Toddlers at Disney/destination wedding?

[rrali33tt]

What is the etiquette for when you should or should not invite children to a destination wedding?

If I was planning on having a wedding at home in NJ I would not be asking this question, because the answer would be simple - I do not want children at my wedding so therefore I will not invite children to the wedding.

However, when you are asking people to travel from NY/NJ to Florida for a wedding the answer to that question becomes tricky and even trickier when the members of the bridal party have very young children (2yrs and younger).

Do you have to invite the toddlers? I really don't want very young children (or any children) at the evening reception. But is is rude to not invite them when the parents would have to travel? I expect the parents to bring the children to Disney with them for the weekend (or longer) for a family vacation, but I am just concerned about what is appropriate in regards to the evening reception. I would invite them to the dessert party for fireworks the night before, but I am worried about the reception.

If you don't invite them, should you pay for the babysitting? I am thinking it might be cheaper to just invite the children to the wedding, but I don't have any children and am worried there will be chaos at the wedding with children that young. Also, because I don't have children I am not sure how offended people would be if you don't invite the children.


If you do invite them, and tell the parents about the babysitting options, if they decide to not bring the children to the reception, should you pay for the babysitting?

If you do invite them, I suppose you would seat all the bridal party guests with their spouse & children at their own table?

Does Disney charge for young children at weddings?

One more question....does your opinion change if the children in question are between the ages of 9-16?

I would love to hear all your opinions on the subject!

 

[peachydreamyxx]

Im biased since DF and I have a son together, who at the time of the wedding will be 3.5, but here is my opinion anyway..

If you are having a destination wedding I feel like the whole family, small children and all, should be invited. Its hard to ask people to travel for your wedding, but even harder to tell them they cant bring their kids. Even if you offered to pay for a babysitter, I honestly would not feel comfortable leaving my son with someone I did not know for a few hours, and Im sure others feel the same way.

My wedding is an evening event, and I am inviting all children and leaving it up to the parents if they want to bring them, bring someone else to watch them, or if they are going to have them stay home with relatives. Disney offers a lot of options for kids at weddings, like a kids table filled with activities, or I believe I read something about hiring a Disney cast member in a separate room where they have a "kids party".. something like that. Those are also things to consider.

For seating arrangements, depending on the age of the child, I am going to seat them with their parents. I think I am going to have about 4 or 5 kids between the ages of 4-8 so I might just do a separate kids table in the corner of the room.

 

[tric8783]

We are from CT and just had a 75 person wedding in May. We invited children, but we have a lot of young children in the family and close friends and they are a part of our lives so we wanted them there. Disney will not charge you for anyone under 3, and we were given complimentary mickey-roni and cheese for them (we had a plated dinner). They also placed high-chairs at the place-settings for the "babies" that didn't change the look of our reception.

I originally was on the fence about this as well and was planning a kid party - you can hire "Kids Night Out"- if you have your reception in a ballroom, they will use one of the smaller breakout rooms to host a kid's party separately. They will entertain them and in essence "babysit" them for the night and the parents can go and check on them if they want to. We had some resistance on this when I mentioned it, because the parents told us "not to spend money on it" since they wanted their kids with them etc. We ended up not doing it, and instead had a table lowered to the ground with pillows around it and put Disney play packs for the kids so they had their own area out of the way of the dance floor and rest of the guests. We had 9 kids under 3 and 2 12yr old's (we got them kids meals which were less than 1/2 price of the normal meals), and it still felt pretty formal to me. The reception was definitely adult oriented but we were able to have the kids there too. I think if you present it the right way, it can still be a formal affair with the kids there (let your guests know the babies need to come dressed up etc)

I do think if you're asking people to come down to FL (Disney no less) from NY/NJ and they have young babies, they are not going to leave them home. And if they are your good friends (good enough to be in your bridal party) but you are excluding their kids, yes I think they might be offended. We did have a few friends make a family vacation out of it and came with their parents and left their babies with the grandparents). I think if having your friends there is important to you and you are adamant you don't want kids at the reception, you should set up the kids party.

I know you said you think it might be chaos to have a bunch of little kids running around, but unless your friends are just going to let their tikes run wild, I don't think that'll happen (esp with them being under 2). Our kids were constantly with their parents and entertained, up dancing and having a good time, etc. For seating, we did long roman tables of 18-22 then two rounds of 10 for our parents and their siblings/close friends. For the couples that brought a child, I put the child in between the two of them so that if they were sitting with people who don't have kids or feel uncomfortable around kids, (just dont know what to do etc), they didn't feel awkward next to someone else's child (and the child wasn't nervous being next to someone they potentially didn't know)

I'll try to post some pics here let's see...

The kids area:

Our ballroom set up

the high-chairs

I think our guests really enjoyed having their kiddos at the wedding, and none of them were running wild or causing any trouble, they all stayed right with their parents etc. (and maybe we just had well behaved kids idk)

 

[sambycat]

You dont have to invite anyone. Because of the destination aspect I would go above and beyond to provide child care/resources moreso than of it were a local thing. Be prepared though that wedding party memberses with small kids could feel uncomfortable with whatever arrangements concern their kids and therefore may not be able to attend and of course this would be their right.

 

[Chelley00]

Speaking as a parent, if we received an invitation to a destination wedding that wouldn't allow us to bring our kids, we most likely wouldn't attend. Even if you provide babysitting, many parents won't be comfortable leaving their children with people they've never met in a strange city.

I'm not offended when we get invited to weddings minus the kids....heck, I enjoy the break But for a destination wedding, I can imagine it will cause some hard feelings, either on the parents part for being asked to choose between coming and leaving kids with sitters or not going at all, or will you be upset if people decide not to attend because of the limitations you've set.

 

[rrali33tt]

I really appreciate all of your comments. There are so many different things you have to consider when having a destination wedding vs an at home wedding. It seems like the best idea would be to invite the whole family and let them decide if they want to bring the child to the reception.

The mickey high chairs are really cute and the kids area was a great idea!

 

[dm1996]

I am getting married at the wp in the winter and we are going through the same problems. I've been to weddings where the kids get on the dance floor and it just becomes a play area for children. When you have both parents drinking because they don't have to drive anywhere, they tend to let the kids run around while they socialize. I am having a very difficult time figuring this issue out. We both have cousins with kids, not to mention our friends. All of our direct siblings with kids are in the wedding.

 

[Jilian]

Speaking as a parent, if we received an invitation to a destination wedding that wouldn't allow us to bring our kids, we most likely wouldn't attend. Even if you provide babysitting, many parents won't be comfortable leaving their children with people they've never met in a strange city.

I'm not offended when we get invited to weddings minus the kids....heck, I enjoy the break But for a destination wedding, I can imagine it will cause some hard feelings, either on the parents part for being asked to choose between coming and leaving kids with sitters or not going at all, or will you be upset if people decide not to attend because of the limitations you've set.

As a mom I agree with all of this. I'd never be ok with leaving a child 2 or under with someone I've never met. Not to mention, that is a peak stranger-anxiety age and if the kid has not been in daycare he/she may really freak out and mom or dad would have to go pick the kid up.

If you have any teens or tweens coming to the wedding maybe you could offer to pay them to entertain the kids during the wedding at a kids table like Trish posted? For the most part I think parents watch their kids and usually leave early with them if they get antsy or tired. If not, find a brutally honest relative who is ok with calling parents out who aren't watching their kids.

 

[YouLoveJulianne]

Ask your planner because they also offer the option to have a separate kids party that takes place in a different room near by. They provide food, activities, and people to watch them. I read all about it in Lurkyloo's (Carrie's) Disney Wedding Passporters book. I've already e-mailed my planner about this same thing.. waiting on a response.

 

[Emily11212]

I am getting married in November, and I'm expecting 11 kids... 6 of them are between 3 and 5, and 5 of them are 2 and under. 6 of them also belong to my bridal party, lol! I can't picture not having the kids there. To invite someone to a Disney wedding and then tell them "Leave the kids at home" would be heart-breaking. However, the "Kids Night Out" is a great option to at least present to your guests... remember that this is Disney, and they aren't going to leave your children with some hobo off the street.

I'm going to personally contact all my guests with kids after the invitations have been sent out and leave it up to them. I'm going to say, "I would love to have your kids at the wedding, but if YOU want an evening just for the two of you, then here are your options..." However, I can't offer to pay for the baby-sitting service, since I'm not requiring them to leave them with the baby-sitting service. That's just if they want to have an adult day.

And thank you for posting that picture of the kids table... my wedding planner hadn't mentioned that. I think I'd like to have a table set up like that at my wedding in the reception hall so the kids can color and stuff. That's great!

 

[MrsDuck]

If you don't invite the kids, I think you should pay for babysitting. After that's cleared out of the way, what you choose to do is really a personal decision!

 

[giffy231]

I think since the guests are paying a lot to be a part of your day, I'd let them bring the children. It seems like inviting them to Disney which is a family friendly vacation place where they will want to bring the kids along, then putting them in a position where they can't attend the wedding, would be inappropriate. Leaving your children with strangers is going to be a tough pill to swallow. I like the idea of having the party in another room or kids where they can be looked in on would be better. But these guests are paying a lot to be at your wedding. Putting them in a difficult child are situation seems unfair. Just my opinion.

 

[tric8783]

I got the kids table idea from Andrea (belle221) here on the boards and brought it up to my planner, she never threw it out there as an option or told me they could set it up. I feel like it's more of, if you know to ask for it they'll do it. It was also no cost at all to me, FYI! I used white linens, so they used the same linens and then added the pillows. I think Andrea had a layer of butcher paper added to hers to so they could draw on the table. I didn't ask for that since most of our kids were so small and not drawers.

I think a lot of being nervous about kids running wild or taking over your reception is how much you trust your friends/guests. Our group is really big drinkers, the ones with kids included (most of them). The kids were constantly with a parent or another adult and I didn't see anyone at any point being crazy.

I also didn't see the kids table as a huge place for the kids to hang out honestly, I saw them there a few times but never all the little kids at one time, they were busy having a good time and dancing! And when the kids started to fall asleep, the parents took them home. Our reception went until 11 and I'd say some of the kids left by 10 or so. Some of them stayed the whole time, it just depends I guess.

 

[rosworms]

in my opinion...
you can't have a wedding at the ultimate family destination while splitting up families. you can't have a disney wedding without little princes and princesses. it just seems wrong.

again... just my opinion...

 

[MickeysStarTrader]

On the topic of kids having their own table/area during the reception, for those of you who did this, what did you have to entertain the kids? We'll have a real mix of ages at our wedding and I'm not sure what I could provide 15 month old babies to play with for example? I was thinking crayons and coloring sheets for the 3-6 year olds but then we'll have an 8 and 10 year old also. I have no idea what would entertain them but I doubt it would be coloring pages! We may also have an autistic 9 year old attending so I'm not sure what would be entertaining for her either any ideas? Thanks

 

[tric8783]

We had two 12 year olds and we gave them a black vinylmation with a silver sharpie so they could draw on it etc. Honestly I think they drew on it during dinner but other than that they were up dancing! They didn't need much entertainment

 

[belle2211]

I had a kids table set up for our wedding. I was originally going to have a corner of the room set up with a tv and dvds for the kids to watch, but decided it would be too loud in there. I had several tables lowered to the ground with pillows on the floor. Then I had linens and butcher paper on that for the kiddos to draw on. I also bought a bunch of little kid activities for them to do (mostly from the dollar section at Target and Michaels or the Dollar store). I got Disney coloring books, Disney crayons and markers, Disney playdough, Disney puzzles, Disney action figures, a Disney board game. The kids were there off an on during the night. They ate at the table with their parents but could go there to play whenever they wanted to. And one of my flower girls fell asleep there for the night. I would definitely reccommend doing this!