Want to be refunded even though teacher said no refunds?

[sam_gordon]

Her job is to teach and accept my payments, that is it.

I think it's also her job to make sure the children are safe at all times and leaving with the correct responsible adult. Did she overstep her bounds? Maybe, depending on what she said. But I don't fault her for her concerns.

Would you want one of your young children (or grandchildren) released in the care of an older teen the teacher doesn't recognize?

 

[Lady V]

First of all, I think it's great that you are there for your son and DGD. I know, even at the age of 40, that sometimes I need help with activities, etc!!!!
BUT!! As a person with a stepson who became a father himself at age 17 I have to disagree with certain things. When my stepson told us the news we were heartbroken over the things that were about to change for him. His twin was able to still do everything they'd planned to do together and yes, it was hard to watch him miss out. But he did miss out and it was his choice by having a child that young. We watched him have to give up sports in favor getting more hours at work to SUPPORT his child. We missed him on our family vacation that year because he CHOSE to stay back and work to do the best he could by his unborn child. He did A LOT of growing up that year and while I'm sure there were times he wished he could've still 'been a teenager', he also knew he had made a choice and he had to grow up faster to support those choices. I am so proud of the wonderful, self supporting, loving and attentive father he has become! His son is now three and my stepson continues to work hard and has no regrets about giving up things. It's just part of growing up. What I am getting at is that yes, your som might not like giving up teenage things initially, but someday he will thank you if you let him grow up. He doesn't get to be a normal teenager anymore. The sooner he realizes this the better for everyone, especially your DGD.

 

[mhsjax]

I think it's also her job to make sure the children are safe at all times and leaving with the correct responsible adult. Did she overstep her bounds? Maybe, depending on what she said. But I don't fault her for her concerns.

Would you want one of your young children (or grandchildren) released in the care of an older teen the teacher doesn't recognize?

Let me be more specific< although in rereading my response I think I was pretty clear about my issues with the teacher. I have no problem with the teacher grilling the father when he came to pick her up. However, it is NONE of her business as to how often he shows up. Sorry if I didn't make that clear.

 

[sam_gordon]

Let me be more specific< although in rereading my response I think I was pretty clear about my issues with the teacher. I have no problem with the teacher grilling the father when he came to pick her up. However, it is NONE of her business as to how often he shows up. Sorry if I didn't make that clear.

Sorry I misread your statement. I do agree it shouldn't matter how often he shows up.

 

[NewRVLady]

He doesn't get to be a normal teenager anymore. The sooner he realizes this the better for everyone, especially your DGD.

It sounds as if the Teen Dad in this case became a dad at 13-14?
(He is 17 and his DD is 3)
Which is really too young to 'parent", right? I am guessing the grandparents are the real "parents" in this equation.

 

[Coonhound]

My comments in red

I agree wholeheartedly.

Time for tough love.

I can't understand the reasoning that your son does not have time for his daughter's ballet classes due to schoolwork, yet he has time for his own basketball tournaments. Time to drop the extra-curriculars and be a dad. His daughter and his schoolwork should be #1, not rec basketball being more important than his daughter. It isnt that he doesnt have time to go, it's that the way we have scheduled our homeschooling day. It is only lessons. He comes to her recitals, she comes to his tournaments.

Also, leaving a note in the teacher's mailbox keeps your son a child and does not allow him the opportunity to grow as a father and as an adult. You have undermined his authority over his daughter by being the "parent." You have made him look like a child with a child by leaving a note and interfering. The ballet teacher won't take him seriously, which could be the reason for the remark "actually I am the one responsible." He is probably frustrated that nobody takes him seriously as the child's father.

You are not doing your child any favors in growing up by coddling him so much. No wonder he has an attitude. Inadvertently, by loving too much and making things easy for him, nobody is treating him with the grownup respect he deserves. He has grown up far before his time, and his attitude has nothing to do with "coddling", his attitude has to do with a separate issue which I have chosen not to discuss. I find it frustrating that you have decided he is coddled and has an attitude due to coddling, when you are going from one interaction and don't in fact know us. Again, that must be frustrating for him.

Give him some wings while he is still in your nest so he doesn't flail when he leaves the nest.

Sometimes we parents want to shield our children from the harsher parts of life. But if he is 17, it is now time to let him experience some of the harder choices parents have to make.

And I also agree with kudos for making a great life for your granddaughter.

 

[Coonhound]

my comments in red

First of all, I think it's great that you are there for your son and DGD. I know, even at the age of 40, that sometimes I need help with activities, etc!!!!
BUT!! As a person with a stepson who became a father himself at age 17 I have to disagree with certain things. When my stepson told us the news we were heartbroken over the things that were about to change for him. His twin was able to still do everything they'd planned to do together and yes, it was hard to watch him miss out. But he did miss out and it was his choice by having a child that young. And that is your experience with your child and your child's specific circumstances.
We watched him have to give up sports in favor getting more hours at work to SUPPORT his child. We missed him on our family vacation that year because he CHOSE to stay back and work to do the best he could by his unborn child. He did A LOT of growing up that year and while I'm sure there were times he wished he could've still 'been a teenager', he also knew he had made a choice and he had to grow up faster to support those choices. and again your situation
I am so proud of the wonderful, self supporting, loving and attentive father he has become! His son is now three and my stepson continues to work hard and has no regrets about giving up things. It's just part of growing up. What I am getting at is that yes, your som might not like giving up teenage things initially, but someday he will thank you if you let him grow up. He doesn't get to be a normal teenager anymore. It is important in our opinion in his individual circumstances for him to get to be as "normal" as possible. Thanks for sharing your circumstances about your specific situation, but all situations are different. The sooner he realizes this the better for everyone, especially your DGD.

 

[Anastasi]

My comments in red

Of course nobody knows your whole situation. This is a discussion board and discussions will take place based on what info is provided.

Just the fact that you came on here, guns blazing, posting that you wanted a refund when it explicitly stated no refunds, was going to pull your granddaughter out of class she enjoyed, just because you thought somebody was a bit rude to your child, sounds (over the internet) of a very overprotective parent.

Only you know what is really going on in your household. You sound like a great parent, (maybe too great in some areas ) and a wonderful grandparent. So, since nobody knows the true story, just ignore the stuff is discussed that doesn't pertain to your household.

It is the DIS afterall. We are all perfect parents with perfect children and lots of advice to give out

Good luck with your son and granddaughter.

 

[mommasita]

I actually think you are on the right track, from what I have read..

We almost ALWAYS are upset right away, guns blazing. When we sleep on and think it over, calmer minds do prevail, and that is what the OP said.... To me, we should never react right away, in any situation, buy hey we are all human..


I will say OP, your son and grandchild and both lucky to have you in their lives.

 

[leebee]

Sorry, Coonhound, but this is the way it always goes on the Disboards when parenting issues are brought up. There are some posters who have their kids doing things at such a young age that I'd consider it dangerous and negligent- but they always get hot and bothered by those of us who like letting our kids be kids; you are only young once, and it's a comfort to know you have parents who'll guide you and support you. Don't let the critical posters get to you. I think you (a) know your son and granddaughter better than anyone here (DUH) and (b) are doing a great job in a difficult situation. I don't know anyone who wants their kid to become a parent at 14- and usually when you hear about this kind of thing, it's the mother that's raising the child alone, and everyone laments "what's the slacker dad up to?" I am impressed that your son took responsibility for his daughter at such a young age, and I am glad that you are still trying to let your son experience some of the activities that most teens go through. Just because he was old enough to "make" a baby doesn't mean that he's old enough to be a knowledgable parent. He's lucky to have you and your wife there for him, and for his daughter.

I think the ballet teacher's comment about coming to class was out of line, regardless of whether your son was flippant with her or not, but the questioning to make sure she released your granddaughter was appropriate. My guess is, given the small age difference between your son and his daughter, this is something that he's faced before in some form and it might touch a nerve, but it's something he'll have to learn to handle. Your son should go talk to the teacher to mend the relationship, and it's good that you'll go with him, if for nothing other than support and confidence. It never hurts to let a kid learn how to grow up instead of just dump him into it.

Your son and granddaughter are lucky to have parents like you and your wife.

 

[wunkmom]

Our son is actually pretty mature. He had to grow up FAST. He was the one up through the night with a baby at 14, he was the one watching her nearly 24/7, he is always the one concerned with every little thing. He loves his daughter and his road has not been easy. He wants us to go in while HE talks to the teacher because he doesn't feel comfortable to be alone in a room with women and that's just his issue, we get it, and we will go with him and don't see any problem with him wanting us there, and I actually already said that HE would be the one doing the talking. As for your other points, "participating in music, participating in sports" those are things WE want him to do things that normal kids get to do because yeah we want him to still have a childhood of his own too- that will end soon enough and we don't see any reason for him not to have activities like any other teen gets to have, hobbies do Not detract from him being a dad in fact his daughter LOVES going to see her daddy play basketball in the games. As for your point about "leaving his trophy behind" he forgot his trophy because they gave them out at the end and he was more concerned with going to pick up his child from class rather than staying around to get a trophy. "Has an attitude toward teachers", yep, he does, and we are working on that, but let me just say you do not know what you are talking about in that regard and I'll leave it there. Time for him to step up? He stepped up years ago.

Growing up fast and being mature are mutually exclusive.
ETA - no refund for current session should be given. Refunds for future sessions should be given. Since that was the original question,I thought I should answer it.

 

[Viva Las Disney]

Our son is actually pretty mature. He had to grow up FAST. He was the one up through the night with a baby at 14, he was the one watching her nearly 24/7, he is always the one concerned with every little thing. He loves his daughter and his road has not been easy.

As for your other points, "participating in music, participating in sports" those are things WE want him to do things that normal kids get to do because yeah we want him to still have a childhood of his own too- that will end soon enough and we don't see any reason for him not to have activities like any other teen gets to have, hobbies do Not detract from him being a dad in fact his daughter LOVES going to see her daddy play basketball in the games.

Just wanted to show support for letting him have a bit of childhood of his own and stepping up to help out with your GD. Sometimes you just have to make the best of a bad situation and it sounds like they're both lucky to have you.

I'm also glad to hear you've cooled off from your OP and decided to let your GD stay in the class since it sounds like she really enjoys it. Turn it into a life lesson and rather than being a negative experience it can become a positive experience.

 

[Riles_and_Gabe]

I have been following this thread for a few days. I myself was a teen Mom (I had my son when I was 17). I have been trying to think back to where I was at that time of my life (my son is now almost 16 ). My parent's were very supportive to me but I was expected to take the lead role in the parenting.

I get based on your responses to previous posters your son is definitely stepping up in the behind the scenes stuff. However, I think it is coming across in both the real world and the internet world that you and your wife are the primary care givers to other people. Enough so that the ballet instructor probably thought either you were the Father or had custody of the child.

When I was your Son's age (and a parent), I was the one that signed my Son up for activities. My Mom may have brought him to a class (although usually not...there is no way I would want to miss seeing him in Class as long as it wasn't school or work preventing me from it).

I am sure you are doing what works for your family. I would just say that it may be better if in the future your son took the lead role in speaking to instructors and signing his daughter up for classes.

Hope everything works out for you guys! My younger son is going to be in his first recital in June. I know how exciting it is to see them prepare for it!

 

[shortbun]

I get you and that you are protective of your son. He's being subjected to people's prejudice and scrutiny because it's hard to believe he's a dad of a 3yo at 17. His name should have been given to the teacher and he should have been asked to show ID. You should be happy the teacher was so careful with your grandaughter and he should be glad she's screening someone she's never seen before. Teach your grandaughter a code word to share since it seems like a village will be caring for her her whole life-an that's great. Just allow people who's intentions are good a little slack.

 

[shortbun]

I get you and that you are protective of your son. He's being subjected to people's prejudice and scrutiny because it's hard to believe he's a dad of a 3yo at 17. His name should have been given to the teacher and he should have been asked to show ID. You should be happy the teacher was so careful with your granddaughter and he should be glad she's screening someone she's never seen before. Teach your granddaughter a code word to share since it seems like a village will be caring for her her whole life-and that's great. Just allow people who's intentions are good a little slack.