The Battle For My Wallet VI: The Trip Report That Isn’t a Trip Report (P.24, 11/24)

[nicolemarie]

and THIS is my thanks?

For my money, that’s an awful lot of herking and jerking on a guy with the stomach of a middle aged, menopausal woman. NONicoleMarie. I love me some speed and hills o’fury. Upside down? No problem. Pictures of puke? Bring ‘em on. But I can’t take going backwards or jerking around side to side.

Before I go any further, let's get one or two things straight.

First of all, I'm not middle aged. 40 is the new 30, you know, so I'm still in my 20's. At least that's what Frick told me.

Second of all, you're a wimp. Blame it on whatever you want. You're a FULL ON wimp. I hope Mrs. Z is ready to take up your slack when ZZUBY gets tall enough for the REAL rides. Like Expedition Everest. But it's all good. Because I'm sure Mrs. Z will need someone to hold her purse and JUICY sunglasses while she rides. Oh, and someone to take her and ZZUBY's picture, too. Wimps make great photographers.

And if they don't take good pictures, they usually make good lasagna.

So you got wet on Splash, huh? Way to take one for the team. I've never been a fan of walking around Magic Kingdom all dripping wet, so I admire your willingness to be Da Man. I chose to stand on the Wimp Deck for that one.

Maybe that means we're even.

“This is the Polynesian Resort. The next stop will be Disney’s Grand Floridian Resort and spa.”

And when the doors opened, the NMs knew they were home. Good times.

The obviously child-less couple in front of us looked down on me with disapproval.

If they are lookin' at THAT with disapproval, they are lookin' at the NMs with disdain and disgust. Cause we're all about bribing our kids with serious coin to help them overcome their fears. While they cry and shake. Makes for great therapy discussion when they're adults.

Of COURSE I'm kidding!

Or am I?

“Richard, give him the Kashi.”

DED! What is it about organic food making folks feel self-righteous? Why not just call it cereal? That's what it is. It would be like you telling Mrs. Z to give Baby Z the "Kellogg's". Puh-lease.

I like seeing how things work and watching performers deal with the special effects and rigging.

It's cause you're a geek. But I'm borg.

Cool that ZZUBY got picked again. We've not done the FOTLK in a long time. We might revisit that one next time we head to the World. Which ain't gonna be soon enough, IMHO.

Great installment, ZZUB. Even if I did have to wait a full three days before I could see that you'd been calling me names.

Good to know Frick had my back...and my math skillz.

Hey UK!!!! Congrats on the upcoming arrival!! Good to see you around here - hate that game for y'all. Whew. That was rough. Hope I'm not feeling the same way come Sunday.

 

[Pollito916]

I love saying “into the crapper.” Seriously, I now look for opportunities to work that into conversation. I like other crap derivatives: Crapola. Crapstorm. Crap hole. Crapateria. In Spanish: el crapo. And the French: le crap’e.

Weird, that is the "quote of the week" at my office this week. As in, "our benefits package has gone into the crapper."

 

[ukwildcat]

Hey UK!!!! Congrats on the upcoming arrival!! Good to see you around here - hate that game for y'all. Whew. That was rough. Hope I'm not feeling the same way come Sunday.

Thanks NM. And not to hijak the thread, but I thought everyone would like this story:

DW calls me at work yesterday and says, "Guess what YOUR son did?" Why is he always my son when something goes wrong?

I asked what he did. Apparently he dropped his pants and went number 1 (as opposed to numbers 2 and 4) on the living room rug.

DW asked why I thought he did that, like I taught him to do it. I said I don't know, and then asked what I could do to help. Mind you it's 10:00 a.m. and I wouldn't be home for 8+ hours.

She then went on to say that the rug was ruined. I said, hoping to put the situation in a relative light, "He'll probably wreck the car one day, so it's not that big of a deal." She didn't care for the comment, and promptly hung up on me.

10 years and I still don't get her. Or maybe I'm just not learning.

Have a good night folks.

 

[DisneyNutMary]

Ok, I had to google it, because I don't know why but I didn't believe it

Carter died on January 23, 2003 from heart disease complicated by diabetes, in her Beverly Hills home that she shared with her domestic partner Ann Kaser

Nell Carter has, indeed, died. And she was gay? I did not know that!

 

[Mrs. The King]

I like to think about the road not taken.

I not only think about that road. I take it. By accident. But still I take it.

Or you want to see Illuminations but you also have a raging poop cramp that makes you want to go all Bobby Knight on someone.

I have no idea who Bobby Knight is, but Diagnosing you from this and previous trip reports, I do believe you have IBS. Don't cry. I have it too.

And 50’s Prime Time has gone into the crapper.

I love saying “into the crapper.” Seriously, I now look for opportunities to work that into conversation. I like other crap derivatives: Crapola. Crapstorm. Crap hole. Crapateria. In Spanish: el crapo. And the French: le crap’e.

I love saying Crap too!!! I think you might be my evil twin brother!! I was cryogenically frozen with Walt's (RIP) head, of course, because you are so much older. Crapperella!! Crap a lot a ding dong!! How often are you allowed to have the word "Crap" in your trip report before they go ahead and flush it down the toilet for you?

Now it’s like those doilies on your grandmother’s plastic covered sofa. Old and annoying.

Now this would make a great trip report title for you!!! You could even go ahead and throw "crap" on the end there. Just like a monkey.

And the attention to small details was impressive. Look at how cool the FP machines are:

I did not notice those and they are too cool for school. Crap school.

Does no one in the Disney Company care about theme consistency anymore?

Um, Big twin brother? They want money, money, money with a little money on top.

4. Asking people where I can find the castle.

That is awesome.

That’s right losers: I am now a freakin Space Ace!

That was some sweet crap right there.

I forgot about sweet crap. That’s another craptastic term. Did I tell y’all about craptastic? I forget.

You did mention it. That's how I figured out our biological connection. But how do you determine it's sweetness? I don't think it comes with a label from the FDA.

Which is why I could never be an astronaut. That and my fear of fire and small spaces. But I like to think I'd overcome those for a chance to go to the moon.

I am a big fan of that for you too!

She loved getting wet and loved Splash Mountain. I didn’t care for the bath of slimy water, but hearing her scream and seeing her finally get to ride Splash made up for it. ZZUBY’s all about Splash now. We knew she’d like it if she got past her fear of big hills. And we were right.

That’s one for the parents.

That rocks. I still can't take my kids on the tram if it goes downhill.

She gets lost in the shower.

I am going to give away a girl secret. She is not lost. She wants a break from being a Mom. That is where Mom's are allowed to lock the door.

ZZUBY loved her some Space Mountain. ZZUB, however, did not. You know where the seat restraint hits you? The stomach. Do you know what you have to lean against in order to keep your hands on your daughter’s shoulders? The seat restraint. Do you have any idea what that feels like as you’re being herked and jerked all over the freakin galaxy?

It doesn’t feel good.

Ok. Spoken like a true man who has not spent time giving birth to anything. You want to know what hurts more? Try breast feeding your son while he stays in his car seat and your tiny Nissan is being driven 85 miles an hour down I-95. Scared yet? Yeah, I thought so.

Which made me blush as big as Nell Carter’s breakfast. Before she died. She’s dead you know.

Nell Carter was my cousin. Therefore, your cousin as well.

I’m telling you, you can have a craptastic time there. If you allow yourself.

I am leaving that one alone.

We also did the Velcro deal, I think it was called What’s Your Problem? Funniest freakin' show ever. Although I think I was the only one laughing. I'm pretty sure we were the only people who spoke English in there. Mrs. Z and ZZUBY got pulled up on stage into the show. While Baby Z and I sat watching and Baby Z kept yelling “Did-dy!”

Mr. the King, PS and PC participated in this. I laughed. Seriously, that show is funniest thing in Disney when I am not there.

The other Innoventions deal we did was the Waste Management garbage thing. That was a lot of fun. And educational. Plus, we learned more how we can be green. And you thought that was just a color. Silly troglodyte, it isn’t a color; it’s a lifestyle. I liked the Waste deal because we got to push a garbage truck around. And when you backed up it beeped.

We LOVED it. I even snuck one of those trucks out and I now use it as a purse

 

[ZZUB]

1. The Haunted Freakin' Mansion. Best ride EVAH! Baybee.
2. The Tower of Terror. Very good ride. Also known in our family as: The Tower of Trajection, Swallow The Cat and the one you must ride BEFORE lunch or dinner to avoid puking (also called an anti-poop).
3. The Rock'n'Roller Coaster aka Steven Tyler and Those Other Guys. Or else The Bad Boy From Boston and Those Other Guys.
4. Mission Sinise aka Mission Mattingly aka Gary. Oh. Aka Mission Space. If you didn't ride this one you are a big baby. Baybee.
5. Maelstrom aka Crapstorm. It's a Fastpass. So be prepared. Also be prepared to be disappointed. And trapped in a small Scandinavian village at the end. To boot. If you need to get out right away I'd suggest you cry. Harder.
6. Expedition Everest. It's da bomb. NOYourcolon.

From someone who has allegedly been reading this nonsense for several years, you should know why we didn't ride the Haunted Mansion and the Tower of Terror. Why we didn't ride RnR is b/c of the kids. This chapter, which you allegedly read more than twice explained why I don't ride Mission:Space and Expedition Everest. And no one in their right mind rides Maelstrom. Even if it is a fastpass.

All of which proves you really didn't read this crap. Which means you're smarter than I gave you credit for. And since I think you're pretty well the dumbest yahoo in town, now I'm gonna have to rethink who that title belongs to.

Now is the time in my post to your trippie where I sing. As usual.

That just made me full on laugh out loud.

I wonder if Bobby Knight ever considered that one day his name would be used in the same sentence as "poop cramp".

I can't be the first person to but Coach Knight together with poop cramp, can I?

Awwww. ZZUB's goin' all puddle.
Someone call the janitor.

Good show, Tink.

I heart Mrs. Z.

Back off there, Ms. Kaser.

Funny thing is today actually IS my birthday.

Happy Belated Birthday Liz.

Maybe I'll give that Birthday Immunity a try. If I end up sleeping on the couch I'm blaming you.

How'd it work out for you?

It's interesting. In November of 1971, mom, dad, my younger sis and I stayed at the Contemporary. WDW had been opened less than a couple months. I was a junior in high school and we had taken a couple days out of school. Jonny Ray sang Clouds in the Top of the World Club, I had twin petite filets, and I beat my dad in tennis for the first time ever. There at the Contemporary courts. We didn't stay in the tower but rather in the wing which now is the site of Disney's best worst no longer kept secret.

Within a couple years, mom and dad were divorced.

So what you're saying is now that we've stayed at the Contemporary, Mrs. Z and I should be careful b/c we're destined to get divorced? Ouch. So harsh.

I don't want to hijack the thread,

That seems to be a theme lately. Hijack away. This thread isn't going anywhere meaningful anyway.

What you relate here, I so appreciate. As a fellow believer, I so admire your transparent love of the Lord, and you remind me to see his creation in all things good.

God Bless You ZZUB.

Thanks for the encouragement. I appreciated your post.

and THIS is my thanks?

Seriously, if you're looking forward to this for a week, then I suggest you spend the extra few bucks and upgrade to premium cable. Go ahead, get ESPN2 and the DIY Channel.

And if they don't take good pictures, they usually make good lasagna.

Well played, NM. This was very clever. So clever I didn't get it. I still don't get it. I assume there's a joke in there somewhere. Probably a rif on the Japanese.

So you got wet on Splash, huh? Way to take one for the team. I've never been a fan of walking around Magic Kingdom all dripping wet, so I admire your willingness to be Da Man.

I wouldn't picture you being the kind to let your blue hair get wet.

DED! What is it about organic food making folks feel self-righteous? Why not just call it cereal? That's what it is. It would be like you telling Mrs. Z to give Baby Z the "Kellogg's". Puh-lease.

They're better than us. Didn't you get the memo?

And not to hijak the thread, but I thought everyone would like this story:

ANOTHER hijacking? There's a joke in here, just lurking, waiting to burst out. But I fear it's too soon.

She then went on to say that the rug was ruined. I said, hoping to put the situation in a relative light, "He'll probably wreck the car one day, so it's not that big of a deal." She didn't care for the comment, and promptly hung up on me.

Dude. What were you thinking?! NEVER joke about the kids getting hurt.

Ok, I had to google it, because I don't know why but I didn't believe it

Nell Carter has, indeed, died. And she was gay? I did not know that!

And Jewish, too. But I think it's too late for you to sit shiva.

 

[Jules76126]

So I was feeling nostalgic for Disney today and decided to hop on over to the TR boards and see what was new. And I was pleasantly surprised to see a new TR by you ZZUB. I am mainly a lurker on these boards but I have read many of your trip reports and have found them quite hilarious and this one no less so. Now I have excuse to let my papers, readings, and law school applications pile up just a little bit longer while I read about someone else’s fabulous trip to Disney and long for the day when I can visit the mouse once more

 

[Tinkerbellarella]

Back off there, Ms. Kaser.

Touche.

Which, without the accent, looks like it should be pronouced, "Tush".

But I know you know I know you get it.

 

[ZZUB]

Now I have excuse to let my papers, readings, and law school applications pile up just a little bit longer while I read about someone else’s fabulous trip to Disney and long for the day when I can visit the mouse once more (empahsis mine)

There are MANY reasons to let your law school applications pile up:

1. You can think of 97 better ways to earn a living than working 90 hours a week in a smelly office?

2. You can pick up an MBA in under 2 years and earn twice as much money your first year out?

3. It turns out, after having spent 5 minutes in a real law office that it's no where near as sexy as it looks on TV.

4. You've learned that you'll never get to say, "I'm out of order?! You're out of order!! This whole court room is out of order!!!!!"

5. It makes better sense to not be productive in our country. You'll earn more money from the government if you don't make a decent living.

6. Mortal fear of paper cuts.

That's all for now. Carry on.

Mr. the King, PS and PC participated in this. I laughed. Seriously, that show is funniest thing in Disney when I am not there.

If virtually anyone else posted this, I'd think "dude, so full of yourself." But in your case, I think it is actually true. I imagine you are quite hilarious and your family's antics must be something to behold. What would be fun is to have your family and the HappyHaunts there at the same time. Can't even begin to imagine what kind of funny that would provoke.

 

[ObsessedwiththeMouse]

Anyone else but me wondering if that one picture was of the Mrs and the little ones? (The pic from Toy Story)...C'mon, was it? If you look at the Animal Kingdom pic, I think the same mom and daughter are in that picture as well. Did we finally see a glimpse of the Zzub family or are we destined to live in the dark?

As usual, another great installment from *the* Zzub.

Keep 'em comin'!

 

[ZZUB]

Anyone else but me wondering if that one picture was of the Mrs and the little ones? (The pic from Toy Story)...C'mon, was it? If you look at the Animal Kingdom pic, I think the same mom and daughter are in that picture as well. Did we finally see a glimpse of the Zzub family or are we destined to live in the dark?

Sorry to burst your bubble, but that is not Mrs. Z and the li'l Zs. As I wrote, Mrs. Z and Baby Z didn't go on TSM with us b/c the baby was sleeping. Secondly, the older girl in that picture looks, to my eye, to be older than ZZUBY's age. And finally, if I won't post pictures of me, I certainly won't post them of my family. Not even surreptitiously.

However, if you're trying to figure out what I look like, I believe Tinkerbellarella has a collage she is patching together with the various limited pics I've posted. She's got my chin and goatee, my massively huge biceps, my forearm and my tree-trunk like legs.

I have posted a picture of Baby Z from Chef Mickey's last year. But alas, a napkin was covering the majority of her face.

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

Again.

Also you may think this is a bump to your tripe report which isn't actually a tripe report which IS actually a tripe report...

but I assure you, it isn't.

A bump.

It's actually a "bump off".

Heh heh.

Yes... with this move I'm attempting to knock, thrust and also SLAM this thread...HARD...directly up to the Dining Reviews Board and actually INTO disneyfav4ever's deluxe dining reviews trippie. She's a full time foodie and heaven help you... if YOU smell like cake. Too.

By that I mean also like Me(l). Who smells like cake.

Heh heh.

Yeah...uhhhh...and... oh... did I mention I was planning on popping by your office with muffins today? They are iced with cute lil green pictures of my head in a crystal ball.

Also the insides of the muffins are green too.

But that wasn't planned. At all.

So, I think you should plan on having some good candy to give me 'cause I'll be trick or treating as well.

By that I mean as well as trying to get you fired.

Anywho... MAKE SURE YOU HAVE HALLOWE'EN CANDY!!!!

I'm SURE you don't want to have to smell my feet instead. As the song, which I will be singing at top volume, goes.

Also my feet, too, smell like cake...errrrr...well, cheesecake. That is.

Heh heh.


Now then my friendish... Roll Tide and I hope your Sam The Eagle costume still fits you perfectly. And in several ways. As always.

Cheers,

MelHappyhauntwhousuallyknowshowtoquoteproperly



P.S. I have to run. I have to decorate for a festive pagan bonfire and ritual slaughter.

 

[Tinkerbellarella]

However, if you're trying to figure out what I look like, I believe Tinkerbellarella has a collage she is patching together with the various limited pics I've posted.

It's like the ULTIMATE jigsaw puzzle.
But with more hair.

She's got my chin and goatee,

Hair: CHECK

my forearm

Hair: CHECK and CHECK

my tree-trunk like legs.

Hair: CHECK, CHECK and CHECK

Oh. My. Lord!
Z!
I've GOT IT!
I know why it's so "breezy" up there on the top of your noggin!
All the hair is moving DOWN!!!

my massively huge biceps

Seriously. DUDE. They are huge. They eclipse EVERYTHING else in the picture. I mean, my boyfriend doesn't even know Z and he comes home from the gym and is all like, "Shoot. I'll NEVER have 'ceps like The Z Man."

I have posted a picture of Baby Z from Chef Mickey's last year. But alas, a napkin was covering the majority of her face.

Cutest. Non-Picture. Ever.

 

[ZZUB]

Seriously. DUDE. They are huge. They eclipse EVERYTHING else in the picture. I mean, my boyfriend doesn't even know Z and he comes home from the gym and is all like, "Shoot. I'll NEVER have 'ceps like The Z Man."

That's just full on funny. Because it's real.

Thanks for making me laugh.

did I mention I was planning on popping by your office with muffins today?

And now an interesting story. Not too long ago, I looked out my office window, down at the street below and I noticed a white van parked in front of my building. With a personalized license plate. From my window, I could just make out the letters. So I went down to the street for a closer look.

Sure enough.

The license plate spelled "MEL"

I laughed and then looked behind me to make sure some freaky blonde lady in a blonde wig wasn't coming at me with a large spoon and poisonous muffins. I took a picture of the license plate but b/c it clearly identifies my state and I'm not about divulging that information, I can't post the picture. But it's true.

And one freaky weird coincidence.

I hope.

 

[Backstage_Gal]

Last edited by ZZUB : Today at 03:01 PM. Reason: Just to be sure, I said, "Maelstrom!" But there was no response. So I went back to work.

Now that was funny, ZZUB!

 

[cdotla]

I am very late to the Party.

And I am breaking my time-honored tradition of never reading a TR that doesn't introduce the main characters within the 1st page (and by "introduce" I mean show pictures).

But, I am hooked. And fully subscribed. Will be here til the end.

And then will be going back to read Battle for my Wallets, episodes I-V.

Tomorrow's Sunday, right?

 

[javamom]

There are MANY reasons to let your law school applications pile up:

1. You can think of 97 better ways to earn a living than working 90 hours a week in a smelly office?

2. You can pick up an MBA in under 2 years and earn twice as much money your first year out?

3. It turns out, after having spent 5 minutes in a real law office that it's no where near as sexy as it looks on TV.

4. You've learned that you'll never get to say, "I'm out of order?! You're out of order!! This whole court room is out of order!!!!!"

5. It makes better sense to not be productive in our country. You'll earn more money from the government if you don't make a decent living.

6. Mortal fear of paper cuts.

I nearly laughed my laptop off my lap and onto the floor!!

 

[praisehisname]

We are back from our Disney cruise, and I'm still wondering why you didn't come over and introduce yourself at Castaway Cay last Sunday??? I took this picture so I could prove I saw you!!!



Oh, well. Maybe next time we'll get to talk...

Denise

 

[jillyb]

Dude!! No way is that ZZUB!! His legs aren't hairy enough and he doesn't have ginormous python-like biceps like ZZUB.

 

[LaLa]

Not that we relish updates on the ins and outs of your bathroom activity, but dude. You're slipping. Or else you don't really mean it.

Unlike The Boy. And Sam C.

Regardless, congrats on the ranking, Bama. Maybe this year you might actually break tradition and manage to pull out a win against State.

Unlike in years' past.

Hey Sneezie, that party of yours sounds like a blast. I'll be requiring the same amount of candles on my cake as I do every year. 29. No more. No less. Just don't invite ZZUB. But if you do, don't let him stand near the flames. Wouldn't want to singe any of that back/toe/nose/tongue hair of his.

And at any party of mine, that's a very real possibility. Unfortunately. Trust me.

We are back from our Disney cruise, and I'm still wondering why you didn't come over and introduce yourself at Castaway Cay last Sunday??? I took this picture so I could prove I saw you!!!

DED!!!

But...what's with the tennis shoes?! Please tell me there wasn't a Baywatch-esque slow motion run involved here.


Happy Monday and Roll Tide!