The Battle For My Wallet IV: Return of the ZZUBs (Addendum, p.85; 07/12)

[Suzflee]

Happy Birthday Zzub!

 

[Kay7979]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZZUB!

Some of the nicest people were born on the 14th

 

[JKMJ441724]

Can't remember who said this but...

I love little children, and it is no small thing when they, who are so fresh from God, love us.

Oh yeah, Happy Birthday.

 

[ZZUB]

It's impossible for me to thank everyone who posted well wishes and congratulations to us. I have enjoyed reading the responses to our announcement and I am very grateful to everyone who took time out to post. Especially those of you who came out of lurkdom to do it. We continue to covet your prayers for our family.

I also want to specifically thank Arkansas Mom for the picture above. That is amazing! Time permitting, I'm going to try to figure out how to make that my avatar or at least a signature picture. Thank you for creating that for us. You're good people.

If you have tried to send me a PM and got denied, it is not because you are on ignore. I don't accept PMs. Only LaLa is on ignore. And she knows why.

What an amazing year this has been for my family. A year ago at this time, we were suffering the loss of our little baby. Mourning his untimely passing. Trying to understand the ups and downs of a two week period when the news we were receiving didn't always make sense. It's hard to fathom that a year later we have been blessed with a beautiful little girl, so sweet and so pretty.

We don't deserve the blessing we received. We know that. We never deserve to receive blessings. They are gifts. We're just grateful God chose to bless us.

Now then. I think things are calming down and the ZZUBs are settling into a routine. Of sorts. My practice also seems somewhat under control again. And since Bama got bounced out of the NIT Tourney (which Auburn wasn't even invited to), I hope to have a new update on this Trip Report within the next week or so.

 

[zalansky]

Congrats and Happy Birthday Zzub! Hadn't been on the TR for a long time (the horrors) and was delighted to come over and see this news.

 

[DptyDogg]

congrats on the baby ZZUB!!!

Your girls will have to take turns wrapping you around their little fingers.

 

[goofyshell]

Hey ZZUB! Your trip reports make me laugh but more importantly, they make me believe the world is full of good people like the ZZUBS! All FOUR of you!!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!And tell your wife she is a goddess! (two princesses for you!)

 

[Tanya90210]

Congrats ZZUB.. 2 little girls... you are so lucky!!!

Just caught up on your trip report. I love it!! can't wait for update

 

[boysmom5150]

Congrats to the Zzub family.Here is someixiedust: hoping everyone is sleeping well!!!All the best

 

[KATIESMOMMY]

Congrats on the new baby Zzub and Happy Birthday! Little girls are such wonderful things, and they wrap their Daddies oh so tight around their little fingers, or so my DH tells me....

 

[yogi]

ZZUB I've really enjoyed reading this and all of your previous trip reports.

Congrats to you and your family on your addition!

Looking forward to more! Thanks for all of the laughs and tender moments so far!

BTW, I've ordered "Napolean Dynomite" from Netflix and was just notified it is being sent my way today.

 

[mikymouse]

Mr & Mrs Z, Congrats on the new arrival. Baby Boy MikyMouse arrives earlier this year and is keeping me busy... hope to catch up on your trip report soon. Prayers and well wishes for your family as you get adjusted to your new normal.

 

[ZZUB]

Chapter Nineteen: Kidcot: The Fun Stops

What do you do in EPCOT when you’re a Disney World Dad and your four year old isn’t sure she’s ready to ride Soarin’ and there’s no way you’re getting her on Test Track and there’s no way you’re watching an environmentalist propaganda film?

You head to the Universe of Energy.

Duh.

How did you miss that?

As I wheeled my little girl towards the Universe of Energy, I explained that it was a really cool ride with dinosaurs. She was very excited. She thought she liked dinosaurs. I hadn’t seen the Universe of Energy in quite some time, so truthfully, I wasn’t certain what we were going to encounter. But I didn’t remember any scary parts and I figured if one jumped out at us, I could handle it.

I’d just buy her a prize to keep her from telling Mommy about the horrible things she was forced to endure.

If I haven’t told yet already, I practice a style of parenting that involves bribery. Lots of it. To paraphrase my favorite fictional president, her love is for sale and I’m buying.

We made our way across the blinding heat of the Innoventions Plaza and into the cool shade of Innoventions West. Or East. I haven’t the foggiest, and I can’t be bothered consulting a park map.

Either the three we brought home or the newly received free souvenir one Disney mailed me.

I don’t know why I got it either.

Except it was free. From Disney. And I reacted before I could think. It’s like the planning video. I don't really need to see a new one each year. There is no information on there we don’t already possess. But it’s free. From Disney. It doesn’t happen often. We take what they give us. We pounce on it with alacrity. Then we post messages on a Disney Message Board so other nerds, dorks, dweebs and freaks can be similarly "in the know."

The shade of Innoventions West or East was pleasant. But then I was assaulted by some man/woman playing with a ball. Like at the mall. But the ball was not small as I recall. So if felt exactly like a day at the mall.

Don’t go numb on me. Put the fork down. I’m not going on another riff about how Disney is declining.

I’m saving that.

For later.

When you least expect it.

Like right now.

Not really. That was just a test of the Emergency Go Numb Broadcast System. Had this been an actual Disney Is Going Downhill Fast Emergency, you would have been instructed to Go Numb immediately. And stay there until your passes for Universal Orlando arrive in the mail.

As long as I’m here, five miles from the main plot line, I might as well add this amusing anecdote: a week ago, my (now eldest) daughter tested the Emergency Daddy Broadcast System. She hollered my name across the house. I ran like a Flock of Seagulls and found her in our bedroom with my wife and the baby. She was fine. I asked her what was wrong.

“Nothing. I just wanted to make sure you’d come if I needed you.”

She comes by it honestly. For years, I’ve been testing out the Emergency Honey Broadcast System to make certain my wife will bring me a refill on my drink when I really need it.

To which she normally replies, “This ain’t Denny’s.”

Like she even knows what goes on in Denny’s. Do you know that I haven’t eaten in Denny’s since November 2003?

That’s right. My wife hates Denny’s. Hates it. So we never get to eat there. The last time I enjoyed a Grand Slam was in November 2003.

Is it any wonder I have rage issues?

Back out into the Florida hot, I continued wheeling my daughter towards the Universe of Energy. She asked me again where we were going.

“The Universe of Energy. Remember? It’s a dinosaur ride/show/thing.”
“But I don’t wanna go there,” she whined. She didn’t wine. We’re not French.
“But sweetie, I told you about this ride and you said you wanted to see the dinosaurs.”
To which she coolly replied, “Well I’ve changed my mind.”

I was both impressed that at four years old she’s already displaying such mature female qualities as the ability to cause a whiplash with her split second change of mind and also frustrated because I didn’t know where else to go.

So I made a u-turn because I read on a bumper sticker once that God allows those and we headed into Innoventions East or West. It was cool in there. Which reminded me of Club Cool. The Coke place. With the free Cokes.

Free.

At Disney!

I spun back around and we were out in the Florida Hot faster than Michael Moore finishes off a bucket of chicken. We headed to the famed Club Cool for the Free Cokes. My daughter asked, “Daddy? Where are we going now?”

“To get some free pop, honey?”

“Why?” she asked.

“Because we live in the Pacific Northwest and we call it pop.”

“No I mean why are we going there?”

“Because it’s free.”

She didn’t say “duh” but I’m sure she thought it. She’s been my daughter for over 4 years. She knows how Daddy’s mind works.

I had never been inside the old Free Coke Place so I have nothing to compare the new one to. I only know what I read about it on here. It was a place with free Cokes. And don’t drink the Beverly. I’ve been in the Coke Deal in Atlanta, so I assumed Club Cool would be like that. Coke fountains all around, little cups and plenty of free beverage. And not a chip or pretzel in sight.

I was mostly right.

But the one thing that was missing. The one vital fact that until now no one has disclosed:

There are no regular Coke products there!

No Diet Coke.

Not even a blessed Tab.

Sure, they’ve got Beverly and Coke from Israel and Italy and a dozen other countries that wouldn’t know a decent cup of Coke if it walked up to them and slapped them right in the kisser.

I always thought the reason Utah Mamma has a picture of her holding a Diet Pepsi in front of the fountain in Club Cool was because she’s a Pepsi person. Now I realize, it was a signal to let others know that there is nothing good to drink in that dump!

Well, that's not entirely true. They had plenty of normal Coke products to buy but I had been lured there under the false pretense of free Cokes. I wasn't about to pull out my Key to the World. I had fallen prey to the old Softdrink shimsham and I was not happy.

I walked around and around and around Club Cool, pushing the stroller with one hand, holding my pathetic little Dixie cup sized cup looking for something, anything to taste.

After four times around, and convincing myself that I’d sooner suck on my sweaty socks than sample veggie soda, we left.

If I wasn’t so parched I would have been numb.

We went back into Innoventions East or West. We sucked back some water and continued our search for something, anything to amuse ourselves with. But Innoventions East or West had absolutely nothing my daughter wanted to do. Well that's not entirely accurate either.

She needed to potty.

Woo Hoo! Finally something to do!

If there is a family bathroom, I couldn't find it. So I resorted to what I do at McDonald's. I picked up my daughter and told her to shield her eyes and not uncover them until I told her it was clear. Then I carried her into the Ladies’ Room.

Kidding.

I found a large stall and once the door was closed, I told her she could uncover her eyes. I won’t describe the bathroom experience but let’s just say it wasn’t a Fastpass and the question “are you done yet?” was uttered more than once.

The kid’s a camel.

Moving on. Where to? I was completely flummoxed. Fartootsed even.

Then I saw it. The Kidcot Fun Stop. Huzzah! I wheeled over that direction and explained to the CM that we were looking for something to do because our day in Epcot was going into the crapper faster than the Epcot Park Guide landed on the floor of the Men’s Room Handicap Stall. Not that I know anything about that.

He handed my daughter a mask and a crayon. Maybe a marker. Whatever it was, there was only one of them and my four year old is accustomed to coloring with more than one color. So this presented something of a problem. I negotiated for a second color but it was too late. We had already lost the gold. I assured my daughter that having only two colors wasn’t the end of the world. Hiring Mike Shula was. While she half-heartedly colored a mask of some kind, I got on my cell phone.

It wasn’t like I called to check on our cat so settle down.

I called my sister to find out where she was. You see, my sister, her husband and their many children were meeting us in EPCOT sometime that day. I was hoping it was sooner rather than later. Because unlike in the Magic Kingdom where there are a lot of things for little kids to do with their dads, in EPCOT, I was hard-pressed to find much for us to do. I needed help. Stat.

My sister famously reported they were “on their way.” Words which have differing interpretations. Depending on whether you were me, her or the CM manning the no-more-than-two-color Kidcot Fun Not. . I told her we were going to head to the Land for lunch and after they got there we could all ride Soarin’. My daughter wasn’t sure about Soarin’. She’d heard us talk about it, but was not yet sold on it. If she rode it, she wanted to ride with her cousin. Her cousin who is only 2 weeks younger but has 3 older brothers and is much more daring. She’s been on Splash Mountain and loves Test Track.

Okay.

So we had a plan. My daughter finished her mask and ran away from it faster than the Democrats’ plan to “change the tone” in Washington. The CM fashioned some kind of lanyard for it and I chased down my daughter to give her the completed mask with lanyard.

I might as well have given George Constanza a pic. In fact, now that I think about it, that was exactly the look she gave me. I promptly shoved her mask into the backpack and we headed back to the Land. For lunch. In the Food Court.

Again with these people and the Food Court?

At this point, I’m scolding myself for believing the hype. The Land Food Court is hardly a Food Court. It’s more of a trippy/healthy/Asian/vegan/food deal. In other words, there wasn’t a cheesesteak anywhere in sight. Also, my daughter was now in a full on whine and my sister and her family were no where in sight. I got some kind of sandwich on fancy schmancy bread. It looked like a lot of bread with a sliver of some kind of deli meat trapped under a hodgepodge of vegetables and lettuce products which no man should have to endure. In other words, it was missing the meat. And so was I. I also grabbed some chocolatey dessert. Maybe a muffin? I got my daughter a kid’s meal.

Then I stood in line to pay.

My line didn’t move. So I moved to another line. Which stopped moving as soon as I got into it.

Because I'm ZZUB and this is what happens to me at Disney World. McDonald's. Home Depot. Office Depot. The Sub Depot. Pretty much any kind of depot. And Wal*Mart.

But I was steadfast. I waited. My daughter whined. The fizz in my pop went flat.

And still we stood.

Why we waited, I’m not sure. But it’s Disney’s World. I’m accustomed to standing in lines for no good reason there. As I stood, watching my chocolate dessert get soupy, I considered the drink fountains at which I had just filled my cup.

What was the refill policy, I wondered?

I didn’t see any signs telling me that I could only fill my cup once. Nor did I see any signs saying “refills at full price.” Then I searched my mind to see if I had read anything on here about the soda fountain in the Land Food Court.

Nothing.

My mind was filled with nothing.

I’ve read several reports of people raving about the food in the Land Food Court (without merit, if you ask me), yet I have not read a thing about the perhaps all-you-can-drink soda fountain.

If in fact there were free refills, do you realize what a boon that would be? No more trudging over to Club Cool to be taunted by their sorry drink offerings. You could head into the Land for the good stuff.

Free refills? For the length of your meal? For the length of your time in the Land? For the length of your day in EPCOT? For the length of your stay? Or until your paper cup loses all physical properties? Did I even need a cup? Could I use my refillable for life DMVC Mug?

If in fact Disney is handing out more free beverages, then which sign of the apocalypse is this?

Lenny Bruce is not afraid.

__________

Click Here For Chapter Twenty

 

[KimAshton]

If you need help making that pic into an avatar let me know. I am more then willing to do it.

 

[tink38]

Do you know that I haven’t eaten in Denny’s since November 2003?

That’s right. My wife hates Denny’s. Hates it. So we never get to eat there. The last time I enjoyed a Grand Slam was in November 2003.

Is it any wonder I have rage issues?

Everything is suddenly so clear to me now.

Great post. Thanks for sharing. And we do the same thing with the vacation planning DVDs. Is that a sickness? I thought it was normal.

 

[DisneyWorld Delight]

The last time I ate at Denny's was 1997. It was the long pieces of hair stuck to the spouts of the maple and blueberry syrup that turned me off for good!

 

[ukwildcat]

Chapter Nineteen: Kidcot: The Fun Stops
To which she normally replies, “This ain’t Denny’s.”

Like she even knows what goes on in Denny’s. Do you know that I haven’t eaten in Denny’s since November 2003?

That’s right. My wife hates Denny’s. Hates it. So we never get to eat there. The last time I enjoyed a Grand Slam was in November 2003.

I can one up you. DW hates Denny's as well. I haven't been since May 1998. Sad that we know the exact month and year we last had a meal at Denny's.

Excellent post. Welcome back.

 

[LaLa]

Fartootsed

I would Google it but you know...I'm afraid of what might pop up on my screen.

After four times around, and convincing myself that I’d sooner suck on my sweaty socks than sample veggie soda, we left.

Nevermind. I think I know. I'm feeling a little flummoxed and fartootsed myself after that description. All I need is a visual of a poop pumping truck to send me over the edge.

Don’t go numb on me. Put the fork down.

Yeah, that's not gonna be a problem. After the sucking on the sweaty sock thing, I won't eat for another week.

I got some kind of sandwich on fancy schmancy bread. It looked like a lot of bread with a sliver of some kind of deli meat trapped under a hodgepodge of vegetables and lettuce products which no man should have to endure. In other words, it was missing the meat. And so was I.

Is it just me or is this installment focusing on food?

As long as I’m here, five miles from the main plot line, I might as well add this amusing anecdote: a week ago, my (now eldest) daughter tested the Emergency Daddy Broadcast System. She hollered my name across the house. I ran like a Flock of Seagulls and found her in our bedroom with my wife and the baby. She was fine. I asked her what was wrong.

“Nothing. I just wanted to make sure you’d come if I needed you.”

Now THAT is cute. And I've got a feeling she's got nothing to worry about.

My daughter finished her mask and ran away from it faster than the Democrats’ plan to “change the tone” in Washington. The CM fashioned some kind of lanyard for it and I chased down my daughter to give her the completed mask with lanyard. I might as well have given George Constanza a pic. In fact, now that I think about it, that was exactly the look she gave me.

DED.

I had already lost the gold.

I'm so glad to see you're finally letting go of your delusions and accepting reality(ish).

My mind was filled with nothing.

So tell us something we don't know.

ZZUB, I loved this installment. You really brought the funny and had me laughing out loud the whole way through. I loved the thing about the Emergency Go Numb Broadcast. That was freakin hilarious. And trust me, you didn't miss anything by skipping the Universe of Energy. In fact, you can thank your daughter for changing her mind and sparing you some rage in the process. But then again, you got raged up at Club Cool instead. So whatever. Six of one, half dozen of another.

But I'm just a little confuzzled about something. What you're saying is you didn't sample any of the Club Cool offerings? Not even one swallow? Not the Kinley Lemon? No Smart Watermelon? Not even a taste of the Mezzo Mix? If that's true, I'm really numb. Must every free drink be in a decorative mug for you to enjoy it? Regardless, mad props to you. You really brought it and this one was well worth the wait, my friend.

 

[nicolemarie]

Poor Disney World Dad.

Schlepping through a hot as all get out Epcot, in search of something fun.

That just does not sound like a good time. I wouldn't have blamed you if you had started in with the rage again.

Except it was free. From Disney. And I reacted before I could think. It’s like the planning video. I don't really need to see a new one each year. There is no information on there we don’t already possess. But it’s free. From Disney. It doesn’t happen often. We take what they give us. We pounce on it with alacrity. Then we post messages on a Disney Message Board so other nerds, dorks, dweebs and freaks can be similarly "in the know."

Well, at least you didn't call us bubble people.

As long as I’m here, five miles from the main plot line, I might as well add this amusing anecdote: a week ago, my (now eldest) daughter tested the Emergency Daddy Broadcast System. She hollered my name across the house. I ran like a Flock of Seagulls and found her in our bedroom with my wife and the baby. She was fine. I asked her what was wrong.

“Nothing. I just wanted to make sure you’d come if I needed you.”

Well now that's just flat out cute. That's one smart little girl you've got there.

But one little correction - if you had been running like a Flock of Seagulls, you would have ran so far away.

I walked around and around and around Club Cool, pushing the stroller with one hand, holding my pathetic little Dixie cup sized cup looking for something, anything to taste.

This mental picture made me laugh really hard. And loud.

After four times around, and convincing myself that I’d sooner suck on my sweaty socks than sample veggie soda, we left.

And then this made me laugh even louder.

It wasn’t like I called to check on our cat so settle down.

While we are talking about the funny, that part of your last year's report was one of my favorite funnies.

If in fact Disney is handing out more free beverages, then which sign of the apocalypse is this?

Lenny Bruce is not afraid.

Great lines. And as usual, great installment.

You are still hilariously funny. Even with a new baby around who's probably creating a little sleep deprivation.

Thanks for sharing with us, ZZUB.

NM

 

[GeorgiaAristocat]

Except it was free. From Disney. And I reacted before I could think. It’s like the planning video. I don't really need to see a new one each year. There is no information on there we don’t already possess. But it’s free. From Disney. It doesn’t happen often. We take what they give us. We pounce on it with alacrity. Then we post messages on a Disney Message Board so other nerds, dorks, dweebs and freaks can be similarly "in the know."

Don't knock the free planning videos. SOME of them contain obscure commercials that some of the unnamed nerds, dorks, dweebs and freaks find that they can't live without ten years later.


Excellent installment as always. And that is one smart ZZUBette you have there (your eldest, I mean.)