The Never Ending Ring Debate

[Petals & Pixie Dust]

I think asking T&CO is a great idea. Just make sure they say it doesn't need to match!!!!! My DF and I are not getting matching rings, not even matching metals. Is that weird?? He likes the way tungsten looks and I want mine to match my ering. I say another way to comprimise is say okay, you want matching rings but we can't afford matching rings at T&CO. Why don't we look elsewhere. That might work. Maybe. Anyway- good luck with whatever you decide.

No you're not weird.
I've tried the lets look elsewhere line. No dice. For some strange reason, for once...HE is the one pushing the T&CO bit. His theory is that all the jewelry that he has gotten me has been from there and as he says "It's tradition." I don't know where the tradition started, how it started, when it started...but it's tradition. I apparently wasn't part of the deciding process on this one.

the engagement ring that i'll be getting some day (hopefully soon ) is an antique tiffany & co that once belonged to my grandma. i want one of those 5 stone diamond wedding bands. i don't think my boyfriend would want the same one as me in that case.

my band and ring won't even be from the same company, since tiffany is way too expensive for my blood (and a waste of money for me).

i say, do what you like. if he's getting ticked about them not matching, that's kind of a silly thing to get annoyed over. i don't think that most people match more than the type of metal.

While I agree that T&CO is way too expensive, it seems like he is putting in A LOT of thought about this. HE was the one that brought up that T&CO had a new ring out...Um ok...Why is he looking on the site enough to know there is a new ring out??? (insert obvious answer) I should at least be grateful that he is putting this kind of work into it. I feel bad that I want something different despite whether I should or not.

No worries there, they're in bigtime sales. You ask the question as - "I want a channel set diamond band, and DF wants us to have matching plain bands. Do you think they have to match?" They'll instantly say that yours should have diamonds!! $$

Absolutely they are into sales. However, they seem pretty honest. When BF sent me looking at T&CO in NC I explained to the guy that there was no way we'd be able to afford the price. He said to go and play with color and clarity. He was really honest, especially for knowing that he wasn't going to make a sale.

Well I must say my ring is from walmart. It was the exact one I was looking for. I couldnt find anything within the budget my DF had. We live on our own so thats why money is tight. But I got a 1 caret ring and i only wanted 1/2 carat. I got the ring on clearence it was 50% off so it was $999. My wedding band is from JCPenneys and my DFs ring is from Whitehall since he wanted a celtic tungsten ring.

So we dont match. We both got what we wanted since we have to live with it the rest of our lives. Be happy having what you want on your finger if your DF wants a ring from not an upadee up store. So be it. But if you want one from a high end store... go get it. especially if you are paying for it.

I hope I didn't offend. That was not my intention. This T&CO bit has been a huge debate with BF and I from the get go. I've asked to look other places. I've tried to up the anti and make it unobtainable...he won't budge...It's like pushing an elephant....he won't see otherwise.

I can see how this thread would make you feel bad, with the mentions of people only wanting T&Co. But I honestly don't believe anyone one meant to imply and a ring from any other store wasn't as good. People on this board just aren't like that.

People hold up T&Co. as though the jewelry is obviously better because it comes from there. But that isn't the case. A large part of what is being paid for is the brand name. Which I have nothing against. But you do notice people enjoy mentioning that their rings is from Tiffany. I actually made the choice not to buy from T&Co. for my diamond because I wanted more diamond for my dollar. Anyone who would look down on someone because they're ring isn't huge, or expensive, or from Tiffany's is someone you don't want to talk to anyway. But as I said, I think in this case the ladies were just excited and didn't realize their words might be hurtful. This really is one of the nicest boards out there.

Honestly, I'm even afraid to wear the ring!!! He'll have to insure my hand or something b/c I'm afraid something will happen to it or something. then I'd be devastated. Again, see my above statement...I've tried to get him to look elsewhere. I have no clue where this obsession has come from.

 

[kafitty]

a vote here for YOU GET WHAT YOU WANT!! i mean, really...who cares about the guys ring anyway?? NOBODY is gonna ask to see his ring, whereas everyone is going to be asking you about yours!!!

AAAAAHAHAHAH i just got this totally hilarious mental picture of a guy showing off his ring to people like we girls do sometimes...like, the whole "kiss my hand" pose, you know what i mean..

 

[Petals & Pixie Dust]

a vote here for YOU GET WHAT YOU WANT!! i mean, really...who cares about the guys ring anyway?? NOBODY is gonna ask to see his ring, whereas everyone is going to be asking you about yours!!!

AAAAAHAHAHAH i just got this totally hilarious mental picture of a guy showing off his ring to people like we girls do sometimes...like, the whole "kiss my hand" pose, you know what i mean..

Oh too funny! Now that you mention it...You're right...You don't see people asking to see his ring.
I think if he sees in the store that I'm unhappy with it and not in love with it he'll change his tune too. Funny story. He bought me a gift for my birthday and was really nervous to give it to me. He put a lot of thought into it and wasn't sure I was going to like it...trembling type nervous.
Well, I was so touched about the effort that he put into selecting the item that the thought meant more to me that the actual gift.
THAT is why I'm having a hard time with this. It really seems like he is putting a lot of thought into this and wants everything to be perfect. So, this is a real struggle for me. I always take notice when he puts forth a lot of effort. This time I'm fighting him on it...but he's putting in a huge amount of effort.

 

[sungela]

This might seem like a weird suggestion, but maybe you should show him this thread... or communicate to him in some other way how important this is to you. He might be hung up on Tiffany because he wants to give you the best he can, and T&CO defintely represents status symbol jewelry (Cartier wouldn't be bad either!). If you're just worried about price, I could see his objection: you'll have this ring for the rest of your life, and if you divide the cost over that many years, it's worth the splurge. If he's dead set on Tiffany, my advice is to look at their celebration rings, not just their e-rings. My ring was not a standard engagement ring, but it's absolutely perfect for me, and it ended up a lot cheaper than an e-ring with the same carat/color. Finding a matching band wasn't that challenging, either, and that's where you might be able to compromise with your BF.

In the end, you don't want the ring to be a big divisive issue because you both have to look at it for the duration of your marriage. (Unless you upgrade/change it out later, which a lot of brides do...). And he's involving you for a reason--it's not like he just went and picked out the ring and gave it to you without your input. So be honest with him, and hope that he does what you want. Good luck!

 

[PhilHarMaestro]

BounceyBounce-I hope it wasn't my post that upset you, I meant no harm or offense. I hope you didn't take it that way. I think we all come from different backrounds and situations and sometimes things come across in a message board not nearly the same as they would in person. Best wishes on your upcoming wedding!

 

[irisbud]

Ours won't match. I have a .75 carat narrow yellow gold band solitare held in place with 6 white gold prongs for my e-ring. My wedding ring was my Grandma's. It had a thin yellow gold band and six smaller diamonds held in place with white gold prongs! My rings could (almost) be a set, Grandma's is just a tad old fashioned, but I don't want anything else. We were very close and wearing her ring is very important to me.

BF got a 5 mm 14K yellow gold band with Milgram edging. Our ringd are the same metal, but that is it. Mine are so narrow and delicate (I guess that is the word I would use) that anything that truly matched would look not so manly on him!

P.S.: My e-ring was from a pawn shop We looked at regular stores, and they seemed kind of high, so we went to a (nice) pawnsop. They had an e-ring that I loved and it fit me without being sized. When appraised, it was worth almost 5x what we paid!

 

[Petals & Pixie Dust]

This might seem like a weird suggestion, but maybe you should show him this thread... or communicate to him in some other way how important this is to you. He might be hung up on Tiffany because he wants to give you the best he can, and T&CO defintely represents status symbol jewelry (Cartier wouldn't be bad either!). If you're just worried about price, I could see his objection: you'll have this ring for the rest of your life, and if you divide the cost over that many years, it's worth the splurge. If he's dead set on Tiffany, my advice is to look at their celebration rings, not just their e-rings. My ring was not a standard engagement ring, but it's absolutely perfect for me, and it ended up a lot cheaper than an e-ring with the same carat/color. Finding a matching band wasn't that challenging, either, and that's where you might be able to compromise with your BF.

In the end, you don't want the ring to be a big divisive issue because you both have to look at it for the duration of your marriage. (Unless you upgrade/change it out later, which a lot of brides do...). And he's involving you for a reason--it's not like he just went and picked out the ring and gave it to you without your input. So be honest with him, and hope that he does what you want. Good luck!

Sunny, love the celebration idea. I'll find a way to communicate this to him. It might just be my facial expressions that say it all. Like I said in a past post...he was sooo nervous about my birthday gift this year that it was just too cute. He's really putting a lot of thought into this....just like he did my birthday. I feel bad for wanting more than what he wants...Does that make sense? It's like I loved my b'day gift b/c he put so much thought into it. With this ring thing, I just want what I want-despite the fact that he is probably putting MORE into this then he did my birthday gift. I feel selfish.
I don't want to upgrade anything. My mom did that. She is on ring #3 a 2ct diamond with her channel set diamonds on the sides. I just want one set.
I don't know why it is so important to him that our rings match either. Maybe I should ask that question.

Ours won't match. I have a .75 carat narrow yellow gold band solitare held in place with 6 white gold prongs for my e-ring. My wedding ring was my Grandma's. It had a thin yellow gold band and six smaller diamonds held in place with white gold prongs! My rings could (almost) be a set, Grandma's is just a tad old fashioned, but I don't want anything else. We were very close and wearing her ring is very important to me.

BF got a 5 mm 14K yellow gold band with Milgram edging. Our ringd are the same metal, but that is it. Mine are so narrow and delicate (I guess that is the word I would use) that anything that truly matched would look not so manly on him!

P.S.: My e-ring was from a pawn shop We looked at regular stores, and they seemed kind of high, so we went to a (nice) pawnsop. They had an e-ring that I loved and it fit me without being sized. When appraised, it was worth almost 5x what we paid!

Irisbud, My mom's first e-ring was from a pawn shop!!!
My mom has my Grandmothers ring and has considered giving it to me for my wedding. BF is opposed to this....I even offered up wearing both rings which he thinks is silly. I would love to wear her ring. It even has the same jack knife cut along the band. It's a little vintage for my taste, but it was hers and her and my grandpa had a great marriage

Why is this so frustrating? Right about now I'd take a string dipped in glitter or one of those rings from the 25 cent machines...even that would be easier...

 

[Petals & Pixie Dust]

So, at the advice of Sunny, I went searching the T&CO website for other options for BF...Well, I found some and he liked them. He's still a stuck on the classic T&CO e-ring with matching band...but I'm making headway...When he saw that there were other rings on the site and some of them that he liked, he wasn't so dead set on it all.
More to follow..

 

[sungela]

Yay! Good for you. Let us know what you pick.

 

[tigger813]

When DH and I were looking for rings, we had planned on getting matching ones. My e-ring has a diamond in the center and 3 bagettes on each side. We got a channel set band for my wedding ring. He sticks his hands inside computers all the time and was afraid of losing a diamond. Instead his band has diamond shapes etched on it. Maybe someday I'll get him a band with diamonds though his wedding band is the only jewelry he wears.

Good luck!

 

[hoosiergirl7]

I can see how this thread would make you feel bad, with the mentions of people only wanting T&Co. But I honestly don't believe anyone one meant to imply a ring from any other store wasn't as good. People on this board just aren't like that.

People hold up T&Co. as though the jewelry is obviously better because it comes from there. But that isn't the case. A large part of what is being paid for is the brand name. Which I have nothing against. But you do notice people enjoy mentioning that their rings is from Tiffany. I actually made the choice not to buy from T&Co. for my diamond because I wanted more diamond for my dollar. Anyone who would look down on someone because they're ring isn't huge, or expensive, or from Tiffany's is someone you don't want to talk to anyway. But as I said, I think in this case the ladies were just excited and didn't realize their words might be hurtful. This really is one of the nicest boards out there.

I am so in unison with you on this one. You said everything I wanted to. You are not paying for something better because you bought it at T&Co. You are paying for the name. Now while I like T&Co a lot (I own a bracelet & a necklace) I would never fork over that kind of money on diamonds from there.

I'd rather go somewhere else and get something as good if not better without the name. Dh bought my ring at a local jewelry store where he was living while we were dating. I wore the ring for 6 yrs before I had it reset. It was in a very thin platinum band that I had issues with. I bent a prong badly and damaged at least one other, I bent the band badly, etc. I needed a thicker setting and wanted to stick to platinum. Platinum is expensive so a good thick platinum band would've set us back anywhere from $2500 to $3000. I ended up picking a Scott Kay setting that had 2 diamonds on either side of where you place the main diamond. Yes it still cost us about $2500 but rather than all metal I have more diamonds on my ring making it about 1.5 total carats.

DH and I bought matching bands when we got married. Not necessarily because we wanted to but there were a few things in particular we were looking for and one band had everything we wanted. So we bought them. However, in the 12 yrs that we've been married, DH's fingers have gotten bigger even though he's gotten skinnier. But because of the intricate detail and design it could not be sized. We couldn't remember who the manufacturer of the ring was and didn't think it would still be made even if we could. Companies roll over designs so frequently. So last summer we bought him a new one. This one can't be sized either so his fingers better not get any bigger!

If you can't afford it then don't do T&Co no matter what the DBF says. Plus, you should each pick rings based on your tastes and personalities - not because they match.

 

[Petals & Pixie Dust]

I am so in unison with you on this one. You said everything I wanted to. You are not paying for something better because you bought it at T&Co. You are paying for the name. Now while I like T&Co a lot (I own a bracelet & a necklace) I would never fork over that kind of money on diamonds from there.

I'd rather go somewhere else and get something as good if not better without the name. Dh bought my ring at a local jewelry store where he was living while we were dating. I wore the ring for 6 yrs before I had it reset. It was in a very thin platinum band that I had issues with. I bent a prong badly and damaged at least one other, I bent the band badly, etc. I needed a thicker setting and wanted to stick to platinum. Platinum is expensive so a good thick platinum band would've set us back anywhere from $2500 to $3000. I ended up picking a Scott Kay setting that had 2 diamonds on either side of where you place the main diamond. Yes it still cost us about $2500 but rather than all metal I have more diamonds on my ring making it about 1.5 total carats.

DH and I bought matching bands when we got married. Not necessarily because we wanted to but there were a few things in particular we were looking for and one band had everything we wanted. So we bought them. However, in the 12 yrs that we've been married, DH's fingers have gotten bigger even though he's gotten skinnier. But because of the intricate detail and design it could not be sized. We couldn't remember who the manufacturer of the ring was and didn't think it would still be made even if we could. Companies roll over designs so frequently. So last summer we bought him a new one. This one can't be sized either so his fingers better not get any bigger!

If you can't afford it then don't do T&Co no matter what the DBF says. Plus, you should each pick rings based on your tastes and personalities - not because they match.

I'm working on it...He was much more open this AM when we were talking about it. Baby steps...as my mom says, I have to make it seem like it is his idea
If I could get him to go to a local jeweler I would in a heartbeat. If T&CO is the one thing he wants out of the whole wedding thing...Well, we'll see...I'm working on it...