Vent - Restaurant Behavior

[EMom]

I don't know. Kids and kid noises really don't bother me. When I was working in Toronto last fall, there were always police cars, firetrucks and ambulances going past the restaurants with sirens on, so it's not like a restaurant would otherwise be totally silent.

I read all these posts about "the children should have been home in bed" and "the parents should have properly trained these children." Well, you know nothing about the situation. Perhaps their car broke down nearby and they had to arrange to get it towed and decided they'd better feed the hungry kids while waiting for someone to come pick them up. (Has happened to me.) Perhaps they are in town for a funeral, didn't really know where to go to eat and the hotel suggested this spot, and the funeral is why they are feeling stressed and over-reacted to your daughter's comment. There could be a million factors and yet the instant assumption is that these are self-centred people who are crappy parents.

When you go out in public, things happen. You could be enjoying a peaceful meal and two blocks away a fire breaks out and for the next five minutes all you can hear are sirens. Or the guy at the next table has too much to drink and gets loud and rather obnoxious with his dinner partner. Or the restaurant music changes to a song you hate because it reminds you of your ex. Or the family at the next table includes a grandfather in a wheelchair who has had a stroke and makes random and sometimes loud noises. Or the family on the other side of you includes someone with Tourrette's syndrome who also makes random loud noises and sometimes curses. Or, yes, the family might have a baby or toddler who gets fussy, rambunctious, whatever.

This is life, you know? I totally agree that the parents over-reacted to your daughter's comment, but I also think we don't know what was going on with them that might have caused that response. And I think more tolerance from everyone would be a good thing.

TP

You have GOT to be kidding me. Here's what we DO know. There were ill-behaved children who were disturbing other diners and the mother of those heathens showed that the apple did not fall far from the tree. I do not CARE why said children were misbehaving. I do not give a rat's red hiney. If I am dining out, I expect the same from other children as I expected from my own. Behave, keep your rear end in your seat and do not make loud noises. Act in a manner that earns compliments rather than dirty looks. If the child cannot do that, they do not enter a restaurant. Period. If they misbehave, haul them out. It truly is THAT simple.

We went to IKEA yesterday and while I realize IKEA is not exactly a swanky place, I was appalled by the behavior of several children and how their parents ignored it. We might as well have been at an indoor zoo. At one point, I said to DH, "We are surrounded by poop flinging monkeys," because that is how they were behaving. My parents would have made my life miserable had I acted that way in a store. There are just too many lazy "parents" these days.

 

[Christine]

We went to IKEA yesterday and while I realize IKEA is not exactly a swanky place, I was appalled by the behavior of several children and how their parents ignored it. We might as well have been at an indoor zoo. At one point, I said to DH, "We are surrounded by poop flinging monkeys," because that is how they were behaving. My parents would have made my life miserable had I acted that way in a store. There are just too many lazy "parents" these days.

Once you add a "ball room" and playground to an establishment, all bets are off!!! I live very close to Ikea and go often and it is like a zoo in there because parents seem to think it's one of those "playground" places where they can let their kids run wild. Even in the dining area.

This past week I was on travel for work and was eating in a Chick Fil A. Now, while it's also not fine dining, I do expect that in the eating areas, there will be some modicum of discipline. Nope. I sauntered over to a booth with my food and one table away, there was a mother with what appeared to be a 3-4 year old girl. The girl was running up and down the aisles, having a "conversation" at the top of her lungs, and just whooping it up. Not once did the mother try to say "Hey, honey, settle down a bit, other people are eating." I picked up my tray and moved to the complete opposite side of the restaurant. These people--they don't even try.

 

[Robinrs]

In todays society, I notice people expect everyone to "make allowances" for them. Not just with kids. I was driving yesterday and the person in front of me missed their turn. They just stopped. In the middle of a busy intersection to figure out what to do. They did not care that I had to stop short behind them, as did the folks behind me. They caused a back up. Just kept pointing at the turn trying to decide what to do. There was a convenience store right there that they could have pulled into to get out of the way and sit and talk. But no, we all had to wait while they discussed it and finally did a u-turn in the intersection. You all have to wait for ME and stop for ME. I see this behavior all the time.

Another time I was driving and a car was stopped in the road looking at a house that was for sale. They saw me come to a stop behind them and I thought they would continue on, but no. They were pointing at the house, snapping pictures as the traffic built up behind them. I could not pass as cars were coming the other way. We all had to wait until THEY were done.

Now in your case, you were expected to tolerate bad behavior so THEY could eat out at a restaurant. When my kids were that young we would go out early, like 4:30-5:00 when restaurants are pretty empty so not to disturb people because lets face it, toddlers have trouble sitting for a meal. Or, we would get take out and eat at home.

But in todays society it seems its all about ME and what I want to do and everyone else has to work around ME.

Today? I'm almost 60 and I've seen this attitude all my life.

That stop in traffic crap drives me insane!! My ex did this while I was in the car once and I just STARED at him

. 'Why are you looking at me like that?" he asks.

"Nothing, I just always wanted to KNOW a person who was stupid enough to do that."

 

[mamacatnv]

I don't know. Kids and kid noises really don't bother me. When I was working in Toronto last fall, there were always police cars, firetrucks and ambulances going past the restaurants with sirens on, so it's not like a restaurant would otherwise be totally silent.

I read all these posts about "the children should have been home in bed" and "the parents should have properly trained these children." Well, you know nothing about the situation. Perhaps their car broke down nearby and they had to arrange to get it towed and decided they'd better feed the hungry kids while waiting for someone to come pick them up. (Has happened to me.) Perhaps they are in town for a funeral, didn't really know where to go to eat and the hotel suggested this spot, and the funeral is why they are feeling stressed and over-reacted to your daughter's comment. There could be a million factors and yet the instant assumption is that these are self-centred people who are crappy parents.

When you go out in public, things happen. You could be enjoying a peaceful meal and two blocks away a fire breaks out and for the next five minutes all you can hear are sirens. Or the guy at the next table has too much to drink and gets loud and rather obnoxious with his dinner partner. Or the restaurant music changes to a song you hate because it reminds you of your ex. Or the family at the next table includes a grandfather in a wheelchair who has had a stroke and makes random and sometimes loud noises. Or the family on the other side of you includes someone with Tourrette's syndrome who also makes random loud noises and sometimes curses. Or, yes, the family might have a baby or toddler who gets fussy, rambunctious, whatever.

This is life, you know? I totally agree that the parents over-reacted to your daughter's comment, but I also think we don't know what was going on with them that might have caused that response. And I think more tolerance from everyone would be a good thing.
TP

I think that attitude is one of the reasons we as a society are dealing with unruly children who are the results of lazy parents who think we should be tolerant.

But see, that still isn't other peoples problem. I go out to eat and if I bring my kids I keep them in check. Maybe they had a bad day in school. Then they either stay home or they learn to not let their bad day ruin other peoples experience.

I think "we" make too many excuses for other peoples bad behavior instead of calling it what it is. Bad behavior.

But I trained my kids on how to eat at a table from the get go...whether at home or in a restaurant, so if an emergency does come up they still knew how to behave. And I get kids misbehaved...mine did it as well, but they also learned that we will leave and they can eat in the car later if we were away or they could have the peanut butter crackers instead that I always had on me. Eating out is/was a treat no matter what the circumstances and if you were fussy or you misbehaved you were taken out. Period!

You have GOT to be kidding me. Here's what we DO know. There were ill-behaved children who were disturbing other diners and the mother of those heathens showed that the apple did not fall far from the tree. I do not CARE why said children were misbehaving. I do not give a rat's red hiney. If I am dining out, I expect the same from other children as I expected from my own. Behave, keep your rear end in your seat and do not make loud noises. Act in a manner that earns compliments rather than dirty looks. If the child cannot do that, they do not enter a restaurant. Period. If they misbehave, haul them out. It truly is THAT simple.

We went to IKEA yesterday and while I realize IKEA is not exactly a swanky place, I was appalled by the behavior of several children and how their parents ignored it. We might as well have been at an indoor zoo. At one point, I said to DH, "We are surrounded by poop flinging monkeys," because that is how they were behaving. My parents would have made my life miserable had I acted that way in a store. There are just too many lazy "parents" these days.

IKEA is a nightmare those carts with the easy turn wheels become weapons in the hands of a group of youngsters.

No parent should feel it is their right to allow their children to annoy others. No parent should feel that others should be more tolerant of their misbehaved children.

 

[aaarcher86]

People like this suck. I don't understand parents who think everyone should deal with their kids and their crap behavior. That lady would have gotten a heck of a lot more than a "seriously?" from me.

Frankly, I could give a flip if someone has their kids out at 3:00a as long as they're well behaved. There's a big difference between being tolerant vs dealing with poor behavior.

There are two parents at our dance studio that let their toddlers crawl all over the floor, go into the dance rooms during class, and just genuinely don't watch them or think it's a big deal. No, your kid putting his slobbery, dirty mitts all over my jeans to haul himself into a standing position is NOT cute. Him disturbing dance practice because he wants to 'dance to the music too' is NOT cute. You know what's cute? A toddler laughing and playing with toys 5 feet away from me. Keep your kids to yourself.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

I would have been mad but I would have said something sooner or asked to be reseated. We were at a pizza place on Friday and there were three preschoolers running around like the place was a playground...while their mothers dream a pitcher of beer and didn't scold them. It was a seat yourself type place with very few tables that weren't bar height (dd is in a high chair) so we were pretty much stuck. We were glad to be out of there.

I don't understand why a mother of a two year old would be taking a 2 year old out for dinner at 7:30...that should be about bedtime for a 2 year old.

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[Sunseadisney]

When my kids were young luckily they were very well behaved in table service restaurants and never sought attention from other diners. Now they are teens and a lot more outspoken to their parents than I ever was, however generally ok in public. I believe the society we are in today, it seems frowned upon to discipline your children and a lot of parents simply ignore bad behaviour instead. I can think of a few celebrity kids who could have done with some parental intervention but it may be too late for them now. If my kids were bothering someone in a restaurant I would take them for a time out outside the restaurant as do many respectful disers.

 

[asta]

I don't know. Kids and kid noises really don't bother me. When I was working in Toronto last fall, there were always police cars, firetrucks and ambulances going past the restaurants with sirens on, so it's not like a restaurant would otherwise be totally silent.

I read all these posts about "the children should have been home in bed" and "the parents should have properly trained these children." Well, you know nothing about the situation. Perhaps their car broke down nearby and they had to arrange to get it towed and decided they'd better feed the hungry kids while waiting for someone to come pick them up. (Has happened to me.) Perhaps they are in town for a funeral, didn't really know where to go to eat and the hotel suggested this spot, and the funeral is why they are feeling stressed and over-reacted to your daughter's comment. There could be a million factors and yet the instant assumption is that these are self-centred people who are crappy parents.

When you go out in public, things happen. You could be enjoying a peaceful meal and two blocks away a fire breaks out and for the next five minutes all you can hear are sirens. Or the guy at the next table has too much to drink and gets loud and rather obnoxious with his dinner partner. Or the restaurant music changes to a song you hate because it reminds you of your ex. Or the family at the next table includes a grandfather in a wheelchair who has had a stroke and makes random and sometimes loud noises. Or the family on the other side of you includes someone with Tourrette's syndrome who also makes random loud noises and sometimes curses. Or, yes, the family might have a baby or toddler who gets fussy, rambunctious, whatever.

This is life, you know? I totally agree that the parents over-reacted to your daughter's comment, but I also think we don't know what was going on with them that might have caused that response. And I think more tolerance from everyone would be a good thing.

TP

There have been several great replies to this so I won't rehash them but would like to point out that I never said that I expected to not have some noise. Sirens going by would at least be noticed and maybe remarked upon but I would never expect the fireman to come by and yell at people who noticed the commotion. How in the world could someone yell at someone for noticing your your child's bad behavior?

Daughter #2 (who was not with us) theorized that maybe the waitress said something to the woman about restraining the children after a complaint from someone else or just because it was noticed. The woman may have assumed incorrectly that we had complained and decided to take it out on us. Whatever. There must be something wrong with anyone who would speak directly and rudely to complete strangers just trying to enjoy our meal.

 

[Planogirl]

Restaurant managers are never going to do anything about this until enough people complain. I would have asked to be moved and then explained to the manager that I couldn't see myself visiting such a noisy place again in the future.

People are so beyond self-entitled nowadays that it's mind-boggling.

 

[thedonduck]

I would have been mad but I would have said something sooner or asked to be reseated. We were at a pizza place on Friday and there were three preschoolers running around like the place was a playground...while their mothers dream a pitcher of beer and didn't scold them. It was a seat yourself type place with very few tables that weren't bar height (dd is in a high chair) so we were pretty much stuck. We were glad to be out of there.

I don't understand why a mother of a two year old would be taking a 2 year old out for dinner at 7:30...that should be about bedtime for a 2 year old.

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But it is ok that you have your 1 year old out at 730? Pot meet kettle there. Who are you to say when a child's bedtime is? My kids have NEVER been in bed at 730 even has babies. there have been plenty of late dinners in our house simply because of my DH's work schedule. But we also have children that know how to behave in a restaurant whether it be McD's or a fine dining type place. There is absolutely NO reason to be running around an establishment, but kind of ironic that your precious snowflake was ok to be there in her high chair given what you said.

 

[LisaInNc]

What kind of person yells at complete strangers for not loving your children's bad behavior?

The exact same kind of person that allows their children to bother other patrons.

To me that behavior is jaw dropping.

Lisa

 

[brookmey]

But it is ok that you have your 1 year old out at 730? Pot meet kettle there. Who are you to say when a child's bedtime is? My kids have NEVER been in bed at 730 even has babies. there have been plenty of late dinners in our house simply because of my DH's work schedule. But we also have children that know how to behave in a restaurant whether it be McD's or a fine dining type place. There is absolutely NO reason to be running around an establishment, but kind of ironic that your precious snowflake was ok to be there in her high chair given what you said.

I think the poster you're responding to was talking about the 2 year old in the original post. The OP mentioned it was around 7:30.

 

[Tozzie]

I don't know. Kids and kid noises really don't bother me. When I was working in Toronto last fall, there were always police cars, firetrucks and ambulances going past the restaurants with sirens on, so it's not like a restaurant would otherwise be totally silent.

I read all these posts about "the children should have been home in bed" and "the parents should have properly trained these children." Well, you know nothing about the situation. Perhaps their car broke down nearby and they had to arrange to get it towed and decided they'd better feed the hungry kids while waiting for someone to come pick them up. (Has happened to me.) Perhaps they are in town for a funeral, didn't really know where to go to eat and the hotel suggested this spot, and the funeral is why they are feeling stressed and over-reacted to your daughter's comment. There could be a million factors and yet the instant assumption is that these are self-centred people who are crappy parents.

When you go out in public, things happen. You could be enjoying a peaceful meal and two blocks away a fire breaks out and for the next five minutes all you can hear are sirens. Or the guy at the next table has too much to drink and gets loud and rather obnoxious with his dinner partner. Or the restaurant music changes to a song you hate because it reminds you of your ex. Or the family at the next table includes a grandfather in a wheelchair who has had a stroke and makes random and sometimes loud noises. Or the family on the other side of you includes someone with Tourrette's syndrome who also makes random loud noises and sometimes curses. Or, yes, the family might have a baby or toddler who gets fussy, rambunctious, whatever.

This is life, you know? I totally agree that the parents over-reacted to your daughter's comment, but I also think we don't know what was going on with them that might have caused that response. And I think more tolerance from everyone would be a good thing.

TP

Kid noised may not bother you but they bother many people myself included and I really don't care what the reason was why the children were out but they were behaving badly and the adults were acting like buffoons in my opinon control you children and there won't be a problem. I will ask one to please control your child then I ask the manager to fix it or I walking out and no I am not taking my food to go and i am not paying for it. I have walked out just as the food was comming and when the manager realized that I was serious he attempted to fix the situation at that point I told him it was way too late to fix anything and good night.

Now if the parents had the audacity to think they could say something to me, well I am not nice at all and I would say, and I did it once, if i have children I would die before I let them behave like savages the way you allow your children to behave. As far as I am concerned that is what they are if they are kicking the backs of chairs and gererally acting out that way.

 

[North of Mouse]

I don't know. Kids and kid noises really don't bother me. When I was working in Toronto last fall, there were always police cars, firetrucks and ambulances going past the restaurants with sirens on, so it's not like a restaurant would otherwise be totally silent.

I read all these posts about "the children should have been home in bed" and "the parents should have properly trained these children." Well, you know nothing about the situation. Perhaps their car broke down nearby and they had to arrange to get it towed and decided they'd better feed the hungry kids while waiting for someone to come pick them up. (Has happened to me.) Perhaps they are in town for a funeral, didn't really know where to go to eat and the hotel suggested this spot, and the funeral is why they are feeling stressed and over-reacted to your daughter's comment. There could be a million factors and yet the instant assumption is that these are self-centred people who are crappy parents.

When you go out in public, things happen. You could be enjoying a peaceful meal and two blocks away a fire breaks out and for the next five minutes all you can hear are sirens. Or the guy at the next table has too much to drink and gets loud and rather obnoxious with his dinner partner. Or the restaurant music changes to a song you hate because it reminds you of your ex. Or the family at the next table includes a grandfather in a wheelchair who has had a stroke and makes random and sometimes loud noises. Or the family on the other side of you includes someone with Tourrette's syndrome who also makes random loud noises and sometimes curses. Or, yes, the family might have a baby or toddler who gets fussy, rambunctious, whatever.

This is life, you know? I totally agree that the parents over-reacted to your daughter's comment, but I also think we don't know what was going on with them that might have caused that response. And I think more tolerance from everyone would be a good thing.

TP

You really have to be kidding me!! It 'doesn't' matter 'what' the situation is - there is 'no' excuses for letting your children be brats. Unless this was the usual behavior, an emergency would not suddenly make them be that way in public. We've all had emergency situations but didn't let our children run wild and annoy other people. And you call more 'tolerance' for this type behavior??
I think not!

 

[Disney Doll]

To me it doesn't matter what the situation was. If your child can behave decently in a restaurant, then don't bring them to one. And CERTAINLY don't tell at other patrons who become irritated with your brat's behavior and your lack of parenting .

 

[Lionqueen2]

It seems that the rude behavior of the mother somewhat explains the behavior of her children. Apparently, they learned everything they knew from mom.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

It seems that the rude behavior of the mother somewhat explains the behavior of her children. Apparently, they learned everything they knew from mom.

Very true!

 

[Maggie Lizer]

I tend to be hyper-vigilant concerning my kids' behavior, to the point that people seated near us have offered unsolicited reassurances that my kids were fine and not being a bother. I can't stand parents who just let their kids do anything and everything, and then get all huffy when someone is less than enamored with junior's antics.

Re: the bedtime issue - people always remark that preschoolers should be in bed by 7 pm. Good luck trying that with my kid. He is a total night owl already and even getting him up by 7 am, no naps and lots of physical activity will not get him to bed before 9:30.

 

[DopeyDame]

I have a 2 year old and a 5 year old, and they aren't perfect angels. We're working on it, and the 5 year old is generally fit for public most of the time, but the 2 year old is still a work in progress.
We have, on occasion, been in a slightly-nice restaurant with both kids due to circumstances. When that happens, we manage the kids at the table as best we can. Once they get to the point where they can't sit still any more, or are making noise, one of us takes them outside. I stood in the freezing cold with a 2 year old a few months ago while she had a total melt down because I wouldn't let her run around the table. It sucked. But it's life when you are the parent of a toddler.
Parents like in the OP make things so much harder for the rest of the parents, too. I spent half the time at a pool party this weekend telling my 5 year old to stop running arond the pool. He's usually really good about that, but all his friends were running, and so clearly he wanted to keep up. All the other parents were there too, but I seemed to be the only one who was supporting the poor lifeguards in their attempts at safety and control.
Ugh. Sorry, off topic, clearly I'm still al ittle bitter

 

[BadgerGirl84]

But it is ok that you have your 1 year old out at 730? Pot meet kettle there. Who are you to say when a child's bedtime is? My kids have NEVER been in bed at 730 even has babies. there have been plenty of late dinners in our house simply because of my DH's work schedule. But we also have children that know how to behave in a restaurant whether it be McD's or a fine dining type place. There is absolutely NO reason to be running around an establishment, but kind of ironic that your precious snowflake was ok to be there in her high chair given what you said.

I'm sorry--did I say I was out at the pizza place at 7:30? I didn't see that anywhere so I don't understand where you would have gotten that impression. We were there from 6-6:45 if you are wondering. Also, my 1 year old does very well at restaurants--we go to casual places and if she would ever start to fuss/scream/yell loudly (she hasn't yet) I would be picking her up in no time to see if she would calm down in the lobby so as not to disturb other diners. Not seeing how this is a pot meet kettle scenario as you say--please enlighten me.