Time magazine notices some people are happy without kids

[rigs32]

Childless = no kids but would like them at some point but are not able to have then

Child free = choosing not to have children

IMO, child free by choice is redundant.

 

[scoutie]

I think TIME magazine likes to create controversy where there really isn't any. While there may be a handful of vocal people who think people who are child-free are selfish, they aren't common.

 

[Deb in IA]

Childfree folks do not bother me, unless they start denigrating my choice to have children (calling us "breeders", etc).

I figure MY kids will have more opportunities and resources if they don't reproduce!

 

[penn19]

I've long thought that just because you can have children doesn't mean you should and just because you can't doesn't mean you shouldn't.

Case in point - when I was about 12yrs old my mom told me that she never really wanted me and that when she was pregnant with me she attempted suicide, hoping at the very least to miscarry. Ok, thanks for sharing mom. Three years after I was born she had my sister. I guess she wanted her.

IMO, that is far more selfish than someone who has decided to not have children.

Maybe we are long lost siblings? I had a mom liked that. Told me on multiple occasions that if only abortions had been legal when she was pregnant with me and how she was suicidal (not sure that she actually attempted it). Starting at about age 12. And she didn't say it to be mean, just matter-of-fact. Yea, that sort of comment isn't likely to affect me in any way!!

 

[skylizard]

I've long thought that just because you can have children doesn't mean you should and just because you can't doesn't mean you shouldn't.

Case in point - when I was about 12yrs old my mom told me that she never really wanted me and that when she was pregnant with me she attempted suicide, hoping at the very least to miscarry. Ok, thanks for sharing mom. Three years after I was born she had my sister. I guess she wanted her.

IMO, that is far more selfish than someone who has decided to not have children.

When I was little (like 7 or 8) my mom used to tell me that she wished she had just put me up for adoption.
Some people really shouldn't be having children.

 

[SpaceMTN79]

I don't understand why people care if someone else has children or not, it's not their business.

But on the flip side of that, CNN ran an article last week about someone choosing not to have kids and all the flack she gets for her decision. The comments in the comment section from child free adults towards parents were just as bad as the comments childfree adults get.

I think its a two way street, child free adults don't have the right to tell a parent how to raise their child, how to discipline them, how they should be doing things, or if they should take their children out to dinner.

Every child is different, mine are night and day, what works on one may or may not work on the other.

 

[hlg22]

But on the flip side of that, CNN ran an article last week about someone choosing not to have kids and all the flack she gets for her decision. The comments in the comment section from child free adults towards parents were just as bad as the comments childfree adults get.

I think its a two way street, child free adults don't have the right to tell a parent how to raise their child, how to discipline them, how they should be doing things, or if they should take their children out to dinner.

Well, I haven't read the CNN article so I don't know what the comments were, but I disagree with this a bit. I do not have kids (and have gotten my share of comments, including my favorite, the "I never knew what real love was until I had my son; I feel SO sorry for you that you'll never experience that" comment I got from one "friend"), but I'm a favorite "Auntie" and my friends' kids come over a lot. When they do, they are in my house, so it is my rules. So, for example, they are not allowed to put their feet on the furniture while wearing their shoes. If their parents don't say anything, I step in, and there is a consequence (i.e., if the child refuses, the toy basket goes away until the shoes come off). I would never tell my friends how to raise their kids or what to do at their homes, but again, my house, my rules so yes, I will occasionally be disciplining people's kids. And if I am eating out at 9 p.m. in a fancy restaurant and some kids are running around and loudly making a scene, because I don't have kids I'm not allowed to ask the parents (nicely) to please keep them at the table?

 

[BigAlsGal]

Anyone else thinking of the movie "the family man" right now?

 

[mrsklamc]

It's too bad people don't just keep their mouths shut really. We get comments about not having any (infertility; grandma used to tell me I'd need them to take care of me when I got old. Joke's on her, I guess- pregnant with our first and he has Down Syndrome.) My sister gets comments that she has too many- well guess what, she was on the pill and it just didn't work for her, thank you very much. My SIL gets told hers are too close together, my best friend gets told she shouldn't have just one...people need to mind their own business.

 

[Arielle22]

I have 7 siblings. From the 8 of us we have only 8 children. My older brother and sister and my younger sister don't have children. My brother and younger sister made a choice to not have children and my other sister was unable to.

Yet all 3 are wonderful aunts and uncle. My daughters were taken on trips by one sister and my brother would babysit when my daughters were young. I would come home to older DD watching tv and younger DD asleep on couch with my brother. They would be surrounded by junk food and oh so happy. Even now when my DDs are grown they look back fondly on those times.

My younger sister is uncomfortable around young children and prefers cats. Now that my DDs can relate on a more adult level, she loves talking about vegan recipes with them.

I also took advice from my siblings when they didn't have children! They were outsiders looking in and could see issues where I might not. I didn't always take the advice but I always listened. To think someone who doesn't have children has no thoughts on them is ridiculous. I find those without children have given a lot of thought into whether they want them or not and have debated the issues that might come up.

 

[Handbag Lady]

DH and I are childfree by choice, and if someone wants to call us selfish, then so be it. In a way we are, we are selfish enough to recognize that children aren't appropriate for our family and would not fit into our goals. I don't get all the "but who will you share your love with?" or "who will take care of you when you get older?" lines I hear from people.

Who will I share my love with? Um, my parents, my brother, my in-laws, my cousins, my nieces and nephews....oh and my husband

Who will take care of us when we are older? You don't have children to have someone to take care of you, that is selfish (IMO) We're perfectly content with taking care of each other, and are planning on having our finances in shape enough that if one of us needed to go into a nursing home, we'll be able to afford it. I've seen grandparents be absolutely emotionally and financially devastated when their spouse became ill and needed assistance. No one should have to shoulder that burden alone or force their children to carry that burden. That's not to say that I won't be there for my own parents if they needed help, but to have children as guaranteed nursing care is extremely selfish.

For those of you suffering from infertility I don't think you are being selfish at all, and I don't think you should be lumped into this unnecessary controversy. It isn't your fault and should be getting encouragement, not hate.

I get this question a lot and the only way I respond is that there are THOUSANDS of people with children who are old and neglected. Even though they had children, no one is there to take care of them. I agree, it is selfish to assume your children will take care of you. Life is a gamble.

 

[SpaceMTN79]

Well, I haven't read the CNN article so I don't know what the comments were, but I disagree with this a bit. I do not have kids (and have gotten my share of comments, including my favorite, the "I never knew what real love was until I had my son; I feel SO sorry for you that you'll never experience that" comment I got from one "friend"), but I'm a favorite "Auntie" and my friends' kids come over a lot. When they do, they are in my house, so it is my rules. So, for example, they are not allowed to put their feet on the furniture while wearing their shoes. If their parents don't say anything, I step in, and there is a consequence (i.e., if the child refuses, the toy basket goes away until the shoes come off). I would never tell my friends how to raise their kids or what to do at their homes, but again, my house, my rules so yes, I will occasionally be disciplining people's kids. And if I am eating out at 9 p.m. in a fancy restaurant and some kids are running around and loudly making a scene, because I don't have kids I'm not allowed to ask the parents (nicely) to please keep them at the table?

Not disagreeing about your house your rules.

I think maybe the comments in the CNN article (i guess maybe it's really not fair for me to bring that up here, hard to really reference about it), but some of the comments were things like, "you need to keep your snot nosed little kids out of public places until they are over 2)

 

[hlg22]

Anyone else thinking of the movie "the family man" right now?

You mean the movie with the hotshot single banker who magically wakes up to find he has a wife and kids, and ultimately discovers that gosh, that's the life he really wants now that he sees what he's been missing in his sad sad single childless life?

Can you tell that those types of movies (Baby Boom also comes to mind) drive me (single, childfree by choice) nuts? It goes back to the "of course you want kids, you just don't know it yet!" mentality.

 

[Handbag Lady]

THIS! Exactly.

People who are judging others for not having kids need to truly re-assess their worldview.

The earth is rapidly approaching a population of 10 BILLION people in the next few decades and we're seriously going to need to change things to be able to support them.

This is exactly how my husband feels, being all into science and NASA (the need to get off of this rock is great) and world over-population, etc.

If we were to have kids early on, we would have adopted for the reason above.

 

[Colleen27]

I get this question a lot and the only way I respond is that there are THOUSANDS of people with children who are old and neglected. Even though they had children, no one is there to take care of them. I agree, it is selfish to assume your children will take care of you. Life is a gamble.

And on the flip side of that, biology certainly isn't the only important bond in life. I spent weeks helping my mom clear out the home of a friend of the family when the wife passed away and the husband needed to go into assisted living. We're not family - they didn't have any children because of a genetic condition the husband has that causes blindness among other things - but they spent holidays at our home, the wife was my assistant Girl Scout leader when none of the other moms would step up to do it (my mom was troop leader), and my very first job was dogsitting when they traveled. Between my family and two others that they were close with over the years, the husband has a half-dozen people looking in on him, helping prep the house for sale, driving him to doctors' appointments when the senior van isn't available, etc. All without a single child of their own.

 

[Elmo9607]

I have no plans to have kids. I think they're cute and such but parenthood is not my cup of tea. I'm honestly not sure if I'll ever change my mind. I'm sure my parents would love to be grandparents but I can't see myself being a mom. It does make me a bit sad sometimes because I don't see my sister ever having kids either.

When I was 18 a woman asked me how many kids I had. I told her I had none and wasn't interested in having any she told me I was being very selfish with my decision and that everyone should have kids and that they were all so wonderful. I got told this while I was at work...and all the while her toddler was sitting in the cart having a massive, screaming temper tantrum. I wanted to say 'You sure picked a bad time to endorse the joys of motherhood!'

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

I have no plans to have kids. I think they're cute and such but parenthood is not my cup of tea. I'm honestly not sure if I'll ever change my mind. I'm sure my parents would love to be grandparents but I can't see myself being a mom. It does make me a bit sad sometimes because I don't see my sister ever having kids either.

When I was 18 a woman asked me how many kids I had. I told her I had none and wasn't interested in having any she told me I was being very selfish with my decision and that everyone should have kids and that they were all so wonderful. I got told this while I was at work...and all the while her toddler was sitting in the cart having a massive, screaming temper tantrum. I wanted to say 'You sure picked a bad time to endorse the joys of motherhood!'

What about those that are disabled and struggle day to day and are lucky to be alive themselves

 

[LittleMissMagic]

I think people who ridicule others about this matter (or others) only do so because they are unhappy with some aspect of their lifestyle and feel like they have to put others down and scrutinize their lifestyle to make themselves feel better about their own.

If you want to have kids, that's awesome. If you don't, that's awesome, too. Live your life how you want and don't give people a tough time about doing the same. Just because it's not for you doesn't mean it's not for them.

 

[Colleen27]

I think people who ridicule others about this matter (or others) only do so because they are unhappy with some aspect of their lifestyle and feel like they have to put others down and scrutinize their lifestyle to make themselves feel better about their own.

You know, I usually don't agree with that general line of thinking but in this case I think it might hold true, at least for some - that for some bashing the choice not to have children is easier than admitting (even to oneself) a bit of envy of the lifestyle of child-free friends and relatives.

 

[FireDancer]

I think people who ridicule others about this matter (or others) only do so because they are unhappy with some aspect of their lifestyle and feel like they have to put others down and scrutinize their lifestyle to make themselves feel better about their own.

I think that in some cases that is exactly it.

I think this whole issue is a lot like many others that get people all in a huff about only their way being right.

Breastfeed vs formula
Spanking vs no spanking
circumcision vs not
vegetarian vs vegan vs omnivore
Having one parent stay home vs both working full time

In most of those cases there are pros and cons to either decision and it is no one's business which choice anyone else makes. Yes, a discussion about those pros and cons makes sense but the decision each individual makes based on them is really only their and their spouse's business.

Too many people care far too much about things that just don't concern them.