The week has finally ended.. Time to adjust and move on.. Final post #138 re my Mom..

[4nana]

I am so sad for you . They say funerals bring out the best and the worst in families. What a shame, after all the heart and soul you put in to what you thought your dear Mom would have wanted. This should be a time when siblings come together ~ if not for love and respect of each other ~ at least for your beloved Mom.

Take the high road dear friend and take care of yourself first. Your family is grieving, people are stress and tired, and emotions running high. You did your best, your Mom is proud of you, your loving ways, and always being there for her....that's what's important and he can never take that away. My prayers remain with you through this difficult time. Godspeed


I am reminded of the Serenity Prayer:

 

[DMRick]

Sorry you are going through this. This is a good reminder of why preplanning is important (not just the payment, but the actual funeral). My kids hopefully won't be arguing (or even discussing) about my funeral, because it's pre planned..the where, when, type of music and right down to what flowers, and the food afterwards. I have one person in charge but even they won't have much to do, since I have done it all. Death often brings out the worse in people. Perhpas your brother feels that he missed the passing and it's important for him to do this part. Perhaps with his illness and your sisters, it made it hard for him to leave earlier and he's trying to make up for that. Or maybe he just wants to take the burden off of you since you aren't feeling well either.
I hope the praying all night helped how you feel, because you will be together with him and your sister, and you weren't sure with the health issues, in the past, if or when that would happen again. I hope it all goes smoothly from here on out. You are fortunate, as you have great last memories of your mom.

 

[Lionqueen2]

I am so sorry for you. It is hard enough to deal with the passing of a loved one without all the family issues that sometimes come with it. Try to console yourself with the wonderful memories you have of your mother. You were there for her when she needed you and you will always know that.
Don't worry about what anyone else says or does with regards to the funeral. You know you can be at peace with her passing since you were there to witness her beautiful transition from this life to a better one.

 

[okeydokey]

I'm sorry C.Ann. Remember that you were there for your Mom when it was most important. If he wants to run the show now, let him. Direct all questions and concerns to him and keep a peaceful outlook. It will be over in a couple more days.

 

[ols386]

Sorry you are going through this. This is a good reminder of why preplanning is important (not just the payment, but the actual funeral). My kids hopefully won't be arguing (or even discussing) about my funeral, because it's pre planned..the where, when, type of music and right down to what flowers, and the food afterwards. I have one person in charge but even they won't have much to do, since I have done it all. Death often brings out the worse in people. Perhpas your brother feels that he missed the passing and it's important for him to do this part. Perhaps with his illness and your sisters, it made it hard for him to leave earlier and he's trying to make up for that. Or maybe he just wants to take the burden off of you since you aren't feeling well either.
I hope the praying all night helped how you feel, because you will be together with him and your sister, and you weren't sure with the health issues, in the past, if or when that would happen again. I hope it all goes smoothly from here on out. You are fortunate, as you have great last memories of your mom.

I totally agree with this. When my dad passed away, he already had EVERYTHING taken care of, and I mean everything. We had to make no decisions because he had already done that. He had already met with the funeral home staff prior to his passing and they knew exactly what to do.

It certainly makes it easier for the family when they don't have to make decisions, because everyone has their own thoughts and opinions about how things should be.

He also had his finances taken care of, his will was in order, and he even had most of the cost for the funeral already taken care of.

I hope I can do all of this before I die someday, for my family, so they won't have to worry about any decision-making at that difficult time.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, C. Ann.

 

[Hutchy]

The flowers in the link are beautiful.

Let me say this about flowers: my parents and grandmother owned a flower shop for over 40 years, so I know a little bit about the business....instead of looking on line at websites for the flowers, go to a local florist. Tell them what you might want, ask them to show you the flowers they have on hand, discuss design options and explain to them what kind of budget you have and then listen to what they say. They'll probably show you some pictures of what they have done or some examples of whats in the shop (my parents used to bring customers into the walk in cooler and say "this is the one I made today that I'm getting ready to deliver to the funeral home"). Then trust them. Don't expect what they make to look EXACTLY like what you see in the book if you pick something that is in the book...the flowers they have might not exactly match the flowers you see in the book and they are designers/artists and they always add a little personal touch to make your piece a bit unique and personalized.

I'm not sure if you've finished all the arrangements yet but I completely agree with this. We have a photo album of all our past work and 2 other book with arrangements for family to look through when they come into my mom's shop. She always works with the family on budget and makes sure the flowers are beautiful. She really likes doing funeral work because it's something the family picks out so she wants it to be special.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

 

[englishteacha]

C.Ann, I'm sorry for your loss. I love the flowers. I hope you find something appropriate for your mother to wear. My dad wore his best suit. My mother-in-law wore one of her favorite outfits, but they chose for themselves before they passed.

ETA: Just had time to read the rest of the thread. So sorry your brother is so difficult. I have 7 siblings. I am so glad my father and mom were able to take care of my dad's service before he passed away. I hope we have the opportunity to do so when my mother passes, hopefully a LONG time from now.

 

[C.Ann]

I hope the praying all night helped how you feel.

You are fortunate, as you have great last memories of your mom.

The power of prayer is an amazing thing.. It has allowed me to accept whatever my brother chooses to do and has taken away any anger I had towards him last night..

Somewhere in the process of being on my knees I had one of those "Ah ha" moments when it dawned on me that funerals are for the living - not the dead.. There is obviously a "need" that my brother (and my sister) have to fill - however my need was filled on Monday - when Mom's soul left this earth.. I'm sure that whatever they do will bring them great comfort -and it's not for me to stand in the way of their closure..

Last night I was looking at photos of my mom at my younger brothers service and it was so sad to see how bewildered she was.. Not knowing where she was, who was in the coffin, or why all of these "strangers" (us) were trying to comfort her.. So - I looked further back into my photos - when Mom was still "here" - photos of her with my DGD; photos of her at my house on Christmas; a photo of her with me and both of my DD's.. That's the way I want to remember her - along with the memories of her last day on earth with her baby doll - and that is how I will remember her.. My wish for my brother & sister is that they have their needs met tomorrow and it goes as smoothly for them as they're hoping..

So today I'm fine - and tomorrow I will be praying for my brother & sister..

There is no therapist greater than God.. My prayers were answered and now life goes on..

Thank you for your words of kindness..

 

[C.Ann]

I hope I can do all of this before I die someday, for my family, so they won't have to worry about any decision-making at that difficult time.

I have made my passing so easy for my family it's almost laughable.. Straight from the lake, their house; or the hospital to the crematorium - run into Walmart to find a container to put "most" of me in - sprinkle just a dash on the ground where most of my late DH is (as in a "pinch of salt") - and then do whatever they want with the "rest" of me.. No funeral home; no services; no memorial; no announcement in the newspaper.. Everyone is on the same page, so I'm not sure what there would be to argue about..

There is more than enough money in a secured place to cover the cost - I have a will and all of the other necessary papers they need - so with any luck, it should only take about a half a day..

 

[over the hill]

You are a very wise woman C.Ann--you have made many good decisions over the last few days--letting your brother have control will be the best in the long run.

When our step mother passed, my sister had all the answers, and wanted everything her way, I had one request, I wanted my friend to play the organ at church, she let me have my way on that one, and I just let her have her way, as she has had all her life, and we went on. Best decision I made, that way she was in full control and could deal with "everything".

It will be a wonderful day for all of you on Friday and things will work out, just keep your chin up and keep on praying--God does answer prayers.

Blessing to you in the days ahead.

 

[mrsstats]

The flowers are beautiful. As for what to bury your Mom in, when my mom died I chose to bury her in a nightgown and rope. Silky, very pretty and I went out and bought it. Since I had to make the decision and knowing my mother, this was the best choice for me.

You know your Mom best. Follow your instincts.

I am sorry for your loss.

 

[kbeverina]

I'm so sorry, C.Ann, I missed that your mom passed away.

 

[Hannathy]

I'm sorry C Ann. This is such an emotional and trying time. You are handling it wonderfully your Faith is admirable. When you get upset and bothered just keep telling yourself that while he was busy handling the arrangements and taking charge and doing so at the expense of getting there quickly. You were witnessing and sharing that wonderful life changing event with your Mom. No one can take that away from you, ever.

 

[MrsDuck]

The flowers are just beautiful.

Not sure about the dress, however.

 

[3boymthr]

So sorry for your loss C.Ann.

It's hard when planning funeral arrangement with other people especially when not everyone is on the same page. We had long drawn out issues with my FIL (as in MONTHS).

I have made my passing so easy for my family it's almost laughable.. Straight from the lake, their house; or the hospital to the crematorium - run into Walmart to find a container to put "most" of me in - sprinkle just a dash on the ground where most of my late DH is (as in a "pinch of salt") - and then do whatever they want with the "rest" of me.. No funeral home; no services; no memorial; no announcement in the newspaper.. Everyone is on the same page, so I'm not sure what there would be to argue about..

There is more than enough money in a secured place to cover the cost - I have a will and all of the other necessary papers they need - so with any luck, it should only take about a half a day..

As we found out with FIL the beautiful thing with a cremation is that the ashes can be buried in the same plot with someone else. It was only $400 to bury his ashes at the foot of his father and have a small memorial stone placed.

 

[TinkerbelleAbbysMom]

C.Ann I have been having computer issues so I have been away. But I have certainly been with you in spirit! I am so sorry to hear of what has gone on with your brother, but as you said, the funeral is for the living. You had your time and you can let them have theirs. I am thinking of you today! Remember we are here for you!

 

[snapppyd]

You are amazing! Continued strength until this chapter is closed

 

[manning]

I have made my passing so easy for my family it's almost laughable.. Straight from the lake, their house; or the hospital to the crematorium - run into Walmart to find a container to put "most" of me in - sprinkle just a dash on the ground where most of my late DH is (as in a "pinch of salt") - and then do whatever they want with the "rest" of me.. No funeral home; no services; no memorial; no announcement in the newspaper.. Everyone is on the same page, so I'm not sure what there would be to argue about..

There is more than enough money in a secured place to cover the cost - I have a will and all of the other necessary papers they need - so with any luck, it should only take about a half a day..

You have created a new type of funeral, a ..... drive by funeral or is it drive thru funeral.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

Thinking of you today C. Ann......

 

[C.Ann]

You have created a new type of funeral, a ..... drive by funeral or is it drive thru funeral.

If it wasn't against the law, I would make it even easier for them - just toss me in one of the big "barn-burning" campfires we have up here.. Or - considering there's so little left of me - they could use me as "kindling" to get it started..