The down-side to surprising kids...

[thelionqueen]

We tried it when DS was 4, for his third trip. Miserable failure. DS has a mild case of Asperger's, and when he was young one of the manifestations was that he was very literal; in his mind words had only one definition.

His preschool dismissed early that day, so we had all the luggage already packed and waiting to go in the kitchen. DH picked him up and told him that I had a surprise waiting for him at home. He walked in, and we told him that the suitcases were there because we were leaving for the airport RIGHT NOW to go to WDW! ... And he looked at me and said, "Where's the surprise?" In his mind, a surprise had to be a "thing"; an announcement didn't count, so he was disappointed because he assumed that he would be getting some kind of gift.

So, we head to the airport with Mister Blase, and we get on our flight, but there are delays on the ground and in the air (endless circles), and we don't arrive at MCO until about 11 pm. Our sleepy child hears the FA say, "Welcome to Orlando" and *suddenly* he realizes what this really means. He starts absolutely bubbling over with excitement ... at the end of a 9 hour version of what should have been a 2.5 hour flight. DH & I were absolutely knackered, but DS was bouncing off the walls. When we finally got into our room at POFQ it was 2 am, and he was still at it. It took FOREVER to get him to go to sleep, and we were headed for an MK EMH that morning; I think we managed to sleep only from 4-6 am.

The irony is that by the time we headed home several days later, we still had not learned our lesson in this regard. DS was a HUGE fan of Lion King at the time, so we bought him a nice Simba plush, but hid it, thinking to use it as a surprise gift to help mitigate the disappointment of having to go home. At MCO, DH took him to the restroom and I tucked the Simba into his carryon; the plan was to do the "look who decided to come home with us?" thing when he opened the bag. Again, serious miscalculation. It turns out that DS knew EXACTLY what had been in his bag when we got to the airport, and that Simba had not been there -- he was EXTREMELY suspicious of the toy's ability to just "appear" inside a closed backpack. For the next several years he *hated* that toy; he thought that it was somehow possessed of evil spirits or something. When his younger sister was born he gifted her with it and was obviously profoundly glad to to have disposed of it.

The moral of the story is: don't let your fantasy of how cool the surprise will be blind you to the reality of how your own kids are really likely to react. If they are not really big on surprises, it is probably not going to be the joyful scene that you hope it will be.

Wow, all your ideas were so thought out and cute! Sorry it didn't work out for your son. Didn't even think of getting an opposite reaction..good to know!

 

[mco65]

I think we surprised the kids once a few years back.. we were all packed in the van headed to the airport. They knew we were going somewhere but didn't know where.. We told them as we pulled out of the drive way. That worked out well but now anytime we get in the van with the bags packed, if they don't know ahead of time where we are going, they assume its DW and if not.. major buzz kill!

So we have to tell them where we are going and if we don't, they know.. so the fun is over now.. at least the surprise part of it.. now we tell them about a month out.. were going in Sept and they don't know yet.. we will tell them in August sometime.

 

[bdink921]

We surprised DS with a Disney World/Disney Cruise trip for his 8th birthday. He always talked about how much he would LOVE a Disney Cruise. So I kept it secret for a whole year. About 1 month out I made a paper chain link and told him he could break 1 link per day and then he would get a surprise on the day the last link was broken. I also let him ask 1 question a day to try to guess the surprise. There was this new Legend of Zelda video game due out and I should have known what was coming when every day the 'question' he asked hinted at that video game . On the last day (day before we left) he went to school and when he got home I planned this great pirate scavenger hunt with little clues (sunglasses, toy airplane, disposable camera, etc) and the last clue led him to grandma's house where he would find the 'big surprise'. He opened the box (I had made WDW t-shirts and had the cruise tickets underneath) and his face completely dropped !! He wanted that video game and was sooooo disappointed. I was completely heartbroken . We all did end up having a great time but I like surprising him and my hubby with different things now ... like the surprise limo to take us to the port, gift baskets of treats that 'Mickey' delivered to our room, a surpise balcony cabin when they thought we were getting an inside... those surprises go great and they really enjoy them

 

[Eoywin]

I don't think I would be able to do a surprise for my DD's first trip - which is a moot point since the cat is already out of the bag.

But when she is older and knows what Disney is, I think a surprise trip would be fun if I could pull it off.

 

[Pesky]

To me depends on the kids and ages. The first trip in 2013 to DLR will be a true surprise. Honestly, they are too young to help with the planning much and I already have a rough idea of what they want to do (BBB, Carsland, eating with the princesses). The next trips I will "surprise" them much earlier because I do want them to be involved in the planning process as they will likely want to have some say, especially the 2016 trip when DS will be 7.

 

[emksmama]

We were going to surprise our girls this year, but I cracked after 6 days and begged DH to tell them. He grumbled and fussed and declared that in his next life with his next wife, he'll do things his way. :lol:

Originally, we were going to take a week in northern Michigan with my parents, first 'full family' vacation. The girls were excited...even though we live 6 blocks from my parents, they never get tired of being together. Unfortunately, we had one week this summer that would work for all of us, and my dad couldn't find any place there big enough that wouldn't cost thousands of dollars. So mom said "here's a map of Michigan, where would your family like to go?" I said "For that kind of cash, we'd rather go to Florida!" Not even thinking Disney...we've been to Ft Myers Beach and LOVE it there.

Of course, Dad is hip to the plan and adjusts quickly...then discovers that as retired USAF, we can do Disney really reasonably...and turns out that my quiet, calm father has dreamed of treating his kids and granddaughters to Disney for years! So within 20 minutes we've got our Disney trip planned out.

That was on a Tuesday. By Saturday I was chafing, wanting to tell our DD's (8 & 9) and finally, Sunday morning, DH agreed. He called the girls downstairs for a family meeting, and launches into a discussion of how "you're old enough to know things don't go the way we want..." and "there's going to be some big changes around here..." and they were on the verge of tears...I know they were thinking we were splitting up. I shot him a "get on with it!" look and he said "I know you guys wanted to go to Michigan with Grammy & Grandpa, but it's just not going to work out this year."

Tears all around. Then he said "Instead, we're going to visit someone." and they perk up, instantly saying "Yay! We're going to Pittsburgh!" (where we've gone the last two years to see my extended family.) Then...the coolest moment EVER...he tosses the Cinderella DVD case on the table and said "we're going to her house instead."

Cue screams and happy tears!!! After they chilled out, he casually said "and by the way, Grammy & Grandpa are going too!" more screams and tears. I've loved listening to them plan, and their favorite thing is to watch ride videos on YouTube and make lists of characters and rides. Although...we'd need to be there for 4 weeks to do everything on their lists, and not just 4 days! We are SO EXCITED!!! I can't imagine not having their input, but someday I wouldn't mind doing a surprise trip....

 

[TandLMommy28]

My mom surprised me as a kid. It was awesome.

I have not surprised my kids. My daughter is a planner. Surprises don't sit well with her. She enjoys helping me plan and make decisions. Its not that surprise would be horrible for her, it's just that knowing suits her a little better.

 

[KristiKat]

We have surprised our kids 2 years in a row and neither time has it gone well. The first year my DD who was 4 at that time had never been so she really didn't understand what was happening. We showed her pictures and stuff but she didn't get excited til we were there. My step-son who was 10 was having some sort of jealousy issue because it was our first vacation as a family and he didn't seem to like sharing his dad and misbehaved a lot of the trip in order to keep the attention on him most of the time. This past year was better. DD knew what it was and was excited this time but not overly so. She gets more excited once she's there. Step-son did much better due to the fact we went with my sisters family and she has a step-son close to his age and they had a blast together. We don't really like to tell them ahead of time because DH thinks being excited will distract his son in school and affect his grades. Next year my DD will be in 1st grade so not sure how knowing will affect her behavior. I think it just depends on the kids and the situation. I think the knowing and planning are half the fun.

 

[serene56]

I am hoping to surprise my grand daughter - she is 6

we are going to Aruba for the week and coming home it was actually cheaper for me to go through Orlando and stay a weekend then fly non stop to home.

When we leave Aruba we need to be careful not to say-- how sad that we are going home..

We want to see how long does it take before she realizes where we are going.

with that being said-- we ARE planning to go for her birthday in Dec 2013 so she is helping with the planning there so I can ask her stuff for the upcoming surprise trip-- like what do you like better-- characters or rides.

 

[shalom]

But seriously, a surprise is, well, a surprise.

And some people hate surprises. Which I always thought a pretty easy concept to understand, but I recently found out that my father -- a corporate manager for years, and regularly praised for his ability to understand and work with people -- still comes to my mother with great ideas to "surprise" me, and she has to shoot him down with the reminder, "When has one of your surprises ever worked well with her?"

I like the point someone made that a surprise can be when you tell them, and thought the idea of planning for a trip "sometime in the future" and then surprising the kids with "we're going tomorrow!" also pretty genius, and a nice way to both involve the kids in the planning and surprise them.

Maybe my kids are just to young, but there really isn't anything they need or want to plan, they just love the fact that they are going.

I think it's more about the kid's personality than their age (although admittedly some like it at some ages and less at others). When they were little, my four oldest kids loooooved planning. We didn't take them to WDW when they were small, but they used to keep their maps to the Indy Children's Museum and use them to plan a trip, then pretend to go on it, then revise the plan as they found flaws -- and this was when some of them were still toddlers!

Back then, eldest son used to plan out our summers -- unfortunately, he believed that if we'd done something once, that meant we "needed" to do it every summer, which didn't work out well over the years, as festivals died out or whatever. OTOH, he hates doing anything new, and since he didn't go to any Disney parks first time to Orlando, they are so not on his personal agenda. He's going under protest, but I'm guessing he'll love them once he's there. That, or I'm going to hear about it for a loooong time...

They need time to process and adjust to things, both positive and negative. Just my opinion.

Some kids need a lot more time to process and adjust than others, IMHO. Even when well prepared, a couple of mine have to process intense experiences for a few days before they can decide whether they want to do that again or not. It can be hard to tell at the time if they're enjoying themselves, and I think it's because they're not sure yet!

The whole surprise thing is more for the parents and I suspect there is often no huge payoff. Whereas like the OP said part of going on a trip is the anticipation.

I think it's interesting that this topic often breaks down to a disagreement between those who love to anticipate the vacation with their kids, and those who love to anticipate surprising their kids -- it's essentially a debate about which anticipation is best!

Cue screams and happy tears!!! After they chilled out, he casually said "and by the way, Grammy & Grandpa are going too!" more screams and tears.

You guys handled that really well. I'm guessing that one of the reasons "bait and switch" surprises fail the most, because once people connect to something, it's hard to convince them another choice is better (see: Monty Hall Paradox). But you guys first told the kids, "not going to work out," let them mourn that loss a bit, then gave them the surprise. So it didn't feel like you arbitrarily switched things on them. Kudos!

 

[TandLMommy28]

I think it's more about the kid's personality than their age (although admittedly some like it at some ages and less at others). When they were little, my four oldest kids loooooved planning. We didn't take them to WDW when they were small, but they used to keep their maps to the Indy Children's Museum and use them to plan a trip, then pretend to go on it, then revise the plan as they found flaws -- and this was when some of them were toddlers.

I think our kids would get along very well. Mine do the exact same thing. They even "pack" and "travel" to the destination. They started that when the oldest was not even three!

 

[Kae]

I have suprised the kids before, we were in Naples & drove up to WDW. DS figured it out when he saw the Mickey Eletric Tower & yelled are we in Mickey's town. Priceless & Then DD got all excited.

The next trip we were flying & the kids knew. We we flying SW & they said the flight was going to Orlando & this little boy said isn't that where Mickey lives & the mom said yes. the boy was so cute I think the plane flew on his pixie dust.

Kae

 

[jenrose66]

I've thought about trying to surprise the kids with our next Disney trip. I usually don't tell them too far ahead of time because it's hard for them to understand how far away it actually is. But, they usually know for at least a few months. I've thought about surprising them the day of...or even a couple days before. But, I keep thinking about how the planning and dreaming about it is half the fun.

If they don't know until right before they leave I wonder if they're a little cheated out of the fun of planning and thinking about it as it gets closer and closer. It will be more like...boom we're leaving...boom it's over. Not that kids who are surprised with Disney are really cheated out of anything! It's an amazing, wonderful surprise. But, I love the planning part of it. Just wondering about it.

My kids are REALLY into their routines. I would not spring a surprise trip on them for this reason. I like to talk to them about when we are going, with the baby it doesn't matter and with my middle one his concept of time isn't the greatest, but my oldest will look at a calendar and understands how far away it is and he likes to be able to know what's coming.

Plus, you're right, planning is half the fun. I like to show ride videos to the kids to so they know what to expect from that regard too. I remember when I took my oldest on his second trip he was really scared to go on the rides because you enter a building for most of them and that fear of the unknown caused him a lot of anxiety. Now that he's older and he can see what's in the buildings before he goes he's much more confident.

 

[mjp12831]

Our 3rd annual trip (10,9,7) we surprised them. The moment of surprise was fun but OP is correct that kids - especially this age - get a lot out of the anticipation of going and the planning.

I missed seeing that excitement in them too.

I don't think I'd choose to do it again if I could go back in time.

 

[KarenAylwood]

I don't have kids yet but I know how I am with surprises (and how I've always been since I was a kid). Someone earlier in the thread said to think about if it was you going on the trip and someone was surprising you with a trip to Vegas. Cue irritation and disappointment for me!! Planning is half the fun of any trip to me.

Even if a kid isn't old enough to actively plan, I'd decide on a surprise based on their personality. If you think they'll talk about it incessantly then maybe make it a surprise. If you think they'll talk about it incessantly and they don't like surprises, maybe tell them at a time closer to the trip like one mom on here did (90 day mark? 60 day mark? even 30 day mark?).

You're telling your kid they're going to Disney. Whether you're leaving today, tomorrow or three months from now- they're still going to be surprised and excited, right?

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

I considered surprising my dd (she's 11) this time, but I knew it wouldn't stay a secret for long since I get way too excited and can't stop talking about it lol. When I told her about the trip (back in February), I was practically jumping out of my skin, but all she said was, "Cool." In the meantime, however, she's been downloading every Disney app available on her phone (Disney countdown timer, UT videos, etc.) and has been watching YouTube videos non-stop.

I'm glad she's having the 'excited' reaction now instead of me having to hear "Cool" at the airport. I would have been so deflated lol.

I'm glad I got her involved in the planning and she was able to build up excitement. If she was younger, I'm sure a surprise would have gone over better.