Chapter Seven: Feeling Gravy
Disney dining, like most of life, is best enjoyed at a slow pace. But Disney dining, like most of life, is frequently raced through. Because the next thing is coming and you dont want to miss it.
If you take anything away from reading this, take this: slow down.
If you let yourself, youll discover that Disney dining is the thing you came to Disney World for.
Which isnt to say you didnt come for Space Mountain. Or Illuminations. You did. But at its simplest, Space Mountain is just a ride. Illuminations just a fireworks/fountain show. You could find those things anywhere. What sets Space Mountain and Illuminations apart is the experience. The theming. The design. The memories of a thousand other times youve done it.
So too is Disney dining. Well some of it anyway.
The food isnt always slap yo mamma good. The place isnt always spotlessly clean. And in the end, what distinguishes Chef Mickeys from the Golden Corral (besides the dearth of Phil Fulmer look-a-likes) is the parade of characters, the musical celebration, the sno caps. And the memories of a thousand other times youve eaten there.
In other words, Disney dining is the sum of all those things we love about Disney World. But if you race through it, as you are tempted to do, as Disney
encourages you to do, then youll be more likely to notice that the prime rib wasnt very tender, the potatoes were tepid and the shrimp was gamey. If you purpose to take your time and enjoy it, not only will you savor the moments when your children are leaping out of their chairs to get to Mickey Mouse, but youll also get to enjoy a honkin good piece of cornbread and listen to your family celebrate what was another great day in the World.
Generally speaking, this applies to all of Disney World. And to all of life. With due respect to Thornton Wilder, we do tend to spend too much time racing through it to ever stop and notice how wonderful it all is.
Yeah, theres merit to running to get Fastpasses for one ride and then racing to get in the stand bye line for another first thing in the morning. But your day cant be spent doing that. If it is, well then youve spent $75 to run a marathon. And I think thats foolish. You can do that anywhere. For cheaper.
And if you look at what Disney charges you to eat at Garden Grill or Chef Mickeys, youd be a fool to race in, scarf it down, and race back out.
This all came to us several years ago. We had breakfast at Crystal Palace first thing in the morning. Before the park opened. So we could be at the end of Mainstreet when the park did open. Great strategy. Only, vacation isnt strategy. Work is strategy. Vacation is to relax. And it should be savored. That was the most stressful, un-enjoyable breakfast of my life.
Im a man who loves him some breakfast. Its the two most important meals of the day.
Breakfast at Crystal Palace is really good. But we couldnt enjoy it so much. Because there were rides right outside. Taunting us. We raced through the meal, annoyed at how slow the characters moved. It was hectic. It was work.
It sucked.
Like a gas thief on a siphon hose.
I felt like Id spent way too much money for way too little value. It was that very trip, while laying in a hammock at the All Star Movies that I decided we were either going to stop coming to Disney World or we were going to start doing it a different way.
I decided other things while laying in that hammock. But that was the only relevant epiphany.
This isn't to say that Chef Mickeys is going to be worth the price if you sit there longer. No amount of time will make the shrimp less fishy tasting. But if you dont rush through the meal, if you take your time to enjoy the show, then it feels like youve had a time. And werent at work. Im not suggesting you start talking to lampposts or kicking down the cobblestones.
Only maybe I am.
The thing weve tried to do, and now do almost exclusively, is plan our sit down meals for times when we dont have much, if anything, to do afterwards. So we can savor the food, enjoy the experience. Relax.
Weve learned to enjoy Crystal Palace. It's a good meal and a good time, provided there is nothing were trying to get to. I schedule it now for either an early dinner when we have a light evening planned or lunch time when were heading back to our room afterwards. My wife asserts that whether you enjoy CP depends as much on which side of the room you sit on as what time of day you go. Id argue with her except one: Ive never won an argument with the woman, and two: even if theres no logical nexus, it is true that when we sit on one side, we enjoy the meal; the other side not as much.
Its a little like Alabama Football: we do better when Democrats are in power. Just going back the last few decades: we won National Championships in 61, 64 and 65: Kennedy and Johnson years. Then again in 73 under Nixon who was like unto a Democrat. What with the price controls and the political scandals. National Championships again in 78 and 79: the Carter years. 1992 was George the Elder, except the country turned towards Bubba in early November, so well count that as Democratic too. And this year, well Bamas No.1 and Obama is the President-Elect. Is there a connection? My friend Ashclan would say, everyone does better when the Democrats are in power. But as with so many other things, shes just plain wrong.
Theres nary a connection between who's in the White House and Bamas success. And I dont believe theres any connection between where you sit in Crystal Palace and what kind of experience youre likely to have there either. Only dont tell Mrs. ZZUB I said that. Im already in a peck o trouble for three other things.
You never know with your kids which characters theyre going to take to, or whether theyre even going to like the characters. Ive seen my share of little kids FREAKING OUT when the fuzzy faced Pooh comes near them. Fortunately, its never been my kids. So Ive been free to mock the parents of screaming kids who ran away from Tigger.
ZZUBY has gone through phases. She currently has no time for face characters. They annoy her. She doesnt like when they talk to her. She knows the characters are mostly midgets in fur. She enjoys the conceit. But when face characters start talking to her, then it feels weird I suppose. One time, Alice in Wonderland came up and started talking to us as we were walking into
Disneyland. She was just plain creepy. First of all, what was she doing sulking around under the train station? Nice girls dont hang out in train depots, I dont care what anyone says. But then Alice was trying to have a conversation with ZZUBY about the castle and, well, it left both me and Mrs. Z with the faint hint of weirdness. Like she wasnt acting. But actually believed Tinkerbelle had redecorated. I looked towards her handlers and suggested they might want to break her pills in half.
Creepy.
Crystal Palace puts on a nice lunch. Its buffet of course and youll recall my earlier tip that the desserts are not the same on both sides. Youll be wise to first scout the desserts and then decide how much stomach space youre going to fill up before you get to that part of your meal. CP has a surprising amount of food and a pretty interesting variety, too. I dont recall all of what we ate, and Im not generally a food picture taker. But it seems to me I had multiple helpings of a really good flank steak and some ratatouille. They also serve some kind of cornbread/spoon bread there which was muy delicioso.
ZZUBY and Baby ZZUB loved them some characters. Good night nurse! Baby Z especially. She got full on giddy when they came near her. Holding out her chubby little arms to hold them. And wondering where they went when they walked away. This is Baby ZZUB's "I don't know" expression.
Because we didnt have any afternoon plans to speak of, we werent in a rush to get out of there. So we got to enjoy a leisurely lunch. And see all the characters. And not feel like we were being hustled on through either.
We had what evidently will be our last lunch at Garden Grill this trip and Ive got to tell you, that really steams my broccoli. Which I hate. If Im going to be forced to eat broccoli, it should be boiled until it is so soft it could be mushed with you gums. NOJohnMcCain. Then it should be smothered in cheese. Or butter and garlic. And buried under a mound of mashed potatoes.
Garden Grill was one of our favorite finds a few years ago. Its great for lunch if youre planning a quiet afternoon. Or its raining. Or you just like to go for a ride while you eat. Theyve now taken the characters away from the GG at lunch time, although I believe theyre still around at dinner.
In any event, this year, like the two before it, we really enjoyed GG. The food is pretty decent and they bring it to you. I love this family style dining thing. Although in my family, we dont get flank steak and turkey on the same plate. And if you want seconds, youll be waddling your butt to the kitchen to fix your own plate. And sure as Im sitting here, no furry characters come around to play with you either.
Except, of course, for the Schpup! who does make nightly appearances at the end of dinner, to remind us that hes here and hes hungry and also that hes not responsible for the hole in the backyard that both me and Baby ZZUB tripped in.
The character interaction at GG is very good. Or it was. Sigh. And at least during lunch, because the restaurant wasnt very crowded, we saw all of them multiple times. GG was one of the most relaxing meals we had in Disney World.
We ate at Chef Mickeys twice. Because we could. We ate there once for lunch which sent me into a RAGE! We also ate there for dinner which was much better.
We werent planning to eat lunch at Chef Mickeys. We actually had an ADR someplace else. But it was early in our trip and Baby Z loves her some Guck! And we knew shed see Donald Guck at Chef Mickeys. So I stopped at the concierge and asked to get us a lunch at CMs. I had my pick of times which was cool. They normally dont serve lunch at CMs but do during Free Dining. And yet, it was pretty empty.
What no one told me and what I didnt find out until we got there: the menu was different for lunch.
I WAS OUTRAGED!
I was like Monica Lewinskys father the day he saw on the news that his daughter had a special blue dress.
I go to Chef Mickeys for the parmesan potatoes and the semi-fresh peel n eat shrimp. And the sno caps.
Guess which one of those three they didnt have at lunchtime.
If you guessed ALL of them, then youd be right.
Which evidently only 45.9% of the country is.
I actually stood at the buffet for a minute when I realized there were no parmesan potatoes. I had a plate full of food and just stared where the parmesan potatoes should be. But the space was empty. It was like that scene in
Titanic when they open the safe but the large gaudy stone necklace is not in there. I briefly considered asking the old lady next to me to tell us a 4 hour long story which would somehow make up for the missing potatoes but thought better of it. If only James Cameron had my sensibilities.
So I motored on. CMs did have some roasted potatoes which were actually pretty decent.
Crisis averted!
Although the offerings were pared down at lunchtime, the food was as good as it ever is. My girls loved the characters. As it turned out, Mrs. Z was at the buffet when Donald Guck came to our table. When Baby Z saw Donald at the table next to ours, she shouted, GUCK! GUCK!
Her cries of GUCK! were so loud that the guys working the jackhammer asked her to keep it down because she was hurting their ears. It was so loud, Mrs. Z heard it all the way from the salad bar. She looked our way and bust out laughing. Baby Z hugged on GUCK and gave him lots of kisses on his beak. And quaked at him quite a few times.
As Donald was walking away, Baby Z took off her Croc to show him that he was on her shoe.
Because we were in no particular rush, we hung at the table for a while, long enough for the girls to get their fill of the characters. And get their fill of juice. You know, free refills and all.
Heres Baby ZZUB enjoying her some juice as a matter of fact.
We ate dinner at CMs later in our trip and dinner was every bit as good as it was supposed to be. We had been in Animal Kingdom that day and had nothing planned for our evening. But CMs and then watching Wishes from our balcony.
Can I tell you how cool it is to walk out of your room, go down the elevator and walk to Chef Mickeys?
The only downside to staying in the Contemporary? I didnt get to use the hidden, downstairs bathroom at Chef Mickeys. In some ways, it felt like we hadnt really eaten there. But I got over it.
We were seated on a different side of the restaurant for dinner and again had really good character interaction.
Can you tell my kids love dogs?
We lingered over dessert because we were in no rush. We ordered coffee and hot tea and had several plates of Schpupin sized desserts. If hanging out and taking some time is vacation to us, then making a ridiculously sloppy and over-full sundae is vacation for ZZUBY. We never let her do this in the real world. But at Disney World, we relax some rules. I went with ZZUBY to fix her sundae and she more or less filled a bowl with gummy bears, choc chips, choc sauce and some choc ice-cream. She is so my daughter.
As evidenced by the shirt.
Note the food stain on her shirt.
While we were eating dinner, ZZUBY took some pictures. Including this one of her mom and dad.
We're making the V for victory. Why? Because were mocking people, of course. Just before our vacation, we got invited over to see our friends vacation pictures. In every picture of them, they were flashing the V. Eventually we asked, whats with the V? And they said, everyone in Japan does that. Which was irrelevant because they were visiting Mexico. Only they werent either.
Im actually mocking two people at once. Our neighbor flashed me the sideways V one night as we passed them on our street. Which made me laugh because I think he thinks hes cooler than he really is. Ive been returning the sideways V to him ever since.
For all I know, Im in a gang now.
But judging by my neighbor, it would have to be a very nerdy gang. Of gangly men. Who don't mow their lawn very well.
Our least favorite meal: 1900 Park Faire. Again. Third time we've eaten there. Third time we've been underwhelmed. It was a big pile of steaming crap, served on a crappy plate, in a crapeteria style room, with crappy characters and a family that fell out of a Ralph Lauren ad sitting next to us. Getting drunk. The way nice families do. Evidently.
Hands down, we all hated this meal. And yet, I found the food to actually be a large improvement over the last time we ate there, but the characters were as annoying as feta cheese. The atmosphere was loud but not in a fun way like Chef Mickeys or Crystal Palace. It was more like a Shiva when your aunts and uncles have had too much Mogen David and are telling stories
no one needs to hear.
We put an X on 1900 Park Faire. Which in the ZZUB house means something really bad! It should
not be confused with flashing a V. Even a sideways one. If you get Xd by a ZZUB, you may as well close up shop. Say your prayers and call for your pastor. Youre gonna
need him when youve gotten the X from a Z.
Trust me on this.
We got to return to Trails End again this trip. I hesitate to write about how much we like this place because the last thing I want to happen is for it to become hard to get into. So Ill just say this, the nice thing about Trails End is that you almost always will find a hair in your food and you can use it to floss with.
And more people voted for Cynthia McKinney than have died there.
If you like Sonnys then Trails End is for you. But its not just the really good comfort food they serve, they also have some fantastic sweet tea, served in a Ball jar the way its supposed to be. The corn bread rivals the corned beef at Too Jays Deli for excellent foods with the word corn in them.
If I say their brownies rock hard, will you think me a fool?
As good as the ribs and fried chicken and corn bread and sweet tea are, we like the atmosphere there just as much. Riding over on the boat from the CR boat dock, pulling up to Ft. Wilderness and walking the path to Trails End is about as Disney as it gets.
Ive eaten in the castle. It was nothing compared to Trails End. And thats the truth.
But you should NEVER eat there. On account of the monthly outbreaks of tuberculosis, Norovirus and small pox.
Which is to say NOTHING of the old ladies playing mah jong.
Every trip we aim to try out a new place. This trip we tried two: Tutto Italia and Ohana. One of them we really liked and one of them was fair to middling. NOWallE.
I reckon youll have to come back in a few weeks to find out which is which.
And about this dessert that made me dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep.
____
Mine says: "If you can read this sign, Flip me over" But I put the sign on right side up. I crack myself up! 
since we're considering changing our holiday from June to August next year to take advantage of the free dining offer
. 
...not so much if you tip it on to it's side though
