Teenagers- another wwyd?

[Kat77]

I would print out the facebook pages and give them to the mom with an explanation.

As for how to say - just emphasize how regrettable all this is, how much you like her daughter and know that deep down she's a good girl, and how you really don't want her to get in trouble with the school or the authorities.

As for the boyfriend - personally, I wouldn't touch it! I'm just not that brave.

This is so funny to me.

I would not touch the FB issue because the kid was busted by her peers and they have her number now.

The sneaking out is dangerous. I worry for her physical safety, not that she is making out.

 

[sparklynails23]

I'd leave it. She'll get hers in time. It will only come back to bite your daughter if you pursue it. Tell your daughter she's learned a valuable lesson. You can't tell who people really are by their internet persona. She's lucky it wasn't a creep.

 

[MrsPete]

If you knew a 13 year old girl had opened up a fake face book account as a boy and was VERY ugly to several kids including your own, and you could prove it, would you go to her parents?

Also, if you also knew that she was sneaking out of the house to see a boy who is a SENIOR, would you say anything to her parents?

I am leaning towards keeping my mouth shut, but another mom is not. Help us decide.

If I knew the mom, I'd tell her -- and show her the proof. If I didn't know the mom, I'd give the information to the school and let it go through the administration.

Why? Two reasons:

1. If my kid were involved in these activities, I'd want to know. I'm sure I'd be mad as snot, but I'd be mad at my kid -- not at the person who told me.

2. How will you feel later if that girl ends up pregnant, nursing a case of herpes for the rest of her life, or whatever because of her sneaking out? I'd hate to think that I could've given the mom a chance to stop her.

 

[marcyinPA]

I wouldn't do anything, its not my job to police other people's kids on Facebook, only my own. I would tell my dd to unfriend the girl if she is friends with her on FB, and block the "he" persona. I would advise her to only deal with her during cheer, and not to socialize with her as a friend, but that would be up to my dd to decide for herself. As for the sneaking out, not my business at all.

This attitude drives me insane. So, you do nothing, because it isn't your kid, and it's not your business. But you still know about it, and you are 100% certain of the truth. And someone gets hurt because of it, and you knew the whole time. You wouldn't feel the least bit of guilt over it?!

I'm sorry, but these kind of things need to be exposed and as adults, it IS our responsibility to take care of something that we have knowledge of.

 

[SaraJayne]

This attitude drives me insane. So, you do nothing, because it isn't your kid, and it's not your business. But you still know about it, and you are 100% certain of the truth. And someone gets hurt because of it, and you knew the whole time. You wouldn't feel the least bit of guilt over it?!

I'm sorry, but these kind of things need to be exposed and as adults, it IS our responsibility to take care of something that we have knowledge of.

Unless the OP saw the girl actually logging into the facebook page with her own eyes on the girls computer, she doesn't know it's 100% the truth.

She's going off of what a group of teenage girls believed they saw.

 

[monsterkitty]

I would go to the mom in a heart beat, especially about the sneaking out at night.

How would you feel if you knew it she was sneaking out, did nothing, and something happened to the girl? How would your DD and her friends feel?

Now, how would you feel if it was your DD sneaking out and another parent knew but did nothing? How would you feel toward that parent who did nothing?

There was a 13 y/o murdered by her 18 y/o boyfriend. The girl had been sneaking out and even those who knew did nothing. He murdered her because she became pregnant and he didn't want anyone to know he was the father.

The FB pages are words. Yes, words that hurt. However, the sneaking out is more than just words.

 

[LisaR]

Unless the OP saw the girl actually logging into the facebook page with her own eyes on the girls computer, she doesn't know it's 100% the truth.

She's going off of what a group of teenage girls believed they saw.

Were you on the Casey Anthony jury? You know you don't actually have to be standing over the person when the deed is done to put two and two together, right?

 

[SaraJayne]

Were you on the Casey Anthony jury? You know you don't actually have to be standing over the person when the deed is done to put two and two together, right?

I was disputing the "100% certain of the truth" statement that Marcy made.

There is a difference between believing something to be true and being "100% certain" something is true.

 

[Magpie]

This is so funny to me.

I would not touch the FB issue because the kid was busted by her peers and they have her number now.

The sneaking out is dangerous. I worry for her physical safety, not that she is making out.

That's a really good point... And since other moms also know about this, maybe they could all go as a group to talk to the mom.

I could easily be convinced to mention the sneaking out, but I would have to insist on also giving the mom the facebook pages. I have zero tolerance for bullying - it's a matter of character and her mom needs to step in and set the girl straight.

 

[uconndz]

I've read most replies and as the mother of a 12 year old I don't know what I would do. But my question is, if this girl made up the name of a boy to open a facebook account, why did your daughter (who doesn't know this boy person) accept the friend request? In which case if I were you, I would be having a long talk with my daughter. Or did this girl use the name of a boy that others knew and that's why everyone accepted the friend request? Then does this boy know what is going on??
ugh, nothing is ever easy with kids

 

[SLK1]

Were you on the Casey Anthony jury? You know you don't actually have to be standing over the person when the deed is done to put two and two together, right?

 

[luvmy3]

This attitude drives me insane. So, you do nothing, because it isn't your kid, and it's not your business. But you still know about it, and you are 100% certain of the truth. And someone gets hurt because of it, and you knew the whole time. You wouldn't feel the least bit of guilt over it?!

I'm sorry, but these kind of things need to be exposed and as adults, it IS our responsibility to take care of something that we have knowledge of.

Well it drives me insane that everyone thinks they need to get involved in everyone elses business. My responsibilty is my child, not everyone elses child. It really doesn't take a village

 

[marcyinPA]

Well it drives me insane that everyone thinks they need to get involved in everyone elses business. My responsibilty is my child, not everyone elses child. It really doesn't take a village

Sorry, but

 

[SaraJayne]

Well it drives me insane that everyone thinks they need to get involved in everyone elses business. My responsibilty is my child, not everyone elses child. It really doesn't take a village

I agree.

Keep your blades over your own children, please.

 

[Disneyglobegirl]

That sounds so bad. Of course I don't think it's OK. This is why we are struggling with what to do.

Personally, I think we could go to her mom and she would address it. We just have to word it right, like we are concerned about her because we are. We think there may be issues there that need to be addressed.

Sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest thing to do

There are lots of topics posted on these boards that I think fall under the "mind your own business" and do not interfer but not this one.

I would want to know about the Facebook bullying and more importantly, as a parent of a 14 year old girl, if someone knew that my teenage daughter was sneaking out of the house to meet an older boy I would definately want to know. Of course finding out is going to be upsetting to the parent and may strain any friendships for awhile but I would be LIVID if something happened to my teen and another adult knew they were sneaking out and didn't tell me.

 

[brookmey]

I agree with everyone else who has said that you need to talk to the mom.

When we see bullying going on or are made aware of it, it is our responsibility to report it or handle it to the parents, school, whoever. Kids at school are encouraged to report bullying and stand up to it, but parents aren't supposed to because we need to mind our own business? Not wanting the bullies to get into too much trouble is not a valid reason for not making attempts to stop the bullying. How about setting a good example for our kids by taking a stand and not tolerating it, no matter who is behind it?

 

[luvmy3]

Sorry, but

Where do you draw the line? If this woman's husband was sneaking out, would you tell her? Is it just because the girl is 13? What if she was 16?
I'm serious, at what point do you start minding your own business? Or will you never

 

[Reddy]

I think I would call when I knew the girl was out & ask to speak to her on the phone -- thinking house phone or call the mom & have her ask her girl something (uniform question) so the mom goes looking for the girl.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

This is so funny to me.

I would not touch the FB issue because the kid was busted by her peers and they have her number now.

The sneaking out is dangerous. I worry for her physical safety, not that she is making out.

I agree with both! Also, as far as I know, there had not been any making out. They were just meeting to talk because some of the other girls were there and saw everything. I think the girl was just wanting attention. Not to say that if it continued it would not have ended up there.

I'd leave it. She'll get hers in time. It will only come back to bite your daughter if you pursue it. Tell your daughter she's learned a valuable lesson. You can't tell who people really are by their internet persona. She's lucky it wasn't a creep.

That's exactly what I told my DD. I also told her that she can be friends with her, but she knows better than to ever trust her, and she needs to watch her back.

I've read most replies and as the mother of a 12 year old I don't know what I would do. But my question is, if this girl made up the name of a boy to open a facebook account, why did your daughter (who doesn't know this boy person) accept the friend request? In which case if I were you, I would be having a long talk with my daughter. Or did this girl use the name of a boy that others knew and that's why everyone accepted the friend request? Then does this boy know what is going on??
ugh, nothing is ever easy with kids

My DD did not accept the friends request at first because there was only one friend in common. It was a brand new account. After a day and seeing all of her friends on there she sent a friends request only to be told off my the "boy" so she was never a "friend" of his. However, she has seen everything posted because it was "hacked" by the girl, or so she says. The password was her name, and her response to that was he must be into me or something. This boy was supposed to go to our HS but my DD got out every year book for the past four years (other DD just graduated) and his name was no where to be found in any of them.

UPDATE
Anyway, it has been a LONG day. When I got to the school to pick DD up from cheer practice she said that the girl had been crying all day and all through cheer and the coach just rolled her eyes. We think she knows something because the girls had told the reg gym coach (the SENIOR boys mom) all about what has gone on, and all about her son trying to meet with her. She said that she would take care of it. I trust that she will.

My friend and I have decided to sit still for now and see what happens since this happened today. Like Kat77 said, all of her peers know about the account, and know that it's her so she must be very embarrassed buy this. I hope so anyway. She still denies it, but we all know the truth. Had they not found the pictures on her computer and had the wording been different and a few other things, I may have had a doubt myself.

DD and the girls have all been texting tonight and they have all agreed to drop it to stop the drama because she will never admit to it. They just wont trust her anymore, and you better believe they have their eyes & ears open.

 

[Magpie]

Where do you draw the line? If this woman's husband was sneaking out, would you tell her? Is it just because the girl is 13? What if she was 16?
I'm serious, at what point do you start minding your own business? Or will you never

Uh... if the woman's husband was creating FAKE accounts on line to bully teenage girls, you BET I'd tell her. I'd also tell the police.

As for "sneaking out", grown men are generally allowed to be on the streets at any hour they like. Thirteen year old girls, not so much. So it's a pretty clear difference.

UPDATE
Anyway, it has been a LONG day. When I got to the school to pick DD up from cheer practice she said that the girl had been crying all day and all through cheer and the coach just rolled her eyes. We think she knows something because the girls had told the reg gym coach (the SENIOR boys mom) all about what has gone on, and all about her son trying to meet with her. She said that she would take care of it. I trust that she will.

My friend and I have decided to sit still for now and see what happens since this happened today. Like Kat77 said, all of her peers know about the account, and know that it's her so she must be very embarrassed buy this. I hope so anyway. She still denies it, but we all know the truth. Had they not found the pictures on her computer and had the wording been different and a few other things, I may have had a doubt myself.

DD and the girls have all been texting tonight and they have all agreed to drop it to stop the drama because she will never admit to it. They just wont trust her anymore, and you better believe they have their eyes & ears open.

Thanks for the update! It sounds like you folks have it well in hand.