was too much expected of this teenage mother?

[chris1gill]

I think the whole situation is sad, both for the girl and the baby. She wasn't capable of caring for the baby, she was frustrated and in over her head. She's under 18, I'm sure her parents had great sway with her, they should have discussed with her or even realized themselves the trouble she would have.

Even as a much older mother of a baby with extreme colic, there were times I was so desperate I would call my other older friends over to help me. My own mother couldn't stand being around during this time (says a lot about my own mother). The best advice I was ever given, if the child is crying and you are so frustrated, put the child into his or her crib and walk away, sit on the front porch, cry it out yourself, compose yourself, then go back in and try to effectively parent. I wish someone had given this girl that word of advice.

I feel sorry for the two of them, someone should have seen this coming....

 

[dansamy]

The grandfather is the baby's legal guardian & had witnessed the mother hurting the child. He's also guilty. It's called failure to protect.

I am not trying to say that the mother should get a free pass. She shouldn't. She should be held accountable for her actions, but she's not the sole guilty party here.

 

[TLSnell1981]

Please don't judge her to harshly if you have never been in a similar situation. You can say you won't do this, or that but you really wont know until your actually in it.

Well, I was a teen mother AND have a younger brother with Down syndrome. She repeatedly abused this baby. There is absolutely no excuse...NONE. She deserves harsh words and a lengthy prison sentence.

 

[EMom]

Please don't judge her to harshly if you have never been in a similar situation. You can say you won't do this, or that but you really wont know until your actually in it.

You are mistaken. As God as my witness, I can say with certainty I would never abuse a baby. I promise you that. I would sooner cut off my own arm.

 

[kayrosek]

I was a teen mother with my first child, by 22 I was divorced with two toddlers and a special needs infant who cried incessantly. Believe me I know how hard parenting, especially with a special needs baby, can be, but Im not giving this girl a pass. I dont know if she deserves 25 years in prison but she repeatadly hurt her child and she knew it. She deserves to be punished and the poor baby should be with someone who can treat him right.

 

[kayrosek]

Double post

 

[leebee]

There are SO many things wrong with this situation, and all of it is so sad, so unnecessary. This girl was probably 15 when she gave birth (and how old when she got pregnant?) and supposedly forced to have/keep the baby, from what we know. Do the girl&baby live with her parents? I wonder because it says she "called" to talk to the g'father about the leg. WHY is the g'father the legal guardian? Or is this the norm when children give birth, for their parent to be the baby's "parent" also? Where/who is the father? I really hope they get this baby into an adoption even faster than they get this girl (a) some counseling, and (b) into court. Terrible, terrible situation... but even in this situation, she is old enough to know that you don't hurt people intentionally (especially hard enough to break bones; that's not a simple thing, even with a baby's bones). Girl and grandfather both need to be held accountable for this complicated, horrible situation.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Even a teen under tremendous pressure should know better than to harm a baby in that way. I think she should be prosecuted and I do think jail time should be involved. I also think the teen mother's age and circumstances (if there is evidence that she was truly heavily pressured to "keep" the baby against her wishes--I put "keep" in quotes because it sounds like her dad was the guardian, not her. Did he tell her he would take the baby and then force its care on her anyway? Was she told she would be kicked out and homeless if she did not do this? Did she know she had other options, like going into foster care herself if her dad kicked her out, etc? ).

I also think that as the bay's guardian who allowed this to happen over a prolonged period, the grandfather should be prosecuted and face jail time. Furthermore, if there is a way to prove that he truthfully coerced his 15 year old daughter (I assume it is his daughter and not the father's father, though the article did not say) into keeping a child she did not want to via threats, isolation, hiding her rights from her, etc--that that ought to be considered parental neglect if not abuse and he ought to face charges for that as well (though, I highly doubt legally THAT could happen--it is still what I would like to see in an ideal world).

I would hope that this might spark a discussion about how teen pregnancy should be handled in the US.

I was SHOCKED by the parents on the DIS not too long ago who posted that they would disown their minor children if they even gave a baby up for adoption, much less if they had an abortion. And, based on that thread alone, my eyes were opened to how demanding and forceful some parents would be to a child who was pregnant.

With that in mind, I wonder if we need protections for girls? Something where all teen moms would be provided, free of charge with counseling as to exactly WHAT their options are and how to exercise them. Things like, if their parents kick them out of the house for making a decision the parents do not like, that foster care will e arranged, etc (and required to attend---either as part of pre natal care, as a way to be eligible for WIC or medicare or something--whatever incentive is needed to get them in there even against a parent's wishes). I think there would be FEWER tragedies if pregnant teens were given all of their options, from an uninvolved third party, and were made aware that the decision is truly theirs (and the father of the baby's) and NO ONE else's--including their own parents.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

No, its not too much to expect a mother to not abuse her baby. That has nothing to do with age.

Regardless of her situation, her action was not justifiable. There is no excuse for breaking your baby's bones.

Perhaps her custody should be revoked. The father of the child should be found and held partially accountable, at least for abandonment.

Well, I was a teen mother AND have a younger brother with Down syndrome. She repeatedly abused this baby. There is absolutely no excuse...NONE. She deserves harsh words and a lengthy prison sentence.

Agree with all of these.

 

[Heidict]

Regardless of her situation, her action was not justifiable. There is no excuse for breaking your baby's bones.

Perhaps her custody should be revoked. The father of the child should be found and held partially accountable, at least for abandonment.

Abandonment? Why? She may very well have custody. Why is he somehow culpable for her actions?

I feel sorry for the innocent baby that was hurt, for doing nothing but being a baby. I also feel sorry for the girl, because she didn't know or think having a baby would be so hard, and at times frustrating. Her mind set is not there yet, nor is her maturity level. Yes, you can say she should not have had the baby, or had sex. But we don't know the circumstances or pressure she was under. Being a parent is hard, bit I imagine having a special need child is even harder. Imagine being a teenage girl, who probably when she recieved the news her baby would be born with DS, didn't understand what that really meant. I'm not trying to defend her, or say what she did was right. All I'm saying is I understand how something like this happened, and thank heaven it wasn't worse. I was a teen mom 17, when when I became pregnant, just turned 18 when I had her. I remember nights crying because she was still up, and didn't understand why she wouldn't sleep, or why do I have to make bottles I want to finish talking to my friends, or why can't I go out with my friends your here. I was very lucky I had the family I did, they helped me alot. And, please don't forget the the teenage or very early 20's father, and if he's not caring, or acting with sense. Like I said before the rationality is not there yet for them to think " Okay, let me take care of the baby first, then I can maybe deal with this, that, and this." Please don't judge her to harshly if you have never been in a similar situation. You can say you won't do this, or that but you really wont know until your actually in it.

She is a worthless person who has no right to be near a child. Anyone who would purposefully and repeatedly harm a child to the point of repeatedly breaking their bones needs to be sterilized. I hope and pray that she never gives birth again for fear of what horrendous abuse she would bestow upon that poor innocent. I'm sure that what ever punishment she gets will in no way be enough.

This child needs to be removed from this family and given to someone who will actually love and take care of him.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Abandonment? Why? She may very well have custody. Why is he somehow culpable for her actions?

Yeah, I did not see a single mention of the child's father in the article

Is he alive? (one teen mother I worked with years ago, the father was killed by a drunk driver when she was pregnant).

Does he have any custody rights?

Was he ever informed by the girl that he was the father of a child?

Did he give up all rights to his child (perhaps, also under pressure from the grandparents), thus opening the door for the grandfather to be named guardian?

 

[NHdisneylover]

The initial article in the OP said the grandfather noticed the child's injuries. These other two articles say that child's FATHER noticed the injuries and took him in for medical care. The baby and his mother live with the grandfather/guardian.

http://www.wisn.com/news/Teen-mom-c...-son/-/9373668/18557316/-/klw7ha/-/index.html

http://www.cbs58.com/news/local-new...infant-with-downs-syndrome-191272441.html?m=y

From the sounds of it, the baby's father IS involved and is the only one of the people involved who was looking out for the baby.

 

[leight]

Very sad situation indeed. I certainly don't approve of forcing a young girl to raise a baby if she wanted adoption. I guess that if the grandfather wanted custody- he may be forcing her to care for the child- seems like that would not be in the best interest of the baby at all.

I worked with special needs kids for years and I did see that there are many associated diseases with Downs' that could account for especially fragile bones or that the baby was more easily bruised and injured. Not excusing her in any way- but 40yrs seems a bit harsh. She would have no chance to be rehabilitated and I'd rather see that she be treated like the child she probably is. If her father was so strict that he required her to keep the baby- then there may be underlying fears/stressors through that relationship(no mention of her mother) that are causing her behaviors. I just wonder how effective a public defender will be in defining any of these to get her the help she needs.

As to the care of the baby- he should be removed from the grandfather's custody- no way someone living with the child did not see 'multiple injuries' and he didn't report those. If the birthdad's family doesn't want to take custody the child should be taken into protective custody.

Again I feel sorry for all involved- especially the baby. But I can't help but wonder if there isn't a way to help this young girl.

 

[Abbeys_mom]

OPs question was "Too much expected of this mother". Let's just answer that question.

The GF sounds like a control freak. This girl probably had little to no access to birth control, or reliable information on how to use it. As a teen, she probably thought it would never happen to her. "Just say no" did not help her, or any girl who's sexually active but is not educated on how to prevent pregnancy or STDs.

So she winds up pregnant, shocker. Then probably gets little to no support. I can see family saying "you got yourself into this, now get yourself out". It's not like the baby dolls she was playing with a few years ago, this one cries. And poops, and is for real. Oh, and it has special needs on top. That is a lot for any parents, let alone a single 15 year old who had no clue and a stressful home life. Not at all justifying her actions, but this is all adding up to disaster.

So we have an immature teen, without basic education on how to take care of her own body let alone a child, who was forced into keeping not only a baby, but a special needs baby, with little support and probably no counseling or education about what to expect.

And we judge her for failing? No, we as a society failed her AND her child. Kids have sex. You may not agree or - my personal fav "not allow it in MY household" - but as a society we need to ensure they are educated so pregnancies like this can be avoided. Her parents certainly didn't, and now society has to care for her and her child.

 

[Colleen27]

Even as a much older mother of a baby with extreme colic, there were times I was so desperate I would call my other older friends over to help me. My own mother couldn't stand being around during this time (says a lot about my own mother). The best advice I was ever given, if the child is crying and you are so frustrated, put the child into his or her crib and walk away, sit on the front porch, cry it out yourself, compose yourself, then go back in and try to effectively parent. I wish someone had given this girl that word of advice.

Probably someone did, a doctor, nurse, WIC counselor, etc. But could she take it? Parenting is different when you're living in someone else's house and without knowing how the grandfather acted and what his expectations were there is no way to know what options she might have had.

I moved back in with my mother for a short time when my ex and I split up, and even as an adult (albeit a young one) that required some changes in the way I handled DS because she expected that I would respond immediately any time he cried so as not to disturb the rest of the household (just her). So there was no putting him down if I'd gotten frustrated or letting him cry it out when he woke in the middle of the night just wanting to cuddle or play, and that goodness he wasn't colicky or difficult to soothe because parenting was 1000 times more stressful for those few months than it was as a single mom out on my own.

I think that's why I'm somewhat sympathetic to this young woman - her life simply wasn't her own and that probably did effect her decisions and reactions. She should still be punished, but the degree of punishment needs to take into account the circumstances under which she became a mother and the conditions under which she was expected to parent.

 

[mjkacmom]

I had a baby with colic, just as many people do. You don't know crying until you have to endure hours and hours of a screaming inconsolable infant. Mothers all over the world do it without breaking their baby's bones.
There isn't judgment enough for this teen "mother".

I had a baby with colic (and he has a twin sister - and he had a two year old sister at the time). Midnight - 4 am was his screaming period (although we did alter it to 8 pm - midnight with some work). I also had one with reflux who would hit every wall with his vomit, and cried 24/7. Thank goodness I was an adult (although there are many adults in jail who have shook their babies to death). I made a mental note that a mother's love is so powerful, that it keeps babies safe, because I could picture a non-relative throwing these babies out the window.

Kids shouldn't be parents. Period. Many are just not capable.

 

[2disneyboys]

I come from a completely different perspective. I was a teen mother with a special needs son. DS has autism. Not once did I ever think that twisting my child's leg to make him stop crying would have been acceptable.

She admits to not telling because she was scared of getting into trouble. That tells me that she KNEW what she was doing was wrong.

Throw the book at her. I have no sympathy for her. If you know what you are doing is wrong and still choose to do it, you choose to pay the consequences.

ITA

That poor baby. Plenty of people want to adopt babies with DS. And they would cherish that child. If she gets prison time, it will at least keep her from procreating again soon and having another baby to abuse.

Was it too much for her to handle? Maybe. But there are ways to hand over a baby or even run away yourself, before you go to "break arms and legs" as a way to deal with the pressure. I have no sympathy, save for the baby.[/QUOTE] ITA


IMHO, it is irrelevent if she was "forced" to keep the baby or her age. she CHOOSE to have the baby and keep it (no one can force you. All you have to do is walk up to a firestation or hospital and tell them you don't want your baby & they will take it & its done. No parent can stop you from doing that.) It is now her resonsiblity to raise & love that baby. I've been around extremly colicy babies and I understand it's mind blowing. However, that does not give license to abuse or hurt the baby.

 

[Acklander]

Personally, I don't think children should be used to punish women for being sexually active. I felt the same way in the Casey Anthony case. Nothing good comes of it. Do I think she should be charged? Absolutely. But I think we, as a society, should rethink how we treat girls and women who want to walk away from their children. Sometimes it's the better choice.

 

[joviroxx]

Personally, I don't think children should be used to punish women for being sexually active. I felt the same way in the Casey Anthony case. Nothing good comes of it. Do I think she should be charged? Absolutely. But I think we, as a society, should rethink how we treat girls and women who want to walk away from their children. Sometimes it's the better choice.

I know this my comment is borderline, but I just don't see children as punishment.

Im not going to get into everything I think about this but to say that this girl knew what she was doing was wrong. Whether she was forced to keep the child or not, it is NOT an excuse for torturing and abusing another human being, and a defenseless one at that.

 

[LuvinLucifer]

IMHO, it is irrelevent if she was "forced" to keep the baby or her age. she CHOOSE to have the baby and keep it (no one can force you. All you have to do is walk up to a firestation or hospital and tell them you don't want your baby & they will take it & its done. No parent can stop you from doing that.) It is now her resonsiblity to raise & love that baby. I've been around extremly colicy babies and I understand it's mind blowing. However, that does not give license to abuse or hurt the baby.

If fathers are aware of a pregnancy they can make an adoption difficult. If they put their name on a putative fathers registry they can be notified and contest the adoption. Her best bet would've been telling people she lost the baby, leaving the state, and leaving the baby at a safe haven. How many 15 year old have the knowledge and resources to do something like that? This doesn't excuse her, but it does shed a light on how she might've been coerced into an impossible situation.