Things that parents do - my pet peeves

[rt2dz]

I’ve been following this thread with interest. I do have pet peeves, but: judge not, least you be judged.

I have a child who has autism, but is extremely high functioning. At a glance, even a long one, most people wouldn’t notice. He has his issues though. He might have a sudden, horrible meltdown because he can’t express his back is itchy. Life won’t stop because he has issues. Will I allow the fit in a restaurant? Of course not, but I might have to get him to a calm enough point before I can remove him. And if I happen to be roaming around WDW, we’ll deal with it then and there. We will not be going back to the room—NEVER will one person, especially a child, in our family run the entire vacation. My kids aren’t allowed that much control. The adults run the show.

Sometimes getting after him would cause a bigger disturbance so how you get after him is very crucial. He gets away with things my other two never would. For example, standing in his chair at a restaurant—as long as no one else is near him (and we do request that) so he isn’t looking over at another table but focused on our table, so be it. There are different rules for children with autism, and the on-looker doesn’t know which type of child (in many cases), you are judging. Basically, I don’t give a damn what someone in the outside world is thinking. I’ll follow the advice of his therapists and developmental pediatrician. I highly suggest the book (and I might be a little off on the title) 10 Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew.

As the mother of 3 (with another on the way), I’ve learned pick your battles. Fighting over a bottle isn’t worth it. The real chance of it causing permanent tooth damage is minimal, and there is always braces. My kids were always away from the bottle early, but what difference does it make? Don’t battle over clothes. Let them wear what they want. Why stifle them? Bring something more practical with you for when they decide it was a poor choice. Some kids only learn by doing. Basically, as long as it doesn’t put their (or someone else’s) safety or health at risk, let the minor things go. For the record, good manners aren’t minor, so don’t go there. Things that *only* affect your child are minor.

OK, that is as far as I’m going to go.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

I do feel bad for kids whose parents make them feel bad about being afraid of a ride. We all have our fears,(FoF, heights, etc.) some may be totally irrational, but still don't want others to ridicule OUR fears so why do that to a child?

A few years ago, I promised ds, now 12, that once he reached 54" we would plan a trip to US/IOA just to ride the things he couldn't before like Hulk, Dueling Dragons, etc. We stayed onsite to use their FOTL and got to the seat of the Hulk when ds said he couldn't do it and maybe wanted to try something smaller to get 'warmed up.' What else could I do but ride something else? I was really calm mostly cuz we didn't wait in line at all. We did get on Hulk later that day and he's loved it ever since but it's mean to force them.
When ds9 was 4 he was actually trembling as he stepped onto Test Track then backed out. No biggie. We walked around a little and a kind CM offered to show him the security cameras where they watch all the cars. He was so happy. Gotta love those CMs.

Which brings to mind another annoying thing.... When parents try to coax a CM that their child is tall enough for a ride when clearly they are not. It may be a little extreme when it's a matter of a billionth of an inch but I've watched while a kid was like 1/2" too short and the parents kept pleading, making the kid feel even worse.

 

[JUJU814]

Nope, not in the least. I wish that I had been able to teach my kids a second language, I think it would be a beautiful thing. Early childhood is the best time for kids to learn languages so I don't see anything wrong with this at all, especially if the kids are learning their parent's native tongue.

The US is a melting pot of cultures, that is one reason it is such a great country.

Yeah, but she said an american born child that DOESN'T speak English..not that speaks a second language. Speaking a second language is FANTASTIC..and I personally believe it's extremely important and wonderful for a child to learn their parent's native tongue...and as many languages as possible for that matter.

What is completely *inexcusable* is for an american born child to *not be able to speak English*. I think that's what she meant. It is just plain wrong to live in America and plan to raise children in america and not teach them English. errrr I wouldn't dream of living in another country and not learning the primary language there.

My best friend is married to a Mexican man and his mayan culture is extremely important to him. He regrets not teaching his girls spanish from the time they were born. They just had a baby and he is trying to only speak spanish to the child. My friend is English speaking..so they are raising the child bilingual..and that is awesome. It would never occur to him, with his child being born in america, to raise a non english speaking child.

 

[Maggie'sMom]

What peeves me is when people are so judgemental about others, especially strangers, when they have no idea what the whole situation is and have never walked a minute in their shoes. A judgement is made after witnessing maybe 1/10th of the entire situation. I wish people wouldn't be so judgemental at "the happiest place on earth."

I agree 100% with this!

My DD was recently diagnosed as bipolar. When we were at WDW last September, we didn't know what was wrong. We'd worked with a psychologist for almost a year at that point and had seen significant improvement over the spring and summer. Unfortunately, DD's bipolar symptoms worsen in the fall and things went really downhill when we were at WDW. There are several "pet peeves" mentioned on this thread that strangers probably would have judged me for. But unless you were with us the entire time, you couldn't have understood.

When you saw my child have a complete meltdown, you might have thought that I'd pushed her too hard, didn't keep to a schedule, didn't allow for naps, etc. That wasn't the case. There were 2 huge meltdowns. In both cases they occurred on days when I'd purposely abbreviated our day in the parks and gone back to the hotel for a nap.

When you saw my child attack me, bite me, hit me, scratch me, etc, you might have thought this was a child that had never been told no, had never been taught that wasn't acceptable, that I was a weak parent. Unless you've lived with us, you couldn't possibly understand how wrong your assumptions could have been.

For those posters who said "take the child out of the parks and back to the hotel", yes, I was trying to do just that, but it was also important that I protect DD and me from her violent behavior. I'm petite and DD is getting bigger. It took all my strength just to restrain her in one spot. I only had two hands and both were needed to contain her. I had a stroller with me and DD wouldn't stay in it. I was trying to carry her and the stroller. I am forever grateful to the wonderful mom who was there with her husband and came over to help me get back to my hotel. She took care of my stroller while I carried my DD, who was still fighting me with all her might. I don't know if that couple understood how much their act of kindness meant to me. Especially after all the disgusted stares and snide comments directed my way.

You might have seen me give her 3 swats on the behind. It didn't work that night, but I knew from experience that sometimes when she is in meltdown mode, a few swats on the behind can snap her out of it. I tried this after several other techniques for calming her failed.

You might have judged me when you saw DD wearing a hot princess dress all day at a park. But you wouldn't know that she was the one who insisted on wearing it, and I had a change of clothes in my backpack that I'd offered to her on more than one occassion in case she was uncomfortable. It was her decision to stay in the princess dress. (FWIW, she did agree to comfortable shoes.)

You cannot possibly understand an entire situation from a few minutes of observation.

BTW, because I know some people will try to say her behavior is related to food issues and additives, I tried for a couple years modifying her diet to exclude a variety of things such as HFCS and dyes, but it had no effect on her behavior. Unfortunately, there is a history of bipolar in her father's family.

 

[prinkle]

I have to say I just read through a lot of this and I am amazed how poorly the adults are acting!!! Many here seemed to think they have all the answers!! Unless you are sitting at the right hand of God maybe you should put some of that judgement towards yourself. Really Disney is a happy place and most of this is all so negative!!! DOESN'T SOUND VERY DISNEY TO ME!
That said I'd like to wish everyone a wonderful, magical vacation!!!!

 

[M-J's Mommy]

Well, maybe the language thing is just me. I don't care how many languages that a kid learns, I just care when that kid can't function in a school or anything because s/he doesn't speak English.

Second, "Murder the Government" is actually the title to a song. It's not so much the idea of executing everyone in the government. It just is symbolic of the fact that Democracy is a failure. I'm not trying to be "scary". But I digress, we can't really get into politics here and start a big 'ol argument.

I respect each and every one of your opinions on not just how to raise a child, but on all of these things in general. If you wish to discuss this further, feel free to PM me and we can chat about it. I just don't want this to turn into a big political debate and get the thread deleted or closed.



P.S. Sorry. Being politically correct, to me, is like saving money: I'm not very good at it. Didn't mean to offend.

 

[leilaandjamilsmom]

What peeves me is when people are so judgemental about others, especially strangers, when they have no idea what the whole situation is and have never walked a minute in their shoes. A judgement is made after witnessing maybe 1/10th of the entire situation. I wish people wouldn't be so judgemental at "the happiest place on earth."

I totally agree with you also. I think people in general are very very into what everyone else is doing. While on my last trip to disney I saw many meldowns and sometimes kids throwing a fit and their parents correcting them, not physically but saying something and I really noticed how the people around them were looking at them. It was very weird for some reason. Thank god I did not have a hard time with my two little ones and they pretty much behave good whether they are at home or not, but some people have meltdowns and I can't stand when everyone is judging them based on two seconds of what they have seen.Peoplae are way too judgemental when it comes to other peoples parenting skills

 

[leilaandjamilsmom]

I'm sorry, but a kid can be stupid. There are a lot of kids out there who aren't taught anything by their parents and end up being as dull as a rock. It isn't their fault, but it's the sad truth, and this makes me sad.

nice comment in your profile that says murder the government???? your comments speak for themselves

 

[leilaandjamilsmom]

It doesn't bother me 'so bad.' OP asked my list of peeves so I offered mine.
Just ask your dentist his/her opinion. I hope you have good dental insurance.

why are you so concerned with what everyone else is doing with their children, like she said if it bothers you so much look the other way, i'm sure there are things you do with your children or let them do that people have an opinion about. I have a huge problem with people thinking they can butt their nose into everyone elses parenting. Knowone is perfect and kids aren't perfect, judging people for the sake of judging is the problem a lot of the times

 

[leilaandjamilsmom]

We stick to a schedule at WDW. It works for us. If letting kids skip naps and/ or stay up late works for others, more power to them. As far as "missing" things while on vacation, that's not a concern to me. Having fun with my family, my happy and well-rested family, is all that counts.

I don't think I have ever looked twice at what other
families are doing at WDW. I have no idea what other family dynamics are, so I try not to judge.

Amen to that I agree!!!

 

[leilaandjamilsmom]

[/B][/COLOR] I also notice that your sig has "Murder the Government."
Ouch, that is harsh! Whose Government are you referring to? I work for the government and proud to do so.


Oh my goodness....Why in the world would anyone be irritated with a non-English speaking child born in USA?

I agree with you too on every single one of your comments, I don't know why anyone would be irritated at this. My children were born her in the us and very proud, they also speak spanish and arabic, which my husband and I taught them. I think there is an advantage. Eventually kids that speak little english will get some extra assitance when in school.
I dont understand why the other person you were commenting about is so judgemental, that is my biggest pet peeves, she is talking about educating children, well sorry to say but if passing along the habits she has is what she is calling an education then I am sorry for that for her.

 

[leilaandjamilsmom]

I have to say I just read through a lot of this and I am amazed how poorly the adults are acting!!! Many here seemed to think they have all the answers!! Unless you are sitting at the right hand of God maybe you should put some of that judgement towards yourself. Really Disney is a happy place and most of this is all so negative!!! DOESN'T SOUND VERY DISNEY TO ME!
That said I'd like to wish everyone a wonderful, magical vacation!!!!

amen to that!!!

 

[M-J's Mommy]

nice comment in your profile that says murder the government???? your comments speak for themselves

My comments speak as far as your assumptions allow.

Once again, I have no problem with a kid being multi-cultural.

And to the other PP, yes I am passing on what I believe to my daughter. She should understand that the system has failed the people and to open her mind to ideas that transcend the norms and traditions of everyday society. This can be applied to religious, political, and societal standards. I don't see the problem with teaching my kid to not allow pop culture to shove down her throat ideas that are made to keep the masses in check.

I don't know if people are actually reading these posts or just looking for something to be offended by, but this will be my last on this thread. I didn't come here looking for a fight. Any further issues can be sent to the Complaints Department (PM box).

 

[amandamims1]

Wow, didn't notice that about poster who thinks children are "stupid." But now I see where the ignorance stems from...

Our country was born on IMMIGRANTS, those children are INNOCENT. Many of my friends, and my kids friends speak their native language with their parents - it's only natural. Why in the world should this bother anyone? At least direct your prejudices to their parents, LOL.

Talk about stupid - the ability to speak multiple languages speaks to high intelligence! Americans are the only ones abroad who expect people in their native lands to speak English, yet most of them do. What's wrong with the multilingual ability on our own shores?

Agreed..

I was born to Native American parents. My mom speaks fluent Lahkota Sioux dialect and she raised her kids to speak it also. Is it wrong for us to speak this dialect in public, especially if she is angry with me and wants it to be private? I also happen to speak pretty fluent Spanish, but that's because I took it in high school and I live about 30 mins from Tijuana, MX.

Is it just me or are most of the threads lately pretty judgemental? Oh man oh man.

Everyone has a right to their opinion, but it seems some believe their's is far superior to others.

Live and let live.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

why are you so concerned with what everyone else is doing with their children, like she said if it bothers you so much look the other way, i'm sure there are things you do with your children or let them do that people have an opinion about. I have a huge problem with people thinking they can butt their nose into everyone elses parenting. Knowone is perfect and kids aren't perfect, judging people for the sake of judging is the problem a lot of the times

I'm not butting in anyone's parenting at all. Look at the title of the thread. It specifically asks "what are your pet peeves?" No one here is talking about butting in when they see something annoying. I'm sure I do things that would bother other people. Let them look. My kids are my business, their kids are their's. I'm all about live and let live.
If no one ever witnessed anything annoying (in WDW or anywhere) this thread would be empty. Lighten up.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I agree 100% with this!

My DD was recently diagnosed as bipolar. When we were at WDW last September, we didn't know what was wrong. We'd worked with a psychologist for almost a year at that point and had seen significant improvement over the spring and summer. Unfortunately, DD's bipolar symptoms worsen in the fall and things went really downhill when we were at WDW. There are several "pet peeves" mentioned on this thread that strangers probably would have judged me for. But unless you were with us the entire time, you couldn't have understood.

When you saw my child have a complete meltdown, you might have thought that I'd pushed her too hard, didn't keep to a schedule, didn't allow for naps, etc. That wasn't the case. There were 2 huge meltdowns. In both cases they occurred on days when I'd purposely abbreviated our day in the parks and gone back to the hotel for a nap.

When you saw my child attack me, bite me, hit me, scratch me, etc, you might have thought this was a child that had never been told no, had never been taught that wasn't acceptable, that I was a weak parent. Unless you've lived with us, you couldn't possibly understand how wrong your assumptions could have been.

For those posters who said "take the child out of the parks and back to the hotel", yes, I was trying to do just that, but it was also important that I protect DD and me from her violent behavior. I'm petite and DD is getting bigger. It took all my strength just to restrain her in one spot. I only had two hands and both were needed to contain her. I had a stroller with me and DD wouldn't stay in it. I was trying to carry her and the stroller. I am forever grateful to the wonderful mom who was there with her husband and came over to help me get back to my hotel. She took care of my stroller while I carried my DD, who was still fighting me with all her might. I don't know if that couple understood how much their act of kindness meant to me. Especially after all the disgusted stares and snide comments directed my way.

You might have seen me give her 3 swats on the behind. It didn't work that night, but I knew from experience that sometimes when she is in meltdown mode, a few swats on the behind can snap her out of it. I tried this after several other techniques for calming her failed.

You might have judged me when you saw DD wearing a hot princess dress all day at a park. But you wouldn't know that she was the one who insisted on wearing it, and I had a change of clothes in my backpack that I'd offered to her on more than one occassion in case she was uncomfortable. It was her decision to stay in the princess dress. (FWIW, she did agree to comfortable shoes.)

You cannot possibly understand an entire situation from a few minutes of observation.

BTW, because I know some people will try to say her behavior is related to food issues and additives, I tried for a couple years modifying her diet to exclude a variety of things such as HFCS and dyes, but it had no effect on her behavior. Unfortunately, there is a history of bipolar in her father's family.

I just wanted to point out that sometimes people do not realize that a simple act of kindness (the lady helping you) can mean so much to a person.

 

[Tiger926]

Yikes, some posts on here are a bit scary, from a non-understanding and lack of altruism aspect... So, no pet peeves to report from me, but just a reminder as someone who works with challenged children...

M-J's Mommy - I find it funny that you are using words like "stupid" and mentioning lack of English skills, yet you have the title of a song not properly referenced. Titles of songs should be put in quotes, with the name of the artist/s next to them. This is how you properly reference a song. Also, as has been pointed out, you should never call young children "stupid". That's so not cool...

To all of the parents who have special needs children, especially Maggie's Mom - whether it be autism, down syndrome or bipolar disorder, I send you hugs. As a Special Education teacher who deals with this on a daily basis, I know how hard it is for people to judge small snapshots of behaviour, and extrapolate that as a judgment on the child or parenting skills. It would do good for people to remember that it takes longer than a few seconds to properly assess a situation, and if one is worried about abuse, then the events are usually unfolding in a different way, and it would be easy to get help in that situation, if in a large place like WDW.

Just something people need to remember as they are judging other parents or children in attendance - you may not like it or understand it, so best left to those of us who do.

Best wishes to all of us who are parents, as it is the hardest job in the world.

Tiger

 

[SnowandMittens]

I agree that the "parents not parenting" peeve is a huge one. I'm not talking about battling it out with your child, special needs or not, because, hey, we can see that you're trying.

I was in the pool at Pop one day and there was a little girl of about 3 or 4 in the pool as well. I was swimming while the Dbf was on a chair, and this little girl swims over to me and starts to hang on me.

Now, I don't know this girl AT ALL, and the mother of the girl is on the otherside of the pool. I tried to play a game to get the girl off of me, like, "Oh look, let's see how fast you can swim to your mom!" but she wasn't budging. It was very akward having someone's little kid dragging you under the pool.

Then the splashing started. She thought it was funny but it was in my face, up my nose, and her legs were kicking to spash and catching me in the stomach. I called over to her mother to get her kid off of me, something like "Excuse me! Your girl is hurting me!" To which the mother replied "She's just having fun!"

It got to the point where my Dbf had to get up, walk across the pool, and demand that this mother remove her child because I was CLEARLY not enjoying her little darling's playtime.

Like I said, parents that don't parent. Now if the mom was activly trying to get the girl to swim to her, or apoligizing, or coming to the edge of the pool to try and peel her off of me, that's one thing. I understand that you might have a special needs child or that your kid might just be having an off day (don't we have those as adults?), but like the father with the railing, or the woman at the pool, not parenting is my biggest peeve of all.

 

[InkspressYourself]

I was in the pool at Pop one day and there was a little girl of about 3 or 4 in the pool as well. I was swimming while the Dbf was on a chair, and this little girl swims over to me and starts to hang on me.

Now, I don't know this girl AT ALL, and the mother of the girl is on the otherside of the pool. I tried to play a game to get the girl off of me, like, "Oh look, let's see how fast you can swim to your mom!" but she wasn't budging. It was very akward having someone's little kid dragging you under the pool.

Then the splashing started. She thought it was funny but it was in my face, up my nose, and her legs were kicking to spash and catching me in the stomach. I called over to her mother to get her kid off of me, something like "Excuse me! Your girl is hurting me!" To which the mother replied "She's just having fun!"

I had a similar incident in a pool. I was trying to play with my dd and this other little girl was all over us. Yelling "watch me do this" and on and on. both of her parents were drinking cocktails and ignoring it.

My dh was somewhere else (I don't even remember now), but he thought I was a scrooge when I later complained to him about it. I tried to explain to him that I work full time (duh, he knows that) and when I'm not working I want to play with my child, not a strangers. Sorry if that makes me a scrooge.

My pet peeve at WDW is being in line for a character and then having a family of 10 come up to get in line with the person in front of me right before it would be their turn. I don't mind someone waiting in line while their children play with the other parent, but honestly if I knew you were holding a place for 10, I would have never gotten in the line in the first place. It was clearly several different families, all there together with only 1 person waiting in the line.

 

[Brenda in CA]

just curious if your perspective is that of a parent or non-parent?

Obviously, his/her perspective is from a non-parent perspective since he/she hasn't responded to any of the posts. His/her opinions CAN'T be rooted from experience, that's for sure!