Ten Commandments for Mom

[minkydog]

I. Thou shalt not move my scissors from one drawer to yet another, but keep my scissors in their place of belonging which they have occupied for the past 18 years.

II. Thou shalt not shave thy beard nor cut thine hair in my kitchen sink.

III. Verily I say, do not use the multiple cut-up vegetables that I useth in my diet unless you work to return the veggies to order. Do not hide jello in the meat drawer,either.

IV. Neither shalt thou cook with every pot in the house and leave thine pots unwashed, nor shalt thou leave the stove sauce-laden. But shout "unclean!" and commence to washing thine dishes.

V. Thou shalt not cook in my kitchen after 11pm. The smoke alarm is offensive to my ears. We shall neither slumber nor sleep while choking on corn-dog smoke.

VI. Thou shalt not remove such exotic spices as Italian seasoning or Big Kevin's Bayou Blend and put them in an unknown place. God sees all our secret places but has not chosen to reveal my Smack My (Butt) hot sauce.

VII. Thou shalt empty the garbage can when thou countenance it to overflow, neither shalt thou smush it down with thine foot nor tosseth trash behind the trash can where it will remain in iniquity until Kingdom Come.

VIII. Thou shalt honor thy mother when she offers meat and drink, and shalt not turn thy face in an unbecoming way nor produce evil utterances from thy mouth.

IX. Neither shalt thou spill water nor oil nor kool-aid on my hardwood floors, but shall hasten to cleaning, tossing thine dirty the towel into the most honorable washer and not returning it to the towel rack on the fridge.

X. Hear me, O, Husband of my heart! Hear me, O, children of my loins! Refrain from putting my check-book "in a safe place" so that thou shalt remain happy and fed and sheltered and clothed to the end of thy days.

It has been a rough day.

 

[binny]

 

[doxdogy]

 

[SCHBR'smom]

I. Thou shalt not move my scissors from one drawer to yet another, but keep my scissors in their place of belonging which they have occupied for the past 18 years.

II. Thou shalt not shave thy beard nor cut thine hair in my kitchen sink.

III. Verily I say, do not use the multiple cut-up vegetables that I useth in my diet unless you work to return the veggies to order. Do not hide jello in the meat drawer,either.

IV. Neither shalt thou cook with every pot in the house and leave thine pots unwashed, nor shalt thou leave the stove sauce-laden. But shout "unclean!" and commence to washing thine dishes.

V. Thou shalt not cook in my kitchen after 11pm. The smoke alarm is offensive to my ears. We shall neither slumber nor sleep while choking on corn-dog smoke.

VI. Thou shalt not remove such exotic spices as Italian seasoning or Big Kevin's Bayou Blend and put them in an unknown place. God sees all our secret places but has not chosen to reveal my Smack My (Butt) hot sauce.

VII. Thou shalt empty the garbage can when thou countenance it to overflow, neither shalt thou smush it down with thine foot nor tosseth trash behind the trash can where it will remain in iniquity until Kingdom Come.

VIII. Thou shalt honor thy mother when she offers meat and drink, and shalt not turn thy face in an unbecoming way nor produce evil utterances from thy mouth.

IX. Neither shalt thou spill water nor oil nor kool-aid on my hardwood floors, but shall hasten to cleaning, tossing thine dirty the towel into the most honorable washer and not returning it to the towel rack on the fridge.

X. Hear me, O, Husband of my heart! Hear me, O, children of my loins! Refrain from putting my check-book "in a safe place" so that thou shalt remain happy and fed and sheltered and clothed to the end of thy days.

It has been a rough day.

Maybe if I say it like that they'll listen, understand, and RETURN my sissors!

Sorry you've had a bad day, but you've given me a smile!

 

[sdarwkcabemanmy]

Can I add some of my own?

Thou shalt not touch my my yarn stash. Mine luscious balls of creamy soft yarn are not playthings, nor are they playthings for the Divine Felinity.

If thou touchest my knitting needles and cause the three-quarters finished shawl I art working on to fall off and come unraveled, thou art in the biggest of troubles. Not even appealing to thy mighty father will saveth thee from the longest time out of your life.

Sticking thy head up the back of my shirt whilst I am in the middle of complicated cookery is not to my benefit nor thine.

 

[robinb]

*SNORK*

What *is* it about the scissors? My DD also uses my packing tape, scotch tape and flashlight without permission and drops them all over the house. Arrrggg!

Here are some of mine ...

* Thou shalt walk the three steps necessary to throw away your candy wrapper. It doth not belong on the floor.

* Thou shalt use thy hamper.

* Thou shalt put in a fresh new garbage bag after the timely removal of the filled one.

* Just because food doth remain after I have taken my serving dost not mean the entirety is for you.

 

[ToddyLu]

Just because thou are my husband does not mean that I hath to follow you to bed. I cometh to bed at thine own will. (why is it that I have to stop what I am doing and come to bed when he does......ooooooohhhh)

Did thou just roll thine eyes when I said "Lo, honor thy Mother and Father"

Thy DVC points are thine own and thou will smite you for making false accusations that they are yours alone.


How now brown cow

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

YES the scissors! What is it with kids moving the scissors?????????

And just last nite about this time (midnite) I was laying in bed and smelled a horrific burning smell. I ran downstairs to find DD15 and her friend sitting on the kitchen floor eating some pasta dish with a foul smelling sauce. She is now forbidden to cook after dark! The house REEKED all nite.

 

[Boston Tea Party]

 

[tonilea]

Might I also add:

Even as doors and drawers openest, in the same manner shalt they closeth. And so shall it be.

Perhaps this might be better:

When thou openest a drawer or door, thou shalt shut it in the same manner. Open drawers and cabinet doors are an abomination in the eyes of thine mother.

 

[fhtpdw20]

Thou shall removeth the empty toilet paper roll and replaceth a new one.