Thoughts on honeymoon registries?

[Stacerita]

This can come off as tacky. I would think twice before putting the registry card into the invites. If those who come to your shower are close enough to you to be invted to the wedding, then they would know your situation and if they wanted to get a gift that you aren't in need of traditional ones like towels or blenders. You can set up the account, and if asked let people know. But putting it in the invitations could be considered tacky by a lot of people.

 

[Minnesota!]

Tacky beyond belief and no better than a Go Fund Me site hitting up people to pay for your teen to go on "the trip of a lifetime" so you don't have to part with your own cash. On some level, you KNOW it is tacky or you wouldn't have asked, IMHO. I think what you are really wondering is, have standards slipped so much that people will just shrug and go along with it? Well, some will and some won't, but it will still be tacky.

It is YOUR honeymoon. YOU pay for it. If people choose to give you money as a wedding gift (unsolicited) then you can use that to help with the honeymoon. But you don't ask people to pay for something that you should pay for. It doesn't matter that you have lived together for years and have all the household stuff you need. That was your choice.

It costs almost nothing to go to a JP and get married. People choose weddings and honeymoons, which cost money. Their guests should not be responsible for those choices. They should not have hints dropped that cash gifts are best. Again, if someone chooses, unsolicited, to give you money, then do a happy dance. But to do otherwise is tacky, no matter how many people do it these days.

Also not a fan. I hate when I'm pressured, subtly or not, to give a certain kind of gift.

Typically, my gift to a wedding couple of the age you describe is cash, and they can spend it however they want. But, to tell me to pay for your honeymoon? Uh, no. Tacky.

Personally, I think registries should be for gifts not money. I wouldn't mind if the Honeymoon Registry was for extras on the honeymoon like a tour, room service breakfast, couple's massage, etc. But to chip in for the hotel, airfare, car rental costs leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Also, registry information should only be provided in a shower invitation or by word of mouth, not a wedding invite.

No, I didn't misread it. It all comes off like a gift-grab to me. Also, a bit disingenuous, since it is the reception that costs all the money, not the actual ceremony.

Have to agree. Why not just opening a savings account called "Vacation" and deposit any money you receive into that? Then you are still saving that money towards your vacation, but not so...greedy??...about it.

Honestly, do people give money at showers? I have never seen it...I would think that is awkward to open up a bunch of cards and announce to everyone how much so and so gave. Ew. Showers are for the little house gifts you need...like someone said, a new toaster, some new towels or sheets, that workbench radio your future husband wants, etc.

I wouldn't do it.

 

[MSLRAC]

Our ceremony cost less than $200 (church rental and fee for pastor).

If people ask for opinions, they'll get all kinds of opinions. Not only those that agree with them.

Just because your ceremony was under $200 doesn't mean they all are. I have a co-worker getting married in January and her ceremony alone has topped $5000 and she's expecting it to reach $7500 before it's all said and done.

And opinions are fine, I get that but I swear some of you seriously pick apart every single invite looking for an ulterior motive or tackiness.

 

[Mazel]

I was just at a shower and they had a jar with a sign saying Honeymoon Fund.

It was not going over big at all. But this was also a bridal shower for someone who has been married a year they decided because they didn't have a big wedding now they wanted one and for the 1 year anniversary they were redoing their vows in church with a full blown wedding, ring boy, flower girl and big white dress and all.

They have been on 4 vacations this year and are doing a honeymoon fund. We replied no to the wedding and I think many people did. We gave them a wedding gift when they got married the first time. We also found out they returned many of the shower gifts that were on their registry for more expensive larger things for the house.

 

[Luvchefmic]

This can come off as tacky. I would think twice before putting the registry card into the invites. If those who come to your shower are close enough to you to be invted to the wedding, then they would know your situation and if they wanted to get a gift that you aren't in need of traditional ones like towels or blenders. You can set up the account, and if asked let people know. But putting it in the invitations could be considered tacky by a lot of people.

No one is invited to the wedding, just a shower and a reception/party a few weeks later. Gifts x 2 I don't know how else it can be interpreted.

 

[JanaDee]

Just because your ceremony was under $200 doesn't mean they all are. I have a co-worker getting married in January and her ceremony alone has topped $5000 and she's expecting it to reach $7500 before it's all said and done.

And opinions are fine, I get that but I swear some of you seriously pick apart every single invite looking for an ulterior motive or tackiness.

Yeah, nothing over the top about that.

 

[MSLRAC]

Yeah, nothing over the top about that.

Like I said, some of y'all pick everything apart looking for tackiness. Are you just generally unhappy and looking for things to complain and be judgy about?

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

Here is a two generation reply if that helps and for one the first times ever we both agree...

If you want to include the honeymoon registry go for it, but you really need to add traditional registries also. Everyone needs new towels, cooking items, etc throughout our lifetimes. Even if you put some items away for a later time, it is still saving you later on. Also we have friends and family who give everyone the same family gift that is a tradition. You don't want to look as though you won't accept a gift that is thought out and different.

I would do a mixture of Macys, Target, and then the Honeymoon Registry.

Also, to be totally honest as a person who usually does not go to the ceremony, as long as you invite the shower person to the reception I would not worry about that. Also, maybe show a video in a corner of the ceremony at the reception on a loop with no sound. You can have a small card with your vows if you wanted.

 

[AustinTink]

Totally tacky. Don't do it.

 

[Skywalker]

Come to think of it, if you have everything you need why are you even having yourself a shower? You don't need anything yet you seem to be expecting shower and wedding gifts? And since you don't actually need anything you are asking people to donate to a honeymoon that you can 100% afford? The more I think about it, the more I wonder why you are even going through with all that...seems like some people insist on the "traditions" that benefit them but are too cool for the traditions that don't.

 

[Jennasis]

I don't stand on ceremony for the most part. No need to get myself in a wad over wording an invite or including a registry card. You do what you need/want to do and people will either take part or not. No biggie.

When attending showers or weddings, I WANT to know what it is the couple needs/wants so I'm always happy to get registry cards. If I don't get a registry card, I give money.

I understand that my thoughts on the matter are not everyone's thoughts.

My exception to this thinking went to my BIL who threw a surprise 30th b-day party for my sister. He planned a big themed event (a 7-'s roller disco). Then he sent out the invites...including the information about the $25 COVER CHARGE to get in (to defray the cost of renting the space). I laughed right out loud at that one...paid the cover, enjoyed the party and then the fireworks afterwords when my sister found out what he did and went up one side of him and down the other.

 

[VAfamily1998]

It sounds like everything about this is in poor form.

1) Your mom is hosting the shower? Or just "distributing the invitations?" Either way, it's a no.
2) If you already have everything you need to set up a household, why are you having a shower? The whole point of a shower is to "shower the bride" with the items she needs to set up her house (because presumably, she is coming from her parents house directly to her husbands.)
3) I would be offended at the whole "wedding takes place now, big party later" thing. If you want some super secret, tiny wedding fine--but it's tacky to expect everyone who didn't "make the cut" to celebrate it later. If they are not so important to witness the marriage, they really aren't important enough to celebrate with you either.

 

[robndani]

Looking for opinions on a honeymoon registry. They seem to be controversial, so curious to know if more people are cool with them or if you find them tacky or offensive.

What would be your take if you got a card for a honeymoon registry in your invitation? Be honest! We haven't decided one way or the other what to do.

First, if it's for your SHOWER invitation, then ANY registry information you have is always included (where I'm from anyway)!!!!

Second, I think it's cool. I would MUCH rather contribute to someone's honeymoon than get them a bread maker they will use once... lol!

I say go for it! Congratulations!!!!

 

[SirDuff]

No one is invited to the wedding, just a shower and a reception/party a few weeks later. Gifts x 2 I don't know how else it can be interpreted.

So, everyone is invited to the events that, traditionally, involve giving a gift to the couple. But no one is invited to the actual ceremony that is supposed to be being celebrated?

I vote tacky.

 

[Bektasmic]

Potential for tacky but possible to spin

I threw 2 showers for siblings who were requesting honeymoon showers. We themed the showers and games accordingly (Greece and Alaska whale watching, so togas with Greek food and Olympic and Trojan horse game, etc...under the sea music game, glacier ice sculpture, whale and sea creature decorations)

We wrote little poems suggesting we shower and send off the couples with any of: traditional gifts, travel related gifts or sponsoring a certain excursion on their honeymoon (then provided the site). There is a site that allows you to list and describe things you'll be doing (ie: architectural tour, shutterfly giftcard to scrapbook the memories, sampling yummy desserts, a Christmas tree ornament from the honeymoon to always remember the trip).

Gifts are for the giver too. Ppl want to feel included or that they are giving you something you will keep and think if them when you see it. Asking for cash is less personal and I think that's why there can be such a strong negative reaction.

 

[undertheradar]

So you have been living together for years, bought your own home 2 years ago and now you would like assistance with your honeymoon?

Tacky

Not understanding the wedding/honeymoon thing when you have been living the married life already. Wouldn't be something I would donate to and if you already have everything for your home, the shower isn't needed either.

 

[Jennasis]

Meh...whether anyone agrees with your actually even having a shower, the shower is happening. Best bet is to just let your mom/maid-of-honor do up the shower however she's going to do it and keep your "fingerprints off the crime scene" as it were.

 

[LBIJim]

Thanks for the additional responses! Lots of insight, and some good alternate ideas as well



I think you misread my post. We're not interested in having our parents spend $10,000+ on a traditional wedding, so we're doing a small ceremony with a justice of the peace at a ski chalet two hours from our city with only our parents. We're then having a party a few weeks later for our reception, inviting 200+ people. Anyone invited to my shower will be invited to the party. It's no different than someone going to Jamaica for a wedding, and having their reception at home.

Oh boy......I was OK with having a honeymoon registry, although not including it in the actual invitation.

But expecting gifts (cash, yet) when people aren't even invited to the actually ceremony????!!! Expecting people not good enough to share the moment to fund your honeymoon??? That's the ultimate in tackiness and rude entitled behavior!! Vomit inducing, to be honest.

Why not just have your mom stand guard at the door to the reception and demand $200 from each guest when they arrive? Because, in effect, that's exactly what you're doing, albeit in sheep's clothing.

 

[maxaroni]

I had never heard of the honeymoon registry until we were invited to a wedding 1.5 years ago. We are married 33 years so all new to me. However, how this bride presented it was she had an "profile" on The Knot, I believe. She sent a save the date card with a note to go to the website (the knot) and read about all of the upcoming festivities. It had how the couple met, introduced the bridal party and such. Also, links to the registries. I actually thought that was a nice way to get the word out.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Looking for opinions on a honeymoon registry. They seem to be controversial, so curious to know if more people are cool with them or if you find them tacky or offensive.

We're considering booking our honeymoon with our local AAA office. If we choose, they will provide us with little cards to include with my shower invitation that essentially offers my guests the option to visit or call AAA and make a financial contribution to our honeymoon. AAA would provide our guest with a pre-made slip that details their contribution so they can stick that in the greeting card they will give at my shower to symbolize their gift. The contribution they make would go towards our final payment, and we'd only then be responsible for the balance (if any) after the wedding. This approach differs from other honeymoon registries out there in that there is no option to purchase excursions or dinners, etc and AAA does not take a cut of the contribution our guest is making.

As background, my fiance and I are in our late 20s and have been together for 9 years. We will have been engaged for 5 years by the time we get married. We've lived together for 8 years and purchased a house together 2 years ago. We have everything we need from a home goods perspective, so there is nothing we would register for at a store like Bed Bath & Beyond or Macy's. This honeymoon registry would be the only "registry" we are offering, and I think all of our guests are aware of our love for travel.

What would be your take if you got a card for a honeymoon registry in your invitation? Be honest! We haven't decided one way or the other what to do.

This is what I would do. I HATE getting cards and lists telling me what to get but I am also well aware of registries so I ask about them. I would go ahead and set-up the Honeymoon registry and let your family, bridesmaids, mom, etc, get the word out that it exists. This way, you won't look like you are begging for a Honeymoon and those who want to give will. When you are personally asked what to get you, tell them about the registry.

I will always find it tacky to get ANY registry information in my invite. You may put this information on your wedding webpage, though.