ilovejack02
<font color=peach>what do you all think?<br><font
- Joined
- Aug 8, 2006
While people do bring gifts to wedding in our area, it is much more appropriate to have the gifts sent to the bride or grooms home ( or their house) before hand.
Honestly, my first thought is the wedding planner may somehow be in on this. To set up a table in that location is not just simply stupid, it's suspicious if you ask me.
I wonder if this sort of thing has happened at other weddings this person has planned?
It is now 5 months later and we have received no acknowledgement that they received either the wedding check .
At the very least they should call the country club to see if the gifts are sitting in a storage room somewhere.
Rule #1 - Gifts don't go to the wedding (other than cards). Bring gifts creates another thing for the couple or their parents to have to take care of that night and according to the etiquette queens the gifts should be sent to the brides home. Most people (around here) just give $$ for the wedding gift in which case see Rule #2
Rule #2 - It's not a good idea to put cash in the mail and it's not a good idea to hand someone a card full of cash or stick it in some box at a wedding either. Cash is the easiest thing to steal, how would you trace that? A check is much easier to trace. There is an identity theft issue sure, but there is also one everytime you pay for anything with a check.
I am now stepping down off of my soap box and preparing to be flamed
Can't you see if the check was endorsed by them?
What a mess. Yes there's a possible identity theft issue here but I can't think of any way the bride/groom could possibly notify people that would be even REMOTELY polite and not shamefully tacky. I would be mortified to get a letter from the couple saying that since I attended the wedding but the bride/groom didn't receive a gift from me, they had to assume my gift had gone missing! I would feel 100% obligated to replace the gift even if they said not to. And how yucky to imply that the couple EXPECTED and assumed that everyone who attended must have given a gift. Obviously people do bring gifts when they attend weddings but I can't imagine as a bride sitting down and figuring out who attended but didn't have a gift on record.
The only thing I can think of that would not be ridiculously tacky would be to have the wedding planner (not the couple!) send out a form letter to EVERY guest saying what the situation was; not specifying which gifts might have been taken so that no one would feel obligated to replace--just saying that if anyone had written a check and was concerned to please double check with the bride to see if it was received.
The wedding planner really must be an amateur, or as someone else said--in on the scheme!!
Never ever ever take gifts to the wedding -- they go to the bride's home BEFORE the wedding!
Never ever ever take gifts to the wedding -- they go to the bride's home BEFORE the wedding!
I would have my bridal party start calling all of the guests. Tell the guests that John and Sally have sent out their thank you cards. State that there has been a suspected theft.
Advise the guests that if they have not received a thank you card and they gave a gift of a check, they need to be aware that they may need to put a stop payment on it and keep an eye on their accounts.
Also, if they gave a gift and suspect it was one of the ones stolen and want to report it to the police, please call xyz police station and report that their gift to John and Sally was also stolen. It is police report #12345.
Of course, this would take two steps from the bride and groom - they have to make sure all thank you cards are out and they have to set up a police report with the proper authorities.
This way, the bride and groom never put their guests on the spot. The bride and groom will never know the guests that actually gifted and didn't get a thank you note vs the guests that did not gift and aren't even expecting a thank you note.
It is just a polite heads up by the bridal party to the guests rather than the tackiness of a bridal party asking which gifts the guests gave.
Of course, you are also opening it up to fraud on the part of the guests that if they now want to seem like they gave a gift, they can claim a false gift on the police report. But that won't be the bride and groom's problem, that would have to be handled by the police.
My bank doesn't send back the whole check - only a copy of the front. I would have to request a copy of the endorsement, I guess. But I would assume if it was stolen, they might have just forged the names that were on the front. I guess it could be traced by the processing information on the back of the check, but that seems like a lot to go through when I don't even know if there is a problem. I have received no acknowledgement, and have asked the groom's mother about it and got no answer. I'm not sure if I should do anything more. And as I mentioned, I got no acknowledgement of the shower gift either and that was taken to the groom's mother's house. So I'm pretty sure they must have gotten that .
I have never been to a wedding where this was done.
I would have my bridal party start calling all of the guests. Tell the guests that John and Sally have sent out their thank you cards. State that there has been a suspected theft.
Advise the guests that if they have not received a thank you card and they gave a gift of a check, they need to be aware that they may need to put a stop payment on it and keep an eye on their accounts.
Also, if they gave a gift and suspect it was one of the ones stolen and want to report it to the police, please call xyz police station and report that their gift to John and Sally was also stolen. It is police report #12345.
Of course, this would take two steps from the bride and groom - they have to make sure all thank you cards are out and they have to set up a police report with the proper authorities.
This way, the bride and groom never put their guests on the spot. The bride and groom will never know the guests that actually gifted and didn't get a thank you note vs the guests that did not gift and aren't even expecting a thank you note.
It is just a polite heads up by the bridal party to the guests rather than the tackiness of a bridal party asking which gifts the guests gave.
Of course, you are also opening it up to fraud on the part of the guests that if they now want to seem like they gave a gift, they can claim a false gift on the police report. But that won't be the bride and groom's problem, that would have to be handled by the police.