Tell us a funny true story.

[chichihoney]

jeafl lol

 

[poet123]

Last week our neighbour had a heart attack......we were all worried so I phoned his brother in law who is also a neighbour to enquire how he was. He tells me the paramedics only just got to him and he was lucky to survive, THEN he says as it was they needed to ASSASINATE him twice!!!!!!!!!!!obviously he meant RECCUSITATE but how I managed not to laugh I dont know.
Years ago we were in an Indian Restaurant and were ordering, strangely the waiter kept saying"have you seen the price" after 3/4 times I became irate yes its fine I replied sharply" all my companions were falling about laughing, he was reallly saying"would you like rice?"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[emily1982]

I work at a school...and i was sat with a child on the carpet and we looking at coloured shapes...i picked up a red rectangle and said 'this is a rectangle' the child then proceeded to pick up a blue rectangle.
'well, this is a bluetangle'! it was the pure innocence on the childs face which made me laugh!

 

[Stepharoonie!]

My mom used to listen to Cool 105.9 alllllllll the time in the car, so I listened to quite a bit of 50's and 60's music growing up. One night, we were driving home from somewhere and I started singing along to a song. My mom looked at me funny, turned the radio down, and asked what I was singing. I then sang to her:

"There's a can of fish...all over the world....tonight...."

She gave me a bizarre look and said, "Stephanie....it's 'There's a KIND OF HUSH', not 'a can of fish'!"

So, anytime I hear that song now, I think of tuna fish.

 

[Stepharoonie!]

Honestly, just typing this has me in hysterics again. If only I could have captured the look on both of their faces...

 

[KimR]

LOL, stepahanie, for some reason that just reminded me of something else....I used to work with a girl from Germany. She had lived in the US for maybe 5 years or so and spoke excellent English although she had an accent, obviously. One day she was telling us about a book she had read that predicted within a few years a big trout would come which would then result in the end of the world. We all looked at her in confusion envisioning something out of a cheesy horror flick from the fifties - this huge fish devouring our cities and neighborhoods. She then elaborated....'yes, you know....a trout...when there is no rain for a long time'.

 

[mrsv98]

I used to be a nanny for 2 kids. When the little boy was around 3 or 4, he started having some behavior problems, not bad, pretty typical. So one Fri night, the parents came home late and the Mom and I were sitting and chatting about the day and about the boy's behavior. I was saying how I had backed off correcting some things because I didn't want to be hard on him all the time. Then, in all seriousness and without realizing what I was actually saying I stated, "You know, you really have to pick your no's" Well it took about two heartbeats for us to realize what I said at which point we both collapsed in hysterics. The dad hadn't really been paying attention and was watching the news so he didn't hear what I said and just sat there with a bemused look on his face. Fifteen years later we still crack up at the phrase!

 

[MUFFYCAT]

In 2003 we were on vacation in Lake George. I went to step off the curb , tripped and broke my two fingers. I had 5 pins put in them for 6 weeks.
When I went back to work they had a cake made with a hand inprint on it. They stuck toothpicks in the fingers! I still get joked about it!

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>I visited Germany for the summer when I was 18. My German sister's family took me all over Germany, including the Alps. There was this beautiful stag that we would see all the time. Well, one day while we were hiking, I saw a branch, so I grabbed it, stuck it behind my head & ran up to her parents proclaiming, "Ich bin ein Hirsch." (I am a stag) ... but, what came out of my mouth was, "Ich bin ein Kirsch." (I am a cherry)

yeah - they still laugh at me for that one.

 

[4greatboys]

The next thing I hear is this: "Ok, Mom. It's time to check your beaver."

LMAO......now that is to funny! I bet your dh was hysterical.

What I didn't say in the original email was that it happened more than once that weekend A sane person would have remember that there was a mirror on the door.

Better hang a sheet over that door so that crazy lady wont be stalking you in the middle of the night

Years ago we were in an Indian Restaurant and were ordering, strangely the waiter kept saying"have you seen the price" after 3/4 times I became irate yes its fine I replied sharply" all my companions were falling about laughing, he was reallly saying"would you like rice?"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Jeafl]

I work at a school...and i was sat with a child on the carpet and we looking at coloured shapes...i picked up a red rectangle and said 'this is a rectangle' the child then proceeded to pick up a blue rectangle.
'well, this is a bluetangle'! it was the pure innocence on the childs face which made me laugh!

Aww, that is so sweet. I work at a school too, and I am always amazed at what comes out of the kids' mouths.

 

[DiaDeGuadalupe]

LMAO......now that is to funny! I bet your dh was hysterical.

I swear I heard him snorting through his hands!

Oh, the other night during dinner, DD says, "I want a drink! I want a drink!" So I turn to her and ask, "What's the magic word?" She says very calmly, "Abracadabra. Can I have my drink now?" Guess I forgot to teach her that the magic word was "please."

 

[tiggersmom2]

I was in Napa Valley one year at the wonderful Vineyards. I had been really looking forward to this trip and couldn't wait to go wine tasting!

I woke up at the crack of dawn the next day and donned my most expensive outfit (I had to the look the part of the "sophisticated and elegant lady" ) and DH, my Dad and I headed out.

We were at this particularly upscale winery and I was having a ball......I was inhaling the aroma of the wine, taking small and discerning sips and finally cleansing my palate with the oh so aged cheese.......I really thought I had them fooled into thinking "I knew my stuff"

Well, the man that was pouring the wine asked us if we would like to try anything else. I perused the menu and found a particularly interesting wine. In my most refined voice and manner, I told him that I would like to try the Foch ( I pronounced it FOCK). The poor man looked like I had kicked his dog and asked him for a bottle of Boone's Strawberry Hill!!!!

He starts coughing very loudly and then says Madame......do you mean that you would like to sample the Foch !(he pronounced it Fosh)

I wanted to CRAWL under the table....I said "Um yeah". I quickly swallowed that damn Foch down and RAN out of the winery!!! My DH and my Dad were on my heels laughing like there was no tomorrow!

So much for portraying myself as a refined lady.....

 

[DISshopkeeper]

7th grade, Catholic school....

Our class was widely regarded as a class of troublemakers. We (well, not ME, of coure) just misbehaved all the time. Why they let Sister Pacifica stay once we hit 7th grade is still a mystery to me. She was about 70 years old. When she yelled at us, her bottom teeth often fell out. Kids (well, not ME, of coure) could slither out of their desks, and on to the floor and crawl out of the room and she wouldn't notice. And she was FOREVER going down to the office to get Mother (that's what they called the head nun) to come and give us hell. One day, the class was particularly bad, and she stormed out of the room to get Mother. As soon as she left a kid in the front row produced a bugle from his desk and played Taps. The class went nuts!!

Poor Sister Pacifica left school and was sent to wherever they send nuns who have nervous breakdowns shortly thereafter.

 

[Taylor]

When my wife and I started dating (circa 1987) she knew that I was a huge David Letterman fan. She heard that Letterman was to appear at a local venue, and bought the tickets for the event. About a week before the show she told me she was taking me to the Premier Center to see Letterman. I was real surprised since I didn't think that David Letterman toured. We took a close look at the tickets and found out that she had purchased tickets to see the musical group "The Letterman". We didn't go see the show, but I loved her for the effort.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>Taylor - that's funny.

Tiggersmom2 reminded me of another one....

Every so often we go camping in the Sequoias -- one particular time, we decided to go horseback riding. We all got our horses, and I was riding next to the guide. Thinking that I'd show him my knowledge of horseflesh, I asked him, "So, is this horse (I patted my horse's neck) a Morgan or a Quarterhorse?" He looked at me and kind of drawled, "Well, ma'am, that there's a mule not a horse."

Oh, shoot - I hadn't even noticed the LONNNNG ears on the mule.

(3 years later, when we returned to that packstation - they still remembered that)

 

[nativetxn]

MJ, you made me laugh!

 

[JVL1018]

After a great vacation in Hilton Head, which included the campfires and S'Mores at the resort, we were packing up the car to go home.

My 4 yr old DD and I were outside bringing things to the car. I said, Julia run inside and get some more stuff from Daddy.
She says Okay! and happily goes back up the steps to the villa.

I finish doing what I was doing and go up, I hear DH say JULIA! I have NO idea what you're talking about! What do you want??
Julai says Daddy! Mommy said I need some more stuff.
Now-we need chocolate, graham crackers and marshmallows, where are they?

ROFLOL!!
I had to explain to her I wanted SOME MORE stuff, not S'More stuff.

 

[JVL1018]

I have another one.

My parents, and brother were on vacation. My Gram lived with us, but she didn't vacation with us, so she was home by herself.
Let me preface this by saying that at the time this happened, Gram was about 92, 93 years old. She was handicapped, had polio as a baby and had a misshapen foot-she limped, needed a cane, and wore a brace. Had a hard time getting around, but was very active nonetheless.

So they get home, and my dad walks around the house just checking things out and he sees an indentation and weird track marks on the ground underneath my brother's 2nd floor bedroom window.

He follows the tracks around the house to the garage, lifts the garage door and sees my brother's window air conditioner, now mangled, sitting on the floor of the garage with a note taped to it-
"Don't ask any questions, I'll pay for a new one."

Obviously Gram had been poking around in my brother's room, opened the window and the air conditioner fell out. OMG, if only I could have seen her face as the cord was ripped from the socket and the whole thing went plummeting to the ground.



And then she went outside and this elderly, handicapped woman dragged that air conditioner all the way around the house. LOL She was a trip!

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

Hey, Kath - you can laugh at me - I'm still laughing at that "bat" that chased you.

Here's another little one....

A few years ago I had family come out to visit, & I was going to show them California. A nice friend at work lent me a big van so I could cart everyone around. It was a BIG van - the kind you have to pull yourself up by a handle to get in the driver's seat. I'm only 5', so I really had to reach to get in that van. So, I get in the van, drive over to the front of our office building, and with the guard & other people standing there watching, I parked the van and stepped out -- except, I forgot that I was so high up off the ground, and when I stepped out, all that was there was air and I fell splat on the ground. The guard came running over asking if I was okay, & I wasn't about to tell him I bruised my knees -- just said my pride was hurt & we laughed.

I'm such a klutz.