Was I wrong to say no to my guests plans?

[Skywalker]

Then the cousin should have asked the OP if arriving at 3:30 AM was okay when they first made plans to travel to the OP's house.

In fairness the OP could have also asked for clarification on what "early Sunday am" actually meant, and not assume - especially if as she says her cousin is young, single, and lives a different lifestyle than she does, had no problem showing up at midnight before, etc. They both assumed the other was doing what was reasonable for them, but forgot to actually give each other any details.

 

[Wendy31]

In my earlier post, I didn't say that I didn't think the OP's cousin & her BF weren't, perhaps, rude. And I don't know that they were rude, really; I think they were more just not thinking - which, I know, not thinking of others is rude, but I think the OP's cousin & her BF are young & just not used to considering people's different kinds of schedules & family lifestyles. In their minds, 3:30 am is probably no big deal - everyone will get a few hours of sleep & then be ready to hit the beach! No excuse, but still...

At any rate, I would never think to just arrive at someone's house at 3:30 in the morning w/ little warning.

However, I also don't think I could ever turn family or friends away. I just couldn't imagine a friend or a family member (who I was expecting early in the morning anyway) calling to say "We'll be there at 3:30" & replying w/ "Sorry. That won't work. You'll have to go somewhere else for a few hours."

It's one night. Even if you can't go back to sleep after they arrive, 2-3 hours of missed sleep won't (or shouldn't) ruin the whole day.

 

[Squishypig]

I think it is rude for the cousin to think that saying "early morning" meant 3:30 am. I agree with others, even though it is technically morning, most people are in their nighttime slumber at that hour. The cousins are the ones asking for a favor to accommodate their want of a traffic free trip, you don't spring that on someone hours before you arrive.

Honestly, I would have let them come, been annoyed and then been VERY clear with them the next time they rolled into town what hours were acceptable to me or not.

 

[RadioFanatic]

If someone does something rude to you, how in the world could it

While I think they were inconsiderate to change their arrival time without mentioning it to you, I do think it was rude of you to say no. I would have gotten up, made a coffee, made sure the dog was under control and waited to let them in. Don't you think the visit might be a bit awkward now?!

possibly be rude to not accept it? She is under no obligation to accept the rudeness and should not have to suffer for it.

 

[teacup princess]

It would not have bothered me. But I sleep fine on the couch. Would have slept there until I heard the doorbell, then said a quick hello and hug when they got here, showed them to their room and went to bed for the night.

 

[GaryDis]

it is technically morning

It's ambiguous. Being the compulsive sort, I checked a number of online dictionaries, which all seem to give both "period from midnight to noon" and "period from dawn to noon" as definitions.

English ambiguities will getcha, every time.

 

[ZachnElli]

I would have been really annoyed at the time, but would have told the cousin just to look under the door mat for the house key. Then I would have left a treasure map to the house key. But DH and I can be weird like that. Oh and we have 3 dogs!

 

[sharona]

OP here- since you were all kind enough to share your opinions and experiences with me, I wanted to update you all and alleviate some of your concerns...

Our day at the beach was just great, no popcorn needed. My cousin and I can be honest with each other when something is an inconvenience or we're annoyed with one another. This incident will not cause a rift or result in hard feelings. We're both grown ups.

As to those worried about them having no where to go for a few hours in an unfamiliar area, she grew up here and just moved to DC last year so that wasn't the case. She has many friends around here and knows the area well.

Im surprised at how many of you say you'd be OK with the middle oF the night arrival. If the 3am arrival time was due to something unavoidable then I would not object but it wasn't. It was really a case of them inconveniencing us (waking my family and probably my neighbors in the middle of the night) so that they would not be inconvenienced (traffic, dinner with friends, nap time)!

Thanks for all your input! Got to get back to my guests with some coffee and baked goods!

 

[hopemax]

I have a strict "my house, everyone's else's rules" policy. Also if I had a 3:30 guest, I would have a baby spinach and feta cheese quiche with thick sliced bacon, local organic fruit, fresh squeezed juice from my juicer, banana oat muffins, and French pressed coffee ready when they walked in.

I assume this is sarcasm, but in my SIL's house, this would be EXACTLY what would happen. We stayed at her house over Christmas, and even though, they were at their in-laws the first night, she was 4 months pregnant and suffers from extreme morning sickness like Duchess Kate, there were nighttime snacks out and a breakfast casserole AND a pan of cinnamon rolls in the fridge with cooking instructions!

I can see how this early arrival time would be an issue for some people, and that's totally fine for them... In my family, it would be "key is ____ or the back door will be open, see you when we wake up."

 

[DisneyDreamer2504]

Arriving late at night, or super early in the morning wouldn't bother me in the slightest. However, there's no way I would plan on having guests and not know their eta until than the night before. I would have asked their travel plans as soon as the visit was planned, and then expect at least a text when they leave, stop and leave again, with an updated eta. To me, regular updates to make sure you're 'okay' are standard. I would have estimated when they would arrive, and been awake with sleeping arrangements prepped and ready to go.

On the other side, I would never plan to arrive at anyone's house after 9pm or before 8am without explicitly discussing it with them first. It sounds like they thought they explained themselves when they said 'early' and you assumed that meant 6am or later. Always confirm.

 

[aristocatz]

I would be fine with it, as long as they were quiet when they arrived. We don't have a dog though.

 

[LilyWDW]

As a guest I would NEVER be so rude as to ask to arrive at that sort of hour, much less simply expect my host to accommodate me like that. I just can't even contemplate doing that. It's rude and inconsiderate and just.... wrong.

On top of that, I would have told them no as well. I will not leave a key out or leave my door unlocked because that is a safety issue. I will not get up at that hour to let them in because no way in heck would I be falling back asleep for at least an hour if not more. I don't sleep well. I take a couple different medications to sleep as well as I currently do. That sort of disruption would mess me up something serious.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

OP here- since you were all kind enough to share your opinions and experiences with me, I wanted to update you all and alleviate some of your concerns...

Our day at the beach was just great, no popcorn needed. My cousin and I can be honest with each other when something is an inconvenience or we're annoyed with one another. This incident will not cause a rift or result in hard feelings. We're both grown ups.

As to those worried about them having no where to go for a few hours in an unfamiliar area, she grew up here and just moved to DC last year so that wasn't the case. She has many friends around here and knows the area well.

Im surprised at how many of you say you'd be OK with the middle oF the night arrival. If the 3am arrival time was due to something unavoidable then I would not object but it wasn't. It was really a case of them inconveniencing us (waking my family and probably my neighbors in the middle of the night) so that they would not be inconvenienced (traffic, dinner with friends, nap time)!

Thanks for all your input! Got to get back to my guests with some coffee and baked goods!

So where did she end up staying?

 

[Minnesota!]

Would not have got a second thought from me...would have said "see ya then". We often arrived after midnight, closer to 2am when we would visit Dhs Grandma in Missouri. Leave MN after work and arrive there 8 hours later.

 

[declansdad]

OP here- since you were all kind enough to share your opinions and experiences with me, I wanted to update you all and alleviate some of your concerns...

Our day at the beach was just great, no popcorn needed. My cousin and I can be honest with each other when something is an inconvenience or we're annoyed with one another. This incident will not cause a rift or result in hard feelings. We're both grown ups.

As to those worried about them having no where to go for a few hours in an unfamiliar area, she grew up here and just moved to DC last year so that wasn't the case. She has many friends around here and knows the area well.

Im surprised at how many of you say you'd be OK with the middle oF the night arrival. If the 3am arrival time was due to something unavoidable then I would not object but it wasn't. It was really a case of them inconveniencing us (waking my family and probably my neighbors in the middle of the night) so that they would not be inconvenienced (traffic, dinner with friends, nap time)!

Thanks for all your input! Got to get back to my guests with some coffee and baked goods!

So it is ok for her to wake up someone else at 3 am?

You have some pretty light sleeping neighbours if someone arriving during the night wakes them up.

 

[declansdad]

NO WAY, NO HOW....

I don't function on no sleep.
I am not getting any younger.
And, the very thought of asking somebody to get up in the middle of the night to welcome me, is beyond astounding.
'HOW RUDE' does not even come close.
There are just no words...

And, that doesn't even address the issues such as hyper barking dogs, young kids, neighbors, etc.

There are 'TAKERS' in this world.
And, there are 'DOORMATS'.

Just because there happen to be the former, does not make me feel obligated to be the latter.

PS: From my experience, these kind of people are only concerned with their own convenience and entitlement.
I can see the guests arriving in the middle of the night...
Myself being miserable and dysfunctional on no sleep....
Then after all of that, all plans have to be ditched anyhow, because no way they are getting up a 9:00 am, and they sleep till 1:00 or 2:00 in the afternoon. People like this just seem to have no concept, whatsoever, of how their whims can negatively impact others. And, sometimes it seeams that they just don't care, either.

Remember just how the previous plans for their arrival went...
Nothing like was planned.
Ended up a arriving at midnight.

When people show you who they are.. Believe them.

Where have you been? You're late.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Ohhhhhh, there is no way I could have possibly been late....
I post solely at MY convenience.
And, is late 'middle of the night', early morning, or is it evening or 'almost midnight'???

And, I am still waiting for that French Pressed organic imported coffee!!!!!!
Where are the fresh baked pastries and gourmet coffee!!!!!

 

[BadgerGirl84]

I would have said no as well, unless it was an emergency.

It wouldn't have bothered me when I was single without pets.

Now we have 2 dogs and a 2 year old. The dogs would freak out barking at 3:30 am and wake my daughter--guaranteed. I am not the greatest sleeper and would probably have a hard time sleeping knowing I'd be woken up at 3:30...and I doubt I could fall asleep after.

 

[kaytieeldr]

It's ambiguous. Being the compulsive sort, I checked a number of online dictionaries, which all seem to give both "period from midnight to noon" and "period from dawn to noon" as definitions.

English ambiguities will getcha, every time.

Synonyms all indicate early morning starts around dawn http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/early+morning

 

[Lisaloo]

Synonyms all indicate early morning starts around dawn http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/early+morning

I love when Disers break out the definitions.