so sorry that your mother will not be with you to celebrate your next birthday, but I hope all the love from your children and from family will help ease the ache a bit!!! What a beautiful tribute to your wonderful boys!! You are raising a couple of fine young men, you and your hubby should be very proud!

I am very blessed by family.

Crying.......

And that's all I got.

Except that I love you, my friend....

.

I love you, too, babe!

It's taken me a bit of time to reply to this installment. I don't know what to say except that I understand. I love you my dear friend. And I thank God you have such a wonderful husband and children.

I'll talk to you Saturday.

Thank you. I know you understand more than words can express.

I'm looking forward to your phone call.

Thanks for the visual....

One of the many perks of being a man, right? Not having to deal with shelf bras.

TK-
I really don't know what to write except don't feel like you are a bad mother for crying in front of your kids. And kids know so much more than we give them credit for.

My DWs GM passed away a few months ago and last week my DW was sad and saying that she misses 'nonnie' Juliana says it's OK mommy, nonnie is watching us from the clouds. (Just like Nemo) We have never told her that nonnie had passed away, she just knows.

How wonderful that Juliana said that! What a great kiddo. I mean, we know our kids are awesome, right, but when they say things like that, it makes you a little teary...

Oh Kat



And it is not a bad thing to cry in front of your children. We can't be strong all the time. To hide you feelings, at all costs, for them, deprives them of knowing how deep, how true emotions can be. And yes...how much it can hurt.

To share that, at times, makes you human, real and fallible. All things I believe children need to see. To allow them in, at times, is the greatest gift you can give.

To allow them to comfort you back...words escape me.

Thanks, hon. I actually was so comforted by Nemo in that moment. I was so grateful that my "emotional" child was so emotional at that moment, and obviously, perceptive.

I do! Big time.

 

[shannn]

My children have comforted me so many times through my loss. As the funeral home carried Mom's body out of our house, Lily chanted softly, "it's not her soul, just her body." She also reminds me frequently that as long as we remember of her she's never really gone. Wisdom from a six year old.

Of course, I'm not really at a very accepting place right now. So the wisdom seems to go over my head. I too just want to scream and cry at the world that I want my mommy back. The emptiness doesn't go away. I have to clean up her room and go through her things. I have to claim her treasures for my own. I have to live my life with a huge hole in my heart.

Thank you writing this. Hugs & love to you.

 

[TarzansKat]

My children have comforted me so many times through my loss. As the funeral home carried Mom's body out of our house, Lily chanted softly, "it's not her soul, just her body." She also reminds me frequently that as long as we remember of her she's never really gone. Wisdom from a six year old.

You know what? I wish I could channel your six year old.

Because the HARDEST part for me is the separation of the body and the soul. I don't want to go into specifics here, but what I had to endure in the hospital really drove that point home and I still have trouble accepting that this flesh is just a house. Temporary residence. I can't get over it.

Of course, I'm not really at a very accepting place right now. So the wisdom seems to go over my head. I too just want to scream and cry at the world that I want my mommy back. The emptiness doesn't go away. I have to clean up her room and go through her things. I have to claim her treasures for my own. I have to live my life with a huge hole in my heart.

Thank you writing this. Hugs & love to you.

Oh, thank you for saying that. I'm not an accepting place either and although I can appreciate the wisdom and understand it, it's not where I'm at yet.

 

[brookelizabeth]

It never ceases to amaze me what comes out of little one's mouths. God does use them!!

 

[TarzansKat]

It never ceases to amaze me what comes out of little one's mouths. God does use them!!

It's so true.

 

[Native NYer]

 

[TarzansKat]

Thanks, Jen. Is that a new ticker I see?

 

[Native NYer]

Thanks, Jen. Is that a new ticker I see?

Yes, it is. I'm going to a convention that just so happens to be at the YC
I can't think of a better place to get some work done.

 

[2xcited2sleep]

Oh, TK. I don't know what to say but .

 

[Charleston Princess]

Oh, TK, Nemo's hug and comment just did me in! What a wonderful little boy you are raising!

Glad to know that Squirt is doing his part to bring fairies into the world!

Big hugs to you because you can never have too many!

 

[TarzansKat]

Yes, it is. I'm going to a convention that just so happens to be at the YC

What a coincidence!!!

I can't think of a better place to get some work done.

Well, I would think that Stormalong Bay is highly conducive to a work environment.

Oh, TK. I don't know what to say but .

Thank you.

Oh, TK, Nemo's hug and comment just did me in! What a wonderful little boy you are raising!

Me, too! And thank you. We've had some struggles with him in the past few weeks, but when he says something like that, I know we must be doing something right.

Glad to know that Squirt is doing his part to bring fairies into the world!

I just think it's so sweet to think there's a new fairy because of him.

Big hugs to you because you can never have too many!

I'll take all the hugs I can get!

 

[TarzansKat]

Before we get to the title of this post, I have something that I want to share with you all.

Without getting all specific and causing another sob fest, I just wanted to say that I hit a pivotal turning point this week, and am feeling better. I still hold sadness in my heart, but I have decided that it is time to move forward. Not move on, just forward. It's time to stop perpetuating the negativity I've allowed myself to wallow in (and have been influenced by others in my family to wallow in as well) to be the person who I really am.

To be the woman that my mother raised me to be. I am strong. And I want to live.

I don't mean to sound melodramatic at all, I mean it in all truth and honesty. I want to live. I will live with the knowledge that I miss her, and that what happened to her in death may be something I will never understand, but there is a plan, and that I have learned so much about who I am and about what I want my life to be. I am not dead. I am still here, and I have much to do.

I want to be an honor to myself, to my family, and especially to my mother, who always told me, "you are stronger than I am." And in some ways, she was right. I know I will be okay. I know I am strong. I know she wouldn't want me to be sad on my birthday, to be sad on Halloween, to be sad for the coming holidays. Because every first without her is also a first for Squirt, and she would love nothing more than for me to revel in him, in both my children and make the best of the fact that she is gone but will never, ever be forgotten.

I have to tell you, that for the very first time this week, I got excited about this trip. I mean really and truly, I AM GOING TO DISNEYWORLD!!!! excited.

And that was one of the ways that I knew. One of the ways that I could tell my heart was trying to heal itself, and that I was letting it.

So, while I can say I AM GOING TO DISNEYWORLD!!!, let's get to the title of this chapter.

KOTS

I didn't even know that such an acronym existed until I joined the DIS. For those of you who aren't aware, it means keeper of the secret.

And, unwittingly, that's what I am.

Well, myself, and MJS. You see, because we weren't sure how I would feel about this trip, even after booking it, we didn't tell Nemo.

Nemo. The child who asks to go back to Disney World every week, who manages to work it into a conversation when I least expect it, bringing a smile to my face.

He has no idea.

And he still doesn't. Even though I've decided that we're taking this trip, that I'm going to be okay, that I'm excited about seeing Tink cross the finish line, excited about taking the baby for the first time, I still haven't told Nemo.

I haven't decided how long I'll be a KOTS.

It's a February trip, and Nemo's birthday is in the beginning of that month. Can I possibly hold on to it until then? And if so, how to do the big reveal? Any thoughts?

I've never been in this position before. It's kind of exciting.

 

[brookelizabeth]

First, a big cheer for a turning point! And you are so right, your Mom would want you to be happy, excited, enjoying life - remembering her always, how could you not? - but not staying in the pain and sadness. I know as a Mom I would want that for my child, and I'm sure you would want that for yours. Any Mom would! I am sure it's a relief to feel happiness and excitement once again.

KOTS! How fun!!! Joe suggested we do that for Henry this trip, but I still think he's too young for it to matter. We DON'T tell him/talk about it the night before though, he gets too excited now, he wouldn't sleep!! We always have him do the last bit of the countdown the morning that we leave.

I think it would be VERY fun to have it as a birthday surprise! He could open a box that would have Mickey stuff in it and a sign or something that says when you are going back - I've seen things like that done before, it always seems to get a wonderful reaction!

 

[TarzansKat]

First, a big cheer for a turning point! And you are so right, your Mom would want you to be happy, excited, enjoying life - remembering her always, how could you not? - but not staying in the pain and sadness. I know as a Mom I would want that for my child, and I'm sure you would want that for yours. Any Mom would! I am sure it's a relief to feel happiness and excitement once again.

It is a relief. I don't want to bury my feelings but I don't want to wallow in them either. I want to be a credit to her.

KOTS! How fun!!! Joe suggested we do that for Henry this trip, but I still think he's too young for it to matter. We DON'T tell him/talk about it the night before though, he gets too excited now, he wouldn't sleep!! We always have him do the last bit of the countdown the morning that we leave.

How old is the little guy?

I think it would be VERY fun to have it as a birthday surprise! He could open a box that would have Mickey stuff in it and a sign or something that says when you are going back - I've seen things like that done before, it always seems to get a wonderful reaction!

I'm thinking something along those lines. Nemo is learning how to do his letters in school, I'm hoping maybe by then he'll be able to read a bit and he can read it on his own.

 

[MRYPPNS]

If your kids are anything like mine than they can read the word Disney! You could even do it as a picture book with the both a picture and words. Airplane, Palm tree, the resort, the castle, Tree of life, etc.

 

[TarzansKat]

If your kids are anything like mine than they can read the word Disney! You could even do it as a picture book with the both a picture and words. Airplane, Palm tree, the resort, the castle, Tree of life, etc.

Oh, I like that idea! I pretty much inherited my mother's scrapbooking supplies, I could even make a little project out of it with photos from past trips!

Heidi, great idea, thanks.

 

[brookelizabeth]

Heidi strikes again. Seriously, you are a genius! LOVE that idea!!! It would be super easy on a site like Shutterfly too!

Kat - Henry is 3, or as he says "I just turned 3"

 

[shannn]

I'm so glad that you are able to be at this place. I really want to be there, but I'm not there yet. I show a strong face to the world but I just can't feel it yet.

The idea of a surprise is so awesome! I am the worst secret keeper in the world, and I'd never be able to keep my excitement from my kids. I can't wait to hear what you decide to do!