Unbelievable!! Soccer Coaches Remarks

[tmarquez]

Regarding what the OP witnessed. I am wondering why the parents of the kids on that coaches team didn't say anything if it was really bad. If I felt that my kid was being abused in some way I just couldn't sit there in my chair and not say or do something...and I am a quiet person.

I'm sure I'm in the minority here...and probably a terrible parent in many eyes. But I played sports when I was a kid, I wasn't a great athlete and I wasn't the worst on the team...just average. Sometimes it was rough, the coaches yelled. I played because I liked it...and I wanted to win.

My DD(6) is on a coed U-8 soccer team. I never played soccer, never wanted to. She got the strictest coach in the league this season. I was worried. She is thrilled. Why? Because she knows he will make her work hard, get better, and they will win. If they don't listen or do what they should...they have to run a lap.

After only a few practices, there is more of a sense of "team" between the kids than all of last season with a different coach (who I loved). I don't force DD to play, she plays because she likes it. Heck it is a pain for me to drive her around all the time and if she wanted to quit...my life would be easier.

I'm tired of the way people treat kids these days. No winners, no losers, no failing, everyone gets an award, no dodgeball, don't keep score, no tag, no hugs, etc.

These kids are going to grow up with no life skills. Yet, they are our future.

 

[Belle & Ariel]

I am sorry for what the OP witnessed. I think the saying you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince can apply to coaches as well.
When my son was in Kind, his soccer coach acted like every play was the final seconds of a tied SuperBowl. He was awful and the kids did not have a great time. The next year we and a lot of other parents requested to not be on his team. DH volunteered to coach and I think that saved us.
DS now plays select and DH coaches--the parents appreciate and respect him because he really plays to win but does not have a win at all costs attitude so many coaches have. They trust he does what is best for the team as a whole and not partial to certain players.
To the OP, your association should do something to see this does not happen again. Often the parents are not on the same side of the field as the coach and may not have a clue as to what goes on.

 

[DisneyDaddy-O]

Regarding what the OP witnessed. I am wondering why the parents of the kids on that coaches team didn't say anything if it was really bad. If I felt that my kid was being abused in some way I just couldn't sit there in my chair and not say or do something...and I am a quiet person.

I'm sure I'm in the minority here...and probably a terrible parent in many eyes. But I played sports when I was a kid, I wasn't a great athlete and I wasn't the worst on the team...just average. Sometimes it was rough, the coaches yelled. I played because I liked it...and I wanted to win.

My DD(6) is on a coed U-8 soccer team. I never played soccer, never wanted to. She got the strictest coach in the league this season. I was worried. She is thrilled. Why? Because she knows he will make her work hard, get better, and they will win. If they don't listen or do what they should...they have to run a lap.

After only a few practices, there is more of a sense of "team" between the kids than all of last season with a different coach (who I loved). I don't force DD to play, she plays because she likes it. Heck it is a pain for me to drive her around all the time and if she wanted to quit...my life would be easier.

I'm tired of the way people treat kids these days. No winners, no losers, no failing, everyone gets an award, no dodgeball, don't keep score, no tag, no hugs, etc.

These kids are going to grow up with no life skills. Yet, they are our future.

You are definitely not a terrible parent, being commited to going to your practices and games shows that. I agree that we have become very wishy washy when it comes to kids organized sports and have pretty well taken the competitive spirit out of the games. I coach both my DS's on two different teams and this is something I try and teach all my kids. If they don't have the desire to win, what is driving them to play. I encourage my kids to have fun and play many different games on practice nights to have fun and learn. On game nights I really do expect them to be there and ready to play hard and try and win. Winning is always more FUN than losing. How you handle winning and losing builds character and teaches all these kids that in life you win some and you lose some. We end every game with a hands in cheer of GO TEAM win or lose.
Running laps or doing push-ups is not degrading it is a way of keeping all those kids in line. I have two teams and could have up to 25 kids at one practice.
I am not defending the things that this particular coach said as I also would have brought this up to the league. I hope that not all coaches are painted with the same brush, because there are a lot of coaches that really care for these kids and try to truly make a difference in there lives.

Remember these coaches are volunteers and do not get paid, I could spent 4 nights a week at the field, between games and practices, what motivates each particular coach is an individual thing, but I would say with the time and frustration it takes to deal with 25 kids and 50 parents (sometimes worse than the kids), I do this for the love of my kids and for the love of the game.

 

[BABY_EINSTEIN'S_MOM]

My dh (and I help out) has coached soccer for 10 years. If he made stupid comments like that, they would probably remove him from the program.

We have rules in youth soccer(the no winners, no extra running, and all that). That is fine when they are small and primarily why I put my kids in soccer. The other sports in my area are simply full of crazed, winning obsessed, screaming parents (oh, and obnoxious coaches that curse every breath!) Youth baseball seems to be one of the worst where I live. My ds played part of a season and during the first game, we witnessed the coach and his player son cursing like sailors. Then a parent got involved and eventually the cops were called!! Oh yeah, fun stuff! It's sad because my youngest really likes baseball and there is no way I could see putting him in one of the programs around here.

But, while saying that I should add that youth programs really need to step it up with the older kids( and no definitely not by degrading them!) . My ds13 made the high school soccer team this year, and let me tell you, he almost gave up before finding out he made the team. It is much different and much harder! He finally got into the groove of things after finishing conditioning and finding out he is on the team. He really likes it now...but he knows that it is going to be alot of work and he's ready for it!!

 

[maxiesmom]

Unfortunately there are a lot of idiot coaches out there. My 14yr old niece plays soccer, and I have heard a lot of comments from the coaches of the opposing teams. It is not unusual to hear the players told to knock down the girl who has the ball, or to try to trip or even her. I'm glad my niece's coach doesn't approve of any of that nonsesne. He tells them that just because the other team plays dirty, that doesn't mean they are allowed to.

 

[MSB123]

I know remarks like that can sound horrible to an outsider listening in, and some people can be truly mean and scary to kids.

But I believe it all has to do with the rapport the coach has with the parents and children, if it's the way he jokes around and if they are comfortable with it.

I knew someone who taught karate once, my daughter was even in his class about age 7. He was a big teddy bear of a guy, good natured and patient, and he'd endlessly joke with the kids with "threats," saying things like, "I'll squish you like a grape," and "don't make me come over there," and such. This might have sounded terrible to someone listening in, but he had a great relationship with the kids and they knew he was joking, they even liked the attention and would do things so he could play at being angry and threaten them with his silly threats.

The kids knew he was joking. He was great with them, they behaved so well for him and totally respected and admired him.

I don't think kids are unable to recognize good natured ribbing and humor like that, it's all in the way the person approaches the kids and builds a rapport with them.

If none of the parents were reacting, and none of the kids looked disturbed by the remarks, then it's probably not a big deal in their circle.

 

[Leajess99]

Some of the remarks made towards the kids do not just come from the coaches. My 11 year old dd was the only girl on her team last season. We had one parent who was new to the team (dd had been on this team for the previous season) who would make rude comments about my daughter and talk about how great his son was. He hated that his son would get subbed out and my daughter would play a lot. She is a good player that has the potential to play high school and college as she gets older. Anyway, one day he started making comments about the "princess" coming back onto the field. I talked to the coaches and we actually used that to get my daughter to play even harder. What the parent tried to say snotty turned out to be something great for my dd. Sometimes, what is said can have positive affects on the kids. This all depends on age and the child so being a coach i would not say it to the child unless it was brought up like in our case. Hmmmm, now I wonder if the kid and his dad will be back this season. It was funny when the guy would make a comment on my child and talk about how great his child was only to watch his child miss the soccer ball.

 

[Glite]

I would have been in his face yelling at him.

He needs to chill out and take a trip to WDW; that will cure him.

 

[rbork]

yes, poor choice of words on coaches part.
I did read a comment about running a lap for something? Yes, here you have to run a lap if your misbehaving. (I mean real misbehaving not for running slow etc.)
On a side note.
Parent's just drop their kid's off around here to soccer practice for 90 minutes...sometimes they are late (occasionally, no problem, totally understandable) But there's always one that is left behind at the field. DH feels he's a coach NOT a babysitter. Ahhhh....soccer season is about to start

 

[CLR4321]

Ick! What horrible and abusive behavior! Yes, you did the right thing emailing about it. I agree that I would call and talk to someone directly as a follow up to the email. That type of language is abusive, and coaches should not be abusive to their teams (or anyone for that matter!). Their job is to coach and help improve their team's performance....this language will do the opposite. This was not a good coach, and should not have this position without some serious training and behavioral coaching. If that man had been at my DS's game, I would have walked up to him and let him know how disgusted I was and that I would be letting the director know and that I'd call the police as well to have a talk with him. Making a threat like that to an adult or a child is enough to get someone arrested. It is a threat of physical violence that needs to be taken seriously. OMG that makes me mad.

 

[Leajess99]

As for running laps, my kids actually love running laps. If the players on my teams are not focusing or are just goofing off than I will send them to run laps. There are times when I actually ask them if they want to run laps for the way they are acting and the response by almost all has been yes. There is a lot of running in soccer and this just helps build their endurance. Shoot, my youngest is ALWAYS running when she gets in trouble and she loves it. She is also a very fast little girl.

 

[Lovin' Disney]

So how did it go at the next practice?