Totally OT--DH returning to college at 41 years young :).

[Svhadden]

I'm hoping for a bit of insight (and, I won't lie, encouragement lol) from some other "mature" students and/or spouses out there.

So, my husband will be starting in the spring semester, taking online classes at first (just to get core out of the way), and then we'll have some decisions to make. He loves his job, but it's very physically demanding and cut-throat, and at age 41, we just know he can't continue doing this for the next 20-25 years. And the only real upward mobility he has is into management which he's NOT interested in--and besides, he makes more $$$ than his management team. Gotta love commission-based work .

So, since his previous degree is 20 years old, and he'll be completely changing careers, he's basically starting over in school. Oh, did I mention that I'm a SAHM, so he'll be doing this while continuing to work full-time, and somehow managing to still be a husband/father?

Yeah, we know we're in for a challenging 5-6 years, but we totally believe it'll be worth it!

Meanwhile, we're gearing up for a blow-out 10 day WDW trip in just a few days . We're used to going every year, but who knows what will happen while he's in school?

Anyone with any encouraging words or advice?

 

[eliza61]

Go for it.

I'm in my mid 50's. I've been a baker all my life (did weddings, church functions etc) and I've decided to go back to culinary school and pursue my passion.

Now my dh walks in the house one day about 12 years ago and says that he and two other guys want to start their own business. NOt only that they plan on taking out a 500,000 dollar small business loan. talk about biting a hole through my lip. even though they had really, really done their homework. made excellent presentations to banks and the folks who ended up also partnering with them, all I could see was the fact that 50% of small businesses fail.
My only condition was he could not quit his full time gig until the business is up and running.

It is hard to make a change but some times it works out great. My dh's business was majorly successful and he finally did quit his other job.

Good luck to your dh.

 

[foltzy]

I won't say it's easy but it is totally worth it.


I just graduated with my AA in May. I start the Bachelors program this fall.

I'm a mom of 2, work as a preschool teacher, the leader of a Girl Scout troop, run my kids to various activities, volunteer for the PTO, and try to get into my kid's classrooms a few times a year.

My husband is also going back to college.

The kids get the benefit of seeing their parent follow their dream. See that anything is possible and they like when I sit down and do my homework while they do theirs.

Yes it's hard, but so worth it.

 

[Colleen27]

Congrats to him. It takes courage to make a change but life is too short to spend every day doing something that doesn't make him happy just because it is safe! Be smart, make a plan, and go in realizing it will be hard work, but don't let that stop you (or him) from pursuing a dream.

I'm back in school again at 34. I thought I was working towards my 3rd associates degree but now I'm considering a transfer option that my adviser pointed out that would allow me to do a bachelor's program almost entirely online. It took me this long to figure out what I want to do with my life. I'm passionate about a lot of things but most of all I want balance, and with many careers I didn't see that as realistic. But now I have a clear sense of direction and I'm excited to sit down to my schoolwork each day because of that. And for me, school has been easier as an adult. Yes, I have more demands on my time but I also have more self-discipline and better time management skills.

 

[dwfanatic]

While my DH went back to school, he was 30, not 40, but it can be done. I also quit my job just before he had to do 40 hours a week of non paid clinical hours and he only worked 8 hours (on Saturdays)!! I watched a family friend's child in our home for income at the time. It was not easy, but he (and I should say WE) did it! He is now an x-ray tech (and also crossed trained into CAT Scan) and he is doing fantastic!!

Our kids were 1 and 8 when he did the bulk of his classes. Prior to that he did a class or 2 a semester to get his prerequisites out of the way, as well as worked 40 hours. It was tough as I was also working full time (at the beginning) but I worked as an assistant director at a childcare facility, so the kids we technically 'with me'. When we were working full time at the same time, we kind of did 'split' shifts- he did 6-3:30 and I did 9-6, so he picked up our son to get to have time with him, before he had to go to classes at night.

I will admit it was hard, but my husband was dedicated to getting a better job for his family, and he trudged through. I think back to how many things we had to do without, how we had to learn to budget, and how little things began to mean a lot (like trips to the park) and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Sometimes sacrifices have a way of making us realize what is important in life. He did turn 40 this year btw...

Anyway, I wish him and you luck, and just keep looking toward the end, towards the goal- my husband had a picture of a Mustang that he was buy after he graduated- he called it his carrot he dangled in front of himself, to motivate himself to keep trudging along. He bought a 2007 Mustang 5 months after he graduated, and was the first in his class to have a full time position right after he graduated.

 

[snoopybabe]

Congratulations! It's wonderful that your DH is going back to school. I was 39 when I went back to get my Masters in Education (career switch) worked full time & our kids were in 6th & 9th grade. It is so worth it. I think it set a good example too our DS is in a doctorate program & our DD is finishing up her BA but wants to go on for her masters. Best of luck

 

[danygirl]

Dh did this and I have to say it was awful. We had several years when he was just not present to the kids - he was stressed, tired, and pulled so many ways. He really got pretty selfish and dumped a lot on me because I was "only" working part time and raising our three kids.

 

[Narnia_girl]

I too went back to school at age 40. It was hard work, but I was a SAHM so that made it easier because I schooled while my kids were in school.

One thing I would say to myself when something seemed overwhelming was "if an 18 year old can understand this, then I can too."

 

[pigletto]

My husband went back (he'll be graduating this December and he's 34). It was a 3.5 year round program, with a co-op every other semester. It also required 1.5 hours of driving each morning, and another 1.5 to get home.
We did it. How sometimes I don't know, but we made it work.
I think one thing that is particularly true for the mature student is that if you are going to be making huge sacrafices like this at this stage in your life, you are serious and you don't mess around. My husband was Dean's list every single semester. His overall average for last semester was 93.3.
The employment rate for the graduates is nearly 100%. It's a very specialized program (only one of it's kind in Canada) and you want to be at the top of the pack when the job offers roll in. He is.
So while it was a huge sacrifice, the risk was minimal. It was paid co-op every other semester which allowed us to stay caught up with bills.

In my experience, you will feel like a single parent at times. During school semesters dh would be gone for 10 hour days, coach basketball for our youngest 4 nights a week ( I would meet him in the driveway, hand him his dinner and off they would go) and have homework on the weekends.
Bills, appointments, kids school work, pets, household chores, yard work, scheduling, meals, ..every bit of our day to day life was my responsibility. I did daycare from home, so that was a lot on top of watching 4 or 5 children a day. I became a list making, scheduled machine. I had to be on the top of my game too.
Was I resentful? Sometimes. I think mostly when he would get a week off here and there and he would want to relax and I would be thinking "Are you serious.. you haven't done anything here in months. PLEASE HELP ME."
However, he is recognizes that it hasn't been easy on me or the kids either and he does appreciate it and feeling valued for my contribution goes a long way.
We've planned our surprise Disney Christmas trip in my signature. We leave hours after his last ever exam

We were just talking about this .. we are going to dance our way to the airport

I'll tell you this. It wasn't easy on anyone but every one of us is so darn proud and in the end it will raise us to a quality of life we wouldn't have known otherwise. Was it worth it?
You bet!!!!
Put your head down, roll up your sleeves and get it done!! And I am only a pm away for the days you want to bang your head on a wall and complain.

 

[dwfanatic]

My husband went back (he'll be graduating this December and he's 34). It was a 3.5 year round program, with a co-op every other semester. It also required 1.5 hours of driving each morning, and another 1.5 to get home.
We did it. How sometimes I don't know, but we made it work.
I think one thing that is particularly true for the mature student is that if you are going to be making huge sacrafices like this at this stage in your life, you are serious and you don't mess around. My husband was Dean's list every single semester. His overall average for last semester was 93.3.
The employment rate for the graduates is nearly 100%. It's a very specialized program (only one of it's kind in Canada) and you want to be at the top of the pack when the job offers roll in. He is.
So while it was a huge sacrifice, the risk was minimal. It was paid co-op every other semester which allowed us to stay caught up with bills.

In my experience, you will feel like a single parent at times. During school semesters dh would be gone for 10 hour days, coach basketball for our youngest 4 nights a week ( I would meet him in the driveway, hand him his dinner and off they would go) and have homework on the weekends.
Bills, appointments, kids school work, pets, household chores, yard work, scheduling, meals, ..every bit of our day to day life was my responsibility. I did daycare from home, so that was a lot on top of watching 4 or 5 children a day. I became a list making, scheduled machine. I had to be on the top of my game too.
Was I resentful? Sometimes. I think mostly when he would get a week off here and there and he would want to relax and I would be thinking "Are you serious.. you haven't done anything here in months. PLEASE HELP ME."
However, he is recognizes that it hasn't been easy on me or the kids either and he does appreciate it and feeling valued for my contribution goes a long way.
We've planned our surprise Disney Christmas trip in my signature. We leave hours after his last ever exam

We were just talking about this .. we are going to dance our way to the airport

I'll tell you this. It wasn't easy on anyone but every one of us is so darn proud and in the end it will raise us to a quality of life we wouldn't have known otherwise. Was it worth it?
You bet!!!!
Put your head down, roll up your sleeves and get it done!! And I am only a pm away for the days you want to bang your head on a wall and complain.

I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said- our experience in a nutshell. And I second the fact that going back as a mature student means you know what has to be done, and it gets done!! Have fun on your trip!!

 

[crisi]

If he has a previous degree, he may be able to get credit for all those core courses (assuming he is going for a Bachelors now).

I did it around that age and I really enjoyed it. My mother helped a lot and my work was very flexible, both helped. But I had two kids, a full time job and a husband working more than full time.

 

[ssawka]

What is his degree in and what field does he want to go into? A degree never expires, so depending on the change it may be worthwhile for him to pursue a Master's degree rather than another Bachelor's. That is unless he has a BA degree and he wants to pursue a field requiring a BS.

As for going back to school, no it is not easy but if he really wants it to happen you can make it work. It is actually probably better that you are a SAHM (as long as you can afford it) because it will make scheduling classes easier. Personally, I would not be able to do classes online since I need the classroom experience to keep myself "on track".

In my case, I graduated with my BS in 1995 and didn't go back to get my Master's degree until 2004. While working on my Master's I took two classes every semester and one each Summer. I was kind of in a hurry to finish, but I would not recommend anyone else take that approach. I am glad I did it that way, but I feel I missed a lot of DD's formative years. I was also so burnt out by the end that I did not want to do anything additional for a long time after graduation. I did finally decide to go back to work on my PhD in 2011. I am still in school, but I am taking a slower approach this time. Only one class at a time.

 

[sweetdana]

If he is up for the drive I say full speed ahead!


You should do what you love, and you should love what you do.. and if he doesn't, and you can afford to move on more power to you!

1) school is very expensive, so budget accordingly and 2) He may decide after a yr, he doesn't have it, and that is okay too. .. He may decide management is the way to go, or he may decide to do a lateral move at a different company and go up from there. you never know. But I say let him spread his wings and see what happens.

 

[honeybunches]

It will be worth it in the long run but hard on the journey. My DH finished his doctorate a couple of years ago when he was 33. He did it while working full time (he was a principal). We had a 6 year old and an infant, plus I worked full time too. There were many, many weekends when he was home but working on his dissertation so I took the kids to do stuff so he could have a quiet house to work. I wish I could say that I did this with grace and love, but I confess I was very resentful much of the time. I completely felt like a single parent during those years. Now that it's over and I can see how fulfilled he is by having his degree, it was worth it. Definitely. When your DH starts his program, do your best to support him. But make sure you take care of yourself during that time too. If you can afford to hire a housekeeper, babysitter, something to give yourself a little break now and then, definitely do it. I wish I had done that.

 

[quentina]

Benefits Risk Manager for 4100 associates and mom of 3 young ones. I went back to school in 09, graduated in May.

It is hard, demanding, exciting but....you just feel so good about yourself. My kids and DH were so proud at graduation.

I will add...I just turned 42 last week

 

[Lady V]

Go for it! I got my Masters in International Business at age 38 (last year). Crazy thing though is I have now decided to get a different degree completely. I interviewed with a college and in 15 months I will have a Masters in Education. They were able to use some of my prior classes--he should look into that!
Good luck!!!

 

[DVCJones]

I was 39 when I went back to school to get a M.Ed. My kids 4&6 and I worked full time. My DH also worked full time overnights. I'm not going to sugar coat it... I was hard!!! Now that it is over and we survived, I can tell you it was worth it. We even managed our annual trips to WDW those two years. I remember sitting poolside typing a paper and emailing assignments. It can be done.

 

[okeydokey]

I think it is great he is going back to school, but continuing to work full time will be very difficult. Can you get some work to take someof the financial pressure off?

 

[heartsy77]

I never went to college until age 30. I hated high school but, love college. I have a degree in Human Services, a degree in nursing and am going back for advanced Nursing degree! I'll be 37 tomorrow and I think I may just go to college till I'm 50!

 

[pigletto]

I never went to college until age 30. I hated high school but, love college. I have a degree in Human Services, a degree in nursing and am going back for advanced Nursing degree! I'll be 37 tomorrow and I think I may just go to college till I'm 50!

This is what my mom did!
College nursing program, then her B.S.C in nursing, then a Masters in Epidemiology, then graduating as a Nurse Practitioner, and finally 2 years ago she graduated with her P.H.D. at 58 years old. We were all in the front row.. all 6 of her children, my dad, our spouses and my two children

She went to school my entire life. She worked full time through it all (except for 1.5 years she took of for chemo and radiation for Stage 3 Breast Cancer 11 years ago.) The woman is amazing and I am her biggest fan.
If you want this.. if anyone wants this.. you CAN do it.